Jump to content

snugglemufin

Bronze Member
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    29

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by snugglemufin

  1. snugglemufin
    I know what u mean I paid £450 last month to travel 6000 miles to meet a girl, and that was a few weeks after she had had a few doubts. I'm saving up again to see her this summer, even tho I can't afford it, i just want to be with her, its not the vacation, its not the going away, its being with her. My parents don't yet know of our relationship but I will tell them gradually. Do what you think is right. Your friends may sound negative (as mine were ) but its new to them as well and they just worry about you. If your relationship is meant to be, then your family and friends will soon accpet it. If it doesn't work out, your friends will say "I told you so" but let them. Your real friends will still support you in the end WHATEVER happens. Best of luck
  2. snugglemufin
    Seems like she is using you mate. Id get out while I could
  3. snugglemufin
    Well, I just got back from the Philippines where I met my g/f AND her family and it was GREAT !!!!!!!! as soon as we saw each other at the airport, there was like this "wow" feeling, like we had waited for soo long to be together and we got on really well. We didn't see enough of each other because she was unable to get time off work, but this gave me time to bond with her family and and she loved me all the more for it. A couple of her cousins tricked me into bying them t-shirts cos they were skint an knew I was from UK and had money, but she told them off, but everybody was so friendly and welcoming and the bottle of scotch I brought for her father didn't last long !! All seems to be ok and I can't wait to see her again Thanks for all the advice
  4. snugglemufin
    The "Valentines is just a commercial holiday" argument is simply RUBBISH and completely invalid becasue Christmas and Easter are just the same but do ppl complane about them ? Christmas Day, Valentines Day, Easter Day, Birthdays are the four days of the year where people give and receive cards / presents for from each other, and to single out ONE as being commercial is wrong, they ALL are. What this means is that because it is "normal" to give and receive on those days, it is thereforeeee normal to "expect" something on these days and you shouldn't feel guilty. Buying a Valentines Card for a lover is such a small gesture and those ppl who say "its just commercialism" are probably ppl who counted the number of xmas cards they got. If I were you, I'd be a bit worried because sending a simple card takes very little effort and if the best he could do was an unsigned E-card then hmmmm, that would worry me a bit.
  5. snugglemufin
    Follow your own heart. There ae no "rules" for how long you must see somebody or how much time you spend together or apart. It sounds like you both care for each other, so build on what you have, rather than worry about what gets in the way - when that happens you will know about it at discuss it then. Also, by today's standards, being 6 hours away is not really that long considering ppl from UK or USA have relationships with Asian people. Enjoy what you do have. Best Wishes
  6. snugglemufin
    For me, if a girl says "she loves" me and I know she does, then thats all that matters, thats all I need to make me happy. That, and the hope that I will see her again.
  7. snugglemufin
    OOHH It hurts. It hurts like Hell. Its the worst pain in the world and this is the first time you have experienced it. Nothing anybody sais or does will take this pain away and nothing anybody sais or does will make you feel better but I can give you some advice on how to deal with the situation. (1) Find out from her EXACTLY what she wants and where you stand. Make sure she answers ALL your questions and that way, should the worst happen, you wont torture yourself for days to come with unanswered "whys" and "what ifs" (2) You feel you can't live without her and that happens with any relationship. You won't want to hear this, but its true. You did live without her for 16 years and this "feeling" in time will go away. Sometimes this takes weeks, sometimes months but the old cliche' "time is a healer" is sooo true. (3) You say you have never met. Some would argue that you aren't really in love, but who are they to dispute what you feel. Meeting up with her is a totaly different issue becasue the "online" to "real" transition can be disappointing or amazing (I have experienced both). What you need to realise is that if you meet her, and are disappointed, then you will be gutted. If you meet her and your heart warms to her then letting her go will be even harder. There is an argument that you have nothing to loose by meeting her, but only do this if you are prepaired to get more hurt. (4) Put this WHOLE situation down to experience and learn from all the positives. The pain of being dumped, and the pain of being the one who is doing the dumping, are two of life's lessons that we must learn. Every relationship teaches us new things that we can take into the next. (5) I Guarantee that when you reach my age (34) You will have had a few relationships, some good, some bad, some short, some serious, and you will look back to this time and remember that innocent 17 year old boy.
  8. snugglemufin
    Thanks for all your help ! I really appreciate it watch this space !!!
  9. snugglemufin
    Well, I did one better than e-mail her...I called her and spoke to her and she was honest with me and told me the following : (1) As soon as she knew I was coming, she began to take the relationshp more seriously and didn't want things to go too fast - she wants there to be a natural "courting" period when she can get to know me and also, because that is what her family expect too, (they are strict apparently) (2) The "I'm too busy to talk" excuse was an excuse but only becasue her stress at work and the stress of my persistent questioning made her feel worse. Whenever she logged onto MSN, she became moody and edgy because she half expected me to interrogate her again, which is difficult when she is working and her boss is always on her case. (3) She pointed out that her family bless our relationship and if she wasn't interested, then she wouldnt tell her family, or seek their approval (4) She feels strongly enough about me to feel confident that things will be good between us, otherwise she wouldn't ask me to come. She made it clear that if she wasn't interested then she wouldnt waste my time, or her family's time either. (5) Her father has blessed our realtionship because he apparently has seen "positve changes" in her since she knew me. She is apparently more motivated at work, has more desire to do well and succeed, because I inspire her apparently (6) She pointed out that if her family DID'NT bless us, then that would be a much more serious thing than a case of pre-meeting jitters. she made me realise that what we have is a lot more than what we don't have. She isn't the only person in my life who has accused me of being persistent and going on and on all the time. Maybe I am the victim of my own insecurities and should learn to trust more.
  10. snugglemufin
    You are 18 and young and want to "play the field". if thats what you DO want then you have to be honest and leave this girl, you can't have your cake and eat it. If you want to settle down and marry her then you need to be honest and accept that mariage is a commitment and if you still want to "play the field" then you will probably find that the marriage won't work. My advice is don't get married too young if you want to meet other girls. Its better to marry later when you have had what you want, rather than marry early while still yearning for lifes desires. when true love hits you, other girls won't matter at all - fact. Only you know what you want !
  11. snugglemufin
    Mouse Potatoe, I agree 100% with what you say, and you are right, I did open my heart too soon. In a way, the fact that she says she is not sure if she loves me is actually a GOOD thing because it means she is probably gone "ok, things are getting serious now, he really is coming, he's not playing games, how do I REALLY feel". I remmeber chatting ages ago to a girl from China who told me she loved me after the second e-mail, and yeah, I didn't believe it and it freaked me out. With "Jennifer" (changed name to protect her ID), there was more sincerity and more..genuiness about her. I am going to e-mail her now and give it to her straight. Tell me how she feels or I'm not coming. Harsh, but I think she need a fright
  12. snugglemufin
    We just had a short chat on MSN. She definatly wants me to come and visit. There are a number of possibilities : (1) She knows she doesn't love me or wants me, but will meet me anyway to convince herself that she was right. (2) She is only 22 and this is a big thing for her, so she is naturaly scared and just doesn't want to get hurt herself so she is putting up a defense mechanism (3) She has a problem with confrontations- this IS in her characther because she is always scared to ask people things and tell people things because, as I said, she is only 22 and not had much relationship experience. (4) She gets upset when I back off from her and don't e-mail her - she certainly feel something. geez. I just wish things were back to normal. Why is life so screwed up at times ?
  13. snugglemufin
    Well, I spoke to her on MSN last night, and when I asked her about how she felt, she just got SOOO defensive and tried to evade the issue by saying she was too busy to talk. She then said "can we talk about something happy for a change" and accused me of pestering her. I said "ok" so she spoke about my trip to see her AND the presents I was going to bring for her and her family. Funny, as soon as the disussion changed to presents, her workload mysteriously disappeared and she kept pestering me to tell her what I was going to bring her. Why is she SOOOO evasive about my feelings ? I just don't get it.
  14. snugglemufin
    That's what it sounds like, and the worst thing is, its the not knowing. The thing is, it was her idea for me to come in February and when we 1st met online away back in June, we spoke all the time about me visiting her, so it wasn't like it was a sudden idea. Also, when I met her online, I let her "control" the relationship. I wated for her to ask me for my cellphone number (which she did do). I waited for her to tell me she loved me before I told her, so I know for sure that I havn't pushed her or gone too fast. We haven't even spoken about sex or anything so its not like she thinks I just want her for that "one thing". I'm temped to send a message to her best friend to find out if she knows anything....if her friend speaks to her, it may make her realise that I'm a wrek here.
  15. snugglemufin
    She is GORGEOUS and she knows she is, so she isn't worried about her looks. She PLANNED and WANTED to meet me, telling me for months that she wanted me to come and see her. in her own words, "we spoke about your visit for ages now so I want to meet you". All was PERFECT until 2 weeks ago when this "attitude" of hers began
  16. snugglemufin
    Yes I agree and I have sent her a few e-mails asking her where I stand. She keeps saying nothing is worng and that she understands how I feel. Her latest bombshell is that she told me she might not be able to get time off work for my visit cos she is so busy !!! what I find so strange is that all this has transpired AFTER I purchased the plane tickets. I bought them on her request, believing that she loved me (as she told me often enough) and that our relationship was as strong as ever, no matter how busy she was. Two weeks ago, she changed her "friendster" profile from "In a relationship" to "Its Complicated" and erased the bit that said "I want to meet my special someone who lives 6000 miles away". The day AFTER I got the tickets, she told me she didn't know how she felt and wasn't sure if she loved me anymore. Now she is asking me not to log onto MSN cos she is so busy and stressed out at work. I also know for a fact that she hasn'tr even ASKED for time off at work for my visit - if i was in her shoes, I would have asked for time off WEEKS ago. From where I am sitting, it looks like she is just making excuses to avoid me, and I think she feels guilty cos she KNOWS I already got the tickets and she is scared to let her family down. I have e-mailed her, tried to talk to her on the phone, but she just evades any serious talk and makes out I'm being over sensitive and paranoid. Shes the one who says she doesn't love me anymore, how am I supposed to feel ? This may also be clutching at straws as well, but at xmas time, I sent Cards to her and her family, and some presents to her. Did I get anyhting from her ? no. no card, no E-mail, no text message - NOTHING to say "Merry Xmas" to a person who she says she loves. I didn't expect or demand anything, but you know, with hindsite, maybe I have expected too much in this relationship and opened my heart too soon. Thats not my fault. Her friendster profile used to have LOADS of photo captions all saying "ooh I love you" etc etc. Of course it melted my heart. I'm sorry for ranting on but i'm preparing for the worst cos something aint right.
  17. snugglemufin
    She keeps using this "stressed out with work" routine. She has been stressed out before but never said anything like that to me. Maybe I'm over-reacting but I can't shake this "feeling" that something is wrong that she's not telling me about. I don't mind ppl being moody and bad tempered at times, yeah, we are all like that, that's not the issue. I just can't shake this feeling that things aint right and I'm scared to go and see her now incase I just get disappointed.
  18. snugglemufin
    What you are experiencing is an "out of site" temptation. If you WANT your relatinship to survive then you WILL be strong and resisit - if you are week and stick with this new person, then the relationship will fail. How you feel is normal so don't feel guilty. But if you want to stick with your current b/f, you must AVOID any "out of site out of mind" temptations. If you survive that then your relatinship with your b/f will only get stronger
  19. snugglemufin
    Yes, thats true. Well, the update is that she wants me to come in February and we are back chatting on MSN, but, since she told me she isn't sure if she loves me anymore, and since her attitude towards me has been "different" in a negative way, I still don't know what she really wants. Today, she said I was irritating, for the 1st time EVER. Not so long ago she was saying "oohh I love you so much, don't ever change, promise me you won't change". Well, I havn't changed, she has and its eating me up inside.
  20. snugglemufin
    Ok, there are a few issues here.... (1) He needs some space. if thats the case, then a few WEEKS is enough, not months. If he can't bear to be without you for three days then he wouldn't even consider going away for months. (2) It sounds like he is holding onto you as an "insurance" policy. What this means is that he wants to go away with his mates, meet more girls, have his wicked way, and if he gets all that, he will break up, if not, he will come running to you. (3) He really wants to break up but doesn't have the guts to admit it so says he still wants you just to make himself feel better when he jets off. Knowing that you are "his girl" makes him feel good and happy when he leaves, rather than sad and upset if he dumped you BEFORE he leaves. I'm sorry if this sounds so negative but I am a guy and I know how our minds work, I'm ashamed to say. In my opinion, you deserve better. Look at the "writing on the wall" with all your arguments and aks yourself if you really LOVE each other , or ar just so used to each other's company that you don't want to be apart simply because it feels to different, This 6 month trip MAY be the biggest favour he can ever do for you
  21. snugglemufin
    Hello mate 15 years old and you are just discovering love, I know how you feel mate and understand your problems. I'm 34 now but remember all to well what it was like being 15. (1) ok about your age. When I was 24, I met a girl at work who said she was 16. I fancied her, kissed her and then found out she was 15- she had lied about her age becasue the place where we worked wouldn't emply anybody under 16 - I felt dirty and awful, not cos she had lied, but becasue I had kissed a 15 year old - people go to PRISON for that kind of thing, I felt awful, but, I understood and forgave her. - CONFESS THE TRUTH TO HER about your age. If you are scared of her reaction, then you need to ask yourself if you are ready for a relationship because if you DO want a relationship, then you can't live this lie and the longer you leave it the worse it will get. (2) Be honest about how you feel. This is difficult because there are WAYS in which you can tell people. You are an intelligent bloke cos I can see that you know how to use humour and psychology and comminicate and to anylase reactions and feelings - judge for yourself HOW to tell her but do tell her. Don't keep things bottled up (this gets a bit easier as you get older) (3) Be honest, enjoy what you do have, but don't raise your hopes too high or take things too seriously. When we love somebody, all we do is think of that person and stop believing that we could ever love anybody. If things work out, then great, if things DON'T work out then LEARN FROM EXPERIENCE. every relationship we are in teaches us new things, good and bad. I have had a few relationships and some awful experiences, but I come throught them feeling stronger and learn so much from them. This sounds like a cliche' but you are a young lad and there are millions of beautiful girls out there so don't ever be scared to be alone. (4) "GEEK" is a label given by people who think they are cool. I'm a Geek cos I play the violin and watch Star Wars but you know, ALL my g/f's loved that and thought it was cute. NEVER be ashamed of your hobbies and interests. I watch Star Trek too for goodness sake lol Hope this helps
  22. snugglemufin
    Yeah, she wants me to come but I can't help feel that she is just saying that out of guilt cos she told me to buy the tickets and THEN told me about her problems. One thing is for sure. She has changed and still isn't sure about her feelings for me. Ohh well, guess I'll find out in February.
  23. snugglemufin
    Hello. To hear the words "I love you" and then to NOT here these words is SUCH a painful situation. There may be reasons for that which I have listed : (1) when he talks to you, his parents are in the room or within earshot, so he doesn't want them to give him a hard time. (2) His "feelings" are different because he is apart from you and so doesn't want to say "I love you" unless its to your eyes (3) (SORRY) He is telling you he doesn't love you by NOT saying it and seeding doubts in your mind about the relationship. This is a technique that guys use when they think they want to break up but are too much of a coward to actully just say it (ashamed to say, I have been there). By NOT saying "I love you" he knows it is hurting you and wants you to be hurt so you no longer like him so the relationship will end slowly. I know these negatives are hard to take but if you feel strong then try this with him. Try beating him at his own game by saying that you don't think things are working anymore and you want to break up. If he agrees, then you will finally know the truth (it will hurt, but not knowing is worse). If he still wants you, then you will have taken him by surprise and he will want you back and you will have shocked him into realising how you feel. NOTHING and I mean NOTHING will make a guy run to you more, with his tail between his legs, than a threat of a breakup. Thats assuming he doesn't want to break up. By doing this, you need to be strong, BUT the importnat thing at this stage is not the relationship, but the TRUTH and where you stand. Hope this helps
  24. snugglemufin
    I sent her a long and comforting e-mail yesterday and today she responded by saying she felt so touched and that it made her very happy. She wants to chat to me again on MSN and although she is still confused, she wants to just take things nice and slow and see how things go. I think she wants me to come to see her in February.
  25. snugglemufin
    You have done the right thing. These days it takes SOO long to get over a break up becasue it is SOO easy to keep in contact using e-mails, texts etc. Not long ago, breaking up literaly meant "breaking up" as it was almost impossible to keep any contact. (how many times did we all go up to the phone to call our ex, begin to dial the number....and then hang up) These days, typing in a message onto a phone or a computer is soo easy and then all it takes is a SECOND to hit the "send" button. This tells us that communication channels are still open and we use this as a source of comfort during those hard times. In the days when breakup meant breakup, these sources of comfort did not exist and that made things so unbearable to begin with, but quicker to get over in the long term. These days, the odd text message, or the odd e-mail just prolongs the pain and provides a quick "psychological" fix. In terms of being scared to get involved again, that too is a horrible feeling but, in time, you will be ready to start something new, and your experiences from this relationship will help you and make you stronger in the long run. Best Wishes.
×
×
  • Create New...