Jump to content

hailtothevictors

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    170

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by hailtothevictors

  1. hailtothevictors
    Nappy, I love reading your posts because it really seems like you have been through what my ex is going through. My situation is similar to bubbles' so when I read your posts to him I feel like I am getting feedback into my situation as well. I hope that my ex goes through the same progression that you did, but I also know that she may never come back. Reading your posts always gives me a little bit of hope and reaffirms to me that I'm doing the right thing
  2. hailtothevictors
    My ex is going through that "party stage" as well. We started dating in high school and after a year and a half of college she felt tied down and broke up with me. She also said she thinks she loves me more as a friend and that our relationship had started to feel like a routine. Our situations sound quite similar. I'm about a month ahead of where you are; she broke up with me at the beginning of December. I thought after two months I would be feeling a lot better; and I do feel stronger and less like I need her ... but I constantly have this empty longing inside of me that doesn't seem like it will ever go away. It sounds like you're feeling just like I am: hoping that this party thing is just a stage and that once it runs its course she will realize that you two had something special together and she wants that back. From stuff that I've read online, it seems like this is just a phase for some girls and that in a few months they do come back. However, lots of the time the girl is having an amazing time and changes/evolves as a person and never comes back. It's tough, I don't have a whole lot of advice for you, because I'm in the same position myself. For me, I have started trying to go out and have a good time ... basically take advantage of single life just like she is doing. I'm usually thinking about her most of the time, but it does take my mind off her for a little while. Keep us posted ...
  3. hailtothevictors
    Good question. I never really considered refusing to answering the questions. In hindsight, I guess I wish I would have asked if she kept the info to herself. Instead, I just answered with the knowledge that my answers would likely reach my ex. I made it seem like I was doing ok, wasn't sitting around waiting for her, etc. I think you are right. I know that NC is NOT to be used to get your ex back, I've read it a thousand times on here. However, it also seems like the best way to get your ex to miss you and come back, and since I would love to get back together with her, I am hoping that NC helps me with that. So I was giving answers that made it seem like I was moving on, meeting other girls, etc. Maybe I was hoping these answers would reach my ex and make her feel like she is losing me. Yeah, the weekly meeting with her are unavoidable. The chance meetings on campus are rare, but they do happen. I definitely have resisted going places to "accidentily" run into her. As for a reconciliation, I do believe it is possible. I try to tell myself that it is not going to happen because I feel like that helps me move on, but in my heart I hope and pray every day that I will one day be with her again. I don't think about the question 24/7, but is is the hope of getting back together with her that gets me through a lot of days. Three weeks after we broke up (December 23rd) I asked her if she saw us ever being together again. She said, "Baby, I just don't know right now". Her roommate told me in December that she thinks we will get back together, my ex just needs some time to be alone and figure out what she wants. I truly, truly love this girl with all my heart. When we were dating, I just always assumed we would get married eventually. She told me that she was looking forward to loving me forever, and she knew that she would never love anyone half as much as she loved me. We would talk about moving in together, she even picked out a dog she wanted us to get when we got our first place together and picked out a name for it. One day last summer, she told me what kind of engagement ring she wanted. I thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. We got along so well, could talk to each other about anything, accepting each other fully, and could always be ourselves when we were together. Our families got along wonderfully, and our educational, career, and religious goals aligned. All these things are what is making it difficult for me to let go. To wake up every morning and know that I can't talk to the girl I love more than anything and want to spend the rest of my life with .... it's excruciating. Eventually, I want to ask her again if she is willing to try again, but not yet. I want to wait at least a few more months. I really want to give her the opportunity to experience the "college life", go out, meet other guys, be single, and have fun. I hope that after a few months of this, she realizes just how special we were and that she doesn't want to lose that. I know that is a dangerous way to think, but I just can't tolerate the thought of giving up on "us". I am feeling strong about NC, and I don't believe I will break it anytime soon. I am hoping with time and space things will work out.
  4. hailtothevictors
    Hey fire, Thanks for the insightful post. I don't believe there's any interest from the ex's roommate. We are just friends; she asks me about relationship issues to get a guy's perspective and vice versa. Definitely no romantic interest there. I agree that my ex will likely be filled in on how the conversation went if she doesn't know already. I'm trying not to read into the conversation, but in all honesty, it's pretty difficult. That's all I could think about when I was trying to sleep last night. I just wish that conversation would never have happened. I was doing okay yesterday, and now my head is spinning with questions once again. I am doing much better than I was in the first couple weeks after the break-up, but I'm still nowhere close to fully healed and it's been two months. I'm better at accepting that things probably are never going to work out again (I think), but I feel like I miss her more now than I did two months ago.
  5. hailtothevictors
    That's one thing that I keep thinking about. It absolutely NEVER would have crossed my mind to cheat on her. That is something I could never do to someone that I loved. At the same time though, I'm a firm believer in second chances, and I would be willing to forgive her making out with a guy once if she wanted to try things again. Tonight was ... strange. My ex's roommate IMed me. This is pretty common, her and I got to be pretty good friends when I was with my ex. Anyway, we talked about normal stuff for a while, and then she started asking me questions about my ex. She asked how I was doing and I said I was doing pretty good. Then she asked if I had moved on or if I still wanted to get back together. At this point, I began to wonder if my ex was feeding her questions, or at least reading over her shoulder, so I wasn't sure how to respond. I responded that I didn't think I could do anything to get us back together right now. My ex left me, so she would have to express some interest - I can't force her into anything. I was then asked if I thought a friendship was possible. I said that my ex is/was my best friend and that I am hers. But right now, being friends is just too difficult for me. The final interrogation topic was whether I was trying to meet other girls, go to parties, etc. I said that I was taking things one day at a time, but that I am going to a girl's bday party this weekend. She responded that she thought that was good, that I should go out and mingle and have fun. A couple minutes later she asked who I was going with and I told her a few friends. I was having a pretty good day, and now my head is flying at a million miles an hour. Was my ex reading all my responses and dictating the questions? Did I respond the right way? I tried to be as cool and objective as possible, even though I really wanted to say, "yes i want to get back together with her, i would do anything to have another chance with her". If it was my ex asking the questions, I don't know how to feel. Was she hoping to hear that I had moved on completely and wanted to be friends? Was she hoping that I had met someone else because she knows she has no interest in ever getting back together and she just wants me to be happy? OR Does she miss me and saw this as a good way to check up on me and see if I am actively pursuing other girls, b/c she still has feelings for me and doesn't want to lose me? Sorry for the long post, overanalysis, and countless questions. My mind is a blur right now ...
  6. hailtothevictors
    I just got back and I am pleased to report that the night went about as good as I could have expected. We kept our distance for the most part at the meeting. We chatted a couple times, just about little stuff. During a presentation, the speaker started talking about American Idol, which was our favorite show to watch together. I glanced back at her when the show was mentioned and she was looking at me and smiled. We used to always walk out of the meetings together, even the few immediately after the break-up, but I left a little bit earlier than her and walked out with someone else. A few people were meeting up at a restaurant afterward, so I walked back to my dorm and then was planning to leave for the restaurant. I ran into my ex's roommate and she asked if I was going to the restaurant. I said that I was and she told me that I should go with my ex because she didn't want to go alone. I just shrugged and carried on. After I was at the restaurant for about 20 minutes, my ex showed up with one of her friends. They sat by me and we talked a little more; again, just random chit-chat. After about an hour, I said bye and left. Overall, I feel proud of how I handled myself. Outwardly, I didn't appear needy at all, in fact I was quite aloof, but still polite toward her. Inwardly, I enjoyed seeing her, but it hurts to hang out with our status toward each other the way it is. Most importantly, I feel good about how the night went, I am trying not to read into anything, and I am committed to maintaining NC until our meeting next Tuesday. Thanks for all the support!
  7. hailtothevictors
    Ok, time for the meeting. I'm going to stay strong. I'm sure I'll be back to post how it went later tonight.
  8. hailtothevictors
    I definitely am learning this the hard way. I'm feeling the desire to check her profile creep up in me today, but have been able to subdue it. I don't want to crack again. I saw her walking to class today, but she didn't see me. It's Tuesday again, which means another meeting tonight. I'm a little nervous, but there are going to be quite a few people there and a more relaxed, social atmosphere, so it should be easier to keep my distance. I can't get over these thoughts of picturing her with someone else. Her roommate, who is a good friend of hers and a friend of mine, IMed me today and was asking me what I thought of a guy on my floor b/c she (my ex's roommate) was interested in him. It just got me all paranoid about my ex and if she doing anything with other guys. My best friend on my floor knew my ex through me when we were dating. After the breakup, she started talking to him a lot, asking him about me, etc. Now they continue to talk often, IMs, texts, and occasionally studying together. I don't think he would do anything with her, because he knows how tough this has been on me, but I worry about that a lot. Should I talk to him about it. I'd feel like a jerk asking him "so what's up between you and xxxxxxx?"
  9. hailtothevictors
    Thanks for the response gfein. Do you think situations like yours are the norm or the exception?
  10. hailtothevictors
    Based on personal experience and from reading message boards on line, it seems like A LOT of girls go through some kind of "party stage" around the ages of 18-22. They seem to want to go out, drink, be single, and hook up with guys. In short, experience the stereotypical "college" life. (I am in no way saying that every girl goes through this stage, I'm just pointing out that it seems to be fairly common). My situation is this: g/f and I started dating in high school, go to same college, after 2.5 years she gets drunk one night and makes out with another guy. This lead to her becoming confused about our relationship and her feelings toward me. She worried that we would just continue along and get married, and never experience "what else was out there" (we were each other's first bf/gf). So she breaks up with me, tells me she needs space, and that she thinks she only loves me as a best friend right now. Fast forward eight weeks. Minimal contact between us, a few texts from her seeing how I was doing, and a few chance encounters at school. Juding by her Facebook profile (which I have now stopped checking) and from things mutual friends have told me, she's become a "party animal" for lack of a better term. I guess my question is, Is this a phase that she will get through or something permanent? During our time together, we talked about being together forever, moving in together, getting married, etc. and that has made moving on pretty difficult. It's hard to let that stuff go.
  11. hailtothevictors
    Hey, thanks for the responses. I'm doing a little better today. I have not checked her Facebook once, but was told by someone on my floor that she was out partying until 4am last night. I'm actually feeling a bit of anger today, which hasn't usually been the case. I feel angry that she cheated on me, angry that she doesn't seem to care for what we had, and anger that she seems to be moving on so easily. I'm not furious or anything, just a bit angry ... I'm sure this is part of the healing process. Just wanted to get some of my thoughts written down; it really seems to help. My goal is to not visit Facebook at all again tomorrow, and since last Monday was when I ran into her after class, I will take an alternate route tomorrow.
  12. hailtothevictors
    Thanks for the response wandering_sword. Today hasn't been much better. I feel sick to my stomach and just not right. I miss her so much. Today is eight weeks since we broke up ... I feel like I should be past this by now. My mom is worried about me; I've lost quite a bit of weight. To make matters worse, I have to go to my internship today (Sunday) for five hours. I sit in front of a computer all day ... making it easy for the mind to wander. Thoughts of her with someone else have been consuming me lately, and it hurts so much. I guess I just thought this would be easier after two months ...
  13. hailtothevictors
    Bad news to report today. This is probably going to be long, but I need to get it out. My ex never did contact me again after I brought her the soup - I wasn't expecting her to, but it would have been nice to hear from her if she was feeling better. Anyway, I stayed in on Friday night. Pretty much everyone on my floor was out at parties but I was quite tired and just stayed in instead. It was quiety and lonely, so I tried to do things to keep my mind off my ex, but I started thinking about her a lot. This continued through the night and into the morning and when I woke up I missed her so much and wanted to see how she was doing so badly that I looked at her Facebook profile. It was pretty much what I expected, lots of drunken pictures and messages about how crazy Friday night was. She had a couple pictures that were just a close-up of her boobs (she was wearing a bra) ... what is up with that? She had become friends with some random guy I have never seen before and her status was "hoping somebody comes online ..." I don't know if that was in reference to a guy, but for some reason it just crushed me. I was feeling weak, lonely, desperate ... and I broke down and initiated contact with her for the first time since December 23rd. I know, a bad idea, especially considering my emotional state. I sent her an IM and we chatted back and forth about everyday stuff. For some reason - I don't know why - I guess I just felt like I needed to tell her, I typed "I miss you". She said "wow - that came out of nowhere". I went on to tell her that I just wanted to let her know I was thinking about her, that I love her, and that I just want both of us to be happy. She said "xxxx, thank you for caring, i am happy right now and i want you to be happy too". She asked how I was doing with all this and I told her that I was doing good; who knows if she actually believed that. She said she had to go and I said bye. This convo crushed me. She seemed cold, disinterested, you name it ... I've rarely experienced that from her before. I had a long chat with my mom, she always makes things a little better, but have spent most of the afternoon feeling terrible. She seems like a completely different person now. I almost feel like she chose a life of drinking, partying, and craziness over me. It really hurts. One good thing is that I oddly feel a little bit stronger now. I've seen (several times now) how bad a breech of NC can hurt. I know how the pain feels, and that will hopefully make maintaining NC easier. I just wish she would see what she is throwing away: a loving, considerate, thoughtful, intelligent guy who would do absolutely anything for her and is committed to her with all his heart. She's exchanging this for a life of partying and drinking and it makes every part of my body ache. This post is pretty much just me venting ... I don't really have any questions for you all. I know what needs to be done (NC) and I know that continuing to break it will only lead to more heartache and suffering. What happens if she starts dating someone else? Just that little status update shook me to my core. I can't imagine what a picture of her kissing a guy would do to me. I need to stay off that horrific site ... I wish it had never been invented. Thanks for listening to me vent. I needed to get some things off my chest.
  14. hailtothevictors
    I definitely wasn't disgruntled about Valentine's Day when I was with my g/f ... I loved it!!! Spending an entire day where everything is just about "us" and seeing her sooo happy always made Valentine's Day one of my favorite days.
  15. hailtothevictors
    Kisses with my ex definitely changed in the weeks before she broke up with me. I mean, she would kiss me, but it just felt different. It was almost as if she was doing it just to please me; it felt like it was a chore for her. I asked her about it, but she said not to worry. Then, of course, a few weeks down the road she told me she wasn't in love with me anymore and broke up with me
  16. hailtothevictors
    Thanks for the response frisco, I understand what you're saying. I guess right now I'm content with how I handled things tonight because it made me feel good. Perhaps I will be kicking myself tomorrow or in a few days or weeks, I'm not sure. I don't think I crossed the line into the realm of "pathetic sap", but I suppose time will tell. Right now I just want to take things one day as a time and continue the healing process. I'll handle situations as they arise to the best of my abilities and of course, I'll always have you guys here at ENA to help me out. Thanks again.
  17. hailtothevictors
    Thanks for the words of encouragement everyone. I'm glad I did what I did, it made me feel good and that is what is most important. The meeting went really well, I actually had a lot of fun. I don't know if it is wise to think she will say thank you again within the next few days; she might ... i just don't want to get my hopes up. I'm just going to continue with the NC and take things as they come, one day at a time. I'll keep you all posted ...
  18. hailtothevictors
    Okay, I just went up there. We said hi, talked about the meeting for a couple minutes. She said she has strep and the doctor thinks it could be mono I brought her a microwavable package of her favorite kind of soup - she said thank you about 10 times and it looked like it cheered her up. Thanks for the idea thefarewellnote, at least I feel like I did a little something to help her and I'm sure she appreciated it. The best news of all - I don't feel terribly hurt after seeing her like I did yesterday. I didn't shed a tear
  19. hailtothevictors
    Should I ask her if I can do anything for her? I hate it when she is sick - I just want to hold her and make it better.
  20. hailtothevictors
    Okay - the meeting is tonight ... and the situation just changed. She IMed me a little while ago saying she had a question about the meeting. I was gone at the time, but when I returned I responded. She told me she has strep throat and doesn't feel very good so she doesn't feel like going. However, she asked if I could bring some paperwork to the meeting for her. I said that I could and she said thank you and asked if she should take it down to my room (we live in the same dorm) or if I wanted to come to her room and get it. I said I would stop by her room in about an hour. I don't really know what to make of this. I feel like I am being the much-discussed "safety net" in this situation. But I just don't have it in my heart to not help her out; I love her too much. I always used to take care of her when she was sick and she appreciated it so much. Should I bring her anything - some soup or something? I know the answer is "no", I don't really even know why I asked. I am just so used to being there for her and doing sweet things for her ... it's a hard habit to break. At least I won't have to worry about how I will handle being with her at the meeting tonight.
  21. hailtothevictors
    Thanks - I'm also hoping that the first time was the worst and it will get a little bit easier from here. I'm trying to look at it as a blessing in disguise ... now I know a little bit of what to expect tomorrow night at the meeting. I do strongly believe now that NC is still the way to go. I felt absolutely awful today, and I don't want to willingly put myself through that again anytime soon. I'm doing my best to move on, but I can't seem to let go of my hope to get back together with her. Perhaps that will come with time.
  22. hailtothevictors
    I need some words of encouragement here. I saw her today. I was walking back from class and there she was, walking right at me. It's been 30 days since I had seen her last, 30 days without hearing her voice. She got a big smile on her face (as did I - she looked amazing) and said hey. She asked what class I was coming from. I told her I was coming back from my first journalism class and that I had been accepted to the school of journalism (it's really competitive). She said congratulations and told me what classes she was going to and then that she was going to work afterwards. She was all dressed up for work and said she feels like she looks funny. I told her that she looks good and she said thanks. We went our separate ways, telling each other to have a good day. I was quite proud of how I handled myself - smiling, happy, polite. She looked really happy to see me and smiled throughout the conversation. I can't get over how beautiful she looked, going so long without seeing her made her look all the more amazing. She was wearing a scarf and hat that I got her for Christmas last year. About 10 steps after walking away from her, I almost lost it. I barely made it into my room before bursting into tears. I've been sobbing for the past half hour - seeing her just opened everything up again. I love her so much, I don't want anyone else but her ... this is all just so hard. I don't know what to do ... I want to call her and tell her how happy I was to see her, how beautiful she looked, and how much I miss her. But I know that won't do me any good. I just feel like complete crap right now ... I don't want to go to the rest of my classes today
  23. hailtothevictors
    Thanks frisco, Your advice was really helpful. I know that it is going to be tough, but I want to be as prepared as possible. I feel like I'm getting ready for a big football game or something, lol. And I will follow your advice and take a step back before doing anything rash that I might regret later. Everyone on this board has been very helpful and supportive, and I appreciate everyone who takes the time to offer advice. I'll definitely talk to you guys before doing anything, just to get my thoughts straightened out. Thanks man.
  24. hailtothevictors
    To the dumpers: is there anything your ex could do that would make you willing to try again or is that a decision you would have to make entirely on your own?
  25. hailtothevictors
    Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond. This is what I'm most nervous about. I feel pretty strong right now, the 29 days of NC has been pretty beneficial. I know that I'm nowhere near being "over her", and I know that will take quite some time. However, I feel pretty confident - I know that I did my best in the relationship, and put everything I had into making us happy. However, I am slightly worried about how I will react to seeing her. Skipping the meeting isn't really an option. A lot of people count on me to be there and get my stuff done; I don't want to let them down and I don't want to start sacrificing my interests because she broke up with me. So, I plan on making it strictly business. I will try to treat her just as I do everyone else in the room, friendly and polite. All eight of us sit in the same place around the table at every meeting and of course, I sit by her. Should I sit somewhere else? That would be pretty awkward because everyone has sat in the same seats for the past year.
×
×
  • Create New...