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Shaker

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Everything posted by Shaker

  1. Shaker
    Parsley, As part of breaking NC yesterday, my ex did bring along a few things of mine he found around the apartment. It didn't make me feel better getting them back. It kind of felt like he couldn't handle being around anything of mine any longer. Did I want the stuff? Sure. I didn't ask for it though, and now that I have it, it doesn't really help me. I would suggest that you don't contactyour ex about the things because no matter what, it's going to look to your ex like you have other motives.
  2. Shaker
    luv, is he leaving messages? Yes, hearing from the ex makes me feel rotten. I don't know if not hearing from him would be worse.
  3. Shaker
    Comfyshoes, I understand what you mean when you say it feels like your future is in tatters. But it really isn't. Your present might be a little tattered around the edges, but your future will be as bright as you let it. I know it sounds sappy, but I really do believe that each of us has been given a plan better than? more suitable than? the ones we dream up for ourselves. And it's our job to recognize the gifts we have and how best to use them.
  4. Shaker
    I know there aren't any do-overs in life. But here I am again. Today is a new day one, and this time the questions that were buzzing around in my head have been settled... Some thoughts about breaking no contact: Last night's contact for me didn't feel like defeat because there was a willingness on both sides to have an actual conversation. No neediness, resentment, or anger. If you're thinking about breaking no contact, you should mull this over. I didn't speak to my ex guns a-blazin', or give a sob story, or ask to reconcile. He didn't demean me, feel put out by the time he was investing in talking to me, or keep reiterating 'it's over' until he was blue in the face. We talked about our lives (in a general way) and we talked about the reasons for the break-up. We actually agreed on most things. I felt like I needed to let him know how I felt about the break-up, and about him. We hadn't talked about this, so we did and he was receptive. We don't know how we're going to proceed from here, but agreed to wing it. Maybe that means extended no contact, maybe it means catching up once in a blue moon, or on a blue day. We both shed a couple of tears, but also had some laughs too. Today, I feel strong and glad to be back on the bandwagon.
  5. Shaker
    How I feel about breaking NC: pretty good (sorry SD). I had a great conversation with my ex and I feel more secure in where things stand between us. I should say that I will be returning to NC for a while because I need to clear my head, keep pushing forward with my life, etc. But for one night, it was worth it. I also feel exhausted.
  6. Shaker
    Thanks, Sandy. I like your new pic. It's inviting.
  7. Shaker
    I've lost my nerve, and now have to go through with seeing my ex and have....nothing...to say. That's why you shouldn't break no contact. Yep.
  8. Shaker
    Sandy, I'm with the group. Flash us those pearly whites.
  9. Shaker
    AllTornUp, It's easiest to ask out someone you already sort of know. Smile. Make eye contact. Suggest doing something easy and casual that you think she'd like. Set plans for a few days from the time you ask. And that's that. Or, you can try meeting someone online. It's usually very casual that way.
  10. Shaker
    I did break NC. So tomorrow will be day one all over again. How do I feel about it? To be honest, kind of happy he responded to my email right away. Kind of nervous about what to say. Kind of nervous he's willing to come to my 'hood. Which is also the other woman's neighborhood....so when my time is up, I have a pretty good idea about where he'll be going. I'm glad I have a 'date' with a friend before seeing my ex. And a dog to come home to no matter what happens. I won't beg. Or ask for him back. Or declare undying love. And I'll tell you all how it goes.
  11. Shaker
    No emergency. I cancelled the email I drafted to my ex to set something up, but I still may send something. I just feel like I need to be honest with him about how I feel. That everything has been bravado, but not honesty. And I haven't told him how I feel since the night of the break-up. He may know, he may not. Regardless, he's my best friend and I feel like I'm conning him everytime I put on a smile, don't make a fuss, don't answer emails. I guess I would tell him that losing him hasn't been easy, that I sometimes don't know what to do about all of this.
  12. Shaker
    I'm breaking nc. I know, I know. But I am.
  13. Shaker
    I'm having a really crappy afternoon. My ex spent last night with the other woman. It's been less than a month since we broke up. I'm so heartbroken.
  14. Shaker
    Beginning of Day 4: It's great to read all of your success stories and struggles. Pisces Princess: I read some self-help yesterday at a bigbox bookstore, and the books gave me what felt like false hope even though they were supposed to be about 'getting over a break-up' etc. So I drank coffee and ate cake instead. Stayed up later than expected last night working. It felt good to accomplish something, but I'm back to groggy this morning. No contact from my ex yesterday, which is the first time in a long while. Not having a phone in my new place makes it really easy to not contact my ex! But I'm going to get started on setting up a line today. I did get an email from a near-stranger asking me to go out on a coffee date this weekend. Haven't responded or decided about that yet, but I was glad for the invite. And scared.
  15. Shaker
    End of Day Three: Well, I was feeling sad this morning so I did some charity work today and it picked me up. I also did some charity for myself: got a brand spankin' new day planner to stay on track. Also, I set up some plans to be with a friend tomorrow night for coffee. It's nice having something to look forward to during the night when it hits me the hardest. The bumps: I saw the other woman today in my new neighborhood. We were both jogging. Great....my luck, we're probably neighbors. Sandyv, we're near partners in this one!
  16. Shaker
    Beginning of Day Three: Feel awful even though I slept through the night. Still hate that I was left for a stranger. She has the advantage of mystery and a clean slate, but I have the advantage of history? I made a hefty list last night of what I should be doing today. Lots of work to get done, so I'm going to try to plow through. Don't want to contact my ex this morning, but nights are the hardest because that's when we usually talk.
  17. Shaker
    Annalise: I'm not a gambling gal, but I'd bet you're going to be the one who comes out of this break-up with a greater understanding of yourself and what you want out of life. Solutions that are helping me with the sadness (not that I recommend them): drinking with friends, sleeping whenever the mood hits (not often), writing out how I'm feeling to myself and for myself, crying, going out in public (to force myself to stay pulled together), acts of decadence (like buying a cute new top or dark chocolate), writing handwritten letters to friends about all of the positives in my life right now, travel.
  18. Shaker
    KoopaTroopa, I think it's great you have family to support you. I'm sorry to hear today was hard. Hang tough. Annalise, He sounds immature and vengeful. You seem like a caring, expressive person. Some guys appreciate that. Some take advantage. Don't let him contact you because it's causing so much pain. Turn to family, friends, and flatterers--three better 'f's than the one he's after.
  19. Shaker
    End of Day Two, and a third, semi-sweet email from my ex tonight. Ultimately, he wants to know where my set of keys are, and what to do with a 1/2 can of paint. I feel like I should respond this time, but I also feel like it's a trap. I don't want him thinking I still have the keys...but why wouldn't he check the hook?
  20. Shaker
    Llammas, I don't know that you've made every mistake possible. I had an ex who flew out to see me 3 times in a couple of weeks, sent a few care packages, wrote letter after letter, called and left messages almost daily...this went on for months despite me keeping no contact. That's every mistake. It's been 5 years since, and I still hear from him even though he's married with children.
  21. Shaker
    Llammas, Sorry to hear about the discussion. But your response after finding out his decision was a good one. Leave the ball in his court. And stay strong! I'll be sending happy vibes your way.
  22. Shaker
    I've dropped off my keys while my ex was away in the least dramatic way possible (ie: on a key hook). So that rounds out day 2, still feeling rotten, still feeling madly in love, still feeling unsure. Stopped eating, sleeping, being able to work. Did all of those things before the move, but now reality is sinking in and I'm a mess. But I'm holding NC.
  23. Shaker
    Pisces, We lived together for about a year and a half, but had shacked up on and off with other roommates over the course of our relationship (lots of moving due to relocation). I'm working on my nerve to go turn in the keys since he won't be home until late tonight. He just wrote to me again this morning to see how I'm doing, and to see if everything has been moved. He offered to help if there are any leftovers. I didn't respond, but might. Argh! I know. Don't.
  24. Shaker
    rxguy I know the feeling. I posted a profile on link removed, suspended the account the next day, but put it up again by Friday just for laughs. I've even gotten some responses, but haven't read them yet. I think I need to be in the right frame of mind, and I don't really see myself as an online dater. Pisces Princess, Ha. I think we're partners in this. I just found a place on the weekend, and moved in yesterday. The move is very difficult, and I'm dropping off my set of keys today. It seems symbolic, and I think it'll be a hard step once I put them in an envelope and slide them under the door. It's so tempting to enclose a note, but I won't. Instead, I'll wrestle with unpacking.
  25. Shaker
    End of day one: I didn't reply to the email he sent this morning, and I finished moving everything out of the apartment except my bike, which I'll grab early tomorrow before he returns to the city. The crappy thing: a mutual "friend" told me today he's still casually seeing the girl he left me for a month ago. My ex didn't tell me this, so I was taken aback but didn't say anything to the "friend" other than 'I'm sure that's not my business'. What my ex did say: it would take him a while before he started dating again, and that he spent New Year's Eve with a guy buddy at a party...which he did, but it was her party. So says our friend. And then our friend added they got together on Friday night (my ex told me he went to a hockey game with some guys). Too much information, but I expressed an interest in not talking about it, so hopefully this won't happen again. How does an ex dating someone new else impact the 'no contact' rule if I still want to reconcile? I feel like I'm being deceitful because I let him go so easily, and act like I'm on the same page as him by not putting up a fight for the relationship, by moving out, by being strong, by being myself, etc.
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