starscollide

I wish I'd read this sooner =/ We talked online for well over two hours, easy enough when you're online anyway, and he basically said "she's cool" but their relationship lacks certain sexual aspects ours had. Which then led to "its not THAT serious" "its not like I'm living with her or plan on marrying her" and its a sucky situation cuz I don't know what to say back to that. This is the 3rd time in their relationship he's sought me out, and the part that bothers me is he had PLENTY of time to decide if he wanted to try again. He chose to date someone new and I left the picture so we could both move on. Now I'm hearing their relationship isn't serious, that he and I are "friends", and one of my biggest fears is being realized. Before I'd had time to myself to think clearly, I'd worry he'd find someone he felt strongly for, seeing as we were each others firsts. Eventually I came to terms with the reality of it and I told myself to be happy for him. To know he's happy and that even if its not me, he's found someone he really likes. He was the one shoving it in my face that it WAS serious when they first started dating... The just friends line bothers me because he'll say he just likes me as a friend, but his actions say otherwise and he never fesses up to it. Just keeps hiding behind that, never ready to take that risk, and he's told me plenty of times "every girl since has just been there. I haven't felt that way since.." So its hard hearing its not that serious with them (from his POV) after 10 months, same amount of time we were together. I let him go so he could find what he wanted, so he could do his own thing & I could do mine... What do I do??

Funny thing about that...he IMed me and we talked for well over 2 hours...and he was saying that its not that serious, he likes her but doesn't see himself with her as far as living together/marrying her...caught up on a lot...if he's not serious about her...after 10 months, why still be with her? A LOT of flirtation...outward flirtation...=/

In need of support Was in NC for 6 months, pretty much just accepted we'd never get back together...he IM'ed me after 6 months, had a decent convo, but I wasn't looking to be friends because its always proven to be a bad move in the past... Fast forward 2 months later after that IM, I'm driving home from work and since we only live a couple blocks from each other, we're bound to run into each other. I go to the bank and who passes? Ex and his friend. I saw them before they saw me and to save myself an awkward moment, I turned my attention to the screen and began entering my information to do what I needed. I was in a car, they were just walking by. My music was loud so I know they turned to look over, but I kept focused on the screen as if so transfixed by what I was doing. Was that wrong? & is it bad that he didn't acknowledge me either? Had a moment of weakness...read his gf's blog....alllllll about how amazing things are with them, how in love with him she is, how great things are....

I was...lol...except that its been 6 months and he IMed me. He sent an emoticon smiley " and I waited 10 minutes before responding, to which I said, "Heyy." He asks, "how are ya" I said, "pretty good." & we talked about music, something we always used to talk about. It was odd, and I'm not sure what I think/feel about it other than knowing...he still has a gf.

Its been over 6 months of NC...and he IMed me earlier out of nowhere. Blocking has never been an issue, I don't hate the guy but I haven't been online and when I have, I never receive IMs from unknown senders. This came in as an unknown and he opened with " an emoticon. He's still with his gf, and we talked for an hour. He asked how I was, we talked about general topics such as work and the latest CDs we've each bought...Perhaps LC is beginning?? Is that wise????? Mind you...this is my first love...I didn't even think I'd ever hear from him again...

Hey Andy...guess we're in the same boat lol Its been 6 months for me...so hopefully, 3 months from now you'll be doing even better =) Hopefully in 3 months from now...so will I lol...In my situation, thats exactly what I'm dealing with: the people talking about how great things are and have been (not even a honeymoon phase, the ones that have been back together for quite some time) are people who got a second chance. Then, tonight one of my closest friends came over to introduce me to her new bf who is making her so happy that I'm happy, but its hard to not want that for yourself, as well. I was told I'm "too restricting" on dating a guy, but I'm not. I want a guy who doesn't smoke (I'm asthmatic) doesn't drink excessively (the last guy I attempted to date after my relationship was close to alcoholic status. I drove home on the 2nd date b/c he was too drunk to drive and was always drinking whenever we'd talk..). I just know what I want, what I will and won't stand for, and I'd rather not just date someone who's there, I'd rather have an actual attraction/interest in them. I've been missing the ex a lot lately, and knowing he's been with his gf for 8 months is honestly tearing me apart, but I haven't contacted him and I'm trying so hard to remain strong.

NC for 6 months...most days are fine, some hurt like hell. Hearing certain songs seem to trigger bittersweet memories, and I had a really good cry the other night. Haven't checked facebook/myspace/asked about him to any of our mutual friends. Its still very hard knowing from earlier on before starting NC all the similarities his current gf and I have, as well as accepting if they make the 1 year mark, that will be longer than he & I were together (10 1/2 months). A minor setback was talking to other friends and hearing how great all of their relationships are going...being asked for advice, hearing about second chances and knowing...I didn't get one. Because for whatever reason, who I was didn't cut it for him. One day at a time, I guess...

My ex works for the NYPD...and after todays Steam Explosion, I said a prayer for him. I'm not even a very religious person, but considering I've stuck to NC this long, I didn't risk it. I was worried about him, and I hope he's safe...

So if anyone has followed my other posts, I've been in NC for almost 5 months...Then today, I hit an especially rough patch: ...Its been a really crappy day. I have days, sometimes long periods of time, where I don't think about my ex at all. I don't concentrate on missing his friendship, our past relationship, last summer when we became reacquainted, any of it. That day was today.... ...and then his girlfriend came into the clothing store I work at. She knows where I work, and she tried on some stuff with 2 friends, then, came out and was looking around but not at the clothes. The 3 of them were checking out both sides of the store, glancing around at the employees as they passed. I didn't realize this until my co-worker pointed it out, and neither of us found it to be a coincidence because of the way they were going about it. Then, I hear from my friend his girlfriend went to the store (in another mall) my friend works at, gave her a look, then left shortly after, making sure to turn around and look at her again. She's never met my friend, nor does she have any reason to give her any kind of attitude. I have LEFT MY EX ALONE. I haven't contacted him since he's been with her, and I don't go to my former workplace because I respect that she works there now and I do not. You can call it coincidence, but coincidence or not, seeing her just brought it all back. She's younger than me by almost 2 years, she seems like a nice girl otherwise, but its like, you got the guy. Just leave me alone. Today just sucked. Plain and simple.

Its been 4 months...almost 5 and I've been okay... I learned from my dad that my ex has said hello to him on the train going into work now that he works in NYC. He told my dad about graduating the academy and becoming a police officer in the city, and we drove right by each other earlier today. I didn't realize it was him until he'd passed and I'm not sure he saw me, but those kinds of run-ins make NC hard. So does knowing my dad talks to him, when he wasn't always a fan of my ex. He saw too many similarities in their personalities, but seems to have developed a liking for him. My ex would always seek approval from my father, or ask what my dad thought about his future aspirations and I know that in part its because he wasn't that close with his own parents at the time. I've been chatting with a few of the guys at work, moreso testing my flirting skills and thats been fun. I do still wonder if I'll ever hear from him again, and its still hard knowing he's in touch with my family, I'm in touch with his, yet we don't have any contact with each other. I've been focusing much more on work, and received a promotion + raise a few months ago so I've been on my game in that department. I've spent plenty of time with my friends, and have spent a lot of time alone. Mostly? I've bought a bunch of CDs, stuff I needed to determine if I really liked it or if I liked it while I was dating my ex because he did. I found that I do like a majority of the songs, though some I'm not a fan of. It sounds silly, but it was something I needed to do for me. Reading your post about the "rules" to follow...I'm a little low on faith tonight. Because whereas I know I'm strong enough to not break NC, I have no idea if he ever will, if my absense even registers anymore. Great post nonetheless, SuperDave.