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Silentlyfor

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Everything posted by Silentlyfor

  1. Silentlyfor
    Dear Redmage22, So you've found out your are not insane. You've also found out think too much. Allow you emotions to come forth and DON'T WORK YOURSELF TOO MUCH!! If you can't deal with your emotions and work OT, THEN DON'T. And yes.... she's dead to you now. You don't have to worry about this anymore until later.
  2. Silentlyfor
    Dear Redmage22, GET HELP!
  3. Silentlyfor
    Yep... I think I'm actually bipolar. I think the rest of my problems are out of the scope of this forum.
  4. Silentlyfor
    guys... I think this is beyond grief. I think I'm manic depressed. My moods are a broad spectrum right now. I think I need medication, not professional help.
  5. Silentlyfor
    It didn't help me. My ex didn't give me a clear reason why when I aske her(thought I suspect she did the whole thing too hastily... I don't think she wanted to). Now my ex shocked me with her insanity. Her BROTHER told me she was sane. Any going back the original topic, I don't think it would help. My ex * * * *ed me over then didn't tell me why. I wouldn't expect any other experience would be that helpful.
  6. Silentlyfor
    Dear Redmage22, You're are angry with the world and with yourself. You are angry because you suffered, and are still suffering, over a human being that you love that is now being 'loved' by somebody else. I'M VERY ANGRY because I gave my time, my affection, my patience and my very will to this person and, for the first time in your life, the person you love most dear in this world had left you. You're angry because like everyone else... you loved and lost and the time you put into the person you loved has done nothing but cause me pain from loss and the sheer rage of acknowledging that she is taken by someone else now that MAKES HER HAPPIER!! What can I do? Is this what love does? I heave myself into her loving arms and then she decides I can be doffed like old clothing? She's not even attractive. How the hell can she find someone to love so fast? How is that right? How is that fair? Well to hell with her. I DID ditch her bum, craft artist * * *, and now this is the consequence. I HATE THIS CONSEQUENCE! Why couldn't have I done what she did and just not even react to it? Why didn't I find somebody new like she did? Why can't I.... Well... everybody goes through this don't they. Wonderful. And now I'm alone on top of things. I hope all this * * * * goes away one day. I really do.
  7. Silentlyfor
    Now my life is flashing before my eyes. What's going on?
  8. Silentlyfor
    Now I am Very * * * *ing angry and I don't know why. What the hell? I'm so mad RIGHT now. I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!! WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING!!
  9. Silentlyfor
    I don't see why. My ex didn't feel guilty for breaking up with me.
  10. Silentlyfor
    I don't yearn for her. I don't want her back. I'm not really mad at her. Now I'm remorseful. I feel depressed because I feel she was the only chance I had and I blew it. I feel I will be alone forever. I feel she was the only person that would date a wussy sensitive guy like me. I feel like I blew the only real chance at a relationship. I don't know why I feel this way. I just feel like I'm going to be single forever and she was the only person that I could ever get to be by my side. I know I can't have her back... but... I feel like.... I'm am the type of guys with a personality(not looks. I'm handsome) that no women can desire what so ever. I feel like even my ugly ex can find a guy within a moment... but I can't either because I'm unattractive, or too sensitive or not your typical manly type of guy. I can't shake this.
  11. Silentlyfor
    Dear Redmage22, I know you feel insecure right now because you don't truly know what this new guy has that you REALLY don't. I know you feel shunned and alone. I know you think this guy is better than you(Actually... that's funny because it's ridiculous... this is just a moment of insecurity). But dude, wake up! You have the rest of your life ahead of you, and although you THINK you don't have what it takes, YOU ARE WRONG. You are no better or no worse than anyone else in this world. Also... I think you finally come to the closing stages of your grief when you have starting saying, "she's dead to me." And, you know what, you don't have to be happy for her. You don't care enough to be happy for her. When the worst happens to her YOU KNOW you don't have to care. You don't wish her dead anymore, you now just don't care is she does die or worse. She's dead to you Redmage22. There is nothing you WANT to do to bring her back.
  12. Silentlyfor
    Dear me, SOOO Thankful that she is gone. I have no pressure. I don't have to have kids in 3 years. I don't have to consider leaving her after spending even more time with her. I have no anxiety now. I don't want her anymore and I feel like myself again... which is apparently... miserable. Oh well. At least I'm not yearning for her anymore. At least I'm not crying(as much) anymore. Now... I just have to find more purpose in my life.
  13. Silentlyfor
    That's how I feel btw.
  14. Silentlyfor
    I'm in a stage where there is a transtion between depression and acceptance.
  15. Silentlyfor
    Dear Redmage22, Oh right... there is something that guy has that you don't. One thing that your ex desires above anything else that only she could treasure. One thing that she covets that only one of her type could want. That would be pure, unadulterated WILLINGNESS. He's not more handsome. He's definitely not smarter. He's definitely not a people person. He's just WILLING to take what he can get... and so is she. Good to get that out, Redmage22
  16. Silentlyfor
    Dear Redmage22, Emotional fallout is a * * * * *, isn't it. You still miss her. Or rather you did when she started seeing someone else... which is strange... you need more confidence in yourself, my friend. You need to realize that this guy only SEEMS better than you because he has 10+ years of experience in his life that you don't have, yet. You need to realize that you outwit his intelligence by AT LEAST 10 fold. You need to know that he took your ex because he has to take what he can get. You wisened up. You ditched that * * * * *. You made SURE that she was out of your life. Don't go back on your word. You in fact said to her, "everybody goes through their first breakup. NOTHING good lasts forever." You ditched HER. STAND BY YOUR DECISION!!! DON'T LET YOUR JEALOUSY over this next desperate guys she has get to you. You ARE NOT INFERIOR TO HIM/HER!! IN FACT, you have the rest of your life ahead of you unimpeded by another person that has and probably would have taken advantage of you. You are better off. You have no reason to worry about what WILL happen. You have no reason to think about her. You have no reason to think about her. You have no more reason to hate her(you got that all off your chest about a week ago). You have no reason to even fear that you will encounter her again. YOU ARE GONE! YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO SEE HER AGAIN! YOUR ARE IN CHARGE OF YOU AND YOU ONLY AND HAVE NO REASON FOR ANY MORE OBSESSION!! YOU ARE FREE!! Truly needed to say/hear that, Redmage22
  17. Silentlyfor
    Dear Redmage22, You're not really angry anymore. You're not TERRIBLY sad anymore. You don't even care if you're going to see her again( and when you do, cry about it). You're afraid. You're afriad you're going to encounter her again. You're scared she's going to do something. You're afriad she's going to come crawling back to you. You're afraid she's going to try to hurt you. You're afraid she's going to call you and want to become friends. You're afraid that she's always going to be in your life even though you are gone from hers. You scared... because NOW you know she's truly... but a small part of fate might prove that untrue. I'm afriad I will see you again and I find myself preparing for such an encounter. But... she's not here. There is no reason to be afraid. She won't call. She won't harass you like she did when you broke up with her. I'm gone. She's not coming back. And now... you can feel like you did when you dropped her huge * * * out the door; like yourself. Best regards, redmage22
  18. Silentlyfor
    NCTuskie, read my initial post on Enotalone.com. Jealousy is what started my grief(which is not entirely unheard of, btw). Our problems are not so different. Relying on another person to help you get over it physically or emotionally will not work. But don't do what I did, and tell her she was a * * * *. NOT a good idea. Not so much because I hurt her, but because the guilt WILL overwhelm you. On top of that, Jealousy is just another form of anger. What you need to do is release it the same way you would anger.... well... after the sheer rage subsides.
  19. Silentlyfor
    Dear Redmage22, You still have a lot of pain to work through, but let's face it, you fell for the first girl you ever dated WAY too hard with acknowledging what you really wanted. Don't see this as a betrayal. See this as a learning experience and realize that mabey this isn't the best time for you to engage in a relationship. For now, keep trying to let her go, keep crying if need be, and, for * * * * sakes, KEEP WORKING ON YOUR WRITING CAREER!! Keep strong my friend. You are going to make it. She will be nothing more than a memory soon.
  20. Silentlyfor
    Dear Redmage22, You can't blame her for the unneccesary(Sp?) time you spent on her. You could have left her at any time. In fact, you almost did before she left you. She did treat you like crap, but you let her. It's not really a matter of fault, but accepting the pain coupled with what you allowed her to do to you is a responsibility you must accept. She was a crappy gf but at least you have the years to acknowledge that you can do much better.
  21. Silentlyfor
    Thank you everyone.... I think this was the worst part of my grief and I thank everyone here for helping me with advice. I feel this is probably the worst of it. My therapist said, exactly these words, you're doing a good job. Now cry more. Crying is debilitating, but it does help. It helps me admit to the pain I feel. It makes me feel like myself again when I cry and feel what I need to feel. It's.... healthy.... to me. But again, thank you everyone. I hope I can help you all as much as you helped me (and in the next coming weeks, vise versa)
  22. Silentlyfor
    I have the same problem. Making new friends has always been a problem for me and it's driving me insane when I really need someone to talk to. You see, I admit it. I was never there for people. I realize I have to be there as well through thick and thin to keep friends. Throughout my life I never cared for people, even if they cared for me. It's sort of a laziness thing as well. However, that still doesn't mean I don't have friends or can't make more(in fact, I'm trying). It's a struggle for me because I feel I avoided learning that skill. But, we all can learn. The trick is to fight that impulse to stay alone. We all need somebody.
  23. Silentlyfor
    DON'T HOPE!!! Do whatever you can; cry, write, talk to a therapist about how you feel. BUT DON'T HOPE!! These people threw our hearts in a blender and through us into an emotional dreg. NO NO NO NO NO!! Trust me. If I can go one without begging for her back, you can too.
  24. Silentlyfor
    My reasons - She was kinda nuts - She was way to emotionally needy - She was fat Her reasons - As near as I can tell, I wanted things to slow down - Due to circumstances out of my control I was sparingly there for her - I was too good for her. She had to let the best thing in her life go.
  25. Silentlyfor
    Just posting for the sake of posting. I'm having those shakes again and NC is draining me, as well as crying and yearning. I need to cry more. It helps me let go.
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