scotchtape

What if your head later tells you that you are wrong? And that you made a mistake. And as far as battered woman going with their heart, I must disagree. They are going on fear a lot of the time, unfortunately.

Do you think decisions should be made with your heart or with your head? And if you make a decision with your head and you still do not feel that it is the right decision, should you go with your heart. Sometimes I think the head trys to convince the heart of bad things. I say go with your heart, which is essnentially your gut and you will have no regrets.

I think it is just a matter of re-establishing ourselves again as a couple. 5 days may not seem like a long time, but we had some very emotional conversations before that 5 day separation. There is always going to be a period of uncertaintity when you get back together and I think the uncertaintity is greater the less days you are apart because you wonder why you even split in the first place.

We have a ton in common; morals, values, hard work ethic, finances, movies, music, food, etc. But sometime we don't even have to talk. We can just sit in the same room and completely enjoy each others company.

Sega - I think in any relationship there are times when people have sex - whether they are married for 10 years or have been dating for a few months and then people also make love. It just depends on the circumstances. Maybe after a night of drinking you would go home and have "sex" because it is "naughty" or different and that is not a bad thing. But most other times you are making love, and are fully giving yourself to your mate. And when a man tells you that he loves you before the act while having no intentions of "getting you in bed" I think it just enhances the love making. (I know this man well enough to know that love making is an added bonus to how we feel about each other. he has even stated at times that he would stop love making if it would help us grow togther as a couple) Two souls get lost in each other while making love and you can say things that let yourself and the other person know how wonderful it all is. You let yourself "go" with that person and be carried away to a wonderful place. I don't doubt our love for each other. It's a beautiful thing. That was kind of my point in my original e-mail. Sex vs. love.

We know we love each other and are in love with each other and care about each other and are not afraid to say so. But we needed to work on communication and are just getting back on track to do so.

Sisterlynch - guess I am not quite sure what you are saying. We were apart for about 5 days and are just trying to get things going again.

It did help, and that is kind of what I expected. Just establishing ourselves again.

When a couple is getting back together after a short break, is it a little awkward at first? If this is generally the case, how long does it last?

It sounds like this girl needs to love herself before she can love anyone else. It also sounds like you were willing to let her love herself by letting her by her and you be you, but still being together. She may feel that she needs some type of validation by being with him and that is not healthy for her. Just let her know that you love her for who she is and want her to find that love for herself and that you will be there to support her. You sound like you are very patient and that is very admirable.

I may just be lucky, but I have been fortunate enough to know plenty of men who don't let their minds revolve around sex. (and I am not that naive, I have a lot of deep relationships with men as friends and they trust me to tell me what they are truly feeling) Not speaking only from dating experiences, but from frienships as well. When they are in a relationship and are experiencing problems they do not take advantage of their mates by just having sex, it means something more to them (i.e. making love) and it is more than just an act. If they do commit to love making it is not just a simple act, but something more meaningful for the relationship. Am I just lucky or does anyone else know men like this? I think this also changes as men get older and do not play emotional games and know what they are ready for.

Hi everyone - I originally posted my issue on Friday. In a nutshell, I separated/divorced from my husband back in January and met a new man and started dating in February. While that seems sudden, I had been emotionally detached from my marriage for a good 10-12 months and did not make the move to get out earlier. The new man and I had been dating for 4 months and things were wonderful, we were like a hand and a glove. About 3 weeks ago, things for me started to get more emotional. It had some to due with my marriage, but more or less to do with a lot of things that I needed to take care of personally. For example, I am finishing up school and I had a project that had been hanging over my head that I was neglecting to do and the deadline was getting closer and closer and there was also a test that I needed to take so I could graduate. I was putting these things off because I was scared I would not do a good job at them. In addition, I know that I had fallen in love with this new man, but I did not tell him. I was scared that he would not believe me because I was just out of my marriage. Well the new man and I had a big emotional discussion on Monday night/Tuesday morning (unitl about 3 am) about "us". He said I needed to work on some things for myself because the past 3 weeks had been so emotional. Agreed. We talked on Tuesday when he got home from work for about 15 minutes and he said he needed time so we did not talk again until Friday after work. It got very emotional again. We told each other we loved each other and he admitted he was scared that I was not ready for someone new in my life. He said he wanted to take me back home to meet his family and that he wanted me to be there with him when he ran a marathon out of state. I asked what would happen if I knew I was ready to move on with a relationship in a few weeks after I have taken care of some things, and he said that he hoped I would pick up the phone and call him. He is not one to cry and on Friday night we cried and held each other. It just hurts so bad because we both love each other, are in love with each other and care about each other very much. My divorce is not officially final until July 28th. To me this is a technicality because I am no longer emotionally involved with my ex. To him I think it is so much more than that. In my heart and in my head I really do not feel that this is over, but how much time do I give him? He would not admit to me that this was over and said that he loves me. He also admitted that he was scared about my love for him. He has also been through a divorce and his took longer to get over. However our divorces our different and my was very amicable, while his was not, so to me there is a longer healing process when it is not a "good" divorce. Do I call him when I have finished my school projects and my divorce is final? How much time do I give him? He said he would be there for me.

It sounds like she is just as confused but is handling it in a different way. It is very commendable of you to take such steps to go talk to someone with her, I am sure it showed you really care about her. She may be looking for some type of validation if she is cheating and/or jumping from one relationship to the next. You guys were also in a very serious relationship during the "prime years" of dating. If she saw her friends dating a lot or being single she may be trying to compensate for what she sees as a loss in some way. Just send out positive energy and things will work out.

Just give her some space and do the same for yourself. Perhaps if you find a place of your own and show her that you have your independence she will see what she is missing. Don't throw it in her face, but just be confident in what you do. Send out positive energy and it will be absorbed in everything around you and hopefully her as well.

I know this may be hard to hear, but you are very young and have a whole life in front of you to find a mate. Don't worry, you will find that person, but just be patient and don't go looking for it. Love will find you. However, I would suggest that if you want to find someone, get involved with groups/organizations that interest you because if you find a mate there you have a good foundation for common interest.