Tolly

Same here mate. Shes gone. Leave it alone and try to heal. It hurts bad, but it gets betta. One day you'll see her alone and laugh

South West U.K. here

I am in love with the girl unfortunately. As for the bad point and the reason we broke up....well they were valid, but it now appears that they dont mean anything unless shes in my life. I make a specific effort to be up and happy in my life when she comes into the pub. As for not thinking about me. Well we had a heart to heart a couple of weeks ago and she said i pop into her mind about twice a week. Strange as we had 2 excellent years together, but I suppose she new love in her life is occupying all the spots that I used to. I dont think of my last longtermer at all, so Im afraid your argument fails.

I have just gone through this over the last couple of months. So hear my words and believe what I say. 1) Stop the Txts and calling. I too txted way too much and it doesnt help anyone. She feels pressure, your desperatly holding on when you need to let go. She may come back, she may not, but you cant hold on for that and torture yourself like me. Delete her number from your phone and remove all traces of it from the house. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT! 2) Try to keep busy. When you start thinking about the good time (which she wont be as shes having too much fun for that) do something. Wash the car, go for a run...anything. 3) For the first 2-3 weeks your emotions will be all over the place. Depressed, angry, sorry, sad, etc. This WILL go away and die down to just sadness. It dont seem like it now, but trust me, it will. 4) Make yourself eat. Hey cooking is a good distraction. I lost 2 stone over the last 2 months and the lack of energy didnt help at all. 5) Sleep. If you cant, then take some sleeping pill for a while. You will need strength, and lack of sleep wont help. 6) Go out with your friends. Dont go on the pull, you arent ready. But have a good time with them. Try not to talk about it too much during your fun nights. By all means talk about it to your best friend coz talking helps, but not when your trying to forget for a night eh! 7) Make plans for things to do during the forthcoming week. Anything, just dont be moping around. 8) A depressed bloke is and unattractive bloke. And this will only put more pressure on your ex and drive away any women who could well be interested in you. 9) Dont drink too much! 10) Do not call her or txt her. Delete numbers and remove all traces as you will be tempted all of the time. I KNOW I MENTIONED THIS POINT AT THE START BUT IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE SO DO IT OK!! try to remember the things that annoyed you about her. I know in the situation your in those things vanish and you only remember the good stuff. But shes a woman and thereforeeeeee has plenty of bad points. i.e. Mine snored, had bad morning breath and was is soooo much debt it frightened me. Things do get better and there are many ups and downs to go. When your down talk to your mates about it. When your up, enjoy the moment. Best of luck Which I knew all of this when I lost my girl. Steve

I would mate, but Im at work and cant add messenger!

When a split occurs....and your still in love. How do you let go. I have to see my ex quite alot (its only a small town!). Normally I have to see her with her new man. With all this in mind...how do I get rid of these clingy feelings?

Im in the same boat as you mate. Every day is hard, but some are harder than others. I have to see my ex g/f out with her new man often. Im able to put a brave face on it at the time and look like I dont care, but it always sets me back a bit. I hate that shes having a great time with him and that I cant be the one who's making her happy. We do still speak, and speak well but only when he's not around. We had 2 1/2 good years together, but she doesnt think about them now. Nor does she call or txt which hurts. I dont txt or call her any more, but I did the whole txt pest thing for a while. You and I can only hope that the pain will go away, but mine hasnt in 2 months although it is a bit easier now than back then.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I am able to keep my cool around them better now. Last night they both came in to the pub and were all lovie-dovie. I didnt look at the once, or at least not directly. I had a good laugh and played pool all night. I do miss her terribly still. But that is something Im going to have to push myself through

Thanks mate. I have to say tho she hasnt been the one doing the contacting (until last night). I did write her a letter a month ago to say that I couldnt speak to her until I was over her. Rather annoyingly she phoned 4 days later to say she got the letter. Which seemed to miss the point somewhat! Again 1 phone call and 2 txts is all she has sent me in 2 months so shes clearly over me huh!

Already been well hurt by the whole thing. Dont think I can be more hurt! Second best to the local drunk who sleeps around because he doesnt care about her future! Ah well C'est la vie

I have absolutly no idea! I normally leave that sort of confusing double talk to the women. Sounds like you need to talk to him further

Not trying to get back...been there done that and lost. Her txts are the first since the split 2 months ago and she started seeing new guy a week later. There are only flames on my part but Im learning to supress them. Im not sure its her new bloke she dont want to see (although thats fairly obviously important) but it might be others in the pub as we are both locals and are well known. The reason we split was I was concerend about her money situation. She earns nothing and spends loads and has a load of debt. I wanted to settle down with her and to do this we needed to sort it out. The more I tried, the more she resisted, the harder I tried....etc. This made us BOTH miserable. Ironically, now the pressures off from me shes got even worse, WAY more in debt than before as she goes out and has a wicked time! I worry for her, I really do. But you cant help someone who wont be helped!

Condenced version of my story. Mutual split with g/f. Realised still loved her and was my world, but she quickly found a new fun relationship where money (she has none and is in debt) is not yet a concern. No way back but would like to be friends as we got on so well. Had to be in virtually empty pub the other night with them both....cryed all night. Last night I went down to the pub and Claire was there. We sat and chatted very freely and easily (as always) about this and that. Then new bloke came in and I decided it prudent to leave them to it. I was surprisingly cool about it! He doesnt like her talking to me (although she told me he would have to get over it!), she doesnt want to hurt me (beacuse she still loves me), and I dont like to see them together (obviously, but it was nice to see her looking so happy and well). When I got home I was surprised to receive and TXT from her (first time since the split). It basically said. Sorry to cut the conversation short. Was good to see me and be able to talk. I replied and said it was good to see her too. I always felt we had a special bond right from our first meeting and it would be a shame to loose it completely and that if she was free one night that maybe we could go out and chat again. I told her that I did still care for her very much and to take care. Surprise surprise, she replied. She said that would be nice, and we should do it sometime and chat with no-one watching. She would TXT soon. Now Im no fool. Im not reading anything into this. She has gone. But is it possible for us to stay close friends or is it a bad idea for everyone concerned?

unfortunately sent her loads of TXT's when drunk at the start so already ***ed it all up! Done all of those positive things that I can. unfortunately we both live in the same small town, so not seeing her isnt an option. Secondly, Im not from this town origionally so have no tight circle of friends to fall back on. Having to manage on my own as she was my best friend. C'est la vie

I lost my g/f a couple of months ago, and she now has another bloke and says she hardly thinks of me at all, although she still loves me!? I didnt know how to get through a day back then, all I did was think about her, our times together, good and bad (and there weren't many bad). I can absolutly guarantee that things do get better. I still hurt, though I dont cry so much. Today for example I had a moment when I had to hold back the tears but I also had for about 1/2 and hour when I realised I hadnt thought of her. I, and you, will have setbacks (saw her our the other night with new bloke and I had to act happy and make small talk with her), but you will get stronger for these. Talking helps loads too, coz when your talking about it you arent thinking and festering over it, so keep talking to your friend. Take care Steve

I wasnt dumped...we split very mutually, but I suspect this makes no odds anyway! Where you from Optomistic?

Mate. I am in exactly the same situation. I tryed hard to start off with to win her back, but that only made it worse. She too tells me that she loves me, just isnt in love with me. At least shes spending time with you, although I suspect this isnt helping you to move on, as we both have to now. She may come back, she may not, you just have to back off and wait. I know its a cliche but its true, as I am finding out to my cost and pain. If you love someone, let them go. My stomachs turning as I tell you this, but you havent ***ed it up yet. Its going to be hard but stay happy, coz if your glum then you will be unattractive and only put pressure on her. See my post titled 'resigned to loosing her'. If I had a heart left it would go out to you. Steve

It is very strange. Im 30 now and have had a few girlfriends. But never one like this who I miss as much as this.

After 2 and a half years my girlfriend and I spilt. It was the right thing to do as in the last 3 months we had both become miserable. However, after about 10 days I realised all the things that were making me miserable didnt matter a jot if she wasnt there, so I thought I would try to start again with her. You know...meals cinema etc. We had always been close right from our first meeting....real easy. I rang her 2 weeks later and offered to take her out for a birthday meal, which we had, it was very plesent and easy, but she said she had started seeing someone else. I was quite taken aback as it was very close to the split, but thats her perogative. We had a few chats and meets after, and suddenly new bloke started to be described as 'more of a friend really'. Then one Friday night we had a night together in the pub which we spent chattin away and when she left she stroked my side. She had even said that she had seen an astrologer and not only enquired about her star sign by mine too. Apparently although we were different we could work things out. I called her the next day to ask if she wanted to come down to the pub for a drink but she said she couldnt as Paul (new bloke) was very angry with her, had expressed a desire to date and forbid her to talk to me again. This, rather surprisingly, she obe*beep*. Several emotional calls and 2 letters later I had expressed my true feelings and begged her, on two occasions, to tell me there was no chance of getting back together. She couldnt do that and said her head was in turmoil. But she continued to see Paul anyway. Her friends (now mutual friends) told me she would come back and that the new bloke really wasnt her type. Hes a lads lad, likes to get pissed up with the boys and sleep around. But they were all old school friends. Now it seems shes thinks the new relationship is going some where and never thinks of me at all. Where as I think of her every waking minuite. She has also decided that we shouldnt see each other. Its so strange as we were best friends through those 2 and a bit years and now shes happy to write it all off. She has this annoying habit of saying 'I DO love you, Im just not in love with you'. What the hell does that mean? If she loves me then surely theres a chance...but not if she wont meet me half way. I am getting over it...time does heal, but a bit of me thinks it wont last and wants to wait and see. I hate this, how did it all get so *beep*ed up?

My ex says exactly the same to me....I have no idea what it means!! Do women have a secret book of meaningless sayings?

Mate...I'm in the same boat as you. I still miss my ex every day, but I know it dont seem like it now, but it will get betta. I make myself go out and do things. I stopped playing sport and stuff for ages, and although Im not in the mood now either I force myself. Small talk with people seems incredibly dull, but if you persivere your mind will not be thinking about stuff. Its very tiring I know...hell, Im exhausted! But its the only way my friend. Go out with your friends and what ever you do, dont talk about it and one day you'll realise that you didnt think about her for an hour...then that hour will become 2 hours...etc.

Letter has already been sent. She said she's waited all her life for a man to say that, she used to cry when I told her, but now she doesnt. Well I said it (some weeks ago now) and she's clearly having too much fun with new bloke to care. I have been completely cut out, but thats probably for the best eh. I sent her flowers the other day. When I asked her what she thought she said her initial reaction was 'oh, what if Paul sees'. I can only hope he messes her about as per his reputation, but then again he does seem to be a changed man. They're doing alot of meals etc.

After 2 and a half years my girlfriend and I spilt. It was the right thing to do as in the last 3 months we had both become miserable. However, after about 10 days I realised all the things that were making me miserable didnt matter a jot if she wasnt there, so I thought I would try to start again with her. You know...meals cinema etc. We had always been close right from our first meeting....real easy. I rang her 2 weeks later and offered to take her out for a birthday meal, which we had, it was very plesent and easy, but she said she had started seeing someone else. I was quite taken aback as it was very close to the split, but thats her perogative. We had a few chats and meets after, and suddenly new bloke started to be described as 'more of a friend really'. Then one Friday night we had a night together in the pub which we spent chattin away and when she left she stroked my side. She had even said that she had seen an astrologer and not only enquired about her star sign by mine too. Apparently although we were different we could work things out. I called her the next day to ask if she wanted to come down to the pub for a drink but she said she couldnt as Paul (new bloke) was very angry with her, had expressed a desire to date and forbid her to talk to me again. This, rather surprisingly, she obeyed. Several emotional calls and 2 letters later I had expressed my true feelings and begged her, on two occasions, to tell me there was no chance of getting back together. She couldnt do that and said her head was in turmoil. But she continued to see Paul anyway. Her friends (now mutual friends) told me she would come back and that the new bloke really wasnt her type. Hes a lads lad, likes to get pissed up with the boys and sleep around. But they were all old school friends. Now it seems shes thinks the new relationship is going some where and never thinks of me at all. Where as I think of her every waking minuite. She has also decided that we shouldnt see each other. Its so strange as we were best friends through those 2 and a bit years and now shes happy to write it all off. I am getting over it...time does heal, but a bit of me thinks it wont last and wants to wait and see. I hate this, how did it all get so screwed up?