rivergirl
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To tell or not? Help!!
rivergirl replied to rivergirl's topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
Update! Well he called tonight. Weird. Anyway I told him and he was excited and said we'll have to go out to dinner and hang out. So hey, it worked out for the best. And maybe hopefully I will make myself a "new" friend! -
To tell or not? Help!!
rivergirl replied to rivergirl's topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
Thanks for the suggestion. I really am worried about the idea he might get that I'm doing it just to be closer. But I'm not and if I were to do that I could get a heck of a lot closer then that for sure. So I really want to make sure that I get the point accross that they contacted me for the job and I just couldn't pass it up. Any other advice from others is welcome to as this is for some reason very confusing to me... -
Hello, My bf and I broke up almost 5 months ago. We talked a little at the beggining but now have not spoken in a month and 1/2. Anyway he lives about 13 hours away from me, part of the reason we broke up. So out of nowhere this month I got a job offer in a town 2 hours from him. I took it because it was too good to pass up. But I feel really weird about being so close. Considering that he's making no effort to even contact me lately I wonder if I should even tell him. We had promised we were going to remain friends and I'm feeling okay about the breakup now and would love to hang out with him as friends. And I would be lieing if I didn't add that I would be interested to see what happened when we were together. As our breakup really had not much to do with "us". Anyway what do you all think out there.... Should I call, e-mail, or just leave it alone??? Thanks!!!
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I have a question for everyone. My boyfriend and I broke up an 8 month relationship after a month of long distance. He just wasn't " in to" the relationship anymore. He felt we'd grown apart. I blame it all on the distance. So it has been almost 2 months, we've had limited contact most initiated by him. I've not done any begging or pleading. Now what????? It's really hard to figure out how I might restart our friendship. There is no chance of us running in to each other when out on the town. No friends to tell drunkenly that you want the other back. What do I do? Any suggestions on how to move forward with friendship... hopefully onto love again. But at least friends... Help me please....
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Well today is a new day and I feel great. We had a nice chat last night. And we were both genuinely excited to talk. Maybe I'm just being idealistic but if I can't have him as my significant other I would love him as my friend. So I actually feel great about calling him and having him ring back. He said it was great to talk to me and I believe him. I have no false expectations out of this. I of course want him back but I know us calling each other is only the result of the fact that we were inseperable the whole time we were together and saying goodbye to that is hard. Hopefully we never will not talk to each other. We both have big changes in our lives right now that wouldn't probably be happening if we were together. We both need to grow up a bit. And who knows what the future holds, right?
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Well he called me. He called tonight for a very brief chat. He was on his way out for the night. I told him lots of very exciting things that are going on right now in my life. He was very pleased with all of them. We live very far apart but he knows my family and friends here. He's worked with a lot of my friends, and spent some very important moments with my family. He told me to please tell everyone he knew hello for him and he hoped they were all well and that it was great to talk to me again. AHHHHHH!!!!!! Why does he have to be so gosh darn nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wouldn't it be great sometimes if they could just be complete dicks to us! It would almost make life easier. I had recovered from him not returning my call and was feeling pretty darn good. Then of course he calls and I feel bad again. I just wish things would have worked out. Oh well. I think I'll go cry for awhile. And all from a very nice polite phone call.
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Hey, I'm just wondering if all you wonderful males out there could answer some questions. Girls feel free too. Why in the heck to guys break up with girls that they supposodly still like??? Or do they? Is there such a thing as a guy just not being ready even if the girl is what he wants? Is there ever truth in the " I just can't have a girlfriend right now" line? I know I've heard, and I'm sure others have too, guys talk about "the one that got away". Does this really happen? Do guys really break up for reasons other then they don't desire a girl anymore? I just wonder. I'm sure you can figure this is what my guy did to me. I'm feeling okay about it now. I just wonder if every word he said was a load of s**t. What do you all think?!?!?!
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Okay so I have been feeling really good about the no contact deal. Then I started to question it. Bad idea. I though jeez he has been the one calling. And I thought maybe it was a mistake. He had called on Valentine's Day but I missed his call. He then called the next night just to make sure he got a hold of me. We had a nice talk. I hadn't called back until... Fast forward to this weekend and I start thinking I should call. For all I know Valentine's Day was his attempt to extend a friendly hand or more. He might have taken my not calling to mean I didn't care or hated him or who knows. So I called!!! WHY?!?! I don't know now. He didn't answer so I left him a voice mail. Told him I might call back later. I called back the next night to his house but no one answered. I didn't leave a message and did not try to call tonight. But jeez where i thought it might make me feel better to attempt a communication. Now I'm just sitting around feeling really cruddy that he's not calling back. I really expected he would call back. Our relationship really ended on a not so horrible note. No begging pleading or screaming. Now I don't know what to do. Call again later this week?? I have made some really big life decisions lately that I know he will be really happy/proud to hear about. And I did say I'd call back later... AHHHH!!!!! What to do??? So anyway if your questioning whether to call or not. DON'T!!!!! You might end up like me!!! Be careful!!!!
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Hey Everyone! I just thought I might ask a question... What do you all do to get your ex out of your head?? I for one have a horse and I would say my time with her during the day is the most time I spend not thinking, rethinking, and rethinking again every little detail of every bit of my ex and I. I'm also going back to school and that should push him out even more. So I just wonder if you all have any hints of something you do when the schemes and dreams take over... Just thought it might help people out to have new ideas on how others deal with the constant barrage of thoughts.... Thanks!
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GeeCee, No contact does get easier, then it gets harder, then easier and so on. I am working my way up on month two. I did break down and return a call one night because I just couldn't justify not calling if he wanted to extend himself. But other then that I have left the calling up to him. I'll probably give him a ring sometime soon. None of our conversations thus far have involved our break up and I know that I can keep it a light fun talk. We didn't have a yelling, screaming, cursing, hateful, cheating, lieing, break up. So really there is no ill will between us. We just grew apart due to distance and he didn't know how to deal with that and wasn't willing to try. Anyway I think as long as your break up is amicable and you can stay away from the topic of "us" then why not. Just don't call for no reason though. Make sure you have something exciting and fun lined up to tell them about. Otherwise be ready for uncomfortable pauses and more chances to fall back on what you really want to talk about. Why they ditched you... Anyway you can do no contact, the longer the easier. But don't deny yourself a friendship...
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I don't know why people end seemingly loving relationships. I've recently dealt with a very confusing end to a relationship. The ultimate reason for it being I believe lack of communication. We had an amazing, fun, wonderful relationship together until we had to turn it into long distance. We were always extremely close but when it came to only being able to communicate over the phone it all went downhill. He had to deal with the death of a close friend and I think our inability to express our feelings over the phone pushed him away during that time. When I went to visit soon after he just stated his feelings for me weren't the same anymore. He also said he thought I felt the same way. I didn't. But I can't help but think if I had been able to let him know how much I cared through the distance we might have had a chance. He is also living in an area where there is a lot of pressure to party, drink, get crazy (resort town) and I think that made him have mixed feelings of his commitment to me. He wasn't ready to give up his wild life. Especially when I wasn't even there. It's been a really rough break up as I was completely in love and wanted a future with him. I still of course, like all of us, hold out hope that he may realize his "true" feelings and we could consider a reconciliation. The other long term break ups that I have personally experienced or seen happen to others usually have to do with another person coming into the picture. Bad news. I'm glad to not have that happen to me as it was how my parents split as well as my first love. Very heartbreaking. So although I don't completely understand people's reasoning for ending long term loves I do see communication break down and the "other" person as the most common cause.
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Thanks for the advice. I know if I can just stick it out he'll call soon. Sometimes it is just so hard. I just want to call and have things be just like they were. Hopefully that will happen!!! I just have to be paitent. So far I feel pretty good. I'm proud of having not done and begging or pleading. I made it clear I wasn't pleased with the break but accepted it. Hopefully I will be the poster child for no contact... Thanks Again!!
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Okay I'm at the breaking point!!! I want to call or write or something. I miss my ex soooo soooo soooo much! He was my best friend. We've been apart for a little over a month, and it's killing me. We've talked three times, all his calls. Well, one returned call by me. Now the feelings of maybe I should call are creeping up. I mean he has called me. Last on Valentine's Day when I wasn't home. So he called back the next day to get a hold of me. We did not have a horrible icky break up. We are supposed to be "friends" now. But of course I want more then friends!!!! And he knows that. I made it clear. I've never done the begging pleading thing though. It was a very easy break up. I cried a little and that was it. We now live in different states and never see each other or hear from others about each other. I just wonder if inadvertently I am pushing him away by never calling. But also in the past if I call and he's "busy" he has a very hard time transitioning to the telephone so I don't want to call and have an akward conversation. Ahhhhh I'm going nuts!!! I know you all know how I feel! I'd love any advice from you guys and any support you wish to offer. Thanks for any thoughts!!!
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We've talked all the times he's called. He missed me on Valentine's Day so he called back the next day. I answered the phone the other time and once I actually did return his call. All the conversations have been very lighthearted and pleasent. No emotional talk. He could never handle that. Probably even if he was dieing to say he wanted me back he couldn't say it! I just don't know now if it's time for me to take a little initiative or if it's still up to him...
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Okay so I've read the no contact rules but here is my question. How many phone calls from them before it's your "turn" to try to call? I mean if they are putting in all the effort isn't there the chance that eventually they'll say hmmm maybe my ex doesn't want to talk to me... Because I wouldn't want to push away. I've done a month of no calling and have received 3 calls. Should I call sometime.... or should I just keep up this no contact.... Any answers appreciated. This was a great relationship and I 'd really love to salvage what I can. Even just a friendship. Although I really truly feel there is more in store for us. Thanks!!!
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I've posted a couple times before so I didn't want to bore people with the details again and again. We were together 8 months or so we lived together for 1/2 of that, spent a month traveling europe, and were always very happy together. The relationship turned long distance. He went through the death of a close friend and pulled away. I went to visit and he ended it. Didn't want a girlfriend, just a friend. It was quite out of the blue and very odd. That was 3 weeks ago. Thanks!
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Time will help you. That is all. Just make sure you stay busy. Do you have any hobbies?? I for example ride horses. So when I got my heart stomped on I started riding a lot more. Becoming better. It gave me something to take pride in as well as something to spend time doing. Very important! Go out with your friends. Even if you can barely drag yourself out of bed to put on clothes GO OUT!! It will help you so much. Laughter is the best medicine! I know evenings out with my friends have helped immensely. I know this all sounds like a load of crap right now and very cliche but trust me it's cliche because it works! Good luck and don't talk to that creep!!!
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Alright so my ex called me on V-day. I was out with my friends though so I missed his call. Today I was debating on whether to call back today or wait a day or two. ( He hadn't called in almost 2 weeks prior to this. We've been split for 3.) And guess what he called instead!! We had a great talk. I had lots of fun stories to tell about things that I had done since that last time we spoke. So here is my question... Do I call again anytime soon? Or still leave it up to him?!? No contact is good until a point . But where is that point???? Any suggestions are great! Thanks!!!
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Thanks for the advice all. I would have to say though that I really don't see contacting him to make sure he's feeling okay about his friend as co-dependency. And you know even if he isn't there for me right now he was there for me when I had to have a tumor removed from my breast this summer. Having the threat of cancer at my young age was terrifiying and he was completely there for me. So I guess I see it more as repaying the favor as his friend. I'm not saying I'm going to call though. I don't think I will. I made a point to him that he should feel free to call if he wants to talk. But he is a man and talking about feelings... not his strong point. Thanks for the input again!!!
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Hey, So I have a question for all you no contact junkies out there. My boyfriend and I have been broken up for 3 weeks now. We talked twice in the first week. He called (he's the one who did the breaking up). Since the first week he has not called again and I have not contacted him in anyway either. Now here is my question. I know he feels bad about the break up too and I have a very strong feeling it has something to do with the death of a very close friend of his as that's when his feelings changed he says. So do I continue no contact even with the possibility that he is sitting at home feeling very bad about what happened and not wanting to call? In the past he gets very upset if I am upset and has a very hard time approaching me about it. He is in my mind definetly the type that would be too scared to try to make amends. Is there any validity in this? And when do you suggest that you can make a casual call? I am worried about him right now dealing with his friend and he had to drop out of school this term because of missed classes due to the funeral... What do you guys think? How long is long enough for no contact? Thanks!! PS Valentine's Day sucks doesn't it!?!?!
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How do I do no contact when he is calling me? I don't want to cut him off completely because he is going through a rough spot losing his friend. Plus if he calls he is initiating the contact so... When we have talked (2 times) I've been sure to be very upbeat and happy and have had lots to say. And it's funny because he used to always call me in the evenings and the other day he actually called from his work. I wasn't home so we didn't get to talk but I just thought it strange that he call from work. Somedays I feel like I should just give up move on and realize that it's over for good. But others I just can't help but feel that he's just needing space and he'll be back. I know you all do that too. Somedays are great, some not so great. Thanks for all your input!!
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Hello, I wrote on here once before but didn't get a lot of input so I'll try again. My boyfriend of 8 months called it quits about 1 1/2 weeks ago. And I don't know what happened. We had ended up in a long distance relationship and that was not so great but we were dealing with it. Then a close friend of his died. And he pulled away. Then he did a very cliche I don't want a girlfriend right now, it's not you it's me, I still like you, etc. So my question would be what does anyone know about grief and relationships ending? Also he has called me twice since then and acted very normal just the same as ever. We broke up while I was visiting and the beginning of my visit was great and then it was just like a light switch, he started acting cold and distant. What happened? I would love some input of any kind! Thanks!