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Everything posted by Shaker

  1. Thanks, guys. (He's been single for 2 1/2 years. We've known each other professionally for 8 months or so, and are both on the same page about how seriously we're taking things. I'm the first girlfriend he's introduced his daughter to, so it's new territory for him and her.) Doblersdream: Thank you for sharing your experience. I'll continue taking his lead about all of this.
  2. I'm still dating the man who is the father of an 8 yr old girl, and we've been together for a month now. We're having fun together, and he's been great about giving his daughter and me space to bond 1-on-1, while also insisting on having activities that the 3 of us do together. His ex knows about the relationship, and she is supportive. The problem is: the three of us (me, my boyfriend, and his daughter) went away for the weekend together for a family function. I had my own room, and my main squeeze shared a room with his daughter. Everything went well, until it was time to come home. When we got back to town, I went home, and he took her to her mother's house before heading off to his place. During that evening, the reality of her parents not getting back together hit her--HARD. I haven't seen her this week, in part because we figured it was best to give her a good dose of father-daughter time so she realized that wasn't being threatened...and in part, because although she likes me, she sees me as being in the way of her mom's happiness. She's been told by both of her parents that I'm not a replacement, just an addition. I don't know what to do, and would love any feedback.
  3. Talk to your gyno about your concerns. Some women are in a higher risk category (age/smoking/circulatory problems/heart/family history of stroke, etc.), so you should talk to your doc about your history. Also know that there is a risk involved. Also ask if herbal treatments, dietary change, and sleep or fitness changes could help you out.
  4. I dated someone with erection problems. He had been abused, so it took him several months to be fully comfortable with me. Plus, he had sustained some nerve damage through pro sports... For what it's worth from a gal's point of view, it didn't make me see him any differently. Still thought he was a virile hunk. Still had a great time.
  5. Out of curiosity, why are you 'humoring' your ex? It sounds a lot like your questions and thoughts about being friends have to do with power dynamics, making sure that you're not going to be vulnerable again and get hurt... No 'friends' should really make you feel this way. My ex wants to be friends with me because we'd invested a lot of time and energy into getting to know each other, and like aspects of each other as people. Of course! That's why we dated for so long... My guess is for a lot of couples, even after a break up you don't want to lose the good bits and pieces that existed between you. And being friends looks like a way to preserve that, while sidestepping the issues that make you not work as a couple. I can't be friends with my ex at this point because of the dynamics between us generated by the break up: I don't trust him as I once did, I don't respect him as much as I once did, and my real friends are so much easier to deal with: so, although the history b/w me and my ex is appealing (there were good times), my present day life is good without him. And I don't know what an awkward friendship would really give me at this point. Him, I suppose. In a new capacity. A chance to see him in a new light. A chance for him to see me. I don't need any of it. I need solid friends. I don't need to be baited through emails, I don't need to feel like he's testing the waters, I don't need to take on his burden that he might have made a mistake. Onward and upward, I say.
  6. Definitely don't break contact today. Give yourself time to relax and think about what it is you would say. Maybe write it down. Sleep on it. Look at it tomorrow. Post again about where you're at.
  7. Here's my update. I met my boyfriend's daughter this week, and we really hit it off. He gave us time to get to know each other once he was sure she was comfortable with him being in another room. We had a lot of fun, and it felt natural, normal, maybe even cozy. Thanks for your input. It helped!
  8. Maybe there are other ways to get some of what you're looking for in a threesome without having one: 1. Go to a strip club with him and get lap dances. 2. Watch porn together as a way of inviting other people's sexuality into your world. 3. Experience the voyeuristic part of a threesome by having 'wake the neighbors' sex, or risk getting caught in public...
  9. Well, it's starting to look like this meeting is going to happen sooner than I think (as in some time in the next few days). I had a really open conversation with my beau about my fears, his fears, his child's fears and what his expectations are (the good, the bad, and the ugly) today. He is expecting some anger on her part because she's still hoping her parents will get back together... I've asked him a lot of questions about her, and she has always been a huge part of our conversations from the very beginning. I'm excited about meeting her, and yet still nervous.... I'll post about how it all goes.
  10. I'd suggest couples counselling, if you're both willing to look at what happened the first time around. Once you have that info, maybe you'd be in a better position to make a good decision for yourself.
  11. Thyroxine: I second you on teeth! Watch to me doesn't matter. Style of clothes or shoes doesn't matter. Comfortable in his skin? Huge!
  12. I'll be the devil's advocate here. Yes, it does depend on the relationship, but I would say to do something outside of the box even this early on if you think the person you're dating is special. Not extravagant, but not cliched either. Think of something special to the two of you: a place you've been meaning to visit, or do something nice for your mate that proves you pay attention. On the other hand, if you're wanting him to plan something, you should let him in on that. Avoid disappointment. It's never to soon to communicate clearly.
  13. Phew! Thanks for all of your replies. I feel calm again, and I'll let you know how it goes. (I wish I wasn't the youngest in my family, and at least had the experience of being a big sister!)
  14. I'm dating a man who has joint custody of his daughter, a third-grader. He wants me to meet her, which I'm happy to do...but I don't have kids myself, and have had really limited contact with children. I'm afraid I don't know what to do or say. How can I make the first meeting easy on everyone involved?
  15. Brian, Welcome! If writing it all down at once is too difficult or seems large, remember you can always start with a few small thoughts. Cheers.
  16. Everyone: thanks for the feedback! SuperDave: I thought you'd like to know your list was bang-on. The place was cleaned up, the food was impressive, there were candles, the wine was replaced with bubbly water and lemon wedges, and there was tea afterwards. Nice, and fun. And, yep. It was a date.
  17. Oh, Tony. There is a silver lining: At least she's being clear and firm with you, and you don't have to deal with mixed signals any longer.
  18. What message is a guy sending when he invites you to his place for dinner?
  19. From experience, the pain does go away. And you will have new dreams that are fantastic. I'm sorry to hear you have the blues. Allow yourself to do what feels good to you for a while (especially if you can't function fully doing what you should be doing). If that's eating ice cream, or watching movies, or smoking, or dancing, or sleeping in......do it. If you're worried about not being able to handle your sadness alone, reach out: here, to your friends and family, and to a professional if necessary. Stay tough!
  20. I'm wondering if any one else has gone through this: I've found myself in a state of mutual attraction with someone, and I'm not at all ready to pursue a relationship with him because my long-term romance ended only a couple of months ago. I've been open about where I'm at emotionally. Thing is, we've been sort of close to sharing a kiss, which I regret resisting. I'm worried that I resisted kissing him because I'm holding on to feelings for my ex (even though I don't think this is the case), and I'm also worried that I want to kiss him because I want to overwrite the fact that the last kiss I shared was with my ex. I guess I don't want to live in a state of 'preserving things' I had with my ex. This sounds like my attention is still on my ex, but honestly, I really do dig this new guy. So the other layer is that I worry about what's best for him. Thoughts?
  21. I got the same speech, more or less. I took it to mean it's over. "Down the road" didn't appeal to me because the bottom line will always feel like "You walked away wanting something better".
  22. DG, The sweet girls are out there, and sometimes in bars. It's funny, but last Saturday night I felt the same way about the bar scene. I went out with a friend (a sweet girl), and no one wanted anything to do with us....especially after they asked what we do. Nonetheless, I recognize it was just an unfortunate night and had a good laugh about it with my equally dismayed friend.
  23. What I notice right away? First, I notice how he carries himself. Eye contact, smile, posture, body language. Then, I notice how he interacts with me. Does he ask questions, does he interrupt me, etc. And eventually I pay attention to how he interacts with other people (the waiter, for instance, if we're out on a date).
  24. Tony, Sorry it didn't go the way you had hoped, but I'm glad you're seeing the silver lining.
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