AWomanScorned

It isn't a myth. Well not in the case of my ex-husband. He's a black man and extremely well endowed. My ex is one of two black men I've been with; and, in comparison, based on my experience, black men tend to be larger.

The situation is precisely as Hope described. My ex-husband wasn't a bad boy. He treated me like a Princess when we were married. He was perfect in every sense of the word. Obviously, he was a little too perfect. Oneday I came home and he was gone, and I didn't hear from him for five years. My husband wasn't a badboy. He was a snake. As it is I've been dodging my ex-boyfriend's phone calls. I really don't want to be in a relationship right now. And I guess the night we shared together means more to him than it did to me. I thought I was so over my ex-husband, but seeing him again reopened the wound. Now I have to start the healing process over again.

Two weeks ago I divorced my ex-husband, and I've been fine up until now. After my husband left me several years ago I embarked on a relationship with another man. My then boyfriend was a wonderful guy. But, at that time in my life, I could not appreciate his tenderness for what it was. I always believed he had some ulterior motive. I often accused him of lying and cheating. I interrogated him about every single thing. We stayed together a year and a half before he finally broke up with me. After I successfully sabotaged the relationship I stayed on my own and went to counseling. Move forward five years and my ex-husband shows back up in my life. I finally got the divorce(and alot of money), and I was on my way to getting it back together again. Then I ran into my ex-boyfriend. I've been going to the same gym for a year now and ~poof~ there he is. After We worked out we stopped and had lunch. Then we spent the rest of the day together. I invited him over to have dinner and drinks. I poured my heart out about the divorce and how I sabotaged our relationship. He was very understanding. I guess I was feeling very vulnerable, and we ended up having sex. I regret doing that. The next morning he asked me to consider picking up where we left off. He said that he is still in love with me, and I'm the only woman for him. This is a dilema for me because I'm not in love with him. I don't think I was when we were together. That night I felt so confused and lonely. I just really needed someone to be with. Have you ever felt that way? On onehand I want to let him down. But on the other I keep wondering whether or not I could grow to love him. Maybe he could be the man I share my life with? Perhaps fate is giving me another chance? If so then why am I still in love with my scum bag ex-husband; but in like with a really good ex-boyfriend? I really have no animal attraction for him. He is good looking and romantic, but I don't have the same visceral intensity for him that I had for my ex. Should I avoid relationships totally right now? The sex with my ex came at the most inoppurtune time. ~Persephone~

Size matters more to men than it does to women. My best friend and I discuss penis size all the time. She refuses to be intimate with a man who isn't a certain length and width ~lol~. A huge penis is overrated. My ex-husband was a very large man. When he wasn't aroused it was 9 inches(I stopped counting when he had an erection). I'm a tall woman (5'10), but his penis intimidated me the first time we were intimate. He went slow though. After getting used to it it was very pleasurable experience. However, he would go too fast and too deep sometimes and it was really painful. At times it felt like I had a wooden post being rammed into me. So it can be a blessing and a curse depending upon who you ask. I Later became involved with a man average in length and width. He was a better lover than my ex because he wasn't infatuated with the idea that only "Tarzan"(my ex's pet name for his) could satisfy a woman. Penetration does feel very good but it's only 30% of the sexual experience for me. I enjoy foreplay, oral, and kissing. Well endowed men tend to be a bit more arrogant. They think that's all it takes to satisfy their partner. I appreciate a man who can arouse my entire body, not just my vagina.

I would just like to thank all of you for helping me. I was close to taking that fool back into my life. It just took outside advice to set me straight! Thank you all!

As of now I'm a free woman! thank you all so very much.

If you read my initial thread I won't bother telling the story again.( ), Today my ex and I, alongside our attorneys, met in a neutral area. Daryl(my husband) and his lawyer decided to settle with me because they would lose in court due to all the overwhelming evidence against him. To make a very long story short(and not get bogged down in legal details) I'm getting over half my husband's fortune from the settlement. I would prefer to see him in a jail cell for what he did, but atleast I get monetary vindication. This was the first time I saw Daryl outside the hospital since three weeks ago. Inspite of being in a wheelchair he still cuts a dashing figure. He's healing up nicely, but he looked really pitiful. He could hardly look me in the eye during the entire process. Atleast I know he has some semblence of a conscience. After we went through all the legalities we signed the divorce papers and it was done. Then Daryl asked me if we could talk, privately. So we went into a separate room. He went through all the little pleasantries about how great I looked. Then he chuckled and said, "I bet you couldn't wait to tell the hospital, right before I was released, that you couldn't take care of me." "Atleast I had the courtesy to tell the hospital that I was going to leave you there." I said. He didn't say anything for several seconds, not like him at all. Then I just asked him, pointedly, why he left me. And he said, "I had a change of heart. It was just something that happened." That is when I went off on him. Everything that I had pent up inside came tumbling out. I verbalized everything I was feeling, past and present. I don't know if it was productive but it was emotionally cleansing. Then he did something atypical of himself. He said he was sorry for everything he put me through. That, in and of itself, gave me closure. I said thank you. Then he had the audacity to ask if I thought there was still a chance we might reconcile, because he was still in love with me. I wanted to laugh but I opted for an affirmative "no." My ex is extremely manipulative and I wish I had known that then. So I gave him a kiss and wished him well. Then I took my check to the bank and went shopping. I'm planning a vacation in a month as well. I don't know if I'll ever see him again. But I don't care. That part of my life is over and I'm glad. This entire experience taught me alot of things. One important lesson that learned is to never love so hard that you forget to love yourself. I put all of my faith and trust into that man and he abandoned me. But, in the end, I learned that I could count on me. I'm thinking of writing a memoir. My best friend told me that my life is like a soap opera(lol). Thank you all for supporting me through this. ((HUGS)) ~Persephone~

When my husband abandoned me for another woman five years ago I didn't believe I would ever recover. Five years later it is still a process, being that he has since reappeared back in my life. I often wonder will I ever be able to trust another man again? I believe that I will, it just takes time. Like your sign says it does, eventually, get better. ~Persephone~ (((HUGS)))

Thank you all so much for the advice I am in a much better state of mind since I began posting here. Believe it or not, the day I created my enotalone.com account I was going to allow my ex back into my life. I did not tell you all but I had actually consented to taking him in, while he recovered from the injuries. I was fully prepared to nurse him back to health. Now, that isn't even an option for me. My feelings were primarily motivated by my fundamentalist Christian mother who believes in standing by her man(she still thinks we can salvage the relationship). But my ex isn't mine and he sure isn't a man! On Saturday night my best girlfriend got me to stop moping and we went dancing at a gay club. For once I got to have fun without having to meet any guy's expectations. It really helped me to relax and not think about the situation. I needed that. This morning I got a phone call from the hospital again. They needed me there because they were going to release him. But, I told them that I am divorcing him and would not be able to provide him with care. The nurse on the phone did not give me a hard time about it. With the exception of physical injuries he is perfectly fine. He just needs somewhere to lay up basically. My lawyer also called. It turns out that my Husband's attorney wants to settle. He doesn't have a leg to stand on (how ironic that both his legs are broken) in court. The only thing is that my husband and his attorney want to see me in person. My husband wants to have some time to just "talk" before we finalize the whole thing. I know he'll just be full of lies. But I'd rather do this then go through a court battle. We'll be meeting later this week. He's attending the funeral(s)of his mistress and unborn infant. Then we'll finalize the divorce. Wish me luck.

Dear Persephone, I am so sorry that you are in a complete state of disarray and upheaval. With what you have been through in the past five years anyone would be. But inspite of the circumstances I just want you to know that you still have yourself. Daryl betrayed you in the worst possible way. He lied to you. He cheated on you. And then he abandoned you without any explanation. But you still kept on. You still have you. Others might have caved under the pressure of having their lives turned upside down; but you took the lemons and made them into lemonade. Although the liquid is a little bitter it will sweeten as time goes on. Persephone, please give yourself the permission to love and trust again. You need to know that you are; wonderful, beautiful, loving, and any decent man would consider himself fortunate to have you by his side. Take care of yourself and love yourself. Love, -Persephone

I'm what one would consider a beautiful woman. I am not conceited. And I don't think I am better than anyone else because of it. I just know that I am outwardly attractive by societal standards. I've never had a problem garnering male attention, and I've been complimented on my looks my entire life. I have a wonderful career (I'm a real estate agent), and from outward appearances it looks like I have the perfect life. But I don't. I should be the happiest person in the world but I'm not. My problem is that I've been psychologically damaged by a lying, philandering, ex-husband. And I don't believe I'll ever be able to make another relationship work because of this. The day my husband left me, without so much as a hand written letter, my life went spiraling out of control. I lost so much, including my capacity to trust. I gave my whole heart to this man and he gave me nothing in return. I allowed myself to be completely vulnerable to him. Now, due to the infidelity and betrayel, I'm scared that I'll never be able to offer myself freely to anyone else. There was one man that I got serious about after my husband left. But I successfully sabotaged the relationship. My insecurity finally overwhelmed him and he left too. Well, he didn't leave I pushed him out the door. I do date, occasionally, but nothing ever pans out. When men start getting close to me I go into self destruct mode. I talk with a counselor about this and he said that it is best to shy away from intimate relationships altogether at this juncture of my life. Now that I am concentrating on my career and picking up the pieces of my life I realize that I still want a man in my life. But I am so afraid. I can't take being hurt like that again. Can you ever love again?

Hindsight, as they say, is 20/20. Before he left me I saw the writing on the wall. They were very subtle clues but they were there. One day he came home late and said that he had met up with some old "friends" from high school. He would go out with this old "friends" to shoot pool and eat dinner. He never allowed me to meet this set of "friends" either. He also began working overtime more frequently as well. This didn't bother me because he's a structural engineer. A career that demanding often requires some over time. And, of course, the times he answered his cellular phone and immediately excused himself from the room to do so.

I've decided to continue on with the divorce proceedings. I'm not going to make any attempt at salvaging this relationship. There was nothing to save in the first place. Right after I logged off I telephoned my attorney. He found out quite a few things that I was completely unaware of. **While we were married my ex-husband set up an offshore bank account. This was prior to the affair. So I believe he was going to leave me had there been no other woman. He made several investments (behind my back, of course) and they all turned out to be very lucrative. His net worth is estimated at around two and half to three million dollars. So not only did he have millions stashed away in a foreign bank account he cleaned out our savings account leaving me with practically nothing. **I discovered that his mistress was 18 weeks pregnant. She and the baby died in the accident. Apparently they had traveled back to the states to go through all the formalities of an official divorce. They were going to marry in the USA and live happily ever after. They also built a house together in Barbados. It hurts the most because Barbados is where we honeymooned. So as it is, I don't want this snake slithering his way back into my life and heart. I don't care what happens to him now. My attorney told me that I am entitled to approximately half of his earnings. Since, legally, I am still his wife I deserve compensation for emotional duress; not to mention losing the house and my job. Right now our lawyers are in talks with one another. I could possibly get a settlement out of this and avoid a court battle, I don't know. All I know is that I'm going through with the divorce no matter what. I just wish I could kill the part of me that is still in love with him. Thank you all so much for your advice.

It is so difficult being inside the situation. But seeing it from the collective perspectives of outsiders is very beneficial. I know that I don't need this man back in my life. As much as it hurts I am not going to make the same mistake twice. I still have to get him to sign the divorce papers, whether he will or not is anyone's guess. I just have to stop remembering the man I married and focus on the jerk that left me with nothing.

Thank you all. Your advice is appreciated. The biggest issue I'm having is wanting to know why he did it. That question has haunted me for the last five years. I want to rage, scream, and tell him how he messed me up! Healing was so much simpler when I thought he was never coming back. Now here he is again. I'll be rescheduling a visit to my therapist while I sort through this. I am very confused right now.