sassafras

There are a lot of school of thoughts on excercise and whether you should do so before or after you eat. I am currently following the Weight Watchers core program. I eat from certain food lists, and I eat when I begin to feel hungry and only eat until I feel satisfied. I have a lot of lean protein in my diet, so I do not get hungry but maybe every five hours unless I work out. I go to the gym right afterwork at 5pm 5 days a week and then I go one weekend day. So, I excercise 6 days a week. I do 45 minutes of cardio all 6 days and I do strength training 3 times a week. I used to strength train 5 times a week alternating upper and lower body but I've combined my workout into 1 strength workout a few times a week and dropped some of the excercises in the interest of my schedule Since July 2005 I have lost almost 40 pounds and am more healthy. I have a light protein snack about an hour before I head to the gym. Either a small piece of lean protein such as grilled chicken, or sometimes I just have a 2% cheese stick. Most data I've read suggest that working out before you eat is better, because your body will burn more stored sugars and fats. If you excercise right after you eat, your body will burn off the food you have just consumed and if you do not work out long enough the stored fuels will not be burnt. Take that for what it is worth, I read it on some different fitness sites. Lean Protein 2 servings of fruit a day 3 servings of vegetables a day 1 serving of healthy fat (1 Tablespoon olive oil, flax seed oil, canola oil, etc.) 1 serving of dairy a day 3 servings of protein a day That's pretty much my day.

Sugar - I'm am so sorry for what your family is going through. I can only hope that someday there is a medical breakthrough and a cure can be found for all cancers. I understand wanting to remember him and your final memory to be all happy, but I would rather spend as much time with him until the end as I could. A dear friend of mine just lost his father to brain cancer Sunday. It was a long fight, and he had been living with his father for four months to help care for him. He was there at 3am when his father passed away, holding his hand. I don't think he'd trade that final moment for all the happy memories in the world, because he got to be there with his daddy. Have you tried to talk to your mom about it? Best wishes and prayers for you, Sass

I posted a while back about some issues I was having with my bf who I have lived with for 2.5 years. To sum up my previous posts: he's been unemployed since April. I've been financially supporting him. He's been depressed and difficult to get along with. I was at the end of my emotional, financial and physical rope with the situation. He wouldn't talk to me about anything. I had already threatened to throw him out twice if he didn't find employment. For the past month, he's been trying but still no job. Fast forward to this weekend. We have friends who live in Florida who are getting married February 11th. Two weeks ago he asked me if we were going to the wedding. I told him I'd love to go, but I can't afford to pay for us both. He then said he would ask his parents for money. That upset me, because my opinion is if you can't afford groceries, you can't help pay bills, you don't need to borrow money for a vacation. I left it at I was going the 9thru the 15th if I could get off work, and he would need to make his own arrangements if that is what he chose to do. Yesterday he asked me if I was going to Florida. I said yes, and he asked me if I had bought my ticket and I said yes. I had not told him I had finalized my plans yet, because I knew it would be an issue one way or another. He got very upset that I hadn't told him yet and started being very confrontational about the whole thing. This was a few hours after he asked me to charge up his cell phone with money. Everything boils down to he has no job and no money. I finally just told him I cannot do this anymore. I'm exhausted, frustrated and resentful of having to constantly take care of him. I have my own goals that I've not been able to achieve because I don't have help from my domestic partner. So, we broke up, and he starts crying and weeping and apologizing. I told him that I care about him very much and I will help him get on his feet but I can't keep taking care of him. I offered to send him home to stay with his family for a while but he doesn't want to do that. Things have progressed to worse. I received an email from him (we live in the same house but he cannot talk to me) that when he had his breakdown in April and quit his job it was because his dad died. He had not seen his dad since he was in fourth grade. Apparently, he arranged with work to take time off to go to the funeral. Work even sent him flowers (which I never saw because he stashed them). He never told me any of this was going on. I knew he was depressed and that something was going on, but when I asked he would tell me it was fine. I feel this is a HUGE piece of information to not tell your gf of two and a half years who you live with, sleep with every night and see on a daily basis. If he had just told me I wouldn't have spent the past nine+ months getting frustrated to the point I'm finished trying anymore. So now he's talking suicidal. Saying that he has nothing else, and without me there's nothing, and that his only options are to live on the street or to die. I asked him if he was suicidal and he said the option had crossed his mind, but he wasn't going to do anything yet. I asked yet? and he said that he wouldn't do it at the house, he'd go somewhere else if he was going to do anything like that. I tried to get him to call a number and get counseling but he won't go. He gets 8 free sessions through my work plan. I'm at a loss. I love him, I care about him, but I'm not in love with him. I don't want a relationship, but I'm willing to have a friendship. I don't know if I should call his family or what. I don't know them very well, they live very far away and I've never met them in person. I've only spoken to his mother and grandmother on the phone a few times. I'm worried about his mental health and well being.

I'm going to agree with RayKay on this and suggest you find a therapist to talk to. Your behaviors could be considered a form of OCD as well. I'm not a professional though so I really think you should see one. Therapy was one of the best things I've ever done in my whole life when I was going through a rough time.

My bad! LOL I don't know where I picked out low and soft voice now that I reread your post I can only blame my lack of coffee consumption this morning. I used to speak in a somewhat high voice, my vocal coach determined I was speaking in a voice higher than my natural voice. I have a nice medium tone now. I know you said there are no vocal coaches where you live... what about a school with a speech teacher or a music teacher? They might be willing to give you some lessons or refer you to someone. Just a thought

There is a fantastic book out there called Freeing the Natural Voice by Kristin Linklater. You can order it from Amazon. I'm sure other online bookstores carry it as well. My old vocal coach uses this text. I really liked the book. I suspect though you are being overly critical of yourself. Has anyone ever actually came up to you and said you have an awful voice? You said your voice is low and soft. First... there's nothing wrong with a female having a lower voice, it is very sexy. Soft... you probably just aren't projecting properly. This book can help with your projection. Speaking is about breathing, breath support, and opening our mouths enough We are our own biggest critics. I have to remind myself of that all of the time!

This is very true. I should mention that I have a full time job doing something other than acting. Although I do paid acting jobs here and there I do not make a full time living at it. Its possible, but you would have to be in a city that you could achieve a full time acting career and it would be a LOT of hard work. Even a friend of mine who does a lot of film and commercial work has a job working in a salon/spa to make extra living money. You gotta have something to pay the bills while you pound the pavement for auditions and acting gigs However, acting is a dream that is reachable. I really enjoy working on stage and getting to pour my emotions and thoughts into a role, whether I'm paid for it or not.

Sugar, I am an actress, I also run a theater company. I live in the states. I can tell you how I got started. I found myself a reputable acting coach and began taking classes from him. After I got the confidence that I knew what I was doing, I went to an audition at a community theatre and I got cast in a role. After that I started to get cast in 90% of the things I auditioned for. I also jumped in and learned how to do technical work, and started working as a stage manager, light operator or sound operator just to get more experience. It wasn't until later that I received a theater minor from a University. A degree will pretty much only help you if you want to go into instructing or coaching. Other than that real world acting experience is the best. You'll learn more from peers in the acting world. If you are interested in film, I'd find an acting coach that has camera work classes (mine does both stage technique and camera technique). I believe everyone can act, you just need to learn techniques. Break a leg!

NJRon - Thanks, its good to hear from someone who's been there. Actually, I think there's a slight possibility he'd leave if he had the means. Maybe. Perhaps this conversation would just go better than I think it could. Money is tight, I only make a one person salary and I've been supporting 2 for months now. But I did find reasonable airfare for a one way ticket to get him home, probably worth my investment. Thanks for the reply.

Thanks Isle, I think we both know its over, although neither of us have said it. I think he is really needy emotionally right now because he's depressed, but not because he is still in love with me. Good points and thoughts, appreciate the input.

I posted on here a couple of weeks ago after the bad in my relationship had really hit rock bottom. The details: we've lived together for 2.5 years. He is from Hawaii, we live in Missouri. He has no family here. He has been unemployed since April, and just only started working on getting a job when I told him a week ago he had two weeks or needed to move out. The issues: we've not been getting along, I've been pretty checked out of this relationship for quite a while now. We have no intimacy. Two weeks ago his mood swings got really bad, he threw things at me, and was really just mean. I have been supporting him financially and cannot continue. He is very co-dependent and lazy, and has no goals or aspirations. My decision: I want to break up. I care about him as a friend but I need to live my own life again and cannot continue to take care of him. His emotional issues are draining on me, and his neediness is driving me insane. My dilemma: he has no money. I need him to come with me to switch the cable bill into my name, and I need to take him off one of my checking accounts. How do I approach this? What if he refuses? Then here's the real kicker: do I buy him a plane ticket home, once again spending even more money on him and just get him out of my hair, or do I let him remain in the house until he gets a job and can fly himself home? It seems cruel to just throw him out on the street with nowhere to go. Especially since he's not a bad person per se, he's depressed and I am becoming certain he's bipolar. I feel really stuck. I want him to leave, but I can't get perspective on how to make that happen. Since I do actually care about him (altho not romantically) it makes this even harder to accomplish.

Thanks for the reply. I agree, I think I need to contact his family. I just have to find a time I can do that, due to the time difference I can't really call them from work, plus I don't want people at work in my business. I'm considering sending them a letter in the mail this week. I know he would definitely flip his lid if he knew I was talking to them, but this is to the point of ridiculous. I don't know who he's going to be next time I talk to him. He just called me at work and blew up over the phone. I was supposed to have a doctors appointment this afternoon but I was going to cancel it. I didn't want work people in my business so I told him I couldn't discuss it right now, and he said Fine, I guess you can't discuss anything then and hung up on me. EDIT: RayKay - thank you, that is sound advice.

My boyfriend and I have been living together since July of 2003. He is from Hawaii, we live in Missouri. In September of 2004 our lease was up on our apartment, and my dad asked if we'd like to stay with him in order to save up money, pay off student loans, I wanted to save for a house, etc. This past April (2005) my bf quit going to work. He told me he had it all covered, it was taken care of, not to worry and he had to be back on such and such date. That date came, and he told me he wasn't going back yet, it was all under control, and refused to talk to me about it when I asked. After a few more weeks, I was getting frustrated and I told him he was going to get fired, and he finally agreed to go back. Two hours later that day he called me because they let him go. They told him since he was a good employee they'd hire him back after 19 days. He didn't want to go back to that job though so the condition was he'd find another one, since he had money saved up. Its now December. He's blown through that money. In August he hadn't even looked for jobs, and we had an argument. I told him he needed to find a job by the end of the month or consider making other arrangements because I cannot afford to support him. He applied at places but didn't get hired. I tried to tell him that the longer the gap in his employment the less people will want to hire him. He's 26 by the way and I'm 31, I work in HR. He told me I don't know what I'm talking about. In September I started a small business in addition to my job. This has kept me a bit busy and I'm going back to school in January. Because I had evening meetings, he began to complain that I'm not home and I never spend time with him. However, he's home 24 HOURS a day, and I have no privacy or alone time unless I'm out of the house. When I'm home, he's always there. Then he quit playing his online computer game, and now he gets angry when I play for a couple of hours a night. The whole you don't spend time with me argument begins. I ask him what he would like to do.... watch tv, play a game, go to the movies, I invite him out everywhere I go and he never wants to go or do anything I ask. So I ask him what he wants me to do, and he freaks out. The past week has been really bad. He won't call his family back, he hasn't told them he's unemployed. He won't go job hunting. Last week he got mad at me when I had to go to bed to get up for work early the next day and proceeded to keep me up until 2:00a.m. He threatened to sleep on the couch, I said fine. He then said I don't care about him so he packed all of his bags, yet he went nowhere. I try to talk to him about it and he throws temper tantrums and slams doors and won't speak to me. Last night was the worst. I came home from work and I had bought dinner on the way home. I took him dinner upstairs and he complained about what I got. He then started in with the whole I don't spend time with him. I asked if he wanted to play Trivial Pursuit (because he keeps asking me but always after I start doing something else after asking if he wants to do anything) and I told him I had an hour and a half before I'd like to log online. He yelled at me, told me that love has no conditions so I should play trivial pursuit with him with no time limit. I then say what about your conditions on what I do with my time? And he freaks out, tells me to leave him alone, pushes me out of the bedroom and slams the door. He then brings his dinner outside and puts it in the middle of the office doorway and slams the bedroom door again. I, being tired of this nightly temper tantrum, log onto the computer to do some things. He comes out of the other room after a while, tells me he hates me, and proceeds to throw things at me (a small, round earphones case, pens, pencils, cd case, the threatens to throw his cell phone at me). I asked him to please stop throwing things at me, that I felt he was being abusive and I didn't like it. He told me he didn't care and that I should heat his dinner up. I told him to heat his own dinner up at which point he yelled at me I TELL YOU WHAT TO DO. He threw his dinner inthe trash can, and poured a glass of water over it, then went back in the bedroom and slammed the door. Thirty minutes later he comes back out, tells me I am not sleeping in my room, and that he's going to block the door with the bed. He leaves, comes back 5 minutes later and asks if I'll bake him cookies. He leaves me alone then for a few hours, and I finally go to bed and he's fine. Like nothing every happened. Since April I feel like I'm living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I think he has a mental issue, but he wn't talk to me about it, his family is far away. I'm at the end of my rope. This is a nightly occurrence, and its getting worse. I am trying to figure out how to gracefully end this. I don't want to throw him out on the street, because I think he's mentally ill. But I can't continue to live like this. He's scaring me now, and I'm really sad that he's changed so much. My family and friends all love him, but they've not seen this new side. I think they all think I'm crazy when I try to tell them about it. Everything is so entertwined, our belongings and bills and things. I need to remove him from my checking account, and switch bills into my name if I send him home, so I'm trying to get through the holidays first.