If I am so hot then why don't men approach me?

[Raiden]

I know the difference.

 

I didn't want to spell it out. There is a possibility some of the posters might be suffering from a serious social disorder. It might be worth getting that checked out.

 

I know lots of shy people with partners they just date other shy people. What I am seeing here is beyond shyness.

 

 

If there is that possibility all the more reason to SPELL IT OUT and not be so confusing, as you were mixing the two up based on the posts you made.

 

I dont think Ken is autistic if that is what you mean. He is just painfully shy and I know what that feels like.

 

Thankyou, JadedStar.

 

CaptainPlanet: I'm not autistic. Yes, I'm painfully shy. I know the difference too

 

I had a fleeting thought once that I could suffer from something in the Autistic spectrum. But then I got a grip of reality and reminded myself what a ridiculous assumption that was. Maybe you should do the same.

[CaptainPlanet]

If you cannot tell if you are hot the you cannot tell if men like you, you are either paranoid - or you can't read people at all. If you can't read something that simple, its an odds on bet there is something wrong.

 

I know it might not be an easy thing to accept but you might feel a lot better if you do.

[JadedStar]

What I am seeing here is beyond shyness.

 

No it's not. If you have never been so shy it was socially crippling then you wouldn't know the difference.

 

I was, I still dated, but that is only because I being female didn't have to do the approaching. If i were a guy like Ken I would have had a difficult time becuase I could never have actually APPROACHED a guy.

 

So, yes, ken is just painfully shy and EXTREMELY insecure and it CAN be overcome. I have the utmost confidence that he CAN change this over time.

[CaptainPlanet]

Thankyou, JadedStar.

 

CaptainPlanet: I'm not autistic. Yes, I'm painfully shy. I know the difference too

 

I had a fleeting thought once that I could suffer from something in the Autistic spectrum. But then I got a grip of reality and reminded myself what a ridiculous assumption that was. Maybe you should do the same.

 

I have read up on it to an extent. There is a spectrum of very serious to very minor cases some almost unnoticeable. For example engineering classes are well know for people lacking in basic social skills - quoted as being on the lower spectrum of autism in the vast majority of cases.

 

There is some sort of consitency of people suffering from the same personality disorder if you will. I don't want to say that anyone is autistic I am trying to make you aware that certain very real disorders exist and they have been documented through a system of peer review, I don't think they have been invented for fun.

 

As a common example. link removed if you read the first line of that paragraph.

 

I wish I could find the link.

 

Maybe if you can accept that there could be something else wrong you might not be so hard on yourself about your looks.

[Raiden]

I have read up on it to an extent. There is a spectrum of very serious to very minor cases almost unnoticeable. For example engineering classes are well know for people lacking in basic social skills - quoted as being on the lower spectrum of autism in the vast majority of cases.

 

I wish I could find the link.

 

OK, enough's enough.

 

Now you're actually trying to force me to believe that there is something, potentially, seriously wrong with ME

 

Seriously, what do I have to do with this, anyway?

 

I believe you can overcome your shyness, CP. As can I.

 

What I am seeing here is beyond shyness.

 

No it's not. If you have never been so shy it was socially crippling then you wouldn't know the difference.

 

I was, I still dated, but that is only because I being female didn't have to do the approaching. If i were a guy like Ken I would have had a difficult time becuase I could never have actually APPROACHED a guy.

 

So, yes, ken is just painfully shy and EXTREMELY insecure and it CAN be overcome. I have the utmost confidence that he CAN change this over time.

 

I've approached women before now. Just so you know.

[JadedStar]

I have read up on it to an extent. There is a spectrum of very serious to very minor cases almost unnoticeable. For example engineering classes are well know for people lacking in basic social skills - quoted as being on the lower spectrum of autism in the vast majority of cases.

 

I wish I could find the link.

 

Trying to diagnose Ken as austic and thus trying to prove to him he is not capable of ever overcoming his shyness and insecurity is grossly inept and NOT helping him at all.

 

If there is a chance he is autistic, he is seeing a therapist and the therapist can make that diagnosis. I would never try to tell someone here that their shyness is something they can never overcome and thus make them feel all the more shotdown.

 

Leave the autism diagnosis to his doctor. I think Ken is just painfully shy and insecure. If there is more to that his doctor will pick up on it.

[JadedStar]

Originally Posted by JadedStar

What I am seeing here is beyond shyness.

 

No it's not. If you have never been so shy it was socially crippling then you wouldn't know the difference.

 

I was, I still dated, but that is only because I being female didn't have to do the approaching. If i were a guy like Ken I would have had a difficult time becuase I could never have actually APPROACHED a guy.

 

So, yes, ken is just painfully shy and EXTREMELY insecure and it CAN be overcome. I have the utmost confidence that he CAN change this over time.

 

I've approached women before now. Just so you know.

 

Yes, I know that. I was just illustrating my shyness as it was so bad I could NOT have approached a guy, period. I would have died and gotten so nervous I'd choke!

 

It was an example to show CaptainPlanet that shyness can be overcome because I did it. No one today would ever know that I was once that shy.

[CaptainPlanet]

Well I wasn't talking about only ken. It was more the creators of this thread. You should be able to tell if you are hot by knowing if guys are interested in you.

Most sociable blokes will not approach a girl unless she gives clear indications. thereforeeee an attractive woman may not get hit on for that reason.

 

Now it will be a real benefit if you understand that you do not communicate or read people properly in a non verbal fashion. You can learn as people with these disorders do, through trial and error and almost scientific evaluation how to give off the right signals. But the first step is to accept that you do not know what you are doing and that you have a special case of not knowing what you are doing, which requires evaluation of simple techniques most other people take for granted at a very fundamental level.

 

Something you will not get from this site.

[Raiden]

If there is a chance he is autistic, he is seeing a therapist and the therapist can make that diagnosis.

 

Besides, wouldn't it have been picked up on before now? I'm 24, for the love of God. Shy is shy. Autistic is autistic. End of.

 

CaptainPlanet: Assume nothing, my friend. Be it your own proposed 'disorder', let alone anyone else's over the internet.

[CaptainPlanet]

Trying to diagnose Ken as austic and thus trying to prove to him he is not capable of ever overcoming his shyness and insecurity is grossly inept and NOT helping him at all.

 

If there is a chance he is autistic, he is seeing a therapist and the therapist can make that diagnosis. I would never try to tell someone here that their shyness is something they can never overcome and thus make them feel all the more shotdown.

 

Leave the autism diagnosis to his doctor. I think Ken is just painfully shy and insecure. If there is more to that his doctor will pick up on it.

 

But then you make your own diagnosis, I made none, I just tried to make him aware of certain disorders, if he did not already know. I have made him aware, if he was aware and he is not a sufferer then no real harm is done. But I don't see the resentment to said suggestion as an indication of innocence, or so to speak. And once more it was aimed at the creators of this thread and was merely a suggestion one that can be investigated without any loss.

[Raiden]

And once more it was aimed at the creators of this thread and was merely a suggestion one that can be investigated without any loss.

 

I'm sorry, but I think that you're out of line here. Besides being grossly off topic.

[CaptainPlanet]

Well ken I think you have been out of line since you started your posting. So can I have a turn ? and it does apply to the OP it is not off topic, but you insist of taking it there.

[Raiden]

Well ken I think you have been out of line since you started your posting. So can I have a turn ? and it does apply to the OP it is not off topic, but you insist of taking it there.

 

I threw in a suggestion about shy guys finding it hard to approach a nice looking girl. Nothing more.

 

Peace.

[CaptainPlanet]

I am just trying to say that there are very basic things are person should know without needing to be taught. If you don't know them there might be a medical reason for it. Such as, am I hot ? Why don't men approach me ?

[JadedStar]

But then you make your own diagnosis, I made none, I just tried to make him aware of certain disorders, if he did not already know. I have made him aware, if he was aware and he is not a sufferer then no real harm is done. But I don't see the resentment to said suggestion as an indication of innocence, or so to speak. And once more it was aimed at the creators of this thread and was merely a suggestion one that can be investigated without any loss.

 

No, you were trodding on a line of diagnosing him. I was not. I was simply agreeing with him when he says he is painfully shy. Yes, i "think" so too and agreeing with him is different than "No, you are not, and then proceeding to tell him what he is"..

 

The difference is you are telling him that he is something that he is saying he is not. The only way you could compare what i am doing to waht you are doing would be if he said he is not painfully shy and i kept saying YES YOU ARE. It is one thing to agree with someone and another to tell them no you are wrong i think you suffer from

[JadedStar]

I am just trying to say that there are very basic things are person should know without needing to be taught. If you don't know them there might be a medical reason for it. Such as, am I hot ? Why don't men approach me ?

 

Based on the many posts I have read from Ken it is clear he KNOWS the things to do. He knows the theory, he is just too shy to practice it.

[Raiden]

Based on the many posts I have read from Ken it is clear he KNOWS the things to do. He knows the theory, he is just too shy to practice it.

 

This is pretty much how it is.

[Altruist]

This is pretty much how it is.

 

You´ve got to start somewhere...unless you´re prepared for a life of solitude.

[Raiden]

You´ve got to start somewhere...unless you´re prepared for a life of solitude.

 

I'm taking small steps.

[real2]

I'm taking small steps.

 

It's already evident actually

[dtm123]

Now, it's true, there may not be as many women doing the asking so the results are flawed in that way, but there sure are a lot of women who are aggressive without asking the man out - heavy flirting, available for one night stands, casual hooking up or s_x, and again, the "we had sex on the first date or when we first met and here we are happy after a year" is the exception not the rule.

 

Those really are good examples of female assertiveness.

 

I've recently been made aware of quite a few cases of this. Typically it's single moms who aren't good looking enough (anymore?) to attract many suitors, and are perhaps too busy to sort through them if they could. So they entice guys with extremely heavy flirting or an outright solicitation for sex. This often leads the man to act when he wouldn't have otherwise.

 

Desperate times, desperate measures.

[Lily04]

Those really are good examples of female assertiveness.

 

I've recently been made aware of quite a few cases of this. Typically it's single moms who aren't good looking enough (anymore?) to attract many suitors, and are perhaps too busy to sort through them if they could. So they entice guys with extremely heavy flirting or an outright solicitation for sex. This often leads the man to act when he wouldn't have otherwise.

 

Desperate times, desperate measures.

 

eww. but honestly people of any age can be desperate.... it's such an unattractive characteristic/quality.

[Batya33]

Yes and I think that kind of aggresiveness is very effective if one just wants a bed buddy but not if a healthy relationship is the goal.

[JadedStar]

Yes and I think that kind of aggresiveness is very effective if one just wants a bed buddy but not if a healthy relationship is the goal.

 

If a woman only wants a bed buddy it usually doesn't take a lot of effort.

LOL~!

[Lily04]

I think this is a good post and i really relate to it as well.. i don't really stare at people or hold their gaze.. i've been trying it out lately just to test, and find some guys smile back at me, but I'm not purposely looking to make mates... I agree that it is much better to just make friends/acquaintances in a setting more condusive to that, then when randomly walking. but i'm sure the latter happens a lot as well, it just takes a more outgoing type of individual to strike a convo. OR a really good connection between u two to get it going..