rich_1517

its ok ceecee, i am playing a third quarter game of catch up. i have suffered from lowered self esteem around an ex before, and i never want to repeat it. i have done a pretty good job not "leaking" many feelings out, actually i have been fairly consistent with her. thankfully a sense of calm does exist between us. she does keep asking if there was something i wanted to talk about. which i cannot read but she may fear that i want to talk about feelings. which i will not do until i am certain that i want to end it completely. or when its time which it isnt. tough one for a "feeler", but i can use my feelings in the form of charm, empathy and caring. so warnings are understood, dont blow it from lack of confidence or insecurities. those are the key though, removing the insecurites and being confident while at the same time acting natural. not nervous. acccck. i have to remove intimidation as well, no woman wants to feel "perfect" we all know that the pursuer is just looking for their fix and not really interested in them. so i need to see her as just another girl again. an aloof one and one i must pursue to get. i am trying to remember that i have intrinsic qualities that attract women to me. so tonight i go practice. my love for life and fun and humor are big ones, now its time to restore them.

ok well ouch. but true. i need help. i do not want to blow. i will not rationize my way to being ok. i will be confident, sexy, and fun. i wont try to explain myself here anymore. i will let go of the illusions, i will be that guy. i am smart, funny, handsome, outgoing and well people like me i suffer from post shatter confidence, but ok. if i blow it from thinking less of myself or being to nervous and not being myself i will never live it down. so ok. im done.

after a lengthy chat with a member of this forum. i am in the pits. which is probably about right. i have been seriously depressed, even before the girl left. i have tried to rise to the challenge and win her heart back. but i took the blame for the failure of the relationship and blamed her for nothing. hence my vision is blurred and my self esteem is low, very low. i had lost my business and my dad in the same year. she left becuase i had been not accepting her and well not a lot of fun anymore. so she left, i was devasted and to the frsutration of friends and family and some readers here im sure. i couldnt break the obsession or the insanity of overthinking. she came back to say lets date. that the deck is stacked against me becuase she sees me more as a friend. but lets try and see. so i have agreed to this. but i am really struggling to restore my self esteem, sense of self and the truth about what happened. on one hand i want to end it, just send the letter that says: obviously i am the only one who thinks he did something wrong, and that two people have to want something and be willing to make it work for it to happen. well for it to happen for me. i accept i was wrong, but you arent meeting me in the middle. on the other hand, i see that i have to let go enough to heal and be able to "see" if this relationship can be saved, if it should be saved. but i feel i dont have the time, that she will leave or move on. the desperation is hard and i hate it. i need balance back. i need to be me again without her being more than she is. i need help

thats great! but remember the things that may have set her off into thinking why she needed time to herself. do you know why? try to see the singals before it comes up again and maybe you can avoid it. also if you are angry or hurt try to get rid of those feelings or they may crop up as resentment towards her. but thats a good story to hear. im happy for you.

i put my name in the post so if you tire of my love life you can ignore it. ok so she wants to date. nad according to her birthday card to me she is looking forward to it. but before i get too excited i think i have to review a couple things and get advice. 1. she said "the deck is stacked against you becuase i see you more as friend right now." 2. also "i want more passion in my life" ok now remember i have three years of experience with this girl. two of which she shut down sexually. when we went to therapy about it last year she admitted its the reason all her relationships have failed. her take now is the guys were wrong. meaning she lost sexual interest becuase the men she chose werent the one. yeah i get it, that includes me. now on the flip side: the timming of her becoming less interested in xx with me came after i turned down moving in the first time. thats important, it could be that when i backed off on a major committment she pulled away internally. ok major RED FLAG. she is dodging what the therapist said entirely. she is not owning that something is going in with her about sex. and wanting more passion in her life. well thats true, a lot of that is just getting out and doing things, something we didnt do for a very long time, well we did but not enough. we let things die and become boring. BUt does anyone see the possible hitch here to rebuilding? we are far enough apart now that starting over makes perfect sense. and could lead to intimacy, but i am afraid that she will avoid it becuase tied up in those sexual feelings are whatever shut her down in the first place. i have to answer this one for myself before i get too far ahead of things.

im realising that to win this one a couple of things have to be true 1. i am active in my own life to the point that there really is depth that is visible to me and her. 2. back off on planning, make the date ideas focused and good fun and "adventure" she already said dinner at her house next week. I said getting out is better. the key is cheap, she needs to see that change. 3. quit smoking, i took it off the table when she said "dating" but lets be honest its her number one and it wont hurt me to do it, but no more talking about it. just show up "quit". 4. go have a good cry, tantrum, whatever to put the past behind me, fact is if she really is open to dates, then this may be the best start we could do. how many people get to go back to the beginning? 5. use the game but in a good way to win her heart, make things fun and make sure flirting is there enough to say "not just friends" thats why i may back off on some "buddy" things and do others. 6. accept that she may not see that passion is also a choice, she locks it down after a certain amount of time in all of her relationships. she used to know it was her choice, now she says its the guys she chose. i will have to deal with it when it comes up. Ideas about introducing passion? when to touch or is she driving that one. if we are dating im usually the one to make the move and she knows that. let me guess, when it feels right? but tactics welcome/.

i include my name in the post so you can ignore my story if you choose. if you are just joining. 3 years together. i didnt commit, allowed family, business life to let the life drain out. didnt accept her shortcomings in intimacy. she doesnt express her feelings well so didnt fight for what she needed. she left after i harped on her. she took two months to decide if her love for was me as only friend, or as more. that time has passed. the answer was, um hard. she wants to date me to see if there is more, with a lot of warnings. "the deck is stacked against you" because i do see you more as a friend. but when i said i would have to leave and let my feelings for her pass she started to cry. I said ok, but i have to think about this. that its ambigous and I need to know she wants to date me, not giving me the opportunity to date her. so i am now at the jump off point and im nervous: here are my questions: there is no time frame for this, but her words were either one of us can stop it at anytime. I did ask her if she cared about us dating others. she said you can, i said you dont care if i do? she said i can if i want. should i say anything more or leave it? she came to my birthday party last night (small), and a friend of mine who has a horrible track record with women and boundaries asked her for a ride home, she likes him (every woman does, but im no slouch). so handed my keys to a friend and said mind if i tag along? i used the opportunity to ask about times/dates. but this is the first jealous act i have done with her ever. its painful. She gave me a card that said i am looking forward to our dates, they should be an adventure. i know that to do this i must, MUST be confident and self contained. no needs, no analysing, no past -> start new. 1. should i plan the dates or let her plan some? 2. how much contact should i do, call every other day or so to see how she is doing and plan next date? i do not want to be too aloof or too aggressive she gets overwhelmed when she is pushed, thankfully (i think) she plays an active role quickly in planning and already started some ideas. i do see her a new person, which is good and bad. i feel the marriage stuff, and my other feelings of love must take a back seat to well. adventure and fun, the things we were missing. ideas for fun, cheap dates are very welcome. i live in the most beautiful area and we are having good weather. so we need time of doing and not too much talking. *option* - i could say this is just too ambigous, and end it. and see if she follows. let face it i am asking a lot from myself here and to go on not much hope (again). it tests my confidence and heart a lot. if she is so unsure why is she here? i suppose i can do this anytime. Ideas?

S4il - answer to your question. Only friends = i would have to let go of my love as more than a friend, to let my feelings diminish so that i can give my heart to someone new. if its only friends then that must happen. More then =if its friends that are now trying to date its different. it means passion and stronger feelings of closeness and desire emerge, and again the question is whether that will happen to her. the answer to that is now my job. its the little flirting, the little pull back, not calling for a day or so. calling to say hi thinking about you. etc. simple simple simple. i invited her to the party. she gave me a card that said she is looking forward to the dates. that they will be an adventure.

well it is a tough situation on many levels. i have to accept that there is no past immediately working in my favor. perhaps after a while yes. i have to bury hurt and resentment, which wouldnt have helped anyway. so my questions are these: should i really treat it as brand new? meaning keep space in, dont aggressively pursue? smoking is a big one, but when i quit the emotional swing is tough. today is my birthday, should i invite her to the party? to keep this from being "just friends" wouldnt family be out of the picture right now? or will she see this as rude? also if you could direct me to other posts, i will look up the ones you listed. as to how to proceed from here. i know the romance and dating deal pretty well. im good at it. i just have to ask myself am i ready in the face of her removed feelings.

ok fair enough, i love her enough to play the game. gee let me guess my conditions are now secondary and not an option. right? so i cant say "i need a comittment beyond just a couple of dates?" no wait let me asnwer that, NO. win her first then set conditions. sheesh

on her comment about passion? we are talking about sex. her perception of why she has shut down in the past is that maybe the guys were wrong. maybe thats right, which would then include me. but... its been every relationship (all) where she becomes disinterested in sex. but she is choosing to say "wrong guy". she starts of gangbusters, then disintereted. i cant say for certain that its deep seated emotional disconnect. but it sure seems like it. i dont know if at this point i can say that anymore, her choice is to see it the way she sees it. whats really funny is love exists between us strongly. i dont know who she is talking to for advice.

The answer is date me. i wish i could be more enthusasitic. i suppose i got what i wanted that she wants something but these are the words: "i know i love you but i also want passion in my life. i see you more as a friend but im willing to go on a couple of dates to see if there is more" im very sad right now. i know this is better then nothing but ouch. see she is cut off emotionally some times and she doesnt accept that intimacy and passion she has more control of then she knows. she even said that the deck is stacked against me because she sees me more as friend right now. she said she has seen so much change in me that she wants to see if that is enough. i can see in her eyes that she loves me. but i wanted more, the effort that will now be required of me is like what i just went through, i have to choose between walking away or shwoing up and "seeing" if she will love me again. I do love her a lot. i tested the waters and said "do you care if we date others while we do this?" - she said you can, i dont want to. i did have one moment where i said "i deserve the love i want in my life, to have someone love me, i know i made mistakes with you but if this is to be only friends i have to let go of my love for you to be able to show up as only a friend." she started to cry. i do not know what to do. i feel damned right now and sad, where many might be happy. but i feel i am being offered the opportunity to fail and to buy her time to keep a friend and accept the loss of my love. but she knows she was at fault too, in not fighting for the relationship and allowing things to get bad. I guess i have to go back to her and say "ok dating but i have to know you are willing to be open to romance if it happens, that you arent sabotaging it to keep a friend. if that is the case ok, lets try" thoughts welcome

hi gang the breif background: the girlfriend left 2 months ago saying she needed time to herself, and wanted two months to decide if we are friends or more. three years together, good relationship overall, but two very stubborn people. she asked me to move in twice. i didnt. etc etc. update: I decided to call her to have a picnic yesterday. one of her main beefs was i didnt participate more in planning to do things. it was nice, lunch, hike for 2 hours, no touching but some light hitting. i had a moment, she was talking about enough stuff for me to say "want to talk about it?" she said no, tomorrow i dont want to think about it. little later i got real sad for a moment and she asked if i was ok "i said no, you would have decided by now" she said "not neccessarily, i will come to you house tomorrow, she said im stubborn i wait to the last minute" i told her "i love you and i said i would stick this out no matter what the outcome" so after i was fine, we had more fun, went back to her house and played cards. she kept admiring that i had lost weight, looked good, able to hug easier. etc. so sounds good right? dont bet on it. she has played this one so close to the vest no one and i mean no one has any idea, perhaps even her. so im down to boundaries about the meeting. i aint stupid, if this is the lets just be friends, i dont think i want her coming to my house. i have to be honest, i have been emotionally exposed and run myself through the wringer on this one. i dont need closure if thats her decision, i have it already in the form of what a screwball she is. if that is the outcome then this whole thing was just a nice let down and avoidance of conflict. in exchange for that decision she gets nothing, she is not owed her own closure. is that too hard, is that selfish? is it angry? sure, but i will have to begin healing, i dont need a second goodbye to get it. but.... she has kept this one so in the dark, that who knows really what she will say and my email like that could be the decider, im not kidding. so how do i get a whiff so that i can choose the place? i really dont want her at my house, it feels like an invasion if its the "friends" conversation. On the other side, she may want to date again to "see" the changes, well i have decided that ok too. we couldnt just move in right now, i would need time to heal up a little, let things get back to normal before throwing more changes in the mix. ideas?

first off, get busy. occupy your time, this will work in your favor. she has asked for space give it to her no matter how hard that is. she may need help but she has made a decision to go it alone. she needs to miss you and for that to work you have to be not there. remember she broke it off so anything you do to help will be seen as pressure for your needs to be with her. i hate to be so blunt but having just gone through this trust me i know. stay away, be fine when she calls. go to forum index and look at nittgy gritty of no contact and rules for no contact. it really works. but you have to get grounded emotionally to see clearly here. HAVE TO. there is no other way. your needs will come through anything you do right now. you are doing fine, the friends reaction on your part was exactly right.

i am at a fundamental question now. last days. becuase this is a deciding period most of no contact doesnt work. because no contact fits more for a clear break up, not the ambiguity of a deciding period. the problem with it is i didnt walk far enough away for her to fully miss me. so deciding period has not had that component that much. but we are apart and thats clear. so does this process require that she must expereince that missing even if it comes "after" she says friends for this thing to resolve itself? so tactics, she is still confused, i think last nights wanting to get together is her trying to find what she feels for me, friend or more. the long hug was nice and i actually broke it off at the right time for me. 1. treat the decision period as real. that after she decides walk away or start over. upside, less emotional investment, no pressure. 2. treat as no contact, see her, talk to her but always let her intiate until she brings up relationship. 3. tell her how i feel about things -> "that I am starting to let go, and its ok, if we are to be friends that will take time, but she can call whenever she really needs me." total tactic - showing backbone. 4. Start initiating directly, show self direction in this. she has called to hangout, now my turn invite her to smoething fun, comedy, a walk, jazz, etc. woo her with friendship and fun. and again no touching or kissing. just let things unfold. she may be looking for me to lead at this point. she doesnt want to make this decision. this one may be important, she has wanted me to plan fun things to do more. 5. sheesh and im decisive ? invite her over for coffee, etc. and have a guy i know who is one of the best romantic guitar players and singers show up outside. nah too smaltzy. forget that one. 6. ask her if she wants to get together. but follow up with the question of are you deciding? then remind her that love is 95 percent friendship 5 percent passion. that passion will return if we want it to. thanks everyone who has helped me to get grounded enough to find my own internal voice as to direction. there is something going on and it may come down today/tomorrow. Thank you Mar -> for being a friend who provides directness and fighting for ME, and investing time Athena -> for reminding me integity is more important then winning Neallo -> for telling me to stay calm, and being a friend Morrigan -> for being able to provide logic and heart in the same cup Bdub, Beec, Spartan -> for expereince and guidance CeeCee -> for support and hope Avman -> for a mature male perspective Princess -> for a womans perspective and hope and anyone else who has taken the time to type even one word of support or persective. thanks. I needed all those things while i didnt have them to be able to answer my own questions better. (if you want to see back ground just look at other posts by me. click on username and see all posts.)

well, she called today, wanting to go to the movies. my first reaction was sure! then i hesitated, my roomate gave me crap for running when she calls. i thought it through. hhmmm. this is the deciding weekend, act normal, be fine, maybe this is part of her process. got ready to send email "maybe we should hang out after you make your decision, or is this part of your process of deciding. changed my mind. went and got hair cut, bought new clothes to fit the 20 pounds lighter me. and damn if i dont look good. i show up, see the movie, make jokes have a good time. she is huddling in her movie seat, definitely not comfortable, not touching me, but lots of smiles. she is struggling. i go outside about halfway through to smoke (im trying to quit), she seems happy i havent. that bothered me, considering its her number one. but the strange thing is my confdence and sense of self snapped into place. i was ready to say "listen this is nice but if you dont make you mind up soon you will take me for granted, i will resent you and i dont want that, if its to be friends then so be it." but i didnt. the movie ended and i decided i would go home, she comes to me and tells me how great i look, i can see it in her eyes but i say nothing. she hugs me, then holds onto me for a while, i break the hug saying it was nice to see you. im not sure what happened. but i know i will be ok.

thanks spartan its showing up in the face of the potential loss that is hard. in a way i want to screen it out before i get the word. meaning when she says lets meet, i may say, if its to be friends we dont need to, we already are. the details will sort themselves out. i kind of want an answer to some things, but i doubt that i would get it. she would play it close to the chest to avoid judgement. im the emotional one. my gameplan if i do go to see her without screening it first will be to calmly listen to what she has to say, be as prepared as i can be emotionally, keep telling myself before i go its over. this is just clean up. and maybe, just maybe be surprised. but the question i have for anyone who wants to comment. do i have to show if the answer is no without any explaining of why, except to say my love for you is as a friend?

if you want to understand my story for context see this post link removed so i am realizing that maybe i should have let her go originally and we might have found each other that way. of course i am second guessing while i wait out the weekend for her decision. the whole thing is bizarre. two months and no expression of feelings. i offered to marry two weeks ago. i have respected her space, done platonic dates with her, been available sometimes and sometimes not. i dont call. fact is i am now very bitter about the whole thing. the cost of sitting with this has hurt me and may have affected my love for her. i feel that she has stuck to an arbitrary date and that its only becuase she knows she needed time. i obsess, its been my nature to bargain with loss. but i havent acted on it. still the pain is visible, i lost weight, i am stressed. my friends and family will no longer talk to me about it. they think i am a fool for sticking it out. i am in confusion and pain. but, i have kept most of my dignity, i did nothing i am ashamed of except to accept her deciding period. neither one of us has dated during this time. so here i am angry and fearful. on one level i am and have been convicned that she has been paving the way to being just friends. but on another, this has been enough time to begin again, or if not now then soon after. she calls all the time, and done little things that says she still cares. but look at me! i am not myself, i have allowed this to affect my self esteem and confidence. i am worth the love that i want. its time to act like it. but the resentment is huge. i have dealt with "i dont want to get your hopes up", "will you still see my son if we arent together?", "you have never lived alone, maybe you should" (insulting, becuase she sees that i havent had my own place since i left home). "i cant decide, im trying to figure out the texture of my love for you". if you are reading this and you think "but wait my love is unique, my heart is true, that person is the one" stop. if that were truly so we would not be on this site. the truth is people leave, we have to let them. for ourselves. we have to face the infaceable, that their love may be gone. so the resentment i have is that i didnt just give her the boot when she said two months. i knew i had made mistakes, and she left at a very bad moment in my life. i can send her a letter saying how i feel, that the disregard for my feelings is hard to deal with, and that if she just wants to be friends it will have to wait. but no, i have to see it through i set this path in motion weeks ago by accepting that i love her. but did i send a "here i am, dont worry" message? did i sabotage the chance to rebuild by being here? there is no chase for her. my suspicions abound about what the truth might be, another guy and just giving what seems like enough time... etc etc. but i must maintain my diginity to the end. but what do i do with the anger. after monday, we either start over or i move on. but the anger at the casual, arbitrary date, the low priorities of my feelings has left me drained. is it possible that i should just let go and let it fall into place or apart. but get my mind off it. advice: i need to show up for this without being devastated inside.

Well i will see the next 4 days through. the part i am trying to account for is self respect, in mine and her eyes. we talked last night, i was about to break it off, saying i meant for you to take your time but this is too difficult to leave my future in this ambiguous place. then she said i will decide by monday. sometimes she seems like %$#@ for the way she has been. calling, wanting to get together after leaving and saying she wanted time. I asked her point blank last night "are you trying to turn us into friends but are afraid to? that saying no is so hard and you dont want to hurt my feelings or yours that you cant say it?". she said no. i havent begged (well at frist it was pretty close), i havent overly pursued, I dont call except to return calls. etc. well if you consider saying i would marry, and accept some changes in my life the point was though she had asked me to move in twice. i was afraid to commit. but some of her comments during this thing have been painful, "i dont want to get your hopes up" etc. i havent been a doormat but putting my heart on the line in this situation has made me feel exposed. guess that feels about right. and that after monday i will not be able to say anything. it will be over or it will be a new start. this is just so weird i have never been in anything like it before. she is saying she wants to be as honest in her decision as she can be. um ok. so how do i say the things that will make her respect me more? the cost is getting high to be openly in love with someone who has been ambigous, can i say those things before she decides? can somehow get any power back before the date or will any effort that way screw things up. this is what i am trying to account for. the fact is that i have put myself out there and pretty unconditionally. but i feel she needs to know that compromise is part of it. that i want her in my life but we both have to be willing to make it work. my just saying ill change wont be enough. saying it now, will it adversely affect her decision or show strength and stability? the other thing is i committed to seeing her son and her tonight. she has let me off the hook on that, but showing up is a big part of what happened (i didnt at times). so i feel that i must. the question is: here at my house or there at hers? (hour drive). i would prefer here, but she may have good/bad memories. thoughts?

im really struggling with this. she acts so removed. the decision doesnt even seem like a priority. the whole thing stinks. i called her today just to see if she would bring anything up. she called four times last night. nope, just chit chat. it really looks like she is trying to move things to being friends and cant handle anything that looks like more. two months, and not a peep. whats going to change in the next few days? ive seen this before, someone who leaves but cant let go all the way, trying to hang onto the parts they want and leave the rest. I know you guys are saying wait, but i dont see anything different coming from it. its breaking my heart and its really painful to live a half love half life with her. if i tell her i am moving on, not to call me if she wants to be friends. i will contact her when i am ready, that i want to start again, but i cannot wait for some sign from heaven. that if she is making some decision i cant see it from here. i think she feels she is being kind by maintaining contact, and calling, and and. its not.

its down to this: i have said take as much time you need to make your decision. (monday) she left almost two months ago saying "i need time to decide". three years together, asked me to move in twice, i said no. i was afraid to commit. i have kept contact to a minimum for me, she has not. she calls a lot. this breakup was very painful for me, it still is. i dont know if i am willing to be "just friends". since break up i have said i would marry, sent a "why i love you" letter, light on changes, light on apologies, light on begging. just why. she has called but offered nothing of substance. does not do feelings well and has avoided talking about us completely. I do not bring it up. she called four times last night, i didnt pick up, no message. left a note of "have a nice day" and a cookie on my motorcycle at the public parking lot. etc, etc. but nothing about relationship, not even i love you on note. She will not change her date of march 15th as her deciding date. i am afraid this is either a case, of i cant let go but i dont want you fully (her) or i just dont know what to do. her comment is "im not sure of the texture of my love for you". ok ive had enough. i can either, do nothing and blow her off. no call returns, nothing. i can send the email saying, take as long as you want im moving on I can play in the middle and get hurt becuase she cant decide. option 4: the date is only 5 days away, i could leep contact to a minimum and let the date come and go. but since i said take the time you need, it could end up being longer (i did it to take pressure of me and her). hsowing i am willing to let her decide. the thing is she is very removed, but she wants to talk, connect, but not too much. it smacks of trying to make friends out of a relationship. on the other hand, people say this is the best way to rebuild. but how do you rebuild if she wont even mention the relationship and i cant bring it up without being pushy? thoughts?

i have been sitting in a "waiting period" while my "ex" decides if we are to be friends or more. three years together. she asked me to move in twice, i declined, once that it was too soon, the second because I was struggling financially. bottom line: i was afraid to take the next step. so i am doing something new. i said take as much time as you need to make your decision, I would prefer if you reached a decision you were comfortable with then one that is forced. Important note here if you are even thinking of this approach. i do not call. i return calls hours and sometimes a day later, she must intiate contact. my reason to her has been "i want to respect the space you asked for". I am able to handle the calls and casual hanging out. she started calling more, again just chit chat, but wants me to hang out with her and her son for dinner. she is a waffler, meaning she will not make an emotional decision easily. this could go on for months, i doubt it, but it could, i have committed myself to a weird path. she could very well be cultivating a friendship which some say is the best way back in. the path feels right and scary. so i am resolved to no longer ask, not talk about it. hangout when its comfortable, and slowly move on. maybe she will follow. i have said what i want, what i am willing to do. theres nothing left to be said. now its up to her. i will keep making myself more attractive to either her or the next girl by straightening out my finances and getting in shape. any thoughts about this.

it sounds like his past experience really hurt him. i would back off by a lot. show him you are calm and grounded. he will be more open to trusting you if you are a source of strentgh while he is scared. we dont trust that which is offered with a price tag attached. dont rush to reassure him because you want him. you will talk again, but try not to bring up the issue, if you can handle doing things be a little more distant.

thanks everyone, this board has saved me quite a bit of stress and strain. allowing me to vent without doing it to her. I needed to get angry and express it here and to a friend. becuase i am/was. i am actually thinking of something new here. this may inflame some but hear me out. the deadline approaches. the pressure is building her, a lot is actually off of me. what if i say, its ok if you need more time, i understand. she has asked if i will do something with her and her son. so maybe i will. no relationship talk, just dinner and a movie. this serves two purposes. it begins to take the pressure off of her, but also off of me, i can begin to just focus on my life and not get worked up about this. lets face it, she isnt here now and the longer she isnt the easier it is getting to let go. if i buy myself more time i may be in a much better place to hear no, yes, and i dont know. Thoughts?

the move is yours, why are you expecting him to get hurt again after you broke up wth him once, he begged to come back and you dumped him again. the question is why are you breaking up with him? i wouldnt go back to someone who dumped me once, i lower my self respect to get them back only to be dumped again. ????