HangingInThere

maybe that is all what you guys want to hear! (everthing that you are posting) Only god knows what my ex would say!

well i am supposed to meet up with ex tonight to return eachother stuff...and i can't make it! I had plans to go out with some friends tonight and he wants and insisted on meeting @ 7pm sharp...i said okay a few days ago.....after i compromise my schedule and he knows this. but now i realized that why should i compromise anymore...i am in no way anger or resentful towards him or the the relationship we once had...but i have to leave work at 5pm, get home @ 6pm, get dress for the night out and still try to meet him at 7pm...get the f outta here...... so if he calls or emails me to confirm - i would politely tell him we should reschedule for some time next week or if he can do it later than 7pm. he is going to be piss becuz knowing him, he is going to think he lost control once again...or am not as anxious to see him like i was earlier in the week! oh well!

he is who he is - perhaps he is going to do the same thing to someone else! this is not really about you, its about him and the type of person he is. please do not let this make you into a jaded person...be a good girlfriend again for the next person that comes into life. He just doesn;t know how to appreciate and recicprocate good behavior - look at this as a blessing and pray for him...really!!!!!!!!!!! this is where babalnce comes into play - good and bad, up and down, in and out...it all balances out! you are a good person and remember, no good deed goes unnoticed! i am telling you that sermon i listened really did good for me, please listen to it - i posted it already....sorry for posting it again, but if not you, it probably is going to help someone else! -God can't send you the right, as long as the space is being taken up with the wrong! -Your destiny is never tied to anybody who left. (mentally or physically) -it doesn't mean they are a bad person, it just means their part in your story is over -many times god will not give you divine knowledge on who you are suppose to be with, but divine knowledge on who you are NOT supposed to be with. “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning- psalm 30 (i actually read that last night and its funny i am hearing it this evening....what happens in the morning? light comes, then you get up!

i would suggest you answer his call! put a end to it! Do not ask for an explanation(nothing he can say can justify his behavior) or an apology. In time it is going to come and if it never comes, then know that you are okay!....please listen to the link i posted above!

i was listening to a sermon that was posted on this website - I listened to it last night and i am listening to it now and t made me feel 100% better. Please read a few of the things that i took away from the sermon. -God can't send you the right, as long as the space is being taken up with the wrong! -Your destiny is never tied to anybody who left. (mentally or physically) -it doesn't mean they are a bad person, it just means their part in your story is over -many times god will not give you divine knowledge on who you are suppose to be with, but divine knowledge on who you are NOT supposed to be with. "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning- psalm 30 (i actually read that last night and its funny i am hearing it this evening....what happens in the morning? light comes, then you get up! I quoted a few that touched me!!!!!!!!!!!! link removed

"Many times god will not give you divine knowledge on who you are suppose to be with, but divine knowledge on who you are NOT supposed to be with" many times i have seen the signs to let go in this relationship that we just ended..i prayed on it many times for God to show me the signs, and sure enough every time the 'signs' appeared to me, i found an excuse and ask for another sign....go figure!

huh?! what do you mean he is not such a bad guy?! i am sorry but i have to 100% disagree with you!!!!!!!! ANy decent person would never do anything like this and then say the things she said he said! i know a few guys that were in the dumps and when they got on theyir own 2 feet, they didn't move on to bigger n better things (as you stated). So what he didn't run her cards up, he still betrayed her other ways..... I GUESS THEY ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF 'DEVIOUSNESS'?! i guess if someone stabs someone and they survive, i guess you would say, it could have been much more devious he could have used a gun. probably not the best example...but what i am trying to say, it is still wicked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am so there with you! right on girl...i totally understand where you are coming from! we just finally called it quits, but it was way over before that! i just felt like i had to do what i had to do and make things work and not give uponhim so easily! Everything you said, i feels like it came from a page in my journal (if i had one) I felt like all what i did for him and how strong i was up and the stuff i put up with, no other woman would do the same. If i tell you what i had to endure you would call me the strongest woman on earth....hehe! I go deeper with this but i rather save it for PM

hmmmmmph...i am so angry reading this! Leave him up to God and remember any good deed doesn't go unnoticed! I would not waste another momemt think about him! now realisitcally speaking......I would take action.....Don't you know his full name or even social...don't you knwo his new employer's info? I would take him to small claims court, that is if you have the energy and time to put into it! I almost feel like being the judge and not leaving it up to God to judge, out of the betrayal and anger i would feel had i been you! this is crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is horrible person!

Ok, so finally my relationship is over!!!!!!! it was full of chaos that never stop.....way entirely 2 different people - i know you need to be different for it to balance out! but darn, it was like he was from another planet...lol Anyway, as i mentioned on here before that he was depress and it was slowly driving me insane! He was depress about money and things just not working out in his favor pretty much! I tried to be a 'good girlfriend' i gave him space instead of seeing him 5-6 times a week we had cut it down to only weekends! generally what is in my head comes out of my mouth - so I learned to not say everything that was somewhat bothering - i picked my battles wisely, lack of a better term! So about 3 weeks ago, i told him that i need to take a break or some space because our relationship was becoming very chaotic. and at the same time its good for him to think things thru as well. Beofre i say anything else, take note, this man is very ego driven! Now i took the space that was really needed in our relationship......we spoke to each other like 3 times via email and probably 2x over the phone! this is in the 2 week time. Now the 3rd week I had a heart to heart with him and he was really disturbed that i took space for me and mentioned that i never believed in 'space' before and its weird i am doing it now..(does it really matter? its space that both of us could have benefit from, no matter who suggested it) Anyway,he likes to call the shots when it comes to things like that...so he felt like crap because i initiated it and stuck to it....So on that phonecall he basically said to me, he needed time to think becuase h ewasn't sure if he wants to continue the relationship or not! i said ok, no fussing no pleas,no nothing! this is so weird - i knew this relationship wasn't good for me, everyone around me said the same thing...but yet I didn't want to complete let it go/cut it off entirely! I grew so use to him being with me in the year or so we were together! I really lost myself in this relationship, and i knew that for a long time...so when i initiated that 'space/break' thing i was trying to get myself back on track and him do the same! So after he said or he said, i sent him an email a few days later, saying i understand and if he truly unhappy then he needs to do what is best and a hole bunch of ther stuff...i was more speaking to him as a friend in that email - a concern friend! he wrote back that he is 36 years old and he knows what he needs to do and he needs to think about it , but never got around to it.....take note, that is bullcrap - its been like 3 weeks) anywa, we decided to meet up later this week to talk about US....but that talk took place via phone 2 days ago.....we decided to call it quits....but i can tell he really didn't want to do it...but at the same time is life was so stressful he didn't know how to maintain us anymore! Also, this dude created a myspace acct in this 3 week period...and actually sent me an invitation....i didn't accept but i did look him up and he was like a kid in a candy store....he had so many women as friends onthere...it was almost pathethic...even his actual friends was kinda poking fun at him and was asking him sacrastically, "do you think you have enough women dude?" i really don't know what he was going through. A long time ago we/his sister discuss that he needs to see a therapist becuz there was obviously some underlying issues with him! (that needs to go into another post) So 2 days ago he sends me an email right after our conversatin saying that he is sorry he gave up on the relationship (that is his ego talking and trying to be in control of things again) and that he is really mess up right now and he needs to work on him! i never responded , so he calls me yesterday asking me if i rec'd his email, i said yes...then he said what, i am not going to respond...i said there is nothing really for me to say! he then calls me later in the day to tell me someone called for me...i said ok thanks and took the number! afterwards i sent him an email saying that he doesn't need to give me those messages because the ppl that have his nuber is not really important to me anymore (relators, dept stores and so forth) He didn't respond to it? if you got one of those emails, would you say, darn she is really serious about this break up?! I think he thinks this another one of our seperations where after a few weeks we are going to get back together! Oh, at the end of our phonecall he asked me if i want him to bring my stuff that i left over at his place...i said yes. he then in turn say allhe wants is his camera...i said, no i bring all of your stuff - your clothes and every last thing he had over at my place! Do you think i should actually go and see him to exchange our clothes? oh i did suggest that we meet up somewhere as opose to each others house! Am i getting a clear message out to him with all of these lil things i am doing...had you been him, what would you think now? sorry for the long email...i try to be as condense as possible so it probably is bit confusing...sorry!

No he's not...he thinks its a temporary thing and when business picks up he will be better! but in the interim, its driving me insane! I am here compromising myself to some extent - trying to be there for him and not require too much, but i feel like i am now selling myself short! wow...i never knew how to formulate those thoughts into exact words before (selling myself short) i dont want to have another one of those convo's with him, you know, a relationship convo...so i am guessing I should just be a 'good girlfren' and hang in there till he gets back on his feet?! i am so concern for both of us!

I have posted a few different issues I have been having in my relationship, i am not sure if those issues tye in to this. My boyfriend have been very depress for a while now. I am trying to be the supportive girlfriend. In the past I was really fed up with the way the relationship was going, so I was doing littel things. I was confuse about his actions and ways! To get to the chase, he has been very depress lately and I do nto knwo what else to do to make him feel better. Last week we had an argument and basically he said he was so stress and he cannot deal with anymore stresses and we should break up. Anyway, he recanted within a few minutes stating all the stuff he is going thru and it is too much for him right now. After speaking fo r a few hours, i said to him I would be there for him and I will stop fussing over petty things. But now this is so much for me to handle but I do not want to give up on him...actually on my way home from his house he sne tme a text saying he loves me and thanks for not giving up on us. We went out to see the Davinci Code on opening day and he mentioned that he wanted to get the book...so I surpirse him and mailed the book to him along with another book, an inspirational one. he thanked me and said he love everything. oh the reasonfo rmailing it - i didnt want to see him, i am kinda giving him space and decided we will see each other on the weekends...last week we spent the whole week together...So he was kind of hinting at needing his OWN time...no problem. Now, what do i do to maintain my sanity while he is going thru this.....when we talk on the phone I am the one doing most of the talking, he is not up to doing anything...well he wants to go to the movies tomorrow...but I suggested other things for this holiday weekend and he shot them down. I kinda mentioned how I felt liek i was doing thigs to make him feel better, but basically he said he doesn't have any money and dont feel the need to do much! Please help find a way to keep my sanity or should I just get out of this till he comes thru?

My boyfriend of one year just suggested we write down our likes and dislikes for each other - i guess pertaining to the relationship, behavior...just everything overall! Now my question, do you think this is a good idea? What good can come of this - he joke about it, saying that he heard it on the radio and the boyfriend suggested it and then his girlfriend was upset at what was said! do you think we should do this? I said it can be a good idea because now we can lay our cards on the table and perhaps work on some of the 'issues', he agreed! have any of you ever done something like this and what was the outcome?

thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thought i was in the twilight zone for a mere second!

are you serious? so what about, and i have read this many times on here....case of point, i really want to call him back but instead let me wait a day/30 minutes/3 weeks.... so if i intentionally decide not to sleep over just because i felt the need to switch things up...how is that being artifical or any different what i mentioned above?!

i'm sorry, but i dont think you made the connection!!!!!!! I never thought it was a bad thing to be the one being elusive! e.g instead of being readily available to him or being so predictable, i wanted to do something other from what i was accustomed to doing! (going to his house and because I am there, he automatically thinks i am sleeping over....actually it only happened once that i told him i think i want to sleep st my home and i'll leave after the movie - btw, i had a good excuse why i wanted to go home) my title: due to how my bf is behaving after i didnt answer his calls, hence my title, elusiveness doesnt work for me! brb

perhaps i am using the wrongs words when i say, 'keep him on his toes' well i don't reslly look at it as playing games. I figure it doesn't hurt to be elusive once in a while. one other time, I told him i wasn't going to spend the night (something i usually do if i go over to his house) and the next day he was upset! brb

Hey again, there are so many things i want to ask you guys but i do not where to start! i am going to ask for advice on one little thing that seems so hard for me do and for it to actually worked out - past experiences with him and this only lead to arguments! I feel like my boyfriend on 1 year is taking me for granted! I feel like I need to switch up our relationship a bit to keep him on his toes. however, when i tried to do that before, it only pissed him off! Latest case, on saturday morning we had a very small dispute, well for the whole week we have been having 'very small disputes'. We both seem to be getting frustrated and tired of it all, but we love each other so much that we are not ready to throw the towel in (we broke 2 times already, each time for 2 weeks, to be exact), but love always brought us back together!!!!!! Anyway, on Saturday, after the dispute and him saying that he is going to call me back after eating breakfast, I decided to turn my phone off...his only way of reaching me is via my cell phone. He didn't call right back (when he said we was going to call back it was around 10am) anyway, i was upset and bothered by the arguments and him being silly and not calling back, so i took my phone off and just did me - went to the salon and spa, came home and cooked dinner and watched a movie - btw, i took my phone off @7pm. I just moved into my own place and the land line with comcast is not yet available - so i was thinking about my parents not being to able reach me while I was playing M.I.A...so at 8:30p I switched it back on, and who do i get a call from before the display welcome mesage is finish? lol.... my boyfriend. I didn't answer it, he kept on calling, I had a few block calls as well so I am assuming that was him as well. Finally i took his called @ 11p and he was furious! Drilling me about why I had my phone off and why I didn't answer his calls and so forth. i said I am answering it now and whats up? he was pissed and he said he just called to say Good night (something we always do). the reason i mentioned all of this? Everytime I think i am putting a spin and putting him on his toes, it turns out bad and leaves him upset, and more arguments ensues. What is a girl to do? How can i keep him on his toes without it turning into argument! P.s sorry for the long drawn post!

How often do you speak to your loved one throughout the day?

If its not one thing its the another! I got over one obstacle....and I am not trying to make this into something more than it is! my boyfriend asked me to look for something in his phone, while doing so, I noticed that he called his ex gf the night that he called me to apologized and pur his heart out to me(after we had split and had no NC for 2 weeks). He called her right after he spoke to me and spent 40 mintues on the phone with her. This is someone that broke his heart and he admittedly said that she have cause him to suffer emotional, but at the same time he states, if we were not together he probably will pursue her again (he said this the 1st month or so we dated - we are now a few weeks shy of a year!) Also, I was his 1st first girlfriend after they broken up 7 years ago - he dated in the interim, but never wanted to really settle down and be exclusive with those women. I do not want to start back the relationship assuming or accusing him and asking him questions about it, but it is bugging me! Should i let this one past and feel secure enough in the relationship that he is not going to go astray and not feel threaten that he is speaking to her again? I am not sure if he have spoken to her since then! Please advise!

Thanks everyone! His mom came around, she is back to treating me the way she did before - with much love and admiration!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well that is a little extreme i think. i just can't see myelf ever doing something like that in front of my boyfriends friends - just imagine the things they said about her after that! that stigma is going to be attached to her forever! JMO but really who am i to talk...i had a big argument with my bf in front of his family.

very sad!!!!!!! i think you actually disrespected yourself so badly and you dont even see it

its funny you say that, last night he said had it been him, he would have been to nervous to approach my family - he really commended me!!!!!! i am glad i did too (initiate that we would both have a talk with her). If not, I would have just casually walked into her place thinking eveything was okay and it would have been much worse for me!

should i speak to her a 3rd time? or just let it heal itself now