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luvagain

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  1. luvagain
    xblondyx, I've been on NC for over 3 months now and I won't lie to you but the feeling of emptiness stays with you for a while. I feel it once in a while when I find myself walking to my car after a long day at school. The reasonis because I know I'm going home to an empty apartment, I have no one to greet when I come home. Then there are those days when the emptiness is filled with the company of friends and activities. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you must stay busy and if the feelings come to you don't bottle them up. If you feel like crying do it, you are human and we are exected to feel.
  2. luvagain
    Lonely days, I want you to know that my ex said the same thing. She told me she "wanted to be with me forever mere days before breaking up with me". And yes we will find it hard to trust again especially them. I still can't believe it happened to me and your letter is almost identical to the last email I wrote her. It brings tears to my eyes reading it because it's so familiar. Sorry about your situation. I wish you the best.
  3. luvagain
    Lion-guy, I feel that you are telling my story except I don't have anyone in my life right now. I dated my ex for 7.5 years and she broke it off in mid October. I havent seen her since then and I have been on NC for about 3.5 months or so. I wonder the same thing at least once a week. How can someone who said they loved you and wanted tot spend the rest of their lives with you all of a sudden cut you off? I wonder if she thinks of me even though she is dating someone at the moment? I wonder if she get flashbacks of the good times we had. But it is disturbing that all coomunicaton has been cut off but I guess it's for the best. The pain will slowly fade, is what I hear. I don't know when though but I hope it does soon.
  4. luvagain
    I remember the littlest things. I have an eye for detail and it's the tiniest of things that made her special. A wink, a look, a gesture, etc. I would like to forget. I DO want to forget. She has and so should I. Have you seen "Iternal Sunshine of a spotless mind"? I watched it and I wanted to be Jim Carry's character, I still do. The truth, however; is that it's not possible. The memories will always be there and that kills me. I don't know how I feel about her anymore. I've become angry and numb and I hope that a woman can enter my life and take that away and put the love and care back in. In time memories fade and her name willnot have meaning and their scent is just another scent. They are just a distant memory. Time and patience, friend.
  5. luvagain
    If they love you they will accept you for who you are, imperfections and all. We are not perfect and neither are they. A relationship involves compromising and you shouldn't be doing all the bending. I feel awful, ney, ashamed for crying to her. Asking not to end it and giving it a second chance. I told her I would change whatever she wanted me to change. Then I realized I wasn't/am not the problem, it's her. She is immature and I became too attached in the 7.5 years we were together. I was in love, what do you expect.
  6. luvagain
    Beautifully put. With your permission I would like to copy and paste it and have it as an inspirational document. If you could hear me you would hear clapping.
  7. luvagain
    "How do you cut someone form your life?" I'm trying to do that now. I feel that my ex has done so and I'm going to return the gesture. I don't tihnk I can be friends with her after what she did. For all I know, if I run into her, I will pretend she doesn't exist. How can someone cut you off so easily? How can the love you so deeply and then stop. "I will always love you" she said. "You will always be my true love" she said. Wow, she took me for a ride. She is a heartless gal. If you figure out how to speed up the process of cutting them out please let me know.
  8. luvagain
    I ask myself the same question all the time. Where is he in my darkest hour? Why has he abandoned me? Why would he have me love and then take it away in such a harsh manner? Boricua7, sweetie, the world is a better place because you are in it. I have the same feelings sometimes. There are times when I wish I didn't exist just so the pain goes away. Then I think to myself, is she worth dying for now? I was ready to give my life for her but now I don't know. You have a lot to give and someone out there will see it and jump att he opportunitty to have you as a friend, lover and wife. If you cease from existing then you are denying someone out there to love you. There is someone out there right now, I'm sure, who wants to love you unconditionally. Chin up darling
  9. luvagain
    Stick with NC for a little while longer and then, depending on how you feel, contact her. If you talk her make sure to avoid the BF conversation and anything that will open the wounds.
  10. luvagain
    The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: A broken and contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. Psalm 51:17
  11. luvagain
    I'm in Grad school in San Diego. She is Back in the Bay area getting her credentials to be a teacher. She is in a relationship and I havent' seen her since September so I guess it should be easier but it's not. I tried to talk to her in November but she went into hidding. I like to think that someday I will have someone in my life that won't quit when times get hard. Someone that won't stab me in the back the way she did. I like to think that you will find a man that will worship you for who you are, what you stand for and what you want to do with you life. To be showered with love that you can't hide from it. To wake up next to someone who will wink, kiss us and say "good morning sweetie". It's those thoughts that sadden me because I don't have that anymore and I crave it. It was my drug of choice and still is. I'm in withdrawal (spelling?). You just wait and see, we will have that again. How's the weather in Tempe, Arizona?
  12. luvagain
    Thanks Diggitydave. Sometimes it's those words of encouragement that keep me moving forward. I do, everyday. I ask for strength and patience. I ask that all those who are going through the same thing find peace and love. That their hearts heal and regain what they lost. He hasn't heard me yet but I think eventually he will and when that day comes I will be ready to receive what's coming to me. I hope the best for you friend. Thank you for your kind words.
  13. luvagain
    You have a very good point, Diggitydave. I feel better after I cry but it hurts when the tears and emotions come out of the blue. There are times when I'm having a good day and sudddenly I want to break down because it hits me, she's gone. Out of the blue it hits me and I get an empty feeling and I start thinking about whether I will find someone to spend the rest of my life with.
  14. luvagain
    It's still torture to look at photos, don't you think? You are still fantasizing about the past. I was told to put away all photos, cards, any reminder and box them up. I was told that when I was ready I would open the box and look through them again without having to feel sad. I have put all reminders away and have put them deep in my closet until i'm ready to see them again. I don't think I ever want to see them again. Time will tell.
  15. luvagain
    Those are good question bkjsun. I've been wondering the same thing. I feel that I'm making progress but there are times when i break down and start crying. I feel that the repressed feelings are surfacing. I haven't fully released all my feelings so I've had to hold them in. There are times, however; when I'm numb and I don't feel anything and that worries me. Some days are harder than others. I think about the next relationship I will be in and I don't want tmy partner to deal with things I haven't dealt with. Even then, if I have dealt with them, I don't want her to deal with trust issues and insecurities. I don't want my partner to pay for the ex behaviour. I guess the answer to that is don't get invloved until youare fully healed or over your ex. Break ups, I have come to realize, makes life more complicated and painful.
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