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Shaker

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Everything posted by Shaker

  1. Shaker
    Sandy and Parsley: How are you guys doing?
  2. Shaker
    AllTornUp, Sorry to intrude: when I had remnants left after my move and the keys, I didn't need to talk to my ex about it. I just went in one day when he was at work, got my stuff, and left the keys inside the door. He eventually found them! I vote to block her.
  3. Shaker
    AllTornUp and Pisces, I moved very quickly out of the apt I lived in with my ex after the break-up and while he was away. It felt more symbolic than it probably should have at the time (when I signed papers, got new keys, gave away the old ones, tried to figure out where to store photos!)...but the longer I've been in this new space, the better I feel. It took about a week for this apartment to feel like home, or at least to know that I will feel that way as time passes. I don't miss living in the other spot anymore. This also took some time because I really liked where I was at and felt settled. AllTornUp: rearranging sounds like a good move. Pace yourself and tackle a room at a time. It's so easy to get overwhelmed. My ex who stayed put felt like he needed to fill the gaps of where my things had been. For him, dealing with the absense of things (including me, probably) was difficult. Early into Day 7 for me: I feel energized, and interested in getting some projects finished for work. I also have a meeting I haven't been looking forward to, but I feel good enough to take it on! What I did that's helped: slept last night, spent time with my roommate this morning, heard from my family, RECEIVED MY FIRST PIECE OF MAIL FOR ME at my new address. And it was a letter (not a bill).
  4. Shaker
    End of Day 6: Feeling really good tonight, but still overtired. I think exercise has been helping me, along with meeting new people and doing some things I've put on the backburner for a long time.... I'm enjoying the process of reprioritizing my life (even though work is going more slowly than normal and I'm not feeling 100% my lovely ol' self). I also didn't beat myself up today and make myself do errands I didn't want to. I just let those things slide for now, and will deal with them tomorrow. I guess this means I don't feel like it's really the end of the world. (It may also help that I haven't heard a peep from or about my ex in a while.)
  5. Shaker
    Krnelson, I don't think you should write anything at all. But....if you feel it's something you must do, then this is what I'd write: "I want you to know that I am not mad at you, but being friends right now is not an option." Short, and to the point. It's polite. No begging. No self-deprecation. No sounding like you're damaged. ****, I want you to know that I am not mad at you. Thats not why I am doing this. I am doing this because I am moving on and talking to you hurts me so bad and fills me with false hope. And right now I need to continue healing myself. The truth is, you are with someone. After only two months of being apart you have already replaced me. I told you that if there was someone else that I cant be around for that. So I am sorry but being friends right now is not an option If you want to try and be together again (as more than friends) then please contact me and let me know. But until then you need to live your life and I need to live mine. But I cant keep going in this cycle of you wanting to be friends and then thinking its not such a good idea. That confuses me so much. I'm sorry it has to be this way I really am, but remember this was not my decision. Something along those lines. I want to try and be nice, but right now I cant help feeling that she needs to feel the pain i have been through. I havent really told her that she shouldnt contact me, but i feel that it would help me heal even better. And by saying that she shouldnt contact me until she wants to get back together will give her a very clear message of what it is I want. and Maybe make her realize that I am actually gone. I don think that has set in yet.
  6. Shaker
    AllTornUp, I think your plan of talking to your children when you're out of town is best. If you do decide that they need a chance to say goodbye, a neutral meeting at a restaurant sounds like a good possibility. I'm sorry, but I don't remember the ages of your children, and that makes a difference. You don't have to decide now about if you'll meet up with her down the road. I know being a parent makes you feel like you need to have all the answers, but I think getting out of town will make things more clear.
  7. Shaker
    Hi Pisces, I agree. It is really sad. It's hard to mourn for a loss that sometimes you can rationalize isn't gone at all; i.e.: we're both still kicking around, we both still care about each other, etc. I never expected this either. Sometimes, I still think he's making a mistake. Silly, I know.
  8. Shaker
    Beginning of Day 6 The nights are still the most difficult. Last night as I was falling asleep, a few facts occurred to me: 1. Yesterday marks one month since the break-up 2. The longest in the last month I've gone NC is 10 days 3. A week ago, I was convinced I HAD to break NC--and now I'm convinced keeping it is the best thing for me. Why? Because when I find out anything about my ex (either through breaking NC, or accidentally) I am hurt. Ignorance really is bliss sometimes. But most of the time, I don't think about this stuff on the list. I've been getting back to work. I think about a trip I have coming up. Planning to throw a February party. That sort of thing. I guess I also realized that what I've done in the last month really amazes me. I've accomplished a lot during a difficult time, been (mostly) dignified, and independent. Do I think (like many of you) that my ex is/was my soulmate? Yes. Can I let go so easily? Not at all. My best friend says I'm the most tenacious person on the planet. And yet right now, for whatever reason, I'd rather hold on to something of myself....
  9. Shaker
    End of day 5, take two I feel pretty good, but I had to cut myself some slack tonight for missing a friend's party tonight. I did go out this evening with some familiar pals I haven't seen for over a month, and I had planned to go to the party as well, but I was tired...so self-preservation kicked in. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, and to 2 dates I have set up for the weekend. I also joined another fitness group today, so that'll be good motivation to get back to racing. Going to kick some butt! audrey28: it sounds like you're distracting yourself from your ex, rather than doing things that'll make you uber happy. Sounds like you have some splurging to do. Do something that really excites you! Not just stuff to pass the time! You go, grrrrrl.
  10. Shaker
    kr, i know i don't know the intimate details of your situation, but i don't think you should respond today. she'll get the point if you don't contact her. i don't think you need to break no contact to tell her you're in 'no contact'. just a thought.
  11. Shaker
    also, maybe just wait it out for today and see how you feel about this a couple of days down the road. that usually helps me dismiss an ex-missive!
  12. Shaker
    krnelson, this is tough. i don't really know what to say to you. it sounds like the thing your ex wants to make work is a friendship, and i don't know if that's possible for you right now. at least your ex "will wait" until time passes if you do want a friendship down the road. your ex should be sorry. and your ex should have realized her actions hurt you before now. stay strong. you're feeling like helping her with her needs right now, but you're not keeping yourself first.
  13. Shaker
    Pink, Glad to hear you ended the conversation at least before it got too messy. Join again. You can do this.
  14. Shaker
    Thanks, SuperDave. That message helps. Does the No Contact Challenge help? Yes, yes, yes. There are moments where I feel ALMOST like my only choice is to dwell on my ex, open the gates of communication, try try try with all my might to reconcile. But then I come here and remember there's another choice: working on me. It doesn't mean it's an easy choice to make, or that I don't take a step backwards...but it's an alternative. So thanks so much!
  15. Shaker
    Day 5. In the wee hours of the morning, I was the most miserable I've been in a while. There must be something in the air; it seems today is tough for all the posters here. The trigger was one of my friends said to me, "Your ex didn't choose to be with the other woman." I was perplexed b/c I'm sure he's seeing her. She added, "He just chose not to be with you." Ouch. To get through the dawn, I cried. I wrote out how I was feeling. I read. Eventually, I fell asleep. Now, things are a little better but I still feel raw. The sun is out for the first time in a week, so I'm going to go for a walk when I have a chance to step away from work. Other things: Ate breakfast. Planned a nice dinner, and will cook for my roommate too. I'm going to go to my meetings tonight, and I'll run my feet off at lunchtime.
  16. Shaker
    Sorry to hear that, TJ. Tight lines, brother. End of Day 4 for this gal. What I did: met my work goals, had some nice chitchats, worked at establishing new routines and habits. Had cravings for various things and met those, too! I expect tomorrow to be more of the same. When does the exhaustion ease up?
  17. Shaker
    TonyMar, It must be really difficult seeing your ex on a regular basis. I like Walcott's writing, too. It's a sweet and sentimental idea to send the quotation to her at some point, but I think you should be investing all of your efforts in yourself right now. You'll be giving your ex power as soon as you send it because you'll be caught up in wondering what her response -- or what the effect -- will be. Good idea to abandon the 'catch-up' conversations. Keep it up.
  18. Shaker
    2600, i don't know your circumstances, but since you know you can't be together, then it's best to let it go. don't apologize to her or follow up. it wasn't deliberate on your part for her to ever see it. there's nothing to be sorry for.
  19. Shaker
    luv-- i love endorphins. Parsley-- a little of both! will need to take some ibuprofen, but I also feel like a goddess....literally! like i have all the power of nature in my legs! stomp stomp crush crush crush! running accross the tops of clouds!
  20. Shaker
    Go, Cooking! Welcome to the fold.
  21. Shaker
    Ran for 45 minutes. Feel like a hottie!
  22. Shaker
    Day 4 1/2 Here's something new. I kind of feel like a leper. I ran into some people I know this afternoon, and I suspect word of my break-up has gotten around. It didn't come up, but I felt really embarrassed. It's much easier meeting new people than seeing ones who know the 'in-a-relationship me.' I wonder why?
  23. Shaker
    fleur-de-lis, Your list sounds good. About the 'missing the ex' gap, just a thought, but what about doing something for the internal bits of yourself (more stuff like hanging out with friends)? Meditation, or learning something new, or, I don't know, something to pay attention/give love to who you are on the inside.
  24. Shaker
    It's bad for her in the longrun to move into this so quickly. Sometimes sex or casual dating is a good cure-all for a break-up, but it complicates healing as well.
  25. Shaker
    Parsley, It sounds tricky being outside of your ideal situation. But you seem to be doing really well. Any chance you can plan a weekend trip to see your friends? Good luck with the interview. Pick up a nice commuter bike to get out of your house when you need to.
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