If I am so hot then why don't men approach me?

[CaptainPlanet]

As if at the start of every relationship lust is not the most important part of it. How can you really know someone from a few brief or not so brief meetings. It takes years and years of time and getting to know someone before you can really say you know them.

[JadedStar]

Listen, like I mentioned before, hot men and women know they have looks, and some know and flaunt their hotness. Tell me, what does that say about a person? Is that really what you want?

 

I agree. Anyone who walks aroudn saying "i'm hot" and giving off a vibe that they think they are hot will not be approached as often but even then there are enough superficial guys out there who will talk to them and hit on them. Maybe because I go out a lot is why I see these interactions more than some but I see this happen everytime I am out and about. MOST men are not shy about saying hello and engaging in some small talk wtih a girl he finds attractive. Maybe we are all defining getting "hit on" differently. I"d be interested to know everyone's definition of that, particularly the women who think it is not happening. Is being hit on to them ONLY a "hey baby you looking hot tonight" kind of thing? If so who on earth would WANT that kind of overt pick up line? I won't even talk to men who approach me like that. Men who hit on you more subtle with smiles and compliments and who give you a lot of time/attention getting to know you are the ones who get most real dates.

 

The worst type are the ones (male or female) who are mediocre looking at best and THINK they are so hot. Gotta give it to 'em on the esteem scale but it is not a very pretty thing in most cases.

[poloplayer]

there are enough superficial guys out there who will talk to them and hit on them. Maybe because I go out a lot is why I see these interactions more than some but I see this happen everytime I am out and about.

 

Agreed. Some of these women are absolutely horrible with their attitude about it, that I don't feel sorry for any guy who is going after her. He should know what he is getting himself into. If she is that hot and you want her, then be prepared to deal with qualities about her which may not be so hot. She can be a high maintenance woman - you'll need to put up with much more junk than an "average," cute, or simply attractive girl brings to the table.

 

The worst type are the ones (male or female) who are mediocre looking at best and THINK they are so hot. Gotta give it to 'em on the esteem scale but it is not a very pretty thing in most cases.

 

LOL. I don't really see this anymore, probably because I work so much and am limited to seeing a small portion of the population, but I saw this quite a bit in high school and college when I had more free time.

 

The thing that ALWAYS got me was, and I don't mean to offend anyone, were the clearly overweight girls who still wore tight and revealing clothing. If you have the body, then go for it, but if you don't, please stop. I remember a girl I once saw who had a really tight shirt and a tight skirt on - where the two items meet and normally create a seam or show a little bit of skin, this girl just had fat coming out of it. Pieces of her body were just hanging out of her clothes. Ugh. But, she did seem very comfortable in her own skin, so I do give her props to that - not many beauties are comfortable because, my goodness, your looks will fade over time. It's a natural part of life.

 

Is being hit on to them ONLY a "hey baby you looking hot tonight" kind of thing?

 

For the most part, I think I know when I'm getting hit on. If I run into an old girlfriend who is smiling and giving me a "Hey!!!" then I fear for a trip back down memory lane. With someone new it depends on where we meet and under what circumtances. If I was drunk at a bar and friendly with everyone, then I think a girl would more easily hit on me blatantly, at work which is a professional setting may mean a girl who is more subtle - she talks to me quite often, wants to go to lunch together, etc., but it's subtle - more of an "I'm interested."

 

I don't ever think I can pull a "hey baby..." line. It's not about confidence but the cheese factor

[CaptainPlanet]

I think most people fall into the category of average looking people who think they are good looking. I wonder is it possible for a slightly ugly person to be charming for the purposes of finding work or making money.

[JadedStar]

The thing that ALWAYS got me was, and I don't mean to offend anyone, were the clearly overweight girls who still wore tight and revealing clothing. If you have the body, then go for it, but if you don't, please stop.

 

HA! I agree there. A person should ALWAYS dress for their body type, not for what happens to be "in". Most of the very "in" styles are made for size fours, sixes and eights, (ten's and twelve's if the gal is very tall) and it is a sad thing to see a size 16 squeeze into these outfits. I think of the playdough fun factory everytime I witness this.

 

It makes me want to go grab one of those gay fashion experts on the fashion network and give them the chicks name and address and have him do his magic with her. LOL

 

The sexiest large girls are the ones who know how to dress to flatter her assets and downplay the things she does not like. I think every gal, no matter what size they are - big or small - should learn how to dress to accentuate what is an asset and not accentuate those that are not.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

I have approached hot girls before and never had any success..Shes hot and I am ugly, that doesn't make a good chemistry.

 

her confidence + your meager amout of confidence = no chemistry

 

her confidence + you being confident = maybe her number, and a date

 

her having no confidence + you having no confidence = a depressing relationship

[JadedStar]

her confidence + your meager amout of confidence = no chemistry

 

her confidence + you being confident = maybe her number, and a date

 

her having no confidence + you having no confidence = a depressing relationship

 

Well sweetbutta confidence is VERY key, but there STILL is an appearance factor. SOmeone can be the most confident guy in the world but if to that particular woman he is not appearing very handsome, he will strike out.

 

And "handsome" is in the eye of the beholder so it depends on how that particular girl feels. Confidnece is great but a confident person can still be "ugly" to the person being picked up.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

Well sweetbutta confidence is VERY key, but there STILL is an appearance factor. SOmeone can be the most confident guy in the world but if to that particular woman he is not appearing very handsome, he will strike out.

 

And "handsome" is in the eye of the beholder so it depends on how that particular girl feels. Confidnece is great but a confident person can still be "ugly" to the person being picked up.

 

thats why i say "Maybe her number and a date" but you never know unless you try

[JadedStar]

thats why i say "Maybe her number and a date" but you never know unless you try

 

You are correct.

 

I missed where you wrote "maybe". My bad.

[poloplayer]

Here is a tidbit I found online:

 

 

I think much of this applies to hot women as well.

 

I think when you are younger, it's a little tougher. You see attractive people getting action, or you hear about it, but poor you is feeling a little left behind. Take that opportunity to work and improve yourself. Just like in business, create a brand name for yourself.

 

- Get some great hobbies or interests.

- Become an expert in at least one area.

- Pick a career path and get drunk with it; learn as much as you can, meet as many people as you can, and continue to plow ahead.

- Have your personal style of appearance and dress.

- etc.

 

I had a few girlfriends back in high school, but I wasn't the beefcake in my school. Those guys got the hot girls. Well, those guys are delivering pizzas today and those hot girls got fat and ugly.

 

College was much of the same. The frat guys got more action, but most don't get too far in life after college. Some frat guys are brilliant though, and do go places, but most don't. Most of the hot girls end up with nothing after college - they are trying to score with a guy who is rich, but many get uglier. Looks fade with time, but, what does that ht girl, or hot girl with fading hotness have to offer someone? Honestly?

 

The key with this is, to look at the big picture and not get too wrapped up in the moment. High school is a stepping stone, don't let disappointments set you back. College is another stepping stone, don't let disappointments set you back. Your first job is a stepping stone, etc., etc.

 

Get to know people slowly. Look at a date as a get to know session. Stop thinking about sex - you're placing it on a pedastal. Just have fun and get to know someone.

 

By the way - I love that picture above. Sure, the guy is scary within the looks department, but he looks very comfortable in his own skin.

[poloplayer]

Dude trust me when I say this because as a woman I know i've done this too - when a girl does this, asks about your wife or g/f, nine times out of ten she has some interest in you and is very non chalantly trying to find out if you have a g/f or in a relationship. We women do not normally say "so are you single" LOL but we DO ask things like "so what does your g/f think about that" hoping to get the answer that way.

 

Sometimes it's a question, but most of the time, I don't get asked about my girlfriend. It's usually a statement like, "Wow your girlfriend must..."

 

I guess they are still after the same thing huh? Am I, or am I not available?

 

What about, being incessantly teased? There is a girl I work with who never stops teasing me. Somehow, I end up being the but of jokes to her, but in a very playful way. She likes to pick on me A LOT.

 

Then there is a girl every now and then that asks, "Why don't you have a girlfriend?" Um (turns away, scratches back of head, awkward moment), I just haven't met the right person yet? Which, is true - I've been burned before so I prefer to take it very slow and get to know someone. Diving into a relationship at full lust has taught me to be more gentle and slower.

[Manco]

Sorry for reviving an old thread but I found this very interesting. Everyone has mentioned some very good point here and there!

 

As a guy, I find a friendly girl to be much easier to approach and talk to if she seems happy or nice. I do realize some girls may seem intimidating unintentionally, but, unfortunately, first appearances are everything.

 

Also, wish I was hot enough to have hot girls like the ones on this forum approach me! lol pipe dreams

[shy2cool]

Yes, 'hot' women are intimidating. I guess I'm lucky that I don't go for the 'hot' type of woman, but rather the 'cute' or classy looking ones.

 

Oh, I also noticed that you're from SA? (fellow south aussie here)

[iwishiknew]

Yes, 'hot' women are intimidating. I guess I'm lucky that I don't go for the 'hot' type of woman, but rather the 'cute' or classy looking ones.

 

Oh, I also noticed that you're from SA? (fellow south aussie here)

 

 

I go for any when ever I get a chance.

[GoodNewsIsOnTheWay]

I don't know if anyone has said anything like this -- but people approaching you could be a good thing or a bad thing -- for instance, I'm not a 10 but I'm definitely not a 2. I've dated some lookers, but I get more stalker type of guys, middle aged men, etc than I do anything worthwhile. It's more of a hassle than it's worth. I wish more men would just back off and play it cool.

[taxi10]

I don't think that hot women are intimidating, it is just that some men think that they are too available and are hit on by lots of men . Others fear that she's already been taken or will always be hit on . Some have different definition of what " pretty" may mean to them.

 

One thing that all men share in common, though is looking at pretty women whether they are teenagers of in a retirement but to approach pretty woman for the sake of her beauty...I think it is a personal choice.

[poloplayer]

but I get more stalker type of guys, middle aged men, etc than I do anything worthwhile

 

Hmmm. I've met/dated some girls who would have a stalker, or an ex that would act stalker-ish, but one girl I dated had MANY of them.

 

Guys who would write books to her (about them being together?), another who sent gifts, including a Tiffany's ring that was waiting by the door for her when we came back to her place, etc. She claims she has seen some of these guys sitting in their cars outside of her place as well, and guys would call and e-mail her too.

 

As her then current man, I became extremely creeped out. Sure she was hot, and I can understand if a girl might have a creep/stalker from her past, but multiple ones? It made me feel like crud since I was not/am not rich, and guys are mailing her Tiffanys rings and other gifts. This was college and I could barely afford anything. Multiple guys calling/emailing/sending gifts/waiting outside her place raised red flags about her in my mind, not so much the guys. Something wasn't right with all of this, but I never figured it out. I eventually got sick of her attitude (she was daddy's little girl who gets what she wants), and we broke up a few months later.

 

Are my thoughts of on this? Would anyone else take multiple stalkers as a red flag about the person being stalked?

[JadedStar]

I don't know if anyone has said anything like this -- but people approaching you could be a good thing or a bad thing -- for instance, I'm not a 10 but I'm definitely not a 2. I've dated some lookers, but I get more stalker type of guys, middle aged men, etc than I do anything worthwhile. It's more of a hassle than it's worth. I wish more men would just back off and play it cool.

 

Here here and amen goodnewsisontheway.

 

When i was single i got so exasporated because it seemed MOST men that would hit on me and approach me were the stalker type men or the men who wanted the conversation to always allude to sex. What a turn off. You don't do that with women you don't know very well (tip for you guys out there). One man I dated a couple of times always alluded to breast size in some form or fashion. either mine or on other women. I finally told him to take a hike and told him that he'd always be single until he learned how to control himself and not act like a teenager.

 

It is really sad when a man is in his 40s and behaves that way. I can understand it more if the guy is 20.

 

I have found that a lot of men who gripe about never finding the right women unknowingly give women a lot of bad vibes and that is why they are unsuccessful. Women can be very intuitive and can see and read things that the guy was not aware that she could see.

[CaptainPlanet]

Ok when I was a little bit younger my male friends used to wonder why I could not get lots of girls. I always was able to strike up ongoing conversations with hot women. The truth is my male friends said I was hot and they do not know what is hot to a female, it is the same when one female tells another she is hot. I can talk to women, I can "laugh them into bed" as put in another thread, but I cannot make them attracted to me. I cannot make them have a special "spark" as they put it. There isn't a lot romantic about me.

 

One of my friends said once that I always seem to be doing so well talking to girls), I told him that holding conversation with a woman, and making a woman like you through conversation are completely different. The latter is nearly impossible. Anyway I believe the basis of that episode was that I have big broad shoulders and I am tall so it could be that your female friends think you are hot for superficial reasons that aren't really applicable.

 

There is a strong distinction between good looking and attractive which is poorly made between member of the same sex.

 

I am curious what qualifies a man as a stalker type ? Did they actualy stalk you or was it figurative speech for something else.

[JadedStar]

I am curious what qualifies a man as a stalker type ? Did they actualy stalk you or was it figurative speech for something else.

 

For me it was a figure of speech. Someone who latches on and is super clingy.

 

It's funny tho how we define clingy. if i only sort of like a guy and he is calling a lot and always wanting to be around me i define it as clingy. If i really am into him and adore him then when he wants to call a lot and see me a lot i define it as caring and warm.

 

Funny how that works. I think that this is true for a lot of people who break up and say their partner was too "clingy". maybe they just weren't into their partner enough so having him or her around a lot cramped their style.

[poloplayer]

It's funny tho how we define clingy. if i only sort of like a guy and he is calling a lot and always wanting to be around me i define it as clingy. If i really am into him and adore him then when he wants to call a lot and see me a lot i define it as caring and warm.

 

Funny how that works. I think that this is true for a lot of people who break up and say their partner was too "clingy". maybe they just weren't into their partner enough so having him or her around a lot cramped their style.

LOL. So true. Girl A kind of likes me and I come on strong = clinger. Girl B really likes me and I come on strong = caring, thoughtful, warm. Or, Girl B really lieks me and I do not come on strong = player, playing hard to get, etc. On and on we go.

[immy744]

Hello!

 

I'm glad I came accross this forum (and post)...weird actually, by total accident. Last night I went to a concert, and, I saw a real pretty girl which I had a laugh with from time to time etc. Didn't actually TALK to her though, But I did want to. Simply, I didn't know >HOW

 

I'm a hypacrite telling my mates to always tell a girl how they feel as soon as possible - you don't want to be saying you could of, should of and would of - we all know that saying.

 

I haven't read the whole thread, like come on, its 17 pages or something! The fact is that maybe some people don't know howto approach this matter (like myself). So, may I ask you girls out there to tell me how you feel when a guy approaches you (and how you would react).

 

Thanks v.much!

[MasterofStrategery]

I have the same problem...i am done trying to figure it out.

Scorpio, if that is you, you are absolutely gorgeous. I'm a guy trying to figure out how to approach the girls I really want to approach, and you would certainly be one if I saw you. Any advice?

[RedPenguin]

Well, life to me is funny to begin with.

 

They say approach those you like, but what if those you like and want to approach just are so nervous they run away from you all the time. I always found that scenario funny.

 

Maybe someone can answer this for me, see I'm 19, but I swear, I always seem to have girls that are like middle school to high school age flirting with me and always having older women adoring me. Why is it, I can seem to attract everything but my own age group? I never seem to have 18-25 girls flirt with me, it's like those girls loose their ability to flirt or something LoL. I seen younger girls always smiling, giggling, and just acting silly trying to get your attention and boy do they act funny when they find you attractive and you look at them, they look like you are the police and they committed a crime or something.

 

Do women 18-25 just want guys to approach them and don't feel the need to show off that they like a guy? I don't often see girls in this age group flirt at all as much as middle school and high school ages, it's like, they feel they need no longer flirt.

[CaptainPlanet]

Girls want money. Particularily young girls. If you can flash a bit of cash or are young and handesome they will fawn over you, its mostly the cash but handsome helps, however not handsome with lots of cash is debatable. If you are a nice person and work hard for an average unexciting income.. they won't. Its how they work. Well hot over sexed girls anyway.. at age 19 I guess that is a large portion of them.

 

EDIT: I suppose men are the same we're only interested if you have a hot body and show some skin. But that is pretty much common knowledge. I'm speaking generally here there are exceptions. I tend to go for slightly ugly girls with decent bodies because experience has taught me they will be nice to me and easier to get sex out of. They also tend to be less crazy.