Tolly

I know exactly wot you mean. Stick with it tho. It gets easier with time.

Just deserts then

Some of you may know my story... For those who dont know in short I was played for a fool and kept in reserve while my ex was seeing a new man. I'm so confused I dont know what to do, I love you but am not in love with you......those sort of lines until she was happy and then I was dropped like a stone. Anyway I found out last friday that, although they're still together, he's dumped her 3 times and that she was really REALLY upset each time. Just to know shes feeling some pain like the pain she put me through has made me smile all weekend. Hang in there everyone, justice will be served some time

either way...they didnt work

Erm, well I was drunk at the time. I think one was for a break-up and the other was to fall in love or something like that. Seems silly now, but I walked back from the pub so mad that I'd try anything!

I tried 'em. Not worked for me yet tho! Hope they hold true on that money back guarantee! 10 days and counting so far

Its a standard anthropological theory. But it is just a theory. Seems to hold true tho

Here Here. My ex g/f became my best friend and now Im lost without her.

It is a game, although she doesnt realise it. The make up of a woman means that they must be selfish i.e. they are the one left with the child and thereforeeeeee must look after themselves (I realise that this is NOT what they are thinking, but it is how they behave). I still think the best thing for you is to cut ties and let her decide. If she knows your keen, then she will still play the waiting game. I speak from my own personal painful experience. My ex would love to be friends now, but played me for a fool at the time. 'I'm so confused...give me space...I can't tell you there's no chance....etc' But all the time she continued to see a new guy. Only when she was sure the new relationship was going somewhere did she drop me like a stone. If I had my time again, I would never of kept contacting her to let her know I still loved her. Just think of the position she was in. Two men like me...wow...I'm so special and attractive. Don't make the same mistake.

Women do this all the time. Shes just keeping her options open. It really sucks I know. Ideally it would be better for her to say No...theres no way back, or Yes, I still want to see you. However, from my own experience and posts on here thats not what they do. Instead they choose to play a game (although they dont see it as a game) where they get to pick and choose what they want, especially if we (the dumped party) still seem keen. My advice to you is just stop talking to her and going places. If she is keen on you still this will bring her to her senses, act now or loose him. If she isn't keen on you then she will quickly move on. Either way, the situation you are in is no good for you and I should know as I have just been there, as have 1000 other poor saps.

I know the feeling. Really I do, but it does get better and the best way to piss her off and make her jelous is to be happy, get on with your life, not ever call her and get yourself another (better) girl. Trust me I know

I am very pleased for you. I am in a very similar situation, only I still find it hard to let go completely. I am seeing someone else and moving on, but a bit of me still wants her to come back. Congratulations on your imminent recovery and rehabilitation

Absolutly...for bast results try total disconnection. However, as we have already talked aabout this, our cases mean that we see our ex's quite frequently (mine is with another man too!). You will need some seperation what ever you choose to do then one day you'll have to face being in the same room with her and I found pretending shes not there helps ease the pain until its bearable

And V V important. Dont beg.

Well you clearly have to go round and speak to him. Lay your feelings in front of him then you can progress (with or without him).

You just have to talk through what your feeling with her and make some decisions with her and stick to them (just as you told me). Dont plan anything, just talk

Again...its similar as my ex is in the same small town with me. This week I bumped into them 5 times! I delt with it by ignoring her. Not blanking her but imagining that what had happened over the last 2 1/2 years meant nothing, it never happened. But it is hard work and I know your going to find it harder as you work closely together. But if you have to be there then thats the only way forward I can see

I feel like I should give you some advice as you have been helping me soo very much. But I am confused. Your situation isnt a million miles from mine. Your advice to me should still apply here. Shes 'using you' as a crutch. Where as my ex was using me as either a reassuring fall back position if new relationship fails or and ego booster. She may not be meaning to but shen ever she needs comfort she goes to you, but it sounds like afterwards she just chucks you away until next time. You need to have a clean break. Tell her no if you rings and wants 'cuddles'. Steve

I have just gone through the exact same thing with my ex g/f. Its hard esp when the break up wasnt something 'final' and you were close. My ex still wants to be friends, but at the moment im still in love with her and shes got herself a new man. I do want to be friends....she is/was my world in this small town and I would hate to loose her completely. I asked the exact same thing as you a couple of weeks ago about moving on. The only advice I can give you is to not see or speak to him for a while. Lets yourself get over him and then bite the bullet. Keep telling yourself its over and go and have some fun for yourself. Im still not over her but I feel better and can deal with seeing them both out and about town. Perhaps you could give me some advice on my post? Good luck to ya

Im not sure I understand what you are saying in your opening sentance. Glare....death stare...etc Sounds like girly mumbo jumbo to me! I do understand the main points and your right. I am not waiting. I have come to accept its over. But of course I would like her back. Cant have everything we want tho. Life must go on

I think you may be right, but I was the one with the insecurities. I fought hard for her and as we know, that never helps. She always did say that I made it easy for her to choose the other man. I dont think shes insecure in the new one, they even kissed in the pub that night. I felt OK I think. The new girl knows all about my shit and is happy to do the friends who sleep together and go out on the pull together thing. She leave in October anyway. But she really nice and has helped me through alot.

Ideally Id like her back....but Im getting over it now so hopefully we can atleast remain friends. Cant do anything until the new bloke goes away can I!!

Some of you maybe familiar with my story.....(see 'is it possible to be friends?'). My ex is definatly over me. Shes seeing someone else, is asking for stuff to be returned, says its going places with the new man, looks very happy and is always going out for meals. I have accepted its over. But the strangest thing happened this week. We bumped into each other in the pub and exchanged plesentaries, had a little chat and then her new b/f arrived. I picked up my stuff, tapped her on the shoulder and said catch you later then left. Everything cool right! Later that night I was surprised to get a TXT from her. This was the first in 2 months since the split. Again, I read nothing into the TXT. It just said 'sorry to cut you short. It was good to see you again and be able to chat. See you around'. I replied with 'Its cool, I understand. It was good to see you too. We have alot of history and I always thought a special bond ever since we first met, it would be a shame to loose it completely. Maybe when your free one night we can have a chat in the pub. I still care you know. Look after yourself'. Nice I thought. Surprisingly she replied. 'Thanks I will. Maybe we can have a chat sometime without everyone watching. TXT you soon.' All just plesent and nice yeah? Just friends. I went out the following night with a mate and a couple of girls, one of which Im sorta seeing (in a casual way). My ex and her bloke where there too and I made a specific point of not paying attention and just had a good time instead. My mate (who doesnt know the ex) said that she was watching us play pool from time to time. And later my girly friend said that my ex was giving her the 'evil eye'. I said she was probably just curious as she had asked about her the previous evening. But she was adament it was the evil glare thing! I didnt see so cant comment. Is there something here or is it the old girlfriend playing games? Probably not, but I thought someone out there might know eh.

Its the only decent pub in town where my/our friends are

I did the whole flowers thing too. She said she appreciated it, but she was more worried what the new b/f would think. Give up and move on. what will be will be eh!