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hailtothevictors

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  1. hailtothevictors
    I agree. After 11 days of NC it was my ex's birthday and I wasn't sure if I should acknowledge it or not. I choose to send her a text and I am glad that I did. I understand the advantages of NC, but I would have felt like a jerk if I didn't acknowledge her birthday.
  2. hailtothevictors
    I would just reply something simple like "thank you - hope everything is going well with you" That way you don't feel like you are being cold, but at the same time you aren't making yourself look needy or anything.
  3. hailtothevictors
    My original thread: Recap of my situation: Together for 2.5 years, sophomores in college, were each other's first everything. Beginning of December she got drunk at a party, made out with another guy, told me immediately, apologized profusely. I was willing to try again, but she said she loved me as a friend more than a boyfriend, needed space to figure it out, wasn't sure if her feelings would ever return. Part of her was scared that I am the only guy she has ever dated and she got scared that I might be the only guy she will ever date. For the first couple weeks we tried the friends thing, but it was too painful to me. I told her that I loved her too much and couldn't be friends with her for awhile. If she wanted to try again she should contact me. I did NC for 11 days before sending her a simple birthday text to which she responded by saying thank you. Two days later she sent me a birthday text, to which I did not respond. Then about a week later she sent me a text asking if I watched American Idol that night because she saw someone that we knew. I texted back the next day saying I didn't watch, and she responded by telling me how the show was. So, with the exception of the texts, I have not heard from her or seen her in 29 days. I am quite proud of myself for maintaining pretty much strict NC for this long - it has definitely not been easy. We are both members of an eight-person executive board for a student organization at school. Our meetings are every Tuesday night, so I will see her this Tuesday - exactly one month since I have last seen her. I am looking forward to seeing her - I've never gone anywhere close to this long without seeing her beautiful brown eyes - but I'm really nervous as well. How should I handle the situation? Should I seem excited to see her or should I just act aloof like it's not a big deal? Thanks for reading. I truly appreciate any advice you may have.
  4. hailtothevictors
    Calgaryguy - good to hear a success story! What were the circumstances of your break-up? Why did she break up with you? My g/f of 2.5 years broke up with me because she felt she loved me more as a friend than a boyfriend. We are both 20 and were each other's first bf/gf, so I think anxiety over the fact that I might be the only guy she ever dated contributed to the break-up. I want her back more than anything, but I think the "friend more than a boyfriend" thing is going to be difficult to overcome. I appreciate any words of advice you may have!
  5. hailtothevictors
    Hi Nappy, I felt like I should comment because I can somewhat relate to your boyfriend's perspective. I was with my girlfriend for 2.5 before she broke up with me at the beginning of December, saying she loved me as her best friend, but not as her boyfriend. It blindsided me - I was and still am deeply in love with her and we had talked several times about being together forever and planning our future together. One of the biggest problems in our relationship was the difference between our social lives. My g/f was very social - loved meeting people, being around lots of people, and talking a lot. I am more quiet, reserved, would rather listen than talk, and would usually prefer staying in and watching a movie to going out. Also, she drinks and I don't. These differences caused some friction between us, but for the most part we compromised well and did what we could to make the other happy. So I kinda know where he's coming from with the whole social situation. It sounds like he truly cares about you, but is just be cautious like most people probably would. As you said, he probably went through an immense amount of hurt after you broke up, and his head is telling him to watch out to make sure he doesn't have to suffer through that again. But by taking things slow and showing him that you truly care about him and want to make this work, he should gradually be more accepting. At least that's how I believe I would feel if my g/f wanted to try again and showed me that she was truly dedicated to making things work. I know you said that you didn't like "babysitting" him in social situations and I'm sure that did get tiring for you. In my situation as a shy and reserved guy, I actually really appreciated it when my g/f was there for me at parties and such. Maybe your guy would like this too. You don't need to babysit him, but just be supportive and encouraging of him, maybe try to get him involved in conversations with others by bringing up things you know he is interested/involved in. I would have loved if my g/f had taken more time to encourage me in social situations and just be around for comfort or to just give me little hugs, etc. throughout the night. Lol, that really makes me sound like a wuss and really clingy, but I think you know what I mean. Thank you very much for your second post, it really helped me out in my situation. I want my g/f back more than anything and I'm hoping that her "love you more as a friend" comment was clouded by boredom within the relationship. If I had another chance I honestly would do everything in my power to be more social - I would LOVE to go to parties with her now and show her that she can have fun with me. So, just give him time, show him that you care about him and really want to make it work. I wish you the best! Bubbles, it sounds like you and I are kinda in the same boat ...
  6. hailtothevictors
    I unfortunately don't have a lot of advice for you because I am feeling the exact same way myself. It's as if my head is telling me that the relationship is over and I need to move on, but my heart is telling me to never give up and that she is the one and everything will work out eventually. I haven't heard her voice or seen her in 26 days and have not contacted her except for a happy bday text. Like you, part of me hopes this feeling goes away with time, but another part of me hopes my love for her never goes away and her love for me returns. This is so tough
  7. hailtothevictors
    Ok, she and I are both on the eight-person executive board of a student organization at school. Our first meeting of this semester is on Tuesday. Tuesday will be exactly one month since I have seen her last. I have been missing her so badly today. I just have this overwhelming desire to hold her in my arms and squeeze her against me and never let go. I just want to see her face and hear her voice - it's been almost a month. How should I approach this meeting on Tuesday? The group meets every Tuesday night, so I will be seeing her every week from now on. I want to tell her how good it is to see her and how much I miss her, but that probably won't accomplish anything. I'm just really nervous/scared/excited to finally get a chance to see her.
  8. hailtothevictors
    Alright, update time. With the exception of the birthday text, I have had no contact with the ex in 23 days (wow, that sounds like a looong time). It actually has gone much smoother than I anticipated. It has by no means been easy - in fact it has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life - but I am feeling a little bit better each day. I haven't checked her Facebook profile since my little meltdown a few days back and I really think that has helped. When I think about her now, it is not entirely pain and agony like it was during the first few days of NC. Mixed in with the hurt are thoughts of thankfulness for what we had and the beginnings of realizations that things are going to work out for the best. Also, I don't cry NEARLY as much as I did at first. Tonight she sent me a text message - her only contact with me in the last 23 days besides the birthday greeting she returned. It simply said that when she was watching American Idol (a show we always watched together) she saw someone audition that we had met on vacation together. Without all of the information I have gathered from this board, I probably would have freaked out and been thinking "oh my god, this means she is thinking about me and wants me back", but thanks to you all I know better I didn't respond at all tonight, but do you think I should respond tomorrow and acknowledge that I got her message? I would just say something simple about how it's cool that she saw that girl on there, nothing more. I feel like I should acknowledge her message somehow - what do you think?
  9. hailtothevictors
    I know how you're feeling man - and it is absolutely brutal at times, there is no way around it. Today is Day 18 of NC for me and I am having an especially tough day; today would have been our 2.5 year anniversary. The fact that I truly believe I am doing the right thing is what is helping me get through it. If you start to doubt your strength, go back and read some of the helpful posts to reaffirm in your head that what you are doing is best for YOU right now. No contact is tough, it hurts so bad to be away from the person you care about so much. Sometimes it might feel stupid, or feel like the wrong thing to do, but in most situations, it is the best way to get your feet back underneath you and start living your life. Good luck man and keep us posted - it's always been very helpful to me to post my thoughts on here and read about others going through similar situations.
  10. hailtothevictors
    I completely broke down today. I was packing up all my pictures/letters and stuff from her and I couldn't stop myself from re-reading all our old stuff and I just started bawling. I started missing her so much and I went on her Facebook profile to see what she's been up to. I even logged on under her name to read her messages!! I feel so terrible now. She has been sending messages back and forth with one of my friends, apoligizing for drunken phone calls she has been giving and asking him how he is doing. I'm shaken up so much right now, I can't stop crying. I had been doing so good for so long and I just lost it today. At least I didn't call her or anything, even though I desperately wanted to. I feel like I'm going to throw up, this hurts so much. I love her with everything I have and I just want her in my arms right now, telling me how much I mean to her.
  11. hailtothevictors
    Well, I did end up getting a text from her last night. It was pretty much word-for-word the bday text that I send her a couple days before. I did not respond. Spending my birthday without her was really tough, but being with my friends and having a good time eased the pain somewhat. I still thought about her nearly the entire time and found myself wondering what was going on at her party, but that's to be expected. With the exception of the birthday text, we have had no contact since December 23rd, and I haven't checked her Facebook profile in seven days!
  12. hailtothevictors
    Congrats dnozzle! It's good to know that you are so happy and it shows just how helpful "letting go" of your ex can be to getting your life back on track. I am in the process of letting go right now and have found it incredibly difficult. However, knowing that it is the best for me in the long run and is the best method to make this pain go away is very motivational.
  13. hailtothevictors
    Aaaarghh!!! Today is my birthday - I was having a great day. Opened presents, went to lunch, had a nice conversation with a girl I used to work with, bought some new clothes ... My ex hasn't contacted me at all today. After I sent her a text on her bday and she responded so quickly and mentioned my birthday, I thought for sure she would text me today. I'm less sad than I thought I would be (the two weeks of NC helped), but I can't lie and say that it doesn't hurt to not hear from her on my birthday. Man, this sucks ...
  14. hailtothevictors
    SuperDave, sign me up
  15. hailtothevictors
    arch1tekt85, thank you so much for taking the time to post. Much of what you said was exactly what I needed to hear. You’re definitely right about the break of NC. It felt so great to hear from her, even if it was just a two-sentence text, but it did not take long for the questions to start popping up in my head. “Was she excited to get a text from me? Will she text me on my birthday? Should I respond if she does?” This led to me thinking about her non-stop for the rest of the day, trying to make something out of what was just a polite, friendly text message. “Your ex didn't make this decision on a whim; women are not like men. She's been thinking about this a long time” She admitted this to me when we had our discussion a couple weeks ago about what went wrong. She was so scared and nervous to tell me because she thought I would never want to see her again, so she just held it in. Once the alcohol started flowing that weekend however, I think her actions with the other guy happened so that she would have to tell me everything. I really wish she would have told me before that happened so either we could have tried to work it out or I wouldn’t have had to go through the pain of being cheated on, but I can’t do anything about that now. “It's hard to feel that we weren't giving them everything they needed, but we have to trust in knowing that we did everything we could to make them happy and that if it wasn't enough, it's not our fault.” This was really helpful to me. I feel that I put everything I had into our relationship, so I don’t have many regrets at all about what I did. I realize that the break-up is partially my fault, but I also know I did my absolute best. Having forums like this to vent and get such thoughtful and helpful advice from people has been deeply beneficial to my recovery process. I have not checked her Facebook profile or pictures in six days and I don’t plan on breaking that streak anytime soon. I started working out again today and I definitely want to start making that a part of my daily routine. Tomorrow my friends are throwing a birthday party for me. I still hope and pray she will come back to me one day, but I am slowly beginning to realize that I can’t just wait around for that day to (possibly) come. Again, thank you for such a thoughtful and motivational post
  16. hailtothevictors
    yourfaceinmanila, thanks for taking the time to write that. My situation isn't exactly like your's, but there are definitely some common threads, and I could closely relate to a lot of what you said. Like you, I have done lots of reading online about people in similar situations, and I've found it quite theraputic to know that there are others in the same boat as me. Best of luck to you and thanks again for the post.
  17. hailtothevictors
    I just sent her the text and broke 12 days of strict NC. All I wrote was "hey xxxxx- happy birthday! i hope you have a great day Within a minute she texted back "Thank you. It's almost your birthday too! I was not expecting a response, especially that quickly, but it did feel good to hear back from her, even if it was just a simple text message. My birthday is Saturday and after we broke up, her and a friend planned a big birthday bash for themselves on Saturday night. I was invited and she told me she really hoped I could come, but I said that it was my birthday and I would probably be busy (this was before our Christmas and me telling her that I couldn't be friends right now). I will not be attending this party on Saturday (my friends are throwing me a party of my own and I will force myself to not look at the many Facebook pictures that will likely follow. It'll be interesting to see if she contacts me at all ...
  18. hailtothevictors
    I'm doing good with the Facebook thing. Haven't checked her profile once or looked at any pictures. And I know that it goes against much of what is said here, but I am going to text her on her birthday tomorrow. I will probably be disappointed if she doesn't send me one on Saturday, but I would be very sad and regretful if I didn't send her anything at all. I don't think one text message will give her a false sense of what life is like without me. Thanks again for the advice, I'll let you know how the texting goes ...
  19. hailtothevictors
    Thanks for the reply, Cindersam. Everyone keeps telling me that it will get better, but it is really difficult to believe right now. As for the Facebook thing, I agree, there is no reason to torture myself like that. I made it one of my New Year's resolutions to not check her profile and I am going to try my best to stick to it, even though I KNOW that there are pictures up there right now from her New Year's party and I want to look at them so badly. I will stop myself though. Thursday is her 20th birthday - should I contact at all? I think there is a fine line between giving her space and coming accross as a jerk who is too angry/immature to contact her. My birthday is two days after her's. Should I send her a b-day text?
  20. hailtothevictors
    Hey man, I know exactly how you feel. My g/f of 2.5 years broke up with me a little over a month ago, saying she didn't know if she loved me anymore. My relationship sounds very similar to yours: I initiated almost everything: planned the dates, did surprises for her, initiated the romance. I did everything for her and I think my situation was something of a "nice guy finishing last" situation. She started to take everything for granted and began to wonder what else was out there. I agree with meantime though, don't change the way you are! You need a girl that will respect and love you for the way you are. Maybe your ex can be that girl, maybe not. I know that I am not willing to change how I am and I want a girl that will love me for that. I still think my ex can be that person, but I don't know for sure. I understand what you mean with the church thing. Going places where you used to go with her: church/mall/movies, etc. are really tough. It especially is rough to see other couples - they ALL look SO happy! And it seems like they are everywhere. Today is Day 9 of complete NC for me and it definitely is challenging. It's so hard to completely stay away from a person that you love so much. I don't know the circumstances of your breakup, but if you have chosen NC then it is probably best to stick with it. With NC, your ex will have the chance to finally "initiate" contact if she wants to. If not, you are on your way to getting yourself back and finding a girl that will gravitate toward you. It will be very, very hard, but stay strong ... you will be alright! Remember that everything will work out how it is supposed to in the end. Good luck and keep us posted
  21. hailtothevictors
    Hey, I'm having a rough day and I'm just looking for a little motivation here. I checked her Facebook profile (stupid move) yesterday and found out that she is going to a New Year's Eve party with a group of our mutual friends tonight - I wasn't invited. I am going to a party tonight with some friends, but it's going to be hard to keep my mind off her tonight. Today is Day 8 of NC and I'm having some second thoughts about it. If she goes weeks and weeks without contact with me, how will she know if she wants to try again? Will an "out of sight, out of mind" type of thing occur? I guess I'm worried that she might want to give it another try sometime, maybe go on a date or two and see what happens, but will be afraid to contact me because I told her I can't be friends with her right now. Just looking for a few words of wisdom
  22. hailtothevictors
    Wow, I just discovered this thread today and it is a great one. I couldn't help myself from smiling and being happy for InLove when things started to take a turn for the better. Reading stories like these give me faith in continuing NC, working on myself, and knowing that everything will work out how it is meant to in the end.
  23. hailtothevictors
    Thanks for the input you two. I have been trying to keep busy, but no matter what I do, my thoughts keep drifting back to her. EVERYTHING reminds me of her I do have plans to hang out with friends on New Year's Eve, so that should be good - but not having her there to kiss at midnight will be tough. Also, I don't know if either of you have experience with Facebook - but it is a social networking site similiar to MySpace and popular among college students. I have had a really hard time preventing myself from checking her profile and seeing what she is up to and what messages people have sent her. It's almost like I'm breaking NC by checking her profile because I'm checking in on her, but doing it completely anonymously from the comfort of my computer chair. With New Year's and her birthday party coming up, I know that there are going to be lots of photos put up there and I don't know if I'm going to have the willpower to not look at them. Thanks again for all your advice! (Ladyeve - are you a Wolverine yourself?
  24. hailtothevictors
    Jusified and ladyeve - thanks for your input. Today is Day 4 of my second NC stint and it's been really tough. I am on winter break from school and I am not working over break, so there is not a lot to do - leaving me plenty of time to just sit and think about her. Our birthdays are two days apart on the first week of January. Do you think I should send her any type of 'happy bday' text or just continue with the NC?
  25. hailtothevictors
    Just a quick update: On Saturday, we had our little Christmas together (this date was planned before the breakup and we decided we still wanted to do it). I expected it to be a simple gift exchange and then part ways. Instead, she called me and asked if I wanted to go to a movie beforehand and then come back to my house and open gifts. I agreed and we went to the movie and had a good time, came back to my house and talked for a few hours (no relationship talk). After opening our gifts and talking some more, the talk shifted to our relationship. I felt like there were still things I needed to get off my chest before I could really start to move on, so I layed it all out. That I love her, what I think went wrong, how I think we can fix it. I told her this was the last time I was ever going to bring it up, I just wanted her to know where I stood. She told me the last few weeks have been really difficult, and she had been taking for granted always having me there for everything. However, she said that she thinks this is what she wants at this point and she doesn't know when or if that will change. I asked if she thought there was any chance we would ever be together again and she said "Honey, I don't know right now." I accepted her decision and told her that right now I couldn't be friends with her because it's too hard for me - I would always be wanting so much more. She took this really hard, but eventually said she understood where I am coming from. I think what she really wants is to be single, date other people, live, learn, and experience things in college. It's so hard for me to accept because all I want is to live, learn, and experience things together with her. This talk we had did help clear things up for me, so I think NC will be a little easier. I took her name off my instant messanger, didn't contact her at all on Christmas. I still want her back more than anything, but I realize that I need to start moving on because my head keeps telling me that she is not coming back.
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