dawn515

I don't know about the others, but I've been happy with ING Direct. Currently their regular savings accounts are 4.40% with no fees or minimums. They also have CDs with higher yields. That's the only one I'm familiar with, though.

Definitely agree that you should wait a long time before sleeping with him, especially given that you have the info someone told him you were a s---. By your actions he will know this isn't true. If he's only in it for the sex, and you don't provide it, he will stick around for a few months if he truly is interested in YOU.

I prefer a man who doesn't have a car, but where I live it's more of a burden than an asset. I don't care about a man having money because I have my own. I do, however, want a man who's responsible. My current boyfriend makes much less money than I (and I'm a student), but he is passionate about his art. And I respect him for that.

Hmm, not sure what you mean by "all that," but where I live, it's normal for friends to hug each other hello and good-bye. It's even expected. I hug guy friends all the time (and girls), and my boyfriend hugs female friends. It's not a big deal, and not something to be jealous of, in my opinion. Since you mentioned she is huggy/touchy with female friends as well, I really don't think you should be worried. I think that might have a lot to do with it. Perhaps making things exclusive WILL make you feel a bit better. Not sure. But, at the moment, I don't think you need to feel jealous/insecure, because she HAS said she is into only you right now! Good luck!

Hey anna, I read your other post. Am I correct in thinking this guy is not your boyfriend? Your other post said that he says he likes you and enjoys spending time with you, but that he doesn't want a committed relationship. Taken with that, his comments about other girls, I believe, is a way of letting you know where you stand. I mean, you're not his girlfriend after all, right? So, in his mind, he should be free to talk about hot women or what woman he wants to marry someday, etc. Is that right? No. I think it's rude. Even if you are casual, I think he knows how you feel about him and he's still having sex with you, so I think it's wrong of him to point out other girls and talk about how hot they are. It's like, hey, you're sleeping with me, so what are you trying to say?? It just isn't respectful. The reason I'm telling you this is, because after reading this post and your previous one, I can say I was in an almost IDENTICAL situation not that long ago. In fact, I briefly wondered if it was the same guy! (Ha.) I was very attached to a guy who didn't want a relationship with me, told me he cared about me and he could take or leave the sex, would miss me and call me a lot, tell me how important I am, I'm such a good "friend," and on and on. He also talked a lot about other women – "Oh she's hot!" "Look at her ***!" You get the idea. He was always going nuts over some other girl – on the street, in the bar, on TV, wherever. He, too, was friends with all his exes. He was also always clear about not wanting a romantic relationship with me, though I usually avoided those talks with him. (Guess I kept hoping someday he would change his mind…) Incidentally, the "I don't love you" remark reminds me of a similar thing that happened to me with him. (Hm, I wonder if it IS the same guy?? ) And I definitely think he said it to clumsily try to tell me something, but it just hurt. I hope things work out for you, though, whatever you decide to do!

On edit: Decided to delete original post. Thanks to those who responded.

Hey Penny, I feel as though I have to post because your experience reminded me of one I had. It may not be the same, but perhaps I can impart SOME sort of wisdom! I met a guy through some mutual friends, and we hung out a lot. After a few times of hanging out, we ended up making out, and some other stuff, but not sex. One day he told me that he didn't want to kiss or make out anymore, and he wanted to be my friend. I said okay because I didn't know him that well and thought I'd give the friendship a chance. Over time, we became GREAT friends, however, I fell HARD for this guy. I tried not to, because he was "only" a friend. But it happened anyway. I couldn't help my feelings. I thought that over time, the initial attraction I had for him would fade; that we could become good friends because we did get along very well. Nope. I didn't get over it. At one point -- about a month after he'd told me he didn't want to be intimate with me anymore and stay friends -- he started seeing another girl. He would confide in me about his feelings for her, all about his relationship with her, everything. I was happy to be there for him. I still had those feelings for him, but I could put them on the backburner and stay his friend. I gave him advice about his relationship. Looking back, I think I just felt happy that I was still a part of his life and important to him. Eventually, he and the other girl broke up. It was much harder for me after that. Maybe it's the same for you, with your guy being in a LDR. I don't know; I can't presume to know. But when my guy broke up with this girl and started dating around, while I was still just the friend -- it hurt more. I can't explain this, really. Though I had feelings for him, it was easier for me to be his advisor and friend on his relationship while he was in one. When it was over, and he was single, it was so much more harder for me. Then he was dating around, having a few random hook-ups, telling me all about them, because to him, I was his friend, and never would be more. It just hurt me to hear this stuff. I tried to deny it to myself, but I did have hopes, those nagging hopes in the back of my mind. I was always torn between being his friend/confidante and wanting to be his lover. It TORE ME APART! I think that's what NJRon was talking about. I can only speak for myself and my experience, but trying to stay his friend, while harboring feelings (unrequited love) caused me more pain than it was worth! So, if you have a high "pain tolerance," be his friend. Eventually, after more than a year, I figured out that I couldn't be this guy's friend anymore. It was just too painful. That's my story. I hope it helps.

Wait until you are comfortable. I know what you mean, because when I was sixteen, it seemed that everyone around me was losing their virginity, getting it on, etc, and I felt left out. I sometimes thought about just going out there and "losing it" because virginity started to seem like a burden. When I finally did lose it, it was to a boyfriend I cared about, and he cared about me. (I was 16; he was 17.) Did that "love" last? No, it didn't. But I don't regret it, not one bit. For me, it's a good memory because I ended up with someone I cared deeply about at the time, so now I can at least look back on that memory with fondness. If I had lost it in some sort of random hook-up, I think I would feel differently about it. I'm glad that I at least waited to be with someone I cared about, even though it wasn't forever. I hope that helps...

First, I want to thank everyone for replying. You guys are great. Second, I've run what my brother said by a few other people, and their reaction was inevitably, "Well, THAT explains why he's never been married." Even my sister, who is also skeptical about the relationship, said not to pay attention to him because he's 42 and never really been in a serious LTR. So, yeah, even though I knew that, I let his comment get to me. At some point, if I want this relationship to last, I have to let my qualms about the age difference go. Sometimes I forget about it too, but then something will remind me, and I'll get all worried again. Perhaps I shouldn't, but, like someone pointed out, it's different when the woman is older and the man younger. I think we do have similar relationship goals, so it's fine in that department. I love him; he loves me. We have a great time together, and, in the end, I suppose that is all that matters. Thank you again for replying. I suppose I just needed some reassurance after finally being okay about it and then having my brother shake things up in my head...!

Hey Lilliebelle, I'm so sorry this happened to you and that you had to go through it alone. Your ex-bf's level of selfishness is astonishing. I do think, however, that you made the right decision in letting him know because now you have completely cut ties and can move on. Stay strong.

Hi Candy, I disagree with a lot of others on this thread as well. I think one can be good friends with an ex. In fact, I too have a good friend who was a friend before we got involved. Afterwards, we went back to being friends because that worked better for us. I have no sexual/romantic feelings for him. My boyfriend is also on friendly terms with some of his exes, and I don't have a problem with it because I TRUST him. As long as you aren't spending excessive amounts of time with your friend, I don't see a problem with it. You have even tried to get your bf involved, inviting him to things. It's a shame that he doesn't want to get to know the guy because that would probably help. Best of luck, and I hope it works out for you.

Personally, I never volunteer this kind of information unless directly asked, especially in new relationships. I had an abortion when I was 17, and it's a topic I don't usually go into with anyone. I suppose I didn't think that much about whether I would tell my new boyfriend about it until it came up -- abortion in general -- and he asked me if I had ever had one. I'm an honest person, so I told him the truth, and he was cool with my answer. But, I never would have volunteered this information unless asked, and I certainly wouldn't volunteer it too early in the relationship. Since you said you share a lot about one another, you should at least find out his position on the topic, and then perhaps tell him what you went through. You should NOT feel ashamed for what you did, but knowing his views on the topic might help with how you break it to him, if you choose to do so. Best of luck!

Yes, it definitely sounds to me like she was wanting to hook up, but you two kept getting interrupted. Very strong signals. What do you need advice on? Sounds like you met a girl at a party interested in something sexual but not much else.

I've been with my boyfriend almost four months. We had a lot of chemistry from the beginning, with a lot of the same tastes in film, art, music, and literature. We can have intellectual discussions for hours… The biggest problem we have is the age difference. I am 34 and he is about to turn 24 in a few weeks. Truth be told, when I met him, I thought he was a few years older, and he thought I was a few years younger. It wasn't until after I consented to the date that someone told me he was 23. I agonized a lot about whether I should go out on the date, but everyone told me to go, have fun, etc. A few weeks later, I told him how old I was. He actually seemed flattered that I liked him and said the age difference makes no difference to him. But now that the relationship has turned serious (much to my surprise), those same people who were for me going out with him have started to warn me. Again and again it's the age difference. My bf tells me that most of the time he forgets about it until I somehow bring it up, but that it doesn't matter. He's in love with me. Et cetera. I think it helps that we're both in the same stage of life. I quit my old life and moved to go back to school, so we are both students, both poor and struggling in the Big City. But I've always remained uneasy about the age difference. Recently my older brother came to visit me. He's 8.5 years older than I and has never been married. He hung out a lot with my bf and me, and later, when we were alone, I asked him what he thought. He said that my bf is a nice guy and probably fun "for now," but that he wasn't long-term material because of the age difference. He said I should see other people. I said I would have to break up with my bf because he would never allow me to see other people. Then he said, "What am I now? 42? I wouldn't be attracted to a 52-year-old woman." First, I find that a bit offensive. I think there are plenty of women who are attractive after the age of 50. Second, if I'm looking for a life partner, we need a stronger bond than just the physical because OF COURSE we are going to grow old and not so attractive. I thought that was the whole point of marriage – finding someone that will stick with you to the end, despite an aging body. But, still, his comment stuck with me. I can't help thinking, can I really be with a man more than ten years my junior? Will he still want to be with me in ten years when I am 44 and he is 34? Are most men's thinking as shallow as my brother's? I struggle with the age difference a lot, and my brother didn't help matters. What do you guys think? Should I stay with the younger man I love? Or should I break it off to pursue someone more "age appropriate"? Thanks in advance.