hailtothevictors

Hey, I posted my story here once before, but I made it reallllly long and only one person responded, so I will shorten it up and hopefully get some words of advice. My g/f of 2.5 years broke up with me at the beginning of the month. We are sophomores in college and had been dating since prom our junior year of high school - we were each other's first everything. We ran into some tough times in college: she drinks and I don't, so that caused some friction in our relationship. At one point during our freshman year she said she felt like the "spark" was missing sometimes but wanted to work on it. We refocused our attentions on our relationship and the results were immediate. The end of our freshman year and this past summer were amazing: we were madly in love. This year both of us have been incredibly stressed with school and work and our relationship suffered. We were always there for each other and always caring, but the only times we saw each other were eating and studying - not a lot of chance for romance. At the beginning of the month I went out of town for the weekend, she went to a party and got incredibly drunk and ended up making out with a guy on my floor. When I got back she immediately told me the entire story, bawling and apologizing profusely. After a day or two, I thought about it and was willing to forgive her and try again, but she said she feels like right now I am her best friend, but not a boyfriend. She said she needs space to figure out what she wants. Apparently she has been feeling this way for a few weeks, but was afraid to tell me because she was scared that I would never want to see her again. She said she loves me and I am her best friend, but she doesn't know if she wants a relationship right now. The last three weeks have been hell - I truly love this girl with all my heart and we had talked about being together forever. We live in the same building so NC has been difficult, but I have gone two weeks without contacting her - I want to respect her wishes. She has IMed, texted, or called me usually every day and I usually respond, keeping things short and polite. I guess I just needed to tell someone about all this and get some words of wisdom. I know I shouldn't hope for her to come back, but in my heart I can't accept that the wonderful, amazing, love that we shared for over two years can disappear because of a few stressful weeks.

Does anyone else that has gone through something like this (from either side) have any thoughts? I know the post is really long, but I would greatly appreciate some feedback. Thanks everyone!

Thanks for the advice SuperDave. I have given her space over the last few days; I haven't seen her since Wednesday and made no attempts to contact her since then. She has contact me twice. A few days ago she sent me a text wondering how I was doing and what I was up to. I responded the next day by saying I was good, thanks for asking. Yesterday she IMed me just to say "hi". I gave in again and chatted with her, just about normal, everyday stuff. After a while she said she had to go study (we are in the middle of finals week at college), but asked if I wanted to go to lunch with her. I declined, saying I was busy, but thanks for offering. It's been over two weeks since the break-up and I have thought a lot about what I think went wrong and what we could do to make it better. We haven't talked about "us" since we broke up. I feel like I need to get this things off my chest and let her know where I stand and what I think we could do to make things better. The next time she asks if I want to hang out, do you think it would be appropriate to agree and tell her these things? Again, thanks for the help.

I've been active on a few other forums accross the web, but this one seems really geniunely helpful and knowledgeable, so I would like to fill you guys in on my story and see what you think. I just really need to tell someone everything, so this is really long, but if you choose to, thank you so much for taking the time to read it and give me some feedback. From about seventh grade to my sophomore year in high school, there was a girl at my school who I knew had a crush on me. Her friends would tell me how crazy she was about me, but I didn't have any interest and wasn't really interested in dating at that time. I pursued other girls in high school, but never had a girlfriend. Near the end of my junior year was prom, and I had nobody to ask, so I asked this girl that had liked me for so long to go with me. I didn't really have a lot of interest in her at the time, I just wanted somebody to go with. After prom we started hanging out a bit more, went on some dates, and by the middle of the summer became boyfriend and girlfriend. We spent as much time as we could together, enjoying every minute we spent together. We spent our entire senior year together and our relationship grew and grew. We fell in love with each other and I loved her more and more every day I was with her. After graduation, we both decided to attend the same university. We knew college was going to be difficult and put pressure on our relationship, but we loved each other so much and had such good communication we knew having each other around would make it so much easier. College did put our relationship through some rough spots, but we always made it through because we communicated so well. Last summer we celebrated two years together. She would always tell me how she never imagined she would ever date me, much less for two years. She was so thankful that I asked her to prom, calling it the best thing that ever happened to either of us. The summer was great, we went on tons of fun dates, our sex life was good, and we loved each other more than anything. The longer we stayed together, the more I realized that this is a girl I could see myself spending the rest of my life with. I never get tired of being around her and I am constantly thinking of ways that I can make our relationship better, surprise dates I can take her on, and creative ways I can show her that I love her. Our second year of college began in the fall. We were both taking heavier class loads and both working while in school for the first time. There wasn't a lot of time to see each other, but we do live in the same dorm, so we were able to spend quite a bit of time eating meals and studying together. We were both really busy with school and work, and neither of us were putting enough time into making sure our relationship was staying fresh and exciting. The last couple weeks, I could sense that the passion was waning on her end of our relationship. She was under huge amounts of stress, and our sex life became virtually non-existant. She still wanted to see me all the time, but the only times we were really able to see each other were during study sessions together. I served as a major emotional crutch and supporter of her during these stressful times and she greatly appreciated it. I was more than happy to always be there for her, but I was excited for the stress of school to be over for the semester so we could get back to being a romantic couple. Two weeks ago I went out of town on a Friday night to visit some friends at a nearby college. I knew that my girlfriend was planning to take a break from studying that night and go out with her friends, and I was not bothered at all because I had complete trust in her. She drinks and I don't, and that has been a cause of friction in our relationship. Initially at college, I was really upset anytime she went out and drank and I let her know. She knows why I am uptight about it (bad family issues in the past), but she doesn't get why I can't be ok with her drinking in moderation at parties and stuff. Lately I have gotten much better at accepting her drinking, but I know she still feels guilty when she goes out. Anyway, before I left on Friday I told her to have fun and I would see her when I got back on Saturday night. I had a good time visiting my friends on Friday and when I returned on Saturday, I was very excited to see her. When I got back I went to her room and I could immediately tell something was wrong. She had her contacts out and her glasses on, and I could tell she had been crying. She said she needed to talk to me in private. I was really worried at this point, but I thought that she had gotten a drinking ticket or something. I wouldn't have thought that was a big deal, I know she drinks and I figured something like that would happen eventually. It was much worse than a drinking ticket. Friday night she went out with a few of her girl friends and a few of the guys from my floor that she knows. She got really drunk and kept drinking. Eventually, everyone in her group left the party she was at except one of her friends and one guy from my floor. Everybody was drunk, and she said that her and the guy from my floor starting making out and "fooling around". Eventually, they wound up in a room, where they continued to make out and he took off her shirt. At this point, the friend she was with entered the room and told her that they needed to get out of there. Upon hearing this, I was immediately furious, sad, hurt, upset ... I was just filled with emotion. I asked her a bunch of questions, What does fooling around mean? Didn't you think of me? How could you do that? She was crying and said it "just happened", she doesn't remember why she did it, but she immediately regretted it. We talked for a while more and I told her that I needed to go and think about things and that we would talk the next day. I went down to my floor and confronted the * * * * * * * who she made out with, yelled at him and told him never to come near her again. He just sulked like a dog with its tail between its legs and said "it just happened", "it wasn't planned", and "he made a mistake". I wanted to jack him in the face, but I restrained myself and simply told him again that he is to never come near her again. The next day I went back to my girlfriend's room and we had a long talk. I had decided that I was willing to forgive her and give her a second chance. However, I knew that she must have done what she did for a reason - there was definitely some problem in our relationship that needed to be fixed. She agreed, but she didn't know what it was ... she just didn't feel like our relationship had been the same in the last couple weeks. She said she wanted to tell me, but was afraid that I would never want to talk to her again and she would lose our friendship - she says I am her best friend. She was worried that if she told me she needed a break, I wouldn't want to be around her anymore: we wouldn't eat together, she couldn't call me to talk, etc. I asked her flat-out "If you could break-up with me but still be friends, would you do it?" She said yes, and it absolutely broke my heart. We sat there crying and hugging and talking for almost two hours. She said she still might want us to be together, but she doesn't know right now ... it just doesn't feel the same as it used to. I told her that I still loved her more than anything in the world, and I wanted her back more than anything. She said that might be a possibility some day, but right now she just needed some time and space away from our relationship. That night was the worst night of my life. I didn't sleep, I just sat up the whole night crying my eyes out and wishing it was all a dream. The next morning I felt like I was just giving up without a fight, so I went up to her room and told her that I really wanted to try again, to get back that romantic feeling, to go on more dates, to go out to parties with her. She said she couldn't right now, she just needed some space. After this I spent a lot of time reading advice and message boards online. I knew that I needed to give her space, but I knew it would be very hard to do NC since we live in the same building and are in a club together. For the first week I went without contacting her, but she contacted me every day. Calls, texts, IMs, the whole thing. We never talked about us, she just talked about school, her new neice, etc. We saw each other a couple times and I was polite, acted happy and fun, never brought up the relationship. On Monday night she was talking to me online for a while and I was just about to get into bed. I said "alright i'm going to bed, see ya". She replied, "ok, lol". I asked her what the "lol" was for and she said "we hardly ever actually see each other anymore, so i thought that was funny". I wanted to say, "You broke up with me and told me you wanted space - what did you expect?!?!", but I just told her that I would see her the next day at our club meeting and she said, "ok, i know, i'm sorry, i'm sorry" and kept apologizing. Throughout the week, her away messages were always things like "watching tv ... all by myself "studying alone ... feel free to join!" and "today was horrible ... i need someone to cheer me up", things like this. I held firm and did not send her any IMs, I only responded when she contacted me. On Wednesday, she called me, texted me, and IMed me ... all before 10am. She was supposed to drop off some things for school, but she was going to be at work so she wouldn't have time. She said she really needed help and was wondering if I could get the stuff from her room and drop it off for her. I agreed and went up to her room and we talked for about 10 minutes. Again, no relationship talk, just random chit-chat. I tried to be my normal, fun self and she seemed to be having a good time. She even gave me a playful, flirtatious kick. I noticed that she still had up her pictures of us in her room. It was so hard to talk to her just "as friends" though. She looked so gorgeous, and all I wanted to do was hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright, and do anything to make this right again. It was painful for me, so I decided that I was going to start strict NC, hard as our close proximitiy might make it. So, yesterday was our first full day of NC. So far today as well, I have not seen or talked to her. I have avoided using AIM, so she cannot IM me. I know that the point of NC is to help me get over her, but I just can't at this point. I want her back more than anything, because I believe that we had something special together. Only a few weeks ago our relationship seemed great ... I don't understand how two and a half years of passion can just disappear in a few weeks. From what I have described, does it sound like she might come back to me? I truly am her best friend, she would tell me everything about her life, always used me when she needed help, comfort, someone to talk to. I hope that NC will let her see that she loved this about me and that she really wants me as a part of her life ... more than just friends. I really want to give her space to decide this on her own, and not pressure her into a decision. Do you think she will come back? Again, I know this was incredibly long, but thank you for making it this far. It feels so good just to know that there are other people out there who have gone through similar situations and any advice and words that I can get will be helpful. Thank you so much.