hometownguy18

By the way...I just found out that she didn't actually go all the way with this guy...just played gobble gobble while he played with his hands. (sorry, didn't know how else I'd put it). Yet last night, we were talking about it...she claimed she had sex with this guy, and she told me that they used protection. Now why would my ex go ahead and make a lie like that up to me?

Best of luck darlin', if you ever want anyone to talk to about the situation...misery loves company.

By the way...we obviously have the trust issues...and any advice on how to fix it would be great. But at the same time, she also has been with me since she was 15, and she's 20 now...she claims she has to see what else is out there...is time the only thing that will make that go away? Or can I do anything to perhaps turn her head my way a bit quicker? Also, I broke down. I talked to her a little online tonight. Little tiny chit chat regarding school work and what not turned into her questioning whether or not she should have told me about the guy she slept with. I played it as cool as possible, and told her that I was indifferent about it. She ended it saying she wouldn't talk about her sex life anymore. Any advice?

I agree bro...you're setting yourself up for a very bad and nasty situation. No offense ladies, but you aren't exactly the easiest people to deal with sometimes...and you are even worse to each other from what I've seen. When it comes to love...friendships tend to suffer occasionally. Especially regarding the ex. Sometimes friendships are strong enough to withstand the trials of love coming between them, and those friendships are amazing. I don't know their friendship, but from a quick outside look, if girl a already got jealous of girl b and there was nothing happening...getting together with girl c is going to be a living nightmare in my opinion...best of luck...and like Michael said...pack some benadryl, because you're gonna get stung boss...

Don't contact online ever! Well maybe not ever. Perhaps the first few times, but keep it extremely short. I've had some good advice from people on this site that have helped me to see that body language and tone of voice have everything to do with the convo. Be friendly, cheerful, and just talk about anything but the relationship for the first few times. Let him bring it around...he will...trust me, they always do.

Any ideas as to how I should react when put in a situation regarding people she is seeing? What about me? Should I make myself appear interested in others...maybe being a little harder to get? Or should I continue to let her believe that no matter what she ever says or does that I will always love her...damn my true helpless romantic heart. Us pure ones are so rare, and so freaking confusing.

Now when it comes to these rebound relationships I have one question: How do you spot them? Are there any signs that show they are a rebound relationship, or are we all pretty much just left in the dark about it and left to believe they are rebound simply because they happen so quickly after a break up?

Especially you Morrigan...I would really appreciate your input on this also.

So...where do I begin? This will be long, but there is a lot on my mind right now...so many questions need answers and opinions... News came up tonight. My best friend, like a brother, found out my ex slept with another guy. I took it hard. Actually, really hard. I cried, I sobbed, I ran until I couldn't run anymore. My buddy caught up to me and I looked at him. As I started to calm down, I asked him if he still thought we were going to be together...and he told me he didn't think so. So he called her. He wanted to know what she had been thinking. He asked her if she still loved me...and she told him that she didn't know what it was like to be "over" somebody, so she couldn't really say. She just said that she was at the point where she looked over her shoulder and just saw me as a friend. It was strange. As we both listened to this conversation, we got some sort of gut feeling things weren't over. Maybe it was that she finally admitted that she didn't know what the future brings...but as for now...if you were to ask her, she would tell you there was no hope for us and we would never be together. He asked her if she wanted him not to tell me (her not knowing he already had), and she said she just didn't want me to flip out about it, call her up, talk to her parents and what not. But she never said no. She said he figured he would, but that she just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to flip. They hung up, and my friend and I talked. He said he had a bit more confidence in everything, but still had his doubts. Keep in mind, this is the most optimistic guy I know... We walk for a bit, and about 5 minutes later, my ex calls me up. She tells me she has something to say, figured my buddy was going to say it, and asked who I wanted to hear it from. I played dumb, sort of happy go lucky, and told her to do what she thought was right. She ended up telling me what she did. I told her I didn't care. It hurt, but that I loved her enough to be able and overcome it. We sort of went into this whole thing about saying how I was sorry for the mistakes I've made, but was glad, because it opened my eyes up to something bigger...making myself a different person. I told her I loved her, and that nothing she could ever say or do will ever change that. I said even if she slept with 10 guys, I would still be able to get over it just because of my love. She said that was silly, and that I wouldn't have any respect for myself if I did that. I told her it wasn't about respect, but about following your heart. I told her that I was the right person for her, that I knew that, after she told me she didn't think I was. Then we sort of talked about our relationship in the past and present. About how we were both young and made mistakes, and better for her to wonder what's out there now than 20 years down the line. I told her if we ever got back together in the future, it wouldn't be the same...it would be a brand new relationship. She told me that she wouldn't really bring things about him up too much anymore. We even talked about how she got freaked out about the thought of me proposing to her. I told her I was a lovesick fool at the time I said that and not to worry too much into it anymore. That even if we were in a relationship again...it would start off slow, nowhere near where we left off. There were parts where she got uncomfortable with it, I sensed it, so I let it drop. I listened to her talk about everything. About how she was happy doing what she was doing, that she was probably making plans to have sex with this guy again. I asked her a little about it in a joking fashion. I asked her if it at least nice...and not some dirty back of the car sex...she laughed hearitly out loud, admitting it was. Then, keeping it light and joking, asked her who was better, me or him? She said she didn't want to get into it (still light) and I pressed it jokingly until I got the hint nothing was going to come out. I told her it was good to hear her laugh like that again though, she made a comment that it wasn't, but continued to laugh. She told me nothing would come from this guy because he would be leaving soon. She then added as a side note that she wasn't looking for a relationship anyway. She told me that through some of the lies that she didn't really know me anymore. I said I was sorry to hear about that, and disagreed. She also told me that she wasn't the romantic anymore that she once was...more of a realist (claiming this was the real her). I told her I felt sorry for her, because being a romantic and having that much faith in love is amazing and so gratifying in the long run. I told her that I still believed in my heart we would be together, but that it wouldn't get in the way of our friendship at all. She said she was slightly uncomfortable with me having these feelings. I assured her I wouldn't bring them upand that if she wanted distance still, to go for it. She never said she did...never said she didn't...but I told her that I had to be honest about my feelings. I told her that it hurt me to think of her with another guy, but it wasn't going to bother me as badly as she thought. I told her I understood that this is all about her going out and seeing what's out there, and I wished her the best of luck with it. I told her me being honest about what I have done in the past was a necessity. I told her I actually did start having sex with another girl (while we were apart), but that I stopped out of respect to myself, my ex, and this girl. I told her that I had to be honest about my feelings for her too. That I couldn't just lie to her the whole time. I also told her that I understood my "word" had about as much weight as a feather in a hailstorm, but that trust was an issue we needed to deal with in our love life past and in our friendship now. She admitted to me that if I were to ask her now, she would say there isn't a chance at all...but she also admitted who knows what the future may bring. Much was said. We talked for over an hour. Whenever she became too uncomfortable in the conversation, I could sense it and I let things drop. I listened, then talked as she listened too. No fighting was done...it was all civil. I even ended it. I told her that I respected her for telling me what she did, and that I'd talk to her again. So what do you think? I mean, why would she tell me this stuff herself? If she indeed has moved on...why would she even really care? She said she understood if I didn't want to be friends now...and I told her that if she cared, she'd fight for my friendship. She said she just didn't want me hurt...not give me false hope...the usual stuff. However she DID talk to me! lol. She talked for along while, and nothing bad really came of it...no fighting...no arguing...no pleading...no begging...just talking. It was nice. I'm even taking the news well. I actually have more faith...more peace about it happening than I did before. Even my buddy has faith again. Are we wrong? What does this all mean? Where do I go from here? And can anyone explain why I feel so confident about it even after what occurred tonight? I mean...1.5 months of being out a 5 year relationship and she suddenly is sleeping with another guy casually (one thing she always chastised people for and was never like before). Why do I have this confidence even in the face of overwheling odds?

Dan, I'm very curious as to what you did in general and your input on my own situation. I'm not promising you I'm going to do what you say completely, but the point of these boards is to get other people opinions regarding your own inquiries. So if you could get back with me sometime online, that would be great.

Hey man. I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. Nothing I can do or say will ever be able to get these images out of your head. In fact. I don't believe any of us could ever tell you something that will stop that from happening. What I can tell you is this... Don't blame yourself. What's happened in the past happened. Sure, maybe if you would have stayed, she would never have been in the situation to begin with, but you could have never have known that at the time. So many times do we all look back on things and think...what if? It only hurts us even more. The fact remains that what happened...happened. You're still with her...so obviously you love her enough to try and work things out, and I wish you the best of luck with that. By you even accepting her back into your life after such a strange situation, such a hurtful thing is absolutely amazing. It's a very mature and noble thing to do. You can look past the faults of others into the big picture...the idea of you two together. In my opinion, love should be unconditional. If you love someone, then you should be able to know that what they do doesn't necessarily make them who they are. The images will be in your head for a while. Trust me...I have images of my own...but you have to look at her for who she is. When you hold her, remember the feeling. When you look at her, look deep into her eyes and see her smiling back at you. Think of the good things you two have done together and cherish them. Whenever these images come into your head, replace them as best as you can with those memories of how she feels, what it feels like when you look into her eyes, the things you two have done, the feeling of her kiss...look at them and remember how great they make you feel, and just do your best to replace the images of her on that night with those. If you love her enough, eventually those feelings will begin to fade. You'll realize that the situation was a mistake...and that's all it will ever be. It's not your fault what-so-ever, and you have to tell yourself that over and over. Make yourself believe as best as possible...because to be honest bro? It wasn't your fault. If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to contact me online. My AIM sn is ShibbySurf18, and my yahoo messanger name is the same thing. Sometimes talking to those of us who are in bad situations can help simply because we relate so well to each other because of it. Have a good night bro, and I wish you the best of luck with everything between you two. Have faith that you will get through this...believe you will get through this...and eventually it will all pay off.

So, my ex and I haven't been talking at all for the past 2 weeks today. I've been good about not talking to her in class, or calling her, and plus, she had my online screen name blocked, so I never had to worry about seeing her online. Last night she signed on under another screen name while I was checking some email on my other screen name. Not seeing me on, she signed online. I signed on right after she signed off, and suddenly, she unblocks me. She IMs me to tell me that we have a test in the class I missed last week and "that's all, bye". But the thing is, she left me ublocked. I didn't respond at all to her...not even a thank you...I finally felt a little power and confidence in myself again. Rainy, thanks for the sort of uplifting story. The fact remains, I'm stubborn, and I refuse to believe that everything is going to be over between us. I mean, us together just is...it's a thing that is just an amazing phenomenom that no one really understands. Hopefully she get over this anger and my no contact rule will keep into effect. Does everyone agree with that? I mean, no contact for a month or so, keeping in shape, getting out, having fun, and only speaking to reply to a "hi" or a "what's up?" in class? I mean, I understand that everyone's relationships are different, but I'm curious about your opinions...do you think I'm doing the right thing here? By the way Rainy, best of luck with you two, may God bless your relationship and give you the strength in him and each other to work through all of the bad times that lie ahead.

All I ever hear is about how no one gets back with their ex after a bad break up after a long time of being with someone. Are there any success stories out there about people breaking up, going through a bad break up, and then getting back together and living happily ever after? I mean, I understand the fact that we need to move on in order to get better for ourselves...but is there hope for us romantics that believe love will conquer all? This would really be helpful...don't ask me why...it just would...

I'm sorry to hear about the situation. I honestly couldn't really tell you what's going on in his mind. Maybe he doesn't know what he wants exactly? Maybe his emotions go up and down during this confusing time, believing he wants you, then thinking he doesn't. Maybe his friends give him a hard time for trying to work through things. I don't know. I'd remain calm however. Don't call him, let him call you. And whatever you do, don't apologize. You have no reason. He made the spur of the moment decision not to talk to you, not to hang out with you. If you call him back, it'll just make him think he has you right back where he had you before...under his thumb. It might not be what he's trying to do, but the feeling will no doubt be there. It'll feel safe for him to continue moving about his life, doing whatever he pleases, knowing you're still there. Don't be, and he'll come running back if he truly loves you, especially if there were no tears during the breakup.

I think it sounds pretty good bro. I only hope I can continue to have the same strength you had not to contact her. I still believe in my heart I will be getting back together with her, but I couldn't really tell you why or how. I say keep it up, don't bring up the relationship, let her. And keep making yourself more attractive, if not for someone else, for yourself. It was hard those first few days after the break up to look in the mirror and see those hollow eyes staring back at me. Looking better will give you more confidence...and that's one of the most important things through all of this. Keep having fath boss man, and if you ever want to talk to a guy in a similar situation love wise...hit me back sometime online or PM me. Have a good night bro, and keep up the great work.