syborg
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She said sorry and realised how silly she was She admitted she has a major fear abiout being alone because she is 27 and wants to get married and settle down and have children because she was all se to do this with her ex who she later broke up with cos he was playboy She has put a lot of "faith" in our relationship and just has many fears
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Thats correct, and rather than hiding from her, she is the one who has gone home for a few days to "sort out her head" whereas I have been 100% supportive of her, even tho its very difficult. The main reason for coming on here is so that I can show HER the comments from others to help her realise that my thinking is not unique. All the comments that sugest "she needs help" will be very valualbe becasue I also suggested that to her. Of course, I won't bombard her with negative comments, but instead, slowly make her realise : (1) She was wrong to use these words (2) I want to help her as much as I can
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We have not yet met but have spoken and "see" each other on webcam each day. she is 28 and does have a strong insecurity about being alone, as her father left her mother years ago and her ex b/f was also a playboy type who cheated on her. This situation has stretchecd my ability to forgive to the limits, but I can't help but feel that she needs help rather than condemnation. For that reason, I remained clam, made it clear to her how hurt I was, and also suggested that she go to a Bhuddist Temple and seek council from a Monk as I believe she needs some spiritual guidance. At 1st she was argumentative and said "im fine, im ok", but for me, the first sign of an unsound mind, is denial.
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I have been in an LDR with a girl from Thailand since August We chat on webcam msot days and have got on VERY well and we have chatted a lot about me coming to visit her next year, when finances allow. All was going well, but just last week, we entered into a rather morbid discussion about death and the afterlife and heaven and hell etc etc. At 1st, the discussion was a sort of comparison about the differences between christianity and Bhudism and it was sort of interesting, but later on, she bagan to say some really distrubing things..... She told me that she was scared to be alone, not only in life, but in the afterlife and if she ever lost me she would kill herself. I told her that she shouldn't talk like that cos it wasn't nice, and then she got REALLY moody with me and said that if I died, she would want to join me in the afterlife to be with me so would kill herslef so we could be together. This kind of freaked me out, and she logged off in a bad mood and said she didn't want to speak for a few days..... Next day was even worse..... She contuned to speak about wanting to be in the afterlife together and I asked her the folloiwng question..... If we were married and you died, would you excpet me to kill myself to be with you, and let our children grow up alone, or would you want me to live and raise our children to be strong and helthy, and THEN join you when it was "our time" her answer to that question was the most freaked out and most morbid comment I have ever heard she said... "I would want you to kill our children, then kill yourslef, so we could all be together" She was serious about this and had NO idea that here words were hurtfull. I tried to wonder why she said this she later said sorry but showed little remorse. This is freaking me out.......
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Go With Her Parents Or Find Another Way?
syborg replied to Jabbe's topic in Long-Distance Relationships
Cant stand to be with you in a car for 30 mins ? How HORRIBLE is that In life we don't always get on with ppl but to say something like that is just ill mannered, rude and disrespectful. -
Go With Her Parents Or Find Another Way?
syborg replied to Jabbe's topic in Long-Distance Relationships
Go with the parents and make the following points clear (1) You are being mature. If you have nothing to hide then show them you are good person (2) It his you g/f's graduation so its her special day so forget your own fears and worries and agree with her parents to make it special for her sake. (3) Be yourslef. Don't try to over impress, show off, or be something your not. Just Show her parents that you want to support their daughter and be dignified and ignore any "nasty" comments they might make. If they see that you make an effort, it may help them to like you (4) Most parents disaprove of their daughters b/f. Its natural. Avoiding them and not seeing them makes it worse. Good luck -
My g/f contacted my EX and accuses ME of living in the Past
syborg replied to syborg's topic in Long-Distance Relationships
I told her how upset I was and how i felt betrayed bu her, but she is just using this as an excuse to show that I am the one with issues. She said "your the one who is getting all upset so that means you still love your ex". She wont take the SLIGHTEST bit of responsibility for her own actions and is twisiting everything to me. If I go n/c she will use that as another excuse. It doesn't matter what I do cos whatever I do will be wrong. -
Please help me Me and my g/f (from the philippines) had a bit of a rough patch these past two weeks. I was supposed to visit her but had to postpone due to personal reasons. My g/f said she understood and accepted things, although she was disappointed. However, just last week, I found out that she sent messages to my ex g/f (who as also a filipina) and basically tried to find out as much info as possible. This ex g/f hurt me a lot, so I was very upset that my new g/f spoke to her becasue I HAD TOLD HER EVERYTHING ABOUT MY PAST RELATIONSHIP in an open and honset way, and then left it at that. I told my g/f that I was upset and now she is accusing me of still being in love with my ex and being unable to move forward. This is simply not true and the following facts are true : (1) I told my current g/f about my ex cos SHE asked me about her so I tod the truth and had nothing to hide. (2) My current g/f told me ages she wanted to contact my ex. I told her not to (3) My current g/f took a photo of me and my ex together off her friendster and kept looking at it (4) My current g/f asked me AGAIN what happened between us (5) My current g/f CHOSE to contact my ex when we had a bad time. As you can see, it his her, not I who has shown interest in my ex. I told this to my g/f but she still accuses me of loving her and not letting go. She is acting SO irrationaly and even made out that it was my FAULT she contacted her. Why is she being so irrational when she is very intelligent ? Why can she not accept that her OWN actions are digging up the past and not mine ? I try to tell her all this but she just puts up a barrier and tells me she can't move on with me until I let my ex go. I let me es go over a YEAR ago but she has brought her into out relationship. What can I do. She just wont listen to reason anymore and just tells me to stop arguing.
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Yes she just gets more defensive, tells me that my worries are killing the relationship and tells me she if "knew" i was going to be like this, she wouldn't have gone back to college. What she means by that i DO not know
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I sat for a good 15 minutes, THINKING she was getting changed and getting some food ready, thats fair enough. Its only when I decided to have a game myslef when I was waiting for her that I noticed she was playing the game too. That means she had every intetion of keeping me hanging on for 30 mins as that how long game tournaments last. When I confronted her, she got defensive, accused me of making her blood boil, accused me of annoying her, told me that she didn't invite me to play cos she didn't want me to think that she was only interested in the game, which seems SOOOO Ilogical to me. I tried to tell her how hurt i was and more to the point, if this "attitude" was hiding any underlying problems. She just used the "im tired and I need to sleep" routine. I hurt her once, and I did all the making up and sorting things out. Now she hurts me (not in a major way) but she acts like its all my fault and i'm the one in the wrong annoying her. She even denies doing anything wrong and thinks her actions are justified. Maybe I should try the "taste of her own medicine" routine to see if she gets the message. Its taken away ALL my enthusiams for going to see her, thats the saddest part.
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Well today she came home from college and came online to see me waiting for her on MSN. She said "hi" and that she had had a bad day so I asked her what was wrong and to tell me about her day. She said brb so I waited and waited and waited 20 mins later I was still waiting, so i logged into this online golf game to find out that she was half way through a tournament even tho she KNEW i was on MSN waiting to chat to her. She has done this a few times before and when I confront her and tell her how it makes me feel, she just gets defensve and tells me she needs to play this game to relax. That's fair enough so why does she not just send me a message to say "hello, im stressed out, gonna play golf then go to bed" I feel like this game has become an obsession to her to the point that she thinks its more important than me. I'm the one how has spent £500 to travel 7000 miles to see her so I thought at the very least she would chat to me, or TELL me she didn't want to chat, instead of keeping me waiting and waiting. Am i being unreasonable ? If it was me playing a game and a girl was on the other end waiting for me, sending messages that were being ignored, damn right id be in the s**t
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Hello In January I met a girl from Philippines online and we struck up an amazing friendship, complete trust, instant "click" and we made the effort to chat almost every day. Although we made no promises to each other or made no commitments, our feelings grew naturaly and we could tell how much we cared for each other without us even telling each other. The openess and transparency in the relationship made it feel special. We spoke about meeting up for a while and I decied I would go and see her for two weeks in July. I'm due to fly out on 14th of July to meet her for the 1st time. If we do become b/f and g/f, I will be her second b/f and she has told me that she may find this difficult becasuse she has never "moved on before" and has not experienced what it is like to forget an ex. (They broke up 2 years ago so she is over him). She also told me that she is scared to get hurt and sees me as her "ideal man" and hopes that when we do meet, her feelings can be assured. The problem is, just this week, she seems to be acting very cold towards me. Chatting less than usual, using "im too tired to talk, can I sleep" tactics to avoid any serious chat. She assures me she is fine and really cares for me and tells me not to worry or have any negative feelings but I know in my "gut" that something isn't quite right. Could she be having an attack of the "jitters" before my arrival, the same way that married couples get all sorts of fears just before their wedding ? I get the jitters too but recongise them and can deal with them, but could she be experiencing the same thing and not know how to deal with them ? (she is only 21) I hope i'm right cos I don't wanna fly 7000 miles to find she doesn't love me or anything. I hope all will be well. If things ARNT OK, id rather she tell me NOW so I can decide if going is the best idea. I ask her and she says she is just stressed out cos she began a new college course last week so of course that understandable, but, sometimes you just get this.......feeling, know what I mean ?
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Yeah Sometimes you will have "boring days" and other times you will have days where you talk and talk for hours and hours about everything and nothing. Online games are also a good way to spend time. I like to play Gunbound and Pangya which are online games that you can play with your partner. Yahoo Messenger also has some games too. Also, don't be scared to have "naughty" fun if you have webcams. At 1st I thought it was only sad geeks who did that sort of thing, but sometimes a bit of sexy talk and flirting with each other on webcam can be very sensual and can ignite long distance passions....you get the picture, I'll say no more about that. These kind of things can keep a relationship going for MONTHS (January - June for me) and also, have a goal. Plan to meet up. Even if its in a YEARS time, plan that as a goal, soemthing to look forward to. If he is the right person for you, then things will stay alive for a long time. Sometimes its hard, sometimes it frustrataing but, if you love each other, then its worth it all at the end of the day
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Your insecurities are normal and are absed on what you are "missing out on". You are stable in your life just now, but she is still a student, having fun, going to parties etc. The points to note are as follows: (1) She still contacts you so she hasn't forgotten you so thats good (2) She says she loves you and misses you, that is a good sign (3) Being a student can be quite stressfull and difficult so maybe you are "second" in her life, but thats normal when ppl are distant or have exams and things so don't worry. OK, here is my advice (1) DON'T use insecurities to end what is already good between you. If you dwell on them all the time then you will risk pushing her away. Some girls love it when their b/f''s are jealous, but not when they become obsessive and posessivbe. (2) Talk to her about how you really feel and ask her for your help. If you want her to call you more, tell her, if you want her to e-mail you more, tell her. Tell her what YOU want her to do to help alleviate your fears. With any luck she will think yoiu are soo cute and only be too happy to make u feel better (3) Accpect that wild parties and noise and music are part of student life. How may times have you been to a noise bar or club but never been with another girl ? Just cos she is there, it does not mean she is being unfathfull. (4) Don't break up with her just cos you are scared she breaks up with you. Thats a classic case of "cutting off your nose to spite your face" or "Killing the goose that laid the golden egg" if she ever DOES break up with you then that time will come. Yeah, it will hurt, of course it well, but then again it may NEVER come. Breaking up with her now will just hurt even more. hope this helps
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It sounds like HE is the rat. Topless girls in his home, Hooking up with a girl he has sex with ?? You are RIGHT to air your concerns!!!!! if he loved you he would respect you and NOT do these things. This guy is doing the classic "oh so you don't trust me" guilt trip routine which is designed to make girls feel awkward. That is EXACTLY what he has done to you to the point that YOU feel YOU are to blame. YOU have done NOTHING wrong. What you need to do is back off from him for a while and WATCH as he comes running back to you. This guy is controlling your feelings and the best way to deal with a control freak is to make him feel like he has LOST control. Stand tall and be PROUD. you have done NOTHING wrong !!!
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I told her She is gald i was honest and she told me i did the right thing
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Yeah, it IS weird. The story she told me is as follows: She is singer and tours bars and clubs with a band. She told me that the band needed new instruments so SHE signed a loan agreement for the band to get new instruments. Thirty thousand peso which works out at around £280 UK money or around $400 - $450 US dollars give or take. She then told me that the band member ran off with the money leaving her with the debt, and she now has to pay it off. She told me the debt collectors needed 10 thousand peso by LAST WEEK or she will go to prison. (1) she could NOT have signed any loan agreement cos she has no regualar income (2) she said her family have disowned her and won't help her. her sister husband is RICH yet nobody will help her ???? (3) NOBODY goes to prison for debt problems. that's B.S. This girl has a repuation for lying and deciet (thats the main reason we broke up) and has NO sense of responibility at all. I don't trust her ONE LITTLE BIT
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My new ladyfriend asked me lots of questions about my ex a few months back and was even tempeted to e-mail her a few months back cos she was soo curious. That MAY still happen. If she ever contacts my ex and hears from her what she should have heard from me, it may upset her.
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the first meeting in person.....
syborg replied to chuck norris's topic in Long-Distance Relationships
It can work It doesn't matter if it Long distance or not, there is always this "online-reality" transition that is the ultimate test. I've met lots of girls over the net and the onese I was disappointed with were the ones who had no photos, no phone calls, just YM or MSN for a few weeks. The most sucessfull meetings involved girls who i chatted to on MSN spoke to on the phone, and used webcam with. When you allow feelings to develop NATUALY then things will be great. If you allow yourself to build ASSUMPTIONS then things may not be good. I think you'll be ok ! Good luck -
Hello As you may know from my prervious posts, I'm currently chatting to a lovely Filipina and i plan to meet her this summer. Just this week, I logged onto my e-mail, and YM messenger to wait for her to come online and while I was waiting, I got an IM from my EX who is also a Filipina. (she is NOT on my buddy list) I accepted the message, and asked her what she wanted and to cut a long story short, she is broke, having financial problems, and had come running to me for money to get her out of a mess she is in. (our breakup was VERY long, hurtful and bitter and we hadn't spoken since November when I ended things once and for all) Of course, she was all "ooh hello, i forgive you for what you did" at first, but I DON'T TRUST HER AT ALL and think she is just trying to con me. I have no intention of sending her money, but the question is, DO I TELL MY NEW FILIPINA FRIEND (G/F to be) THAT SHE CONTACTED ME ? If i tell her, it may "open a can of worms" which i don't want. If I don't tell her, does that mean I am being dishonest and keeping things from her ? we have a VERY open and honest relationship.
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BE CARFEFULL. He MAY have sussed out it was you but maybe not. Either way, if you "disapear" too quicly from the dating site, it may make him suspiscous so still pretend to show interest in him. If you vanish now after what he said, it makes it a bit obvious so ease off gadually.
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Everything seems fine now. We chatted on Saturday, and mostly all day on Sunday on MSN. She thanked me for helping her open up and told me that I really helped her and nobody has ever made her feel like this before, ie being able to open up and face her problems. She said when she saw I was online in the online game, she wanted to say "Hi" but felt nervous and shy cos of what she had said before and then said she was Sorry. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to ME, she just wanted to sort out her issues without being a burden on me and was trying to protect our relationship, not drive a wedge between it.
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Im with Sara on this She may be going crazy and it may hurt her, but hell, she's getting more truth about her bloke than he's letting on. She ahs proved he chats to other girls, PROVED he makes up excuses. Sara, you have got this guy by the balls. Find out all you can, but BE PREAPRED TO GET HURT, thats the best advice. We all want to be a "fly and the wall" when our partners tak to their friends about us. You ahve gone one better so you can find out ANYTHING. He's claiming to be single, he's chatting online, so, us your spy tactics wisely and take as much evidence as you can. This is spying, this is entrapment and why do I condone it ? I condone it cos if your B/F was INNOCENT then you woudln't resort to such tactics in the 1st palce. The situatons others create, often determine our actions. Good luck and NAIL him till he squirms.
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We "bumped" into each other online last night (in an online game) and we chatted. She said that she didn't want to burden me with her problems cos she knows I have enough of my own and was trying to protect our relationship cos she was worried that I would go off her if she chatted about problems all the time. When I told her I'd stand by her no matter what, she was like "really" wow and sounded greatful. She was clearly happy to speak to me and didn't try to evade any questions or get moody so I think she is ok....i hope so.
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Her problems are not "serious" but more "confusing" for her becasue she is not sure which direction to go in her life. There is no "llife or death" situation but she is feeling down and depressed about something she wants to do but is unable to do. The surprising thing is, she has opened all of this to me before so what makes "this time" so different ? this is what I don't get. We all have problems, I have many, and yes, I want to be alone sometimes, but NOT to the point that I want to excldue those closest to me from my life. The 1st thing she said on her e-mail was that she was sorry that I felt so hurt and she wanted to assure me that her problems were nothing to do with our relationship.