2001Acura

I sent you a PM!

Happy Belated Birthday to you Lonesoul and to you tomorrow stunned! And thank you everyone for your kind words of encouragement. Again, I know I'll make it, just it a small speed bump last night. Since I know she's vindictive, I get somewhat empowered by the fact that she wants "someone to chase" her and she ain't gettin' it from me! We used to do some awesome stuff together and I introduced her to a lot of things which more than likely she won't have a chance to do again. Maybe she will, but I don't really think so, not the road she headin' down now. I've realized its sooooo much more fun to give than receive.........as long as it emotionally it remains healthy. I never showered here w/ gifts, nor sent her flowers or bought jewelry for her.........any stuff like that, but we live in the Carolina's, so the beach is 3 hours one way and the mountains are 45 minutes the other way. She had it pretty damn good....especially to walk away for someone w/ a 3 yr old son. I also have no children, so it was easy to take-off for the weekend on a moments notice. What about the rebound thing? Any comments or suggestions on her jumpin' from the pot to the fryin pan, so quick?

Thanks ya'll! (Forgive my slang......I'm from the South, though I ain't no redneck) LOL I've got a close friend who repeated almost the exact same advice "I'm sorry, no one can tell you why your ex is doing what she is doing, but the thing is, she can't DO anything to you, if you don't look at the myspace. The only power she can have over you is the power you give her." She said, "If I give in and respond with a quick IM and say something like "I hope your happy" or "something attempting to be considerate", she indeed knows that she's gotten to me and recognize that I've looked at her account, whereas if I don't respond and she receives nothing from me, which she won't, she will have wasted the time trying to get under my skin and never realize the outcome. Damn, it's tough though when your on-line and you can see they're on-line, but yet neither of us say anything! Don't you just wanna say something, either nice or hateful, but damn........you just wanna send something thru.

Under the circumstances, I doing well, but I hit a brick wall last night when I found her myspace. My friends (girls) have told me that they use these tactics to make their ex jealous, so having said that.....it is plausible that she could have gotten it set-up on Monday or Tuesday just prior to my birthday to give the knife in my back a slight twist. Do we agree? Other than vindictivness, is she doing this to try to get me jealous and contact her? Granted, whatever her reason, it's not gonna change my outlook, but I'm curious about the whole myspace game playing BS!

Yesterday.........My 40th b.day and what a let down. I had a great celebration w/ the family and all, but after it was all done, how sad and lonely to come home to an empty house and alone! To add to my sadness.....my ex(which is the whole reason I'm here) just set up a new myspace yesterday today to show the world how much she's "In Love" w/ her new boyfriend and his 3 year old son. We broke up six weeks ago after she told me she thought she may have feelings for someone else. She txt me twice two weeks later to which I didn't respond, but rather called her the next morning and asked politely for her to decipher the txt, since she had written them in code. We had a brief conversation and otherwise it's been NC between both of us since. I told her I was upset/hurt and felt some betrayal the first two weeks of our breakup, but I'd be fine and "wishing her the best" two or three times and let it go. She didn't really understand the "wishing her the best", but I said, "hey you wanna persue a relationship w/ someone else, so I want you to be happy and hope it works out.'' First, the girl can't hardly type on a computer, let alone set up a myspace acct., but somehow she managed to get it finished just in time for my a surprise b.day present. Coincidence? I checked out her boyfriends myspace account on Sunday (and there was no Ex's myspace), so it's entirely plausible that she could have gotten it set-up on Monday or Tuesday, but there were no posts from friends, etc. before today which leads me to believe it's been set-up in the past few days. Since her father died in June, we had been on/off a couple times, but she would always call and try to get things worked out w/in a couple weeks because I treated her so well. She'd admit at the time to everyone that she had "life really, really good" with me! On the other hand, when she decided for the 3rd time, she wanted a break (and physically attracted to someone else) I got pissed because of her on-again off-again game playing. I WILL NOT PLAY SECOND TO ANYONE! PERIOD! EITHER YOU WANNA BE WITH ME OR YOU DON'T. THERE'S NO GRAY AREA WITH ME. I have more dignity and self respect than that, but I think she realistically expected me to chase her for a short period of time, which I didn't and still don't do. What should I do as far as my ex? Continue NC and wait for her to make the next move (if ever), since she decided she wanted to persue the other guy and chose to dump me? What a/b the myspace thing? Besides stay away from her myspace! She knows I'm out there ALL the time looking for people I know. Is it logical to think this some type of game to RUB it in my face to show she's now w/ this new guy? Thanks for everyones advice!

So I've been seeing this woman since April steadily. The first week of June '06 her father (whom she lived with) passed away unexpectedly. Completely unexpectedly. Btw, she had a really close relationship with her father and since her parents were divorced, she doesn't have much of a relationship with her mother. We continued to see each other and I tried to be supportive as she begins to grieve and work through the emotional trauma of losing THE most important person in her life. We'll, everything is going fine and she seems like she's doing well, them BAM! She stops calling me, won't see me and says the loss of her father has her so emotionally confused, she can't think straight. I pretty much went NC and 9 days later as fast as she disappeared, she reappeared, sending me txt messages and doing everything she could to get in touch with me. So we agree to begin working things back out last Wed. and five days later (Sunday night), she pulls it on me again, though at least she talked to me about it, before she did the Whodini(sp?) act. She says she needs time to try and sort through her emotions and get her life straight. Now, since Sunday, she's called four times, including once Monday AM, twice yesterday and once this morning. I answered all but today. Now I'm going back to NC! A couple questions for ya'll! 1. She left some clothes and other things at my house, including her tooth brush on my bathroom sink. She removed everything else from the sink that belonged to her, but she leaves this for me to stare at everyday? What the hell ya'll? 2. Her birthday is Sunday (8/6)! Originally we were gonna go on a trip to help get her mind off her dad, siince this would be her first birhday w/o him, now it appears I'm going by myself. With the major change in her life, I feel like I need to do something for her birthday, but I'm not sure what to do. Your advice is appreciated!

Feeling very ill is part of the grieving process! You'll continue to get ill/angry/mad/upset, but each day, you'll find that your experiencing these emotions a little less. One day, you'll wake up and realize, he's not your total focus of the day and life will start to get back to normal. Congrats.

Congratulations "Teacup" - the next couple days will be difficult for you, but I promise, time will help you heal. Remember, DO NOT RESPOND to his txt msgs, e-mails, or telephone calls. By the end of the week, he'll realize he doesn't have as much control over the situation as he thought and he'll regret like hell ever disrespecting you. Show 'em you deserve better than anything he can dish out! And you know where I'm at if you want to chat a/b it more!

First, I'm so, so sorry that you have and continue to have these negative experiences in your life. A family therapist you can trust would help tremendously. I've must be honest, after reading your post, I felt like I was gonna be sick! I've dated someone for 6 mos. and this is her identical situation. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were her posting. I read your posts (how to tell a nice guy....) and it led me to read more of your posts written by you and this is the first one that I came accross. I did all those things and I couldn't understand how she could continue to remain so negative, but her parents never reward her with the positive behavior, they simple lash out with all the negative behavior and it has had such a BAD impact on her life. I also heard the same thing about the intimacy issue. THE ENTIRE SITUATION IS ABSOLUTELY IDENTICAL. Your post has really hit home. I wish I could send this to her, but she is in such denial and won't consider reaching out for someone to help her like you have here. I love and care for her soooo much, but after six months we had to break-up because she began to take the abuse out on me. I'm so sorry, please find someone to help you and if your involved in alcohol or any type of stimulants to help ease the pain. Get away from them before it's too late. PM me if you want to talk one on one. Maybe we could both help each other here ALOT!

Thanks a whole lot guys, it really helps a lot to hear an objective opinion from someone else who is not directly related to me (ie: my family or friendship network). Though they have been so strong and so supportive through this whole thing, 'cause they know how much I care about her, but on the other hand, she's like a disease. I get somewhat of a charge in my system when I think about not calling her again, 'cause I think she truly realizes she's lost a good thing and it drives her crazy. It's good for the tables to be turned for once and it motives the hell out of me when I really think about it like that. I also realize when I call her, it only encourages/condones her behavior and says, "I'm OK w/ you treating me the way that you do sometimes". Which is complete and utter BS! I deserve better than this. NC again, though I know she's gonna try to make contact w/ me next weekend sometime to pay me the balance of the money she owes to me.

Thanks avman! Sometimes I need a good swift kick in the *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED*! I know it drives her absolutely freaking nuts when I don't call her and chase her like I have in the past and that's what I did for the past 16 days and that's what I'm forced to do again. I thought it was a little disrespectful that she just showed up at my house yesterday? What the hell is up w/ that? That irritated the s**t out of me after I thought about it. How awkward would it have been for both of us, if I had one of the girls I've been going out w/ here at the house. My ex would've looked and felt like a complete idiot. Also, she told me that she's been lost some weight, which to me is a definite sign of stress! She asked me how I was doing and I told her, "COMPLETELY FINE! I asked my friends if they noticed any difference in my behavior over the past couple weeks and nobody has noticed anything". That probably didn't set well w/ her either, but I MUST let her know that this time I'm moving on and not moping around the house waiting for her to start this game playing again.

Avman, Thank you for your advice and to a point, I agree with what you and everyone else has said, which is generally the same thing. She looks at me as her "sugar daddy" and the only reason that I appeal to her is because of the money issue and she gets things w/ me that she's not getting elsewhere in the relationship. No doubt this may be true, but again if I am suggesting that we do these things together, how does that imply that she's playing me to get this stuff? My behavior would be no different if I was dating anyone else. I enjoy going to nicer restaurants and traveling and she happens to be my traveling companion! I've done the same w/ other people that I've dated as well. Your absolutely right, I do still care for her a great deal as unfortunate as it may be. I agree I may be caught in this toxic relationship, but it's awfully tough to leave someone that you really, really care about. I said in earlier posts, "Btw, she also told me today that she has smoked pot or taken xanax in the past 1-1/2 weeks". This was an error - SHE HASN'T SMOKED OR TAKEN XANAX. So maybe she realizes that was one of my issues w/ her. I'm so confused right now. Against, your advice I sent her a txt tonight w/ simply, "Happy Birthday!". Nothing more and as I expected, I have received no reply from her in 2 1/2 hours. I'm having such a difficult time w/ it today! I was doing fine, though it was agonizing for 16 days, I was getting better and moving on w/ my life, now I feel as if this has been a MAJOR set back, because I'm constantly thinking about her and our entire conversation yesterday. One other thing, she spent more than 2 hours here yesterday. Granted, she may not want to rekindle the relationship w/ me, but generally speaking most people don't spend two hours talking/hugging/crying with someone they no longer care about or have feelings for. Granted everyone's situation is a little different, but I think the reason I may not be getting a response from the txt message is the fact that I played the frienship card on her, which she wasn't expecting to hear from me. I've always fallen at her feet and given into her and this time I played the cards a little differently.

Again, "This girl is so special to me and I care for her so much. The saying is very true "You can't help who you fall in love with"! She's not at all interested in the money part of it though. Anytime, we've done something, its always been my ideas. Goin' to dinner to the beach, mountains, etc. Btw, she also told me today that she has smoked pot or taken xanax in the past 1-1/2 weeks, which I politely said, "your far too good for that'! Is she just trying to keep the door open w/ me and how long with this continue provided I continue to not make any efforts to contact her. It seems like she's playin' a little bit of a mind game w/ me and today I was prepared, that's why I threw out the friendship card. When she told me today that, "she was glad I didn't hate her", I asked if that was the real reason that she came over today and she said "no". Was she simply trying to comfort herself for how she acted or was she trying to fish a little to see if she could draw me right back into her? I wish it was cut and dry but it's really, really not when your heart is involved! I've been so sad over the past 16 days and wondered if NC was the right thing to do. I'd like to know the the NC thing is driving her crazy, (ie: she told me when she would contact me to give herself some comfort that she'd talk to me in the next week)?

Hello All, This is my first post and make take a little time to bring everyone up to speed, but I'm single young professional (34 yrs old) who's been dating this younger girl (24 yrs old) on and off since mid-April! She's in school here in town and was off all summer long, so the relationship was somewhat cat chasin' mouse (me chasin' her) all summer long. In a typical 7 day week, this summer she was partying 5 nights minimum. On top of it, she also smokes week and occasionally takes Xanax to get the extra kick. To top it all off, she passed along an STD to me, which she wasn't aware of until her periodic exam. Btw, she received the STD from her ex (they dated ab 18 mos.) who cheated on her and occasionally used cocaine. So we see each other on & off all summer long and everything is OK, but she's not willing to commit 'cause she wants her freedom and wants to establish her INDEPENDENCE! So, in early July, I call her and say, "it's over I can't do this anymore don't attempt to contact me, etc.) I broke the NC five days later only when I sent her a txt which said "please drop off my things while I'm out of town and your things are gathered here too, so pick 'em up at the same time. I leave to go out of town and start to get txt messages the next day, "such a shame to end things like this" and "I really didn't give her ample time to decide whether she wants to date me perm. or not" and blah, blah, blah. So she calls me two days later and asks if we can talk when I get back and I agree. We'll we wind up working things out and she starts the cat and mouse BS again. I travel often so it was convenient for her to go out and party with her friends and she'd "agree" to see me once or twice while I'm in town. Btw, she's never had it so good! We typically ate at better restaurants in the area. Recognizing also that she has low self-esteem and she's a recovering drug addict herself, I continually held her hand while we were out, told her how nice she looked, etc., etc., so she had it pretty good. To add to it, I'm stable, established (house & 2 cars), plus I'm financially secure. Money is not an issue w/ me, so it gave us the flexibility to do a lot of things that she hasn't had the luxury of doing in the past. So now, fast forward to mid-Sept (9/11 - oddly enough). She was in one of her take some time off modes over labor day weekend and I went to Europe on a bus. trip. When I got home on Sunday I rec. a txt from her, "I hope your trip went well"! She then called me while I was out w/a friend to ask if "she left somethings" at my house. Well, she also assumed that since we had not been together for the past 5 mos. we were also not together at this time and wanted to collect some of her things that she thought I may have at my house. We talked briefly a/b life and what's been going on, but in general, our relationship didn't come up. She sent me a txt. to say "have a good night and it was great catchin' up" to which I replied "Ditto". We chatted by txt for the next couple min. and then she called to say, "she was going to bed and would talk to me later. We'll I opened the door on the issues of our relationship and basically told her, "I was tired of this cat and mouse BS and I deserved far, far better than the way she has treated me and as far as we were concerned, I had enough and was no longer interested in dating, a friendship or anything else for that matter from her." So she calls me the next day and says, "we need to chat". She comes over and tells me how much she cares about me and she's ready to give our relationship a fair chance and start behavin' like a real girlfriend. So, I cautiously agreed to give it a fair chance if she was willing to step up, but otherwise I don't want her any where near me and if the BS continues, I'm finished and done w/ her for good. Well, interesting enough, I started traveling a lot for about 4 weeks, but she would do everything she could w/ me while I was home, including picking me up at the airport, staying at my house for 2/3 days at a time, etc. So it looked as if she was making some changes. Also, since school started back so she had to cut down on the partying during the week. Btw, while in this 4 week travel spell that I had going on, we went to the shore together one weekend (all expenses paid by me) and went to the mtns for four days over her Fall Break (all expenses paid by me). She had it pretty damn good. No one has ever taken her out of town on trips before, but for the most part, we both enjoyed it. Anyway, so I finish up my travels and get back home and things are going good for about two weeks then she starts to act strangely. Wanted to hang out w/ her girlfriends more, studyin' at home more and would see me, but more like once a week, maybe twice, but no more. So it continues to get worse and finally I ask "what's the deal" w/ you acting so aloof! She tells me that doesn't feel the bond between us anymore. She also told her mother and father (who are separated and do not speak to each other) that she was dating someone 10 years older. Her mom, blessed it and said good for her and her dad flipped s**t and told her that I was far too old and I was only interested in getting her in bed, and blah, blah, blah. Neither by the way had ever met me, but parents usually really like me a lot, because I'm settled, "outgoing" and genuine. She told me that her mom, would eat me up because I'm such a good guy, but her dad continued to bash me about my age and throw me under the bus. BTW, she lives w/ her dad. Now, I should also say that I'm not the jealous or possessive type and pretty much took everything she told me as the truth, though I did periodically call her from time to time out of the blue to see if she was doin' what she said. I never once caught her in a lie, so I don't think there's anyone else. So, now it's 16 days ago and I called her again, to finally tell her that I had enough of her F**cking BS, come get her S**t, and we're gonna settle this thing once and for all. She comes over and basically takes charge and says she wants to break-up because we communicate on different levels, we don't like the same things, I don't give her enough space (???) and some pointless other comments. She also told me that she didn't love me anymore and she really didn't look forward to talking to me anymore, but she did it trying to keep the relationship going. I agreed, it wasn't working and I thought it was best that we move-on w/o each other. She also owed me $250 and she told me that she would pay me by tomorrow (11/27) which at the time was 2 1/2 weeks away. I began NC immediately as she walked out the door, w/o telling her that was my plan or anything. I've always been the one to break the ice in the past and I wasn't gonna give in this time. So today, she shows up at my house unexpectedly! I was reading other forums about NC and she called my cell and home phone and even though I didn't answer she wanted to drop a partial payment of the money off. So she just shows up at the house. What if I had some other girl here? Not good and a little disrespectful to me I might say. If I wasn't here, she would have left it for me somewhere outside and sent a txt to me where it was hidin'. So I invite her in ('cause I can be weak sometimes) and we start chit-chattin about what's been going on in our lives over the past couple weeks. She goes back to my bedroom to use the bathroom (it's the one she's always used) and I follow her back. We continue or discussion back there and she tells me a/b some personal crisis' she's got goin' one and I pull her over to me and we held each other for a/b 10 minutes. One thing leads to another and I start kissing her, then she stops and says she doesn't want to give me the wrong idea and screw w/ my head. I tell her that I'm completely fine and not havin' any trouble w/ movin on w/ my life and it's been really nice to see her. Then she says, "well it's screwin' with her head" and she doesn't know what to think. So at this point, we're layin' on the bed chit chattin' away and kissing each other but nothing more and I start playin' the friendship card. I told her at least we have some closure on the whole situation and we know now that we're just friends. I also built her up a lot and told her that I've always thought a lot of her and she will always have a special spot in my heart (which is all true) and at least we salvaged our friendship out of it. At some point, I hugged her again and she started crying (very, very unusual for her) and she proceeded to tell me that she was sorry for everything that she had done to jeopardize/screw-up the relationship and she was glad I didn't hate her. When it's was all said and done. I told her that if she needs anything, she knows I'm her friend and I will not take advantage of her or any givin' situation, so call if you need to talk. She still owes me some more money and told me that she would call me later in the week and drop it off next weekend. Then she tried to give me specific days that she would call Fri. or Sat. and I told her just call whenever, I'm not sittin' here waitin' for the phone to ring, but definitely call me before you show up. She left w/ giving me a kiss (a small one), told me that I would get one of those again next week and said, "bye baby"! So, what's her deal? She told me when she left 16 days ago that she wanted her space and we both agreed we should go our separate ways. She also told me that she would either mail the money to me or drop it off! Obviously she chose the latter of the two. I plan to go back to NC now again, even though she has a birthday tomorrow! I don't feel like I should send a txt message to her or do anything else to communicate to her, but I can't help but wonder what the hell is she thinking. What does she want from me, when she had it so good earlier? I guess she realizes after 16 days that I'm not exactly waitin' around for the phone to ring or her to change her mind, but what's up and what do I do? This girl is so special to me and I care for her so much. The saying is very true "You can't help who you fall in love with"! Please help!