Annoyed And Bitter

Darling, your biggest concern should NOT be whether you will or will not "cum". Take it from someone who has been around the block once or twice, your safety, health, and future depend on what you decide to do today. And THAT is where your concern should lie. But if you insist on doing this for all the WRONG reasons, try some honesty and show him what you like and don't like so he can please you in the future. Good luck and BE SAFE!!!!!

Marty- You have to do whatever your heart tells you is right. Your mind is built to protect you from possible harm, and thereforeeeee is biased. Follow the one thing that is concerned ONLY with your happiness... BUT follow your heart after talking to her...

To Setsuko and Dark- I can understand how English being a SECOND language can be confusing and intimidating. I imagine thinking things in two languages can be strenuous. But it will not matter to anyone who is worth your time. No doubt it will take some work to get your feelings accross. But if the person you are speaking with is REALLY worth the effort, you will find a way. As for having a mind block when you go to talk to this person, Setsuko... Try writing down what you want say when you are not nervous. Sometimes writing things down gets them straight in your head and it won't be such a challenge to express yourself when the time comes to talk to her. And I think once you start talking all the nervousness and mind blocks will drop away. Good luck to you both...

This is going to sound so ridiculous to some people. My best friend died 3 years ago. I am ok most of the time now, considering how I was when it first happened. But still I have problems in my life because of the loss. I am afraid to love anyone, including my own daughter. It isn't that I DON'T love. I just CAN'T love like that again. The love I had for him was passionate and deep. It was explosive and sometimes so fierce that it hurt to breathe. He was my first love, my dearest friend, and my rock for 4 years... I think a lot of the pain is because of the RELEASE of his death. I spent our entire relationship/friendship watching him die from juvinile diabetes, so his death was a release from a responsibility that defined and consumed me. I lost my identity when he died. I quite literally locked myself away for a year and a half, chain-smoking and popping sedatives. I lived with a roommate, and would provoke him to beat me up just so I could feel ANYTHING. At that point even blood pouring from my broken body felt good compared to the numbness I felt inside. I feel myself slipping back into that shattering numbness and I fear for my own sanity if I return to that cold dark place. I have no one to talk to about this. I need someone....

Oh my!!! My darling this advice comes from a child of parents with almost this exact issue. My father cheated on my mom and played the bounce-back-and-forth game for years, and it DESTROYED me. The divorce was traumatic, I won't deny that, but the not knowing was far more damaging to my self and my brother. I know how hard it is to let go of someone you love, I can't imagine how hard it would be to let go after so many years. But the CHILDREN deserve some kind of stability, and so do you. I know this will be hard for you to hear, but she isn't going to change. The best possible thing you can do is end this before it gets any worse. I also advise you to seek counseling for your children and yourself. Let your children express their anger, hurt, and frustration. But above all, do not add to their pain by talking badly of their mother to or in front of them. I wish you luck, love. Please feel free to contact me directly if you need to: email removed

Darling, past mistakes are just that, PAST!!! I understand your concern, and I can certainly sympathize with your not wanting to be separated from her. But LOVE IS STRONG, and in the end what is meant to be WILL be. If you really love her, and I do not doubt that you do, there are ways to keep the fires burning. Letters, phone calls, even flying to see her on a weekend or holiday. And trust that your hearts can reach much farther than your arms ever could. I wish both of you luck in your relationship and your lives. Have faith, love....

Many many moons ago I dated a wonderful man. The problem is I didn't know how wonderful he was/is until recently. We remained friends after the break-up, which is wonderful but I want to try things again. Given that it has been so many years and he has a new (and very busy) life he is not interested in pursuing a relationship beyond what we have now. My heart is just BREAKING because I was so stupid and lost the most wonderful man on the planet. Does anyone think they have a solution for my problem? I do not want ways to manipulate him into doing what I want, I don't want him to be with me out of guilt.