Memi

...I can't tell you how refreshing it is when guys are completely honest with you. I'd rather have a guy telling me that they hook up with girls they meet at clubs (so that I can make a decision whether I want that in my life) rather than hide it from me, or not mention it and let me find out later (just to save me from the hurt in the beginning. I went on a date with a guy that told me the he wasn't really interested something long-term and that the most recent he hooked up with someone else was 1 week before we did (yes we hooked up before our first date out)....and instead of being angry, I was just thought, "atleast he's honest!!". But maybe it's because I'm so used to guys trying to hide everything...and ending up finding out later. Hope this helps some of you guys...

... in dealing with their emotions. She said that it takes longer to settle in a man's mind that they're in love or even strongly like a woman. And that when they say that "they don't know" they really mean it. It's just not clear in their heads at the moment that they could truly possibly be in love with someone. At first I thought it was a bunch of BS...but I think my mother could be right about this.... What do y'all think?

But I don't think Norman digs me in that way. We've talked before, we joke around, but we don't flirt with each other. We have, however, said that we should hang outside of work...but for nothing more than just having fun with friends. Also, Ignatius is not the type of person at all that would have to tell his friend to invite me somewhere he would definitely do it himself. So maybe this whole Norman thing is totally separate from Ignatius. I guess I'll find out tonight...and I'll update you guys tomorrow... Thanks for your thoughts!!!

Using the names you've given: Ignatius = The guy who flirts with me. Norman = the friend (who actually happens to be cute as well). Norman (Ignatius's VERY GOOD friend) called me to hang out with Norman and his friends which I would assume includes Ignatius....but then again, he never even mentioned that Ignatius would be there. I'm still going to go whether or not Ignatius is there...but it's just so weird.

And now for a (very weird) twist.... His friend actually just called me up and invited me out to hang out with him and some friends tonight. WEIRD! I mean, this guy has never called me before, although I knew he had my number because of work. What in the world is going on????

I do try to flirt back a little...but he knows that I "go slow", so I don't really like saying suggestive things without having the experience, ya know? I don't want to be a tease to him. I do sometimes tell him that he looks sexy and cute... but there have been times when I say something like "leave your front door unlocked " and it seems like he totally shuts down, like the flirting all of a sudden stops. Which is why I'm getting mixed signals.

Unfortunately, to this guy, it's probably become "messy". It could have been: Boy likes girl, boy flirts with girl, girl flirts back, a friendship ensues, boy and girl go on a date, boy and girl live happily ever after (I'm joking ofcourse). But with you and him it's like: boy likes girl, girl disses boy in front of others, girl pretends that he's no one important (because we all love to feel unimportant), boy gets frustrated and gives up, boy gets call from dissing girl to go out, boy is confused , and probably a bit scared, girl buys him drinks, boy thinks girl is manipulative and controlling, boy needs his manhood back, so he buys his buddy drinks..... ...do you see where I'm going here? You made something simple a little bit complicated and things ended up being really confusing to everyone.

lol! That's awesome! Was it just a one time thing? Did it ruin the friendship you two had before? Oh, and why were you "half-joking"? Did part of you not want to make out with her?

I called him last night. He had a movie that my friend had lent him and I wanted to see it (hey, it was the best excuse I could come up with!). I called him to see if he was done with it so I could borrow it...and he said that he hasn't seen it yet and that I could only watch it if I watch it with him at his place....again the flirting...so I asked him what time he'll be home (because he was out). At that point he got a little serious and said, "if you want though you can go get it my front door is unlocked." There was a little bit more flirting, but the conversation was over quick, with no invitation to hang out last night, nor any propositions for hanging out in the future.... ...are you guys SURE that he seems genuinely interested? I've read that book "He's Just Not into You" and it seems like he's just not interested. Could our age difference possibly have something to do with it? Would he be embarrassed to hook up with a 26 year old?

OK here's a little background...I work a few days a week with a guy who is 22, I'm 26. We've worked together for about 3 years, with just regular conversation, banter back and forth, and jokes, etc... We've never hung out outside of the job, but he is always saying the we have to hang out sometimes (but he never calls and actual does it). In the past year, he has made several allusions to "hooking up" with me with no strings attached, and now it's become an ongoing joke. Now here's the thing...he's gorgeous and I'm starting to feel very attracted to him, and kinda wish he was serious about it. My friends seem to think that if I did wanna hook-up that he would totally go for it, but I fear that there's a possibility of being rejected...and I don't want that! So my question is, do you think he would be scared off if I happen to call him and asked if he wanted to hang out. Do you think, from what I've told you that he would reject me and that all the flirting and joking was just that and nothing more? I should add, that right now, that's all I'm looking for: a hook-up, I don't necessarily want to be in a relationship right now.

....ever since the break-up I've had the biggest desire just to get up and leave the country. I've been on craigslist looking at the costs of flats in London, as well as jobs that I would need to support myself...and just starting off clean without the ex, without all the people that had ANY influence on us, or that remind me of him. Plus, I fancy the English accent quite a bit =). Am I going insane?

Just wondering, is this a brand new job? Maybe it'll take some time...acquaintances usually become friendships over time if there's some effort put into it. I was just reading a book that explained that if you want to make friends, find out what their "needs" are and see if you can offer any assistance, usually that's how great friendships start, when you help out someone...also, just talking to people about what their interests are (who doesn't like talking about themselves) can start communication rolling.

Maybe it's just scratching the surface, but I really do feel angry because I don't understand how anyone can betray me like that? Why did he lie about the stupid things and think that he could get away with away with just awful things. Why doesn't he care about anyone but himself? Why were his words never backed up with action? Why did I stay with him when EVERYONE told me that he was no good? (Well, I guess for that one, I should just be angry with myself...which I am). I'm angry because I don't have answers...unfortunately I might never get them. I hate him because he always gives me hope and then lets me down. And now he's abandoned me and I have no idea what he's doing anymore. I hate him because he never stood up for me. I hate him because his sister was trying to get him to go back to his ex, and he never told her to stop....and in the end, they were back in communication (and may or may not have slept together). I just hate him....and maybe that's good...maybe without the anger I'd just be the stupid ex that keeps going back. Even after my first post, I couldn't stop writing the angry emails. I did it up until yesterday. I decided I needed to stop because I was starting to feel like a LOUSY person, and that's not who I am! Throughout the relationship he has definitely brought out the worst in me! And I don't want to be that person....so I let go. I went out with my friends...had a blast...and I just feel better today. Maybe I was too dependent upon him for friendship? And I felt abandoned....

...I've been feeling extremely irritable. I get mad at every little thing that goes wrong....I get upset at people more quickly. I blame my ex for everything and even went as far as writing him several letters telling him how I hate him, and what's wrong with him, and just hurling insults at him. At first he tried dishing them back, but then he just told me he'd never read anything from me ever again. Which is for the best I guess. I'm just so angry...I feel like a fool for going back to him so many times only to find out more lies... How do I get over this and move on? How can I go back to my normal sweet self? Why am I so angry ALL the time?

....that we can fight and argue, say horrible things to each other, break up and that on Valentine's Day he could still ask me to be his Valentine? He never said sorry for anything he's done, we've been ignoring each other for the longest time (well, he's been ignoring my emails), and now he sends me little teddy bears and thinks that I can just forget about everything that has happened? HOW CAN SOMEONE BE THAT DELUDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I can't even begin to explain how much I can relate to you. I cut people off easily and I don't even know why I do it and wish I could stop just so I can have friends in my life. My family life is practically non-existent. My father left when I was 18 and I don't forgive him for that and won't really talk to him. My mother is distant and I'm still upset at her because she doesn't act like other mother's who still call their children just to ask how they're doing (she only calls to complain about my sister). I hate my sister because she's selfish and only calls when she needs something and constantly hangs up on me when something "comes up" without saying goodbye. I have no family other than that...and I feel like I've been dealt an unfair hand by having this family, so I tend to think negatively about them. My closest friend has shown that she can be deceptive to others, which makes me feel like she could, at any time, do the same to me, so I've been slowly pushing her away. Plus, she rambles on and on about stuff that I don't care to listen to. My other closest friend is now always busy and I don't feel like I should invest my time in someone who's just not going to be there for me. I only have one co-worker and she annoys the crap out of me. My boyfriend and I just split up about a month ago (but we're talking again) and he notices my anti-social behavior and it bothers him because I depend on him solely for friendship and it's starting to burden him, I think. But even with him, there are times where I just hate him. I wish I were different, I wish I was I was just one of those bubbly gals that everyone loved and made friends anywhere they went and was forgiving...but there's something that stops it everytime. And so here I stand at 24...friendless and lonely, so I just roam the internet in search for entertainment and stimulation. I'm very lonely... Sorry, Stormy Sunshine, I don't mean to burden you with my problems, I know you came here for answers as well, and I wish I had some...I just hope someone else can help us....

Is this a bad idea? But I don't feel used at all...I'm actually getting some pleasure out of it too. But I still have this weird feeling about it. I dunno....why can't my ex just be an honest sweet loving guy? We have this bond that I can't seem to shake....and it feels like I'll never meet anyone that I feel comfortable around like I do with him. Ugh... am I settling? I don't know what to do.

You're right I have to make a decision and work at it either way. Thank you everyone for your help with this situation.

I do kinda want him back...but there's just been too much that's happened. I've never been in a relationship where the guy is constantly lying and I've caught him in so many betrayals. Normally if anything like this would just START to happen, I would dump the guy in an instant. But with this ex, it's been different, I've forgiven him for the stuff that he's done and so he keeps doing it because he knows I'll forgiven him. Do you think that's accurate? I'm so hurt, but maybe this needs to end anyway. I just can't stand the thought that I invested almost 2 1/2 years with this guy...he was the first guy that every really talked to me about marriage and kids...and it's hard for me to let go. Do you really think he wants me back but on his own terms? I don't even know what his terms would be? Would it be that he NEVER has to email or call? Because I don't want to be in a relationship like that? That isn't a relationship at all. That's like me picking out a name in the phone book of where he lives and saying that's my boyfriend. What would be the point? Ugh, the more I think about it the more I realize it's not going to work. I can't force him to do anything. So what do I do from here? What if he keeps calling? What if I call him and hangs up on me? It hurts whenever he does that. Why is he doing this? Do you think maybe he's back with his ex that lives over there?

So, I call him back just now and he asked me how I was doing...I told him I was fine, just a little confused. I didn't want to start an argument, so I didn't say much...he also didn't say much so there was a lot of dead air. I think he got angry because out of nowhere he says, "I'll call you later" and then hangs up on me without saying goodbye or anything. WHAT IS GOING ON??? I DON'T GET IT AND NOW i FEEL LIKE i'M GOING CRAZY!!!! I feel like I"m going to cry.

To answer some questions: We had a few problems when he lived out here with him contacting ex girlfriend's, including the one who lives close to where he is now. But we try to get beyond it with him promising that he wouldn't do it anymore...obviously, he slipped up again when he moved. But i was willing to forgive him. He says that I build up walls and stay angry about things...and to some degree, I agree with him because whenever he "messes up", I remember how he promised me that he wouldn't, and then I'm angry at the action along with the betrayal of the promise. This ofcourse has made the relationship difficult, but he doesn't put much effort to make me feel better about what he's done. He expects just to say the words "I'm sorry", and that everything should get better on its own....and then when things become stable again, I find out about something else that he's done to decieve me. When he relocated, he planned that I would eventually move out there with him, but after hearing about his contact with the ex that lives out there, I became very doubtful that he would ever change, so I told him that I wouldn't come out there until things were different. So far, he hasn't been very successful at convincing me that things will. But he called me this morning (we haven't spoken since the break up) and in one message he just said, "I don't know what to say" and then hung up. In a second message he rambled on and on about how he doesn't know why he's calling me, he knows he can't make me happy, but he guesses that he just wishes it could be different...etc.. He didn't ask for me to call him, nor did he say anything that would change our current status... Why is he doing this? Does anyone know?

Since I found out about him and his ex contacting each other, I've probably brought up the subject of him trying harder several times. I don't mean to pressure him, but he doesn't seem to care about what I'm asking him to do. I'm not asking for a lot. I'm not asking him to send me flowers, or love letters, or come out to see me often. I just think it's important to keep communication open between us since we are so far apart and now lacking the physical aspect of the relationship. Maybe I did pressure him . All I wanted was for him to show me that he still loved me despite the distance, but maybe he didn't love me anymore....so frustrating

I feel so hurt right now, and I guess I need to vent a little. My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday in sort of a mutual way, but I just feel like I got kicked to the curb. We've been arguing a bit lately because he has been so engrossed with his work that I feel like he's completely forgotten about me. It has been a long-distance relationship for about 4 months (but we were together for about 2 years before he left for a job transfer, 1500 miles away) and it's been difficult. I went to see him where he lives in October and he came to see me in December but it's been pretty rough in between. I felt that if he wanted the relationship to work, he would email me, text, or we would talk on the phone in an effort to stay close (how else can long-distance relationships work?) But he didn't really do much of any of that and since we are in different time zones, he pretty much had excuses all the time if he didn't call or couldn't answer his phone when I called. In November I found out that he had been in contact with one of his exes that lived within a few miles of where he was relocated to. That wasn't a very good feeling at all, considering I felt like he was distancing himself emotionally from me, yet seemed to be able to talk to one of his exes on the phone but couldn't call me. Last night he said that he didn't think that he could make me happy, that no matter how hard he tried (he didn't really try at all to be honest, I mean how hard is it to write an email?) that I would never be happy. I feel like that was a cop out. If he really wanted to be in a relationship with me he would have called, texted or emailed, right? And he wouldn't be getting in touch with an ex that he seemed to despise right? Well, I told him that he doesn't think that he can make any more effort then we should just end it ...I really wanted him to say "yes, I love you and I will make an effort to send you an email that only takes 3 minutes to write, or pick up the phone and call for a few minutes." But he just said that he doesn't think anything will make me happy, so he doesn't even want to try. I told him then there's nothing left to say about it...and we both said goodbye and hung up. So that's it???? And now I feel empty inside. Maybe he had been feeling like this for a while? He should have just said something..... It feels horrible.