HangingInThere

Ccali, aren't you glad that you are not part of his mess anymore? The worrying, perhaps some sleepless nights, not knowing if you're going or coming. Not sure if you ended the rela or he did, but whomever did, consider it a blessing in disguise!

Bigger and brighter things for you, Bramage. Your blessings are heading your way - I don't subscribe to the 'good guy finish last'

Go for it Bramage!

Hey, back to the top Again, are you in a better place now that you aren't with your ex? List some reasons you are glad you are not together, perhaps you never thought about it deeply and that is why you are 'sad' or pine for the rela! Remember, you're not together for good reason(s), reasons that are probably beyond your comprehension and only God know why its best that your ex broke up with you or vice versa. Don't kick yourself in the butt that the rela didn't work out, thank God that you don't have to be in that place anymore and good is coming! Yup!

We decided to get back together on Saturday, so my no contact lasted i guess 4-5 days (dont really remember). Oddly enough, it took someone from ENA behavior or situation with her boyfriend, for me to realize my behavior towards my boyfriend (shoebaby, kind of reminded me of some of ways) wasnt really nice. Even though he never complained about it, I saw a bit of me in her, so I decided to make amends with him. so as of Saturday, we are a couple again. (hope i am doing the right thing)

Day 4 of NC, Day 1 of Challenge. We have broken up in the past and have never ran into each other until today - I am in a restaurant having lunch with a girlfriend, casually mentioned our breakup and not even 2 seconds later, she says, 'talking about the devil'. He had to walk pass us to get ot his table - he said hello...i dont even think i replied! For some reason i am kinda upset that he spoke to me (am I backwards?) I would have felt better if he just kept on walking. he sat in 2 booths down from us and my girlfriend said he kept on looking over. Our bill came and i just got up and left without saying/waving goodbye to him. what do you think was going through his mind and why was i bother that he spoke to me?

oh btw, we are not married...dated for 13-14 months...separated for almost 6 months....reconcile 3 weeks ago.

THANKS. we went to one for the 1st time last week...he was okay....i found another one which i think better suits us (not quite sure what i mean by that) I think we need a workshop, as well as individual therapy witht he same therapist. We are going tomorrow to this new therapist. 1st visit: together next visits: individually follow up: together and then we go from there. We had to fill out a questionairre which we take with us on Friday and the therapist makes an assessment in the coming weeks. The workshop is in january (next available) and they have group therapy sessions with other couples.

that is how i somewhat look at it...only no tho, never thought about this in any of my prior relationships. thanks all for your replies..........here is how its going thus far, my bf suggested we go to therapy...after 5 months of NC, he got in contact with me again. We talked about our past mishpas, and then out of nowhere, he suggested we should go to therapy and try to do this right. I said sure why not! After our 1st session (last week) we were very angry with each other, a few days later we had a discussion and he said he doesnt regret anything he did in the past and he handled our relationship perfectly. After he said that i was very upset and decided to call and cancel session #2. He was very arrogant and said sure whatever...later on, he pleaded that we go and reschedule the appt, but he didnt take back the things he said bout perfectly and no regrets. Today is session #2, and i am a bit apprehensive. I truly feel like i shouldnt have to go thru this, especialy in a relationship that is only slightly over a year and no kids or marriage is involved. he said he wants to marry me and i am the only one for him blah blah blah.. I dont see the point really. i truly know that they are goin to be rough patches (i'm not new to the bf gf world) but to go this route. Funny enough, before we broke I WAS THE ONE recommending therapy.

why would you have to go to couples therapy. If the relationship was so hard and the reconciliation is hard, isnt that a sign that perhaps you 2 are not destine to be together?! How can therapy help? Please discuss!

Hey Scout, we are going to therapy today. Any tips for me?

I mentioned to him this mornign, what if we do not like the therapist or one of us is not comfortbale with the therapist, can we go to someone else, he agreed! sidebar: does this mean that he really loves me and wants this to work, beng that he initiated it?

what is it like and what should we expect from it? see my thread attached:

thank you so much. but how does therapy work, meaning, do we sit down and tell him bout the past and all of our issues? I am a bit nervous going into this now

hello Scout, over the weekend he suggested we go to couples thearapy without me having to say anything about it....I almost choked on my food when he said it. He wants to make this work so bad and he is really doing everything (at this moment) to lead us in the right direction. We have an appt for Wednesday, he is going away Wednesday for a few days and wanted to do this before he leaves. What should iexpect from couples therapy?

i guess you didnt see the part where i said, that relationships (the constant illtreatment from him) and me being overwhelmed and tired made me act out that way. So to answer your question, yes i have changed, I never did that before him and i haven't done it after him! For the most part, i hope he communicates with me when he is depress (if it happens again) and not just let me think he is just treating me uncouth. I definitely know they are rough patches in a relationship, and I was always and still is willing to be that throop to ride with it and deal with it accordingly! This man was totally depress and his behavior towrds me was ridiculous - I was actually 'a good gf' and was hanging in there, until i coiuldnt take it anymore and became overwhelmed. oh btw, he also mentioned he learned to communicate better and that was definitely one of our downfalls! and I was the best girlfriend he ever had and i thought him a lot of things during our time together...He said it and he told me allof his friends and family said it...and he realizes what he did to scrw it up! I took some blame for the relationship demise, but trust me when i said, his behavior cause me to react the way i did!

we were verbally and emotionally abusive! I basically reacted off of him - I was never that way in any other relationship...i never delat with anyone going through 'depression'. so i didnt know how to react but hostile! His living situation has changed, his money situation has changed - he basically said he is not depress anymore and he realizes that ppl have a bad day but that day too will pass, so he will not get bent out of shape like he did before! he said he realized he didnt pay attention to my needs, because he was too focus on his. I am not sure what I want to do, i am seeking advice! I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but at the same time, I dont want to go there again and he slips up! I mean there is no guarantee in knowing if he changed or not, so is this a situation where I should get back into and see what happens?

Hello Fellow ENAs, Here the scoop: My birthday was 2 weeks ago and my ex sent me 10 dozen roses (5 dozen on my bday, and another 5 dozen 4 days after) - he signed the card, from a friend. Take note, we had a very bad breakup and have not spoken to him in 5 months. Anyway, on the day after my bday he sent me a text saying that he hope I like the roses and they were all supposed to be one color (the florist sent mixed colors)...apparently him and his sister have been discussing this all along because i told her that I received 5 dozen roses from someone and not sure who it is (but i knew it was him - i thought the 5 months signified the duration of time we had broken up)..Well apparently she conveyed this message to him, so he sent a text saying they screwed up the order and blah blah blah. I waited about 30 minutes before replying to his text - I simply said, " thanks for the roses, they are pretty" nothing more! A few minutes later he sends me another text, about he is still the champ (a game we played) and tell mom he said hi and to have a nice day. I didnt see a need to respond to that, so i didn't...a few minutes he resends the text, I still didnt respond...a few more minutes he resends it again, I finally decided to respond so he can stop texting me, so I said, "have a nice day as well" Now 4 days after the 1st set of roses, I rec'd another 5 dozen, signed a friend...i knew it was him again, so this time i decided to call him to say thank you! Days have past and we have been speaking on the phoone. He is telling me that he really screwed up and he was going through depression that is why he acted out and treated me the way he did. Since then he have overextended himself and suprisingly paid my car insurance ($368) and paid for a flat on my car ($200)..i told him he didnt have to but he insisted! ..telling me he wants to take me on vacation...he is also telling me what he wants to do for Valentines day and the holidays with me. He is consistly talking to me about how he has changed and wants a 2nd chance and the reasons why he behave the way he did back then. What should I do? i really miss doing the things we did. Should i rekindle what we once had, can a person really change? Advice is needed!

i totally agree...I did the whole i feel obligated to be with him thing, and it sucks and it only hurts the other perosn in the end when you come to your senses and break it off. I think what he did was on point!

I think you did the right thing......jeez, it was only 3 weeks and he was getting to know her...in those 3 weeks he realized he didnt want to be with her, and he told her. I do not understand why ppl are mad with you because of what you did. I really think you did the right thing! I guess the ppl that are mad prefer if you string her along, have fights on top of fights and then tell her probably 3,6,9,12 months into the relationship! I commend you on what you did - I hope your new relationship works out!!!!!!!!!!!!

but you forgiving him wasnt about him (tell your friend that). You did it for you! And he would be very silly to think you want him back because of this gesture - Does your friend know that you did not include any contact info? Happy for you!

geez louise.

you are not even worthy of a decent reply from me..... I think this person is just posting lies just to get a rise out of ENA.

i totally agree! maybe the ppl that are calling you rude was once placed in that predicament! I have done a break up via email before - we were arguing a lot, he never let me finish what i have to say, he starts yelling, he always wrong and strong at the same time...it was hard getting through to him....could never get a word in edgewise The relationship was a very short one - 3 months! However i was very nice and pleasant, i didn't even blame him for anything...my email wasnt about blame - who was right or wrong... perhaps if it was longer, i might have done it in person...but that is a BIG 'IF'....if the person is hard to talk to and you have exhausted all other avenues, then go with emai/letter...no matter how long or short. whats the difference, sometimes ppl have problems in the relationship and some of you say, oh go ahead write a letter or send an email, because s/he will sit and read it thoroughly and whatnot.... to the person that created thiis post, only you knew what you had to deal with and if that was the best way out for you, then KUDOS!

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!