Gturtle

Well guys, I ended up telling her tonight. She said that she thought I was a really cool guy and enjoyed talking to me a lot. But she just 'doesn't do the internet thing.' Didn't go too bad.

Bear with me on the long story here, I've got a lot of background- so I'll just start. Keep in mind that there are some very lame and geeky elements to this whole thing. It started may of this year. And here comes the geeky part- I play on a roleplaying server for a video game. Myself and another player met in the game but we soon started to talk with eachother in the community chatroom. We soon became friends and started talking about a lot of stuff that would be perfectly natural for friends to talk about. I quickly found myself liking her a lot. She's 18 and I'm 15, which for me, was the main problem excluding the fact that she lived in Alabama and I live in California. She's under the impression that I'm 16 because I was a bit afraid that she wouldn't treat me the same if she knew my true age. I'm quite mature for my age, and she guessed that I was 17, but I felt that agreeing with that would be a longshot. She's seen pictures of me and said that I look much older than I really am and said she liked my hair. *Shrug* Not a real compliment, I suppose. But if I do say so myself, I'm a very good looking guy. At this point I'll say that I have never seen a picture of her, and all I have to go on is her discription of herself and her saying that she felt she was very attractive. I believe her, mainly because of just what she talks about and the experiences we've talked about. And- well I just trust her. (But then again, how far does self-assurance go? We kept talking for a long time, and coincidentally our characters in the game got romantically involved. Now, this in no way reflected to her the fact that I liked her. It's sort of a difficult concept to explain. Well anyway, we kept talking in the chatroom for a good two or three monthes. We talked about a lot of things, and often times I would ask her for advice. I was pretty depressed at the time. She would always be there to talk to me and a lot of times we talked about guy/girl issues as well. She told me that she didn't think I should 'get tied down' with anyone in high school. She also said once that she was not the type of person that likes to get really close to people because she thinks that it's almost a disadvantage that makes someone weak, or something to that affect. I myself could never live like that, but I just sort of agreed for the sake of agreement. At the end of August I found myself in quite a predicament. At this point we had continued to talk for the entire summer- I was beginning to really, really like her. The bad part- She was leaving to join the army and go to basic training within a week. I decided to casuallytell her how I felt and make it seem to her like it was no big deal, not a big thing for me. Which of course in reality- was the biggest deal in my life at the time. I pretty much just said that I thought she was really cool and I liked her and I hope she didn't change while she was gone in the army. Thinking back on it now,I'm not actually certain if I was clear enough in what I was really trying to say. I don't remember exactly, but I don't think I clearly said anything that I really wanted to say. I think she took it as just a friendship thing. She responded with a smiley and an 'lol'. Which, given the vagueness and non-concrete thing I said, may have been appropriate. The day she actually left, all I got was a 'cya'. She was gone for quite some time. A good four months. As time went on I kind of just got over her. I thought about her from time to time, but not nearly as often as I did before. I actually stopped playing the game for all of that time until she got back. She got back about three weeks ago. Since she's been back, talking to her again has seemed to make my emotions catch fire. Once again I find myself thinking about her 24/7. And since she's been back, our conversations are more natural than they've ever been. We talk less and less about the game, and more and more like we're just old friends. She made a comment yesterday that she was talking to someone and they reminded her of me. So I guess she thinks about me from time to time. We spend a lot of time just talking about random stuff, and it's really nice talking to her. I told her the other day 'You're really important to me. If you were ever to quit [The game], I'm certain that I would too. You're my favorite person to talk to in here'. She said 'Thanks, same here.' I've kinda been doing the whole 'Cocky/Funny' thing. Teasing her a lot, making fun of her, but in a joking way, of course. I never overdo it, but we just have a lot of fun talking. What scares me is- I think I might love her. Whenever I tell myself just how -REDICULOUS AND LAME- this thought is, I remind myself how long I've been talking to her. So now with all of that said- I ask a few things. Is this really lame and stupid? Should I tell her my feelings about her. Perhaps not use the word 'love', but just say my feelings of liking her in that way. What should I do in response to various reactions I may get? Keep in mind, this is driving me crazy. I'm not sure if I can just keep going as I have been and not tell her. She's all I think about. Everyday I just like her more and more.