If I am so hot then why don't men approach me?

[Catatonic]

I agree and disagree with you JadedStar. I do think that better looking people have it easier in some respects, but in some ways it's harder for them.

 

It's easier for them in that they may be treated nicer by others, but they have to try harder to prove that they are more than just a pretty face (especially girls). I have also heard girls say that they'd rather be cute than beautiful because guys find cute girls approachable but beautiful girls intimidating.

 

Just my two cents.

[JadedStar]

I agree and disagree with you JadedStar. I do think that better looking people have it easier in some respects, but in some ways it's harder for them.

 

It's easier for them in that they can be treated nicer by others, but they have to try harder to prove that they are more than just a pretty face (especially girls). I have also heard girls say that they'd rather be cute than beautiful because guys are find cute girls approachable but beautiful girls intimidating.

 

Just my two cents.

 

It depends on the venue I guess. Which would you rather be tho? Beautiful and having to prove you are more than a pretty face, or ugly and the world approaching you more because they think to themselves that they don't feel intimadated because they feel better looking or smarter?

 

Most would take the first road if they were honest about their answer.

[Catatonic]

To be honest, I'd rather be average and normal.

 

Maybe I don't enjoy it because of my past history and subsequent insecurity in the dating department but I don't like being ogled at, I don't like hearing some random girl saying, "Oh my god I think I turned into a lesbian. She's so f***ing hot" or seeing a girl grab her boyfriend's hand when I walk by. People make judgments based on your looks and don't bother getting to know you. It's also frustrating to think that some people actually think that the prettier the girl, the dumber they are.

 

Sorry about my rant. Maybe if I had a normal childhood I'd be okay with it but I can't help despise the fact that some people will look at me and decide on their own that I'm this or that.

[JadedStar]

Well, i lived my life as a comfortably enough attractive person and I'll take that anyday over having people find me repulsive.

 

But that's just me.

 

For the record, I have seen some gorgeous and hot women in my day and i can't say i'd ever said "oh my god she is so F*** hot i wish i were a lesbian".

 

Sounds like maybe these were women that were not even sure what sexuality they were. I don't think normal women say that to their b/fs no matter how stunning a woman is. And i have seen some stunning women in my lifetime.

[Catatonic]

Well of course, I don't mean that I'd rather be repulsive. Being average and normal is the best I think because you don't stand out either way.

 

I'm bi so I don't really care if she's a lesbian for real or not, but either way I get weirded out when people are purely physically attracted to me. Again, probably because of my issues but that's just me.

[dietrying]

I consider myself average and would trade it for "hot" and the self confidence any day. I never really know if someone finds me attractive or not since it can go either way. It's hard for me to take compliments seriously, and I don't feel like the "catch" I could potentially be with better looks. Wouldn't want the guy to be just settling. Ouch. I constantly feel threatened and worry if I am enough to keep a man happy.

 

Plus it sucks to think I was approached merely because they saw me as just "cute" and less likely to reject them than the girls they like to stare at. I'd like to be stared at, lol.

[JadedStar]

I consider myself average and would trade it for "hot" and the self confidence any day. I never really know if someone finds me attractive or not since it can go either way. It's hard for me to take compliments seriously, and I don't feel like the "catch" I could potentially be with better looks. Wouldn't want the guy to be just settling. Ouch. I constantly feel threatened and worry if I am enough to keep a man happy.

 

Plus it sucks to think I was approached merely because they saw me as just "cute" and less likely to reject them than the girls they like to stare at. Maybe I want to be stared at, lol.

 

That is the difference between me and you. I also think I am "average" but i DO think I am a great catch. I am attractive, good job, good personality, sense of humor...I can transform myself to "reasonably hot" when I go out to a club or something but it is not everyday garb.

 

LOL. I don't find that cocky either. It is quite okay to like ourselves enough to think that we are a good catch for a member of the opposite sex.

 

IMO being hot is not as much to do with our appearance as it is about how we pimp ourselves. Being hot is an average attractive girl who wears the right clothes, the right make up and the right hair. I have seen many average girls transform into "hot" with the right "look" and work. But "hot" does not necessarily translate into a good catch.

 

Average girls who transform into "hot" by hardwork tend to be high maintenance from what I have seen in my life.

 

There is a difference in classically gorgeous and "hot". Many men don't know the difference because they are so easily lulled by a push up bra, bleach and bootie jeans. LOL Thank God there are still reasonable numbers of them who are not quite so simple. There is nothing wrong with a woman who wants to do this, it's her right, but hopefully she does it for herself and not for the acceptance of others.

 

The men who are that easily distracted are not worth your time. Wait until they mature, then they might be a good catch themselves.

[Weeblie]

I've noticed I get treated a lot better when I am dressed nicely and wear makeup. Not only by men on the street, but also, surprisingly, by salespeople in clothing stores! I can remember going to a store one time in sweats and watching 3 salesladies sitting around gossiping, and no one offering to help me. I went back to that store a week later, dressed very nicely, makeup, perfume, everyone wants to help me. I think beautiful people are treated better overall.

 

 

Great observation! I have noticed that when I take the time to dress my best, I get approached more often. Even if I'm in a bad mood and not being my friendliest, I will get more attention.

 

And I've noticed the same thing with sales people...but I think it might be more of a money thing. Kind of like what happened to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

[Catatonic]

I totally agree, people who are confident are way more attractive than people who are just physically attractive. Even though I know that I'm physically attractive (btw I don't wear make up, wear just t-shirt and jeans most of the time), I feel ugly around girls who are truly happy with themselves. There are those girls who work hard to package themselves nicely and seem confident but I doubt that they're truly happy with themselves because they're so concerned with their appearance.

[JadedStar]

Even though I know that I'm physically attractive (btw I don't wear make up, wear just t-shirt and jeans most of the time),

 

That IMO is more classically pretty than hot.

 

"HOT" just has so many loose definitions today. Some men will call a girl who is butt ugly hot if her hair is bleached and she has boobs popping out. IMO that is not necessarily pretty at all.

 

It reeks of insecurity.

 

And I just got back from a campground and I can tell you that it is sad how many fifty year old woman get crazy wtih hair bleach, faux tans and bikini's.

[Catatonic]

And I just got back from a campground and I can tell you that it is sad how many fifty year old woman get crazy wtih hair bleach, faux tans and bikini's.

 

Haha wow. I didn't think those types liked to camp.

 

On the other spectrum, I find it incredibly disturbing and sad to see 10-11 year old girls wearing makeup, heels, and carrying around a purse.

[JadedStar]

Haha wow. I didn't think those types liked to camp.

 

On the other spectrum, I find it incredibly disturbing and sad to see 10-11 year old girls wearing makeup, heels, and carrying around a purse.

 

yeah that is disturbing on the opposite end of the spectrum.

 

We live in a whack society.

[dietrying]

Would be great if I had the naturally beautiful look. I can't really get the "hot" look or any look other than my natural one since my hair is blah, not good at makeup so don't wear much, and I'm not very stylish. I always wear jeans, never really reveal anything. No cleavage to show. lol

 

I don't have to worry about intimidating guys as much as other girls do, but I feel like an incomplete package. I want a guy to look at me in adoration based on personality as well as appearance simply because I would feel more secure. Every time I hear men are visual creatures I panic a little, lol. When I'm with someone I want to be able to give them everything.

[Lily04]

Would be great if I had the naturally beautiful look. I can't really get the "hot" look or any look other than my natural one since my hair is blah, not good at makeup so don't wear much, and I'm not very stylish. I always wear jeans, never really reveal anything. No cleavage to show. lol

 

I don't have to worry about intimidating guys as much as other girls do, but I feel like an incomplete package. I want a guy to look at me in adoration based on personality as well as appearance simply because I would feel more secure. Every time I hear men are visual creatures I panic a little, lol. When I'm with someone I want to be able to give them everything.

 

wow... you are like my twin except 3-4 years younger lol..you are really smart for your age =) hope you accept that as a compliment, but... I think you're relatievly attractive as well. I think we're both perfectionists though, so we can never quite be happy with ourselves... it's tough.

[Catatonic]

Beauty fades with time while a good personality never will. Heck, it usually gets better with age. At the end of the day, people would rather be around and marry people with great personalities.

[dietrying]

wow... you are like my twin except 3-4 years younger lol..you are really smart for your age =) hope you accept that as a compliment, but... I think you're relatievly attractive as well. I think we're both perfectionists though, so we can never quite be happy with ourselves... it's tough.

 

Thanks Lily, definitely a compliment, lol. =) You're right...I bet no matter what I looked like I'd find something wrong with it and dwell on it. I'm always wanting to be better in some way. Prettier, smarter, more kind, more cheerful. lol

[shy2cool]

I consider myself average and would trade it for "hot" and the self confidence any day. I never really know if someone finds me attractive or not since it can go either way. It's hard for me to take compliments seriously, and I don't feel like the "catch" I could potentially be with better looks. Wouldn't want the guy to be just settling. Ouch. I constantly feel threatened and worry if I am enough to keep a man happy.

 

Plus it sucks to think I was approached merely because they saw me as just "cute" and less likely to reject them than the girls they like to stare at. I'd like to be stared at, lol.

 

I like average girls, seem to be more genuine in general.

[starscollide]

I consider myself average and would trade it for "hot" and the self confidence any day. I never really know if someone finds me attractive or not since it can go either way. It's hard for me to take compliments seriously, and I don't feel like the "catch" I could potentially be with better looks. Wouldn't want the guy to be just settling. Ouch. I constantly feel threatened and worry if I am enough to keep a man happy.

 

Plus it sucks to think I was approached merely because they saw me as just "cute" and less likely to reject them than the girls they like to stare at. I'd like to be stared at, lol.

 

You just voiced exactly how I feel on the topic lol...I consider myself to be average, I'm outgoing, perky without overdoing it, and yet...still single. I've spent the last 2 years after my relationship just doing things with friends and getting to know myself better, deciding what I want out of life/relationships, that kind of thing. Now that I feel more confident, I still don't get that kind of attention from guys. I don't want someone to just want me for my personality, and I don't want someone to just want me for my looks. I'd like to be wanted for the whole package...

 

All my guy friends always say I'm "cute" and I'm not a girly-girl. I'm seen as "weird" by a lot of girls because I don't like to shop, I don't care if I break a nail, and I can joke around with the guys. I do have a potty mouth, but I'm from New York so deal with it . I generally feel pretty good about myself; however, lately I've been wondering why I don't get approached by guys. I've done the approaching in the past, and thats how I got together with my last boyfriend. The only problem with that was it apparently ruined "the chase" and made me less of a challenge. In that sense, girls get the short end of the stick. Not intentionally generalizing, thats just from experience.

[dtm123]

Don't approach a girl with ANY expectations of picking her up. Especially if you don't have game. When you go in with the intention of getting something, you change your personality, and come off as completely Fake since you won't be able to keep up with yourself.

 

For me, I find it so much easier to talk with a girl if I know or assume she won't be interested from the beginning, just like everything else in life;

 

This is great stuff. It's ok to have needs - need for sex or affection or companionship or whatever - but once we get a little too eager for a SPECIFIC person to meet those needs, it may start to bleed through as desperation or neediness to that person.

 

I think what you describe is the right way to go, but it takes a good balance of humility and optimism.

[dtm123]

Back on topic and related to my post above, when a man sees a remarkably attractive woman, he usually knows he'd have sex with her, on sight alone, so what is there to talk about? So to approach, he then has to manufacture a conversation he's really not even interested in starting. That's an easy way to end up looking foolish and tongue-tied.

 

With a less attractive woman, maybe someone equivalent to him, there would be a little more 'testing' of her to see if she's worth the time and effort. This could lead to a more natural conversation. Yea, he probably wants to sleep with her too, but it's not so prominent in his mind that he's unable to be his usual, coherent self.

[dietrying]

All my guy friends always say I'm "cute" and I'm not a girly-girl. I'm seen as "weird" by a lot of girls because I don't like to shop, I don't care if I break a nail, and I can joke around with the guys.

 

lol yeah, same here.

 

 

With a less attractive woman, maybe someone equivalent to him, there would be a little more 'testing' of her to see if she's worth the time and effort. This could lead to a more natural conversation. Yea, he probably wants to sleep with her too, but it's not so prominent in his mind that he's unable to be his usual, coherent self.

 

That's a problem for me. When a guy talks to me I assume he's doing so to see if there's anything more to me that he would have passed up since my looks don't cut it. I don't think a guy could ever be intimidated by me...which is kind of odd to be considered a bad thing, but I want a guy to be really interested in me the way he would other girls. And I'm still single, so being approachable in the past hasn't really helped me since I'm not attracting the right guys for me. I attract the really clingy type somehow.

[Lily04]

lol yeah, same here.

 

 

 

That's a problem for me. When a guy talks to me I assume he's doing so to see if there's anything more to me that he would have passed up since my looks don't cut it. I don't think a guy could ever be intimidated by me...which is kind of odd to be considered a bad thing, but I want a guy to be really interested in me the way he would other girls. And I'm still single so being approachable in the past hasn't really helped me since I'm not attracting the right guys for me. I attract the really clingy type somehow.

 

i think some guys WERE intimidated by me before... when i looked better. i could go up to guys i didn't know and ask them to do things they otherwise wouldn't consider doing, but because a pretty girl was asking them they got all flabergasted and couldn't say no. I don't have that same reaction anymore... I couldnt just go up to random guys and ask them to do x and watch them do it. or I certainly wouldn't be confident doing so, as I wouldn't expect the same reaction.... man. i wish i could be that hot again... it's basically the "Paris syndrome" hahaha.. or so i'll call it that. i.e. Paris/Nicole Ritchie in teh Simple Life could go up to guys, and ask them to do anything (pay for their lunch, ask for $20s at Mcdonalds haha) and they'd do it.....it gives you a sense of power in a way, actually...I think I mainly liked that beacuse I was in politics at the time. Now I just want it to know that I'm hot...

[tmp0620]

I wish some hot girl would come up to me and ask me to buy them their lunch. I'd laugh right in their faces.

[dietrying]

lol I've never approached a guy I don't know before, so not sure how he would react. I have a feeling if I did that I would definitely know how rejection feels. lol Guys who know me do nice things for me but I doubt strangers would.

[JadedStar]

I wish some hot girl would come up to me and ask me to buy them their lunch. I'd laugh right in their faces.

 

You go ironlion!!!!

 

I don't blame ya. No offense to you Lily but that is not a very nice thing to do, and it is a little disturbing that you are ticked off that you don't feel hot anymore so you can't control guys to do your bidding. What you were saying is pretty insulting to guys. What if they really liked you and all the while you were using them? We talk about sleazy guys who are players and such, you don't think that what you described was female player behavior?

 

Maybe when you change this mindset you will become more attractive to men for other reasons....your sincerity will shine thru. Guys may like to ogle "hot" girls but if she is manipulative it will be short lived.

 

A word to the wise, if paris hilton and nicole ritchie were your role models, get new ones.