dasbin

don't cut her off to get back at her. if you're gonna cut her off, do it because it's the best thing for you. if the best thing for you is to remain friends, then forgive her, but make it clear (respectfully, nicely) that you could be leaving at any time if she doesn't treat you well again.

to be perfectly honest, this whole thing sounds like he's playing games with you. lots of guys (just look around here for "nice guys finish last" type posts) feel that being a jerk will get them the girls they want, and judging by the fact that you cried over this jerk that you hardly knew, i'd say it definitely works with some people. i'm tempted to say "teach him a lesson and never, EVER talk to him again" as I think that would be the RIGHT thing to do. however, if you actually want this guy, then there's not a whole lot to say other than, do what you want, but be aware that practically every move he makes (being a jerk, realizing it wasn't working, pretending to be strong but sweet now and singing) is likely just an attempt at reeling you in and getting what he wants. i hate manipulation, but if you want it, then play along i suppose.

next time she says it, respond by saying "[name]..." shake your head in disbelief a bit then suddenly kiss her hard and passionately. make it last and get really, really into it. there's not really a better way of saying "you're totally wrong." heh.

you really should try to kiss someone, anyone, before you do it in front of your whole cast. it IS a learned thing... you can't just know exactly what to do the first time, and your unconfidence will definitely be seen. the thing about stage kisses is that what you're doing with the rest of your body is way more important that what you're doing with you lips... be aware of where your arms are, how your posture is, the tilt of your head... it's important to make it look like it's not awkward. which is funny because, in real life, there is often some awkward element to kissing, ang just accepting that and giving in to the feeling of kissing is what makes it a confident kiss. on the stage, the opposite is true; it's all in how you portray yourself.

you know, for those that DO work things out with their ex, they probably don't hang around here to tell about it.

Now I don't even believe that anymore.

People have always asked, "what is the world coming to?" There was never a significant period on this planet without violent conflict. It is not a change that brings us this violence, but rather a lack of change and a new face to aggression (terrorism). I noticed you're asking "why?" The thing is, if you asked the terrorists who planned the attack this question, you're pretty darn likely to get a solid, intellectual response. There ARE reasons. These things are thought about and planned out and they know what they're doing; it's just that the intellectualness is mixed heavily with very powerful emotion (anger). I won't be praying, but I will be hoping that violence will never escalate to something huge in scale. That is the best we can hope for - there will never be a day where violence goes away. Just as equally, I will be hoping that the issues that drives ordinary people to commit acts of terror can be resolved, so we have fewer violently-angry people in the world. Everyone needs new perspective, from the terrorists to the politicians. There is no excuse to kill innocent people like this; but I recognize that I'm saying that from my cozy, sheltered Western chair in front of a computer, and there are issues which, if I was confronted with face-to-face, and had to live the same life these people do, I might be angry too. Really, we know nothing about this situation. Terrorism like this feels completely wrong to me. But my ethics are a result of my environment and upbringing. The terrorists believe just as strongly that what they do is ethically right.

Thanks for the reply.

Am I silly?

Yes it's possible to regain the friendship I think, but it totally depends on the situation.

well i must admit that, if i hadn't been as lucky as i have with having the most amazing girl in the universe to tell me that's how i should see myself, then i might be as bitter as most of the other guys here. in fact, i AM bitter, because she broke up with me 4 months ago because she's not sure what she wants, and i admit i've had some 'nice guys finish last' kind of thoughts. but i do remember what she told me. and every time i've seen her since we broke up she's told me the same stuff, to keep looking at myself like that regardless of what happened to our relationship, and to always just do what's best for me. that's why when i told her no-contact yesterday (for myself, NOT as a plan to get back with her, though i would love that), she completely understood and was even supportive of me, even if she didn't want to lose me as her best friend (and i'm really sad at losing her as a friend too... i'm sure this won't be forever, even if it means i have to wait until i can look at her as only being a friend). i guess that kind of girl does that to you. this attitude will hopefully be with me the rest of my life as a result, regardless of what happens. eh, sorry for blabbering. that's my story.

This is so dumb. What happened to just being who you are? I'm a 'nice guy' and I always try to do the right thing and I think I'm very unselfish. And maybe that means I don't score as many chicks - whatever. I'm not going to change myself just because I have some plan to get with as many girls as possible - I wouldn't feel like they truly loved me for who I was in that case, anyway. This is who I am - I'm a nice guy, I'm geeky, I have low self confidence, I have image issues - and no amount of rejection is going to make me pretend to be something I'm not. I was loved - true love, the best most amazing love there is - by a girl purely for who I am for 3 years of my life, so I know that there are girls (or at least a girl) out there who don't need me to put on a facade to be attracted to me. And even if there weren't any girls like that... I'm not going to compromise who I am just to get some. That is so wrong. True love isn't some 'game' that so many people around here seem to think it is. It's about sharing yourself with someone - the whole you, and nothing but you - and getting the same in return.

disclaimer: i'm a boy, not a girl. first, it's wrong, terribly wrong, to use other people for the purpose of gaining back an ex. secondly, continue with the no contact. if she really doesn't care about you at this point, like you seem to suspect, then no she won't contact you. but if that was the case, you really shouldn't want her back anyway - just focus on getting over her. you would NEVER be able to change how she feels about you if it's something so basic as that. if she does care about you, the only way to find out for sure is to wait, however darn long it takes, until she contacts you.

bvricken stein ich!

ros