33yeargirl

my ex and I have been broken up for about 3 months (NOT WHAT I wanted) - he's the one that now wants to be friends which I agreed to because I wanted to keep him around in any way he would give me...well - sure he'd come over, leave without so much as a hug or kiss....he'd call with no intentions to see me...he called on thanksgiving and didn't invite me over ....he calls every few days - and we have the exact same conversation over and over. It has gotten to the point that I actually wonder why he even calls at all....it is frustrating and hasn't helped me get over the situation - but I have started seeing someone new and with I had the balls to tell him to stop communicating unless he has a change of heart and wants to try to work things out. Then, we would actually have some talking and decision making to work out....until then, I feel there's no reason for him to call me...it is just pointless at this point and I want to move on....I'm not looking for another friend - I am looking for a boyfriend.

hmmmm...interesting thread...here's what my guy and I do...relating to oral.... If we have sex without oral first....when we are done with traditional sex - he pulls out of me and knows not to come on my stomach - he comes in my mouth - I guess that covers the oral (at the end) and yes I will swallow - in fact, I prefer to. I think it's hot. But that's just me - I would never not swallow - I think it's in poor taste not to finish and I actually enjoy it. If we have oral prior to regular sex we still finish as per above. As far as frequency of sex - as our relationship sits TODAY - I would like to have sex twice a day. I am so turned on by the guy I'm with - I feel like we're done before foreplay even ends....he is amazing and I can't even think of him without anticipating sex with him....BUT that comes with a high high level of attraction.....did I mention extremely high sense of attraction....I would be bothered if he didn't want sex.....

Hmmmmm....I've had sex early on go both ways....good and bad. I am a firm believer that if it feels right (first date or tenth date) - go for it. I've waited the obligatory 5 dates, and still not had the relationship work out...and I've had sex on the second date and had a three year relationship come out of it....when you finally have sex with someone for the first time - I believe it mirrors the relationship. If it's good/great/mindblowing - that's a good thermometer of how the relationship is going....if it's BAD/boring/terrible - the same usually holds true....it's kind of like the "kiss rule" - I have ALWAYS found that if the kiss is amazing so follows the sex and the relationship....bad kisser bad sex bad relationship.... I have recently started a relationship that started slow...wasn't sure if I was interested...then we had mixed signals....went out again and had an amazing date, which led to an amazing kiss. No sex that night ..... Then we had mixed signals again, cleared them up and proceeded to have amazing sex.....(only three dates had gone by - ) Too soon???? I don't know but the relationship hasn't suffered any set backs from it...in fact it has grown because of it....I don't know if this helps but I just honestly feel that as you get older, if it feels right whenever that is it's okay to go with it.....I'd rather know the earlier the better personally if we are compatible in that way....for me - sex is a deal breaker - I am not going to live with bad sex......like I said in my experience when I've had bad sex - It wouldn't have gotten better if I gave it more time and vice versa.....

Time will flush it out. I like him a lot. Just not sure what his future plans are for himself personally, however - there is a time limit I'm putting on seeing that....one month - through new year's - we've already committed to new year's eve together which is cool.....I am curious to see what if anything we do together over holidays. His parents live an hour drive away - he'll be there for a week - I am curious to see if I get an invite (not on christmas eve or christmas itself) but a day/night to hang out with his family ......I won't ask but I'm curious to see what he'll come up with if anything -

okay, so after the fourth missed/last minute cancelled date I made a decision. I am 33 years old and simply came to the conclusion that this type of behavior is just unacceptable. So, the guy calls me after the cancelled date and attempted to offer more flimsy excuses and attempted to "reschedule" - .....Here's what I said to him... "Ummmm, I can appreciate that you are really busy in your life right now, and I can understand you having to cancel, however, I don't think rescheduling right now is a good idea, I'm really getting some mixed signals here." This statement turned into an hour conversation as he was startled and couldn't figure out what I was talking about....I explained to him that since he is so busy right now it's probably not a good idea to get into a relationship or date. I told him that my time was being disrespected and so was I as a person and that is unacceptable. I reminded him that he cancelled on my four times in four weeks and that on a personal note, I was pretty much done with him and his behavior as it was rude, inconsiderate and disrespectful. He begged me for another chance and said that he is not good at dating. He didn't make any excuses, apologized and agreed that I don't deserve that and he does have time and the desire for a serious relationship with me. He said that he just hasn't dated and has gotten behind on some work/house things and that he was sorry. I gave him every out and he didn't take one. Basically, he said he was an *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* for doing this to me and again asked if he could make it up to me. So, I told him yes, because I really like him but I reminded him that further blowing me off in the future would be a deal breaker... He was out of town for thanksgiving but called me everyday to talk and then came over immediately to see me when he got back.....I am still leary and looking for opinions....HELP!! Is he a good talker or serious????

So this guy and I made plans (on his initiation) to get together tonight at 6. He calls me at ten of and says he's tired.....blah blah blah....i basically acted kind of cold and said "well, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate, etc. etc. - maybe you should just focus on that.) He says "well, give me an hour and I'll call you back ..." What does that mean - I gave him the "out" and he still semi-committed. I don't like this - I like to know what I'm doing and when. I think it's rude that he cancelled yesterday, then makes a new Plan and backs out at the last minute (he also said he has a lot of packing to do...) AND he backed out of plans we had to meet out wednesday night...he's going out of town and invited me to join him for a night...he says he called around the town he wanted me to meet him in and the hotels were all booked. So basically he has taken all plans off the table that HE INITIATED - NOT ME....for the next week. He has been the one seeking me out since the Thursday incident which started this original post in the first place and now in two days since then - he has cancelled but still says "i really want to see you..." I don't get it and now I'm waiting for a follow up "i'll call you in an hour call." I don't even know if I should answer it at this point...he may not deserve it. I re-arranged my whole day to make this date becuz it was a priority and now nothing.

i was charging my phone in another room - noticed a missed call at 5. He was out of town until 3:30 anyways so I didnt' think it was a big deal to call back an hour and a half later.....?????

So, after the thursday episode, he went out of town friday - he called me saturday and sunday (both calls I missed and he left voicemails) - He gave me a second call sunday (at 3:30 which I also missed) - again left a voicemail saying he wanted to get together with me that night. I called him at 5pm (figuring we were going to do something becuz that's what he said) He tells me at 5 that he's going out with the guys to watch football but that he'll call me back later to tell me where he is so we can hook up for a drink.....I was confused becuz he said at 3:30 "I am looking forward to seeing you today etc etc. So, I wait for him to call - he doesn't - he calls at 9:30, says the night with the guys ran late blah blah blah, and that he's going home to bed. He makes a plan with me for tonight, which is fine but what the hell happened sunday night???? Is this mixed signals, or that he was mad that I missed every one of his calls over the weekend???

Okay, I've been out with this guy four times , most recently last monday night. It was a great night. We had a blast. First kiss happened and it was great - then we spoke on thursday - he was busy at work and said he'd call me "later". Needless to say, didn't hear from him so I made plans with my girlfriend to have a few drinks after work. As we're sitting at the bar talking, HE walks in with another girl. I was devastated (but didn't show it) because I am starting to like this guy. So, he came up to us, introduced me to her as his friend and vice versa. However, when he initially came up to us, I reached out to shake his hand as I felt that was all that was appropriate as to not embarrass anyone. He didn't shake my hand but kind of friend hugged me....whatever. After the intro's, they proceed down to the other end of the bar. In the meantime, to give him a taste of his own medicine my friend calls a guy friend to meet us and tells him when he gets there to pretend he's "with me", sit by me - hug me when he comes in, etc. to give the guy I've been dating something to think about as well. By the way, the guy is someone I know and have met before and he is a good sport so he agreed to "help me out." Everything goes perfectly, and about half hour later they leave. We stay and I get a text from him - saying "Later?" Which I didn't respond to. Ten minutes later he actually CALLS and says the following: "Who's the guy you're with that's all over you?" (His interpretation) "I hope you don't think i was on a date, she really is a friend blah blah blah" "That was an awkward situation.".... He asks me to meet him somewhere else for a drink - I didn't confirm or deny who the guy was and then he says this... "I guess I misread the other night, I really like you and didn't think you or I were seeing anyone else...." Hmmmmm.....so at this point I invite him back to where we were in the first place before he left with his "friend"...He says he was just about to invite me over to have a drink with them and then my "friend" showed up and he became confused.....hmmmm,,,he admitted to being jealous and basically stated that he was bothered by the fact that I wasn't .......any thoughts into what really happened here??

When my ex finally expressed to me three years ago that he was interested in me.....I was ecstatic and our first kiss let him know just that. I had a HUGE smile in my heart and it didnt' go away until recent events. YES, we are ecstatic when a guy WE LIKE tells us his feelings are the same....right now, if I could go back to that moment - I'd give anything to feel that moment once more in my lifetime.

keep in mind that I NEVER thought it would hurt this much hearing him say these things. I TOO thought it would be best for him to meet other people. My head has no issue with the common sense of that. BUT HEARING it all from him broke and is breaking my HEART. I cry every time I think about the mistakes we have both made and acknowledged. It drives me crazy to think he will fall in love with someone else, kiss someone else, touch someone else, and sleep next to someone else. I didnt' think it would bother me but it hit me clear in the heart out of the blue. I saw him for coffee today - and he was just fine with everything and tries to convince me to do the same. Like I said on paper it all MAKES PERFECT sense but my heart doesn't feel that way. This is harder than I thought. Now, I have an "I don't care attitude" about dating anyone else but him...I don't care if a guy calls me anymore - I don't even want to answer any calls or accept dates knowing my ex will now be doing the same. WHY IS THIS - I accepted it before - why am having trouble with it now??????

I am very sad over this issue. Clarify, heartbroken in this area of my life... I have been in an exclusive relationship with my ex for 3 years. He is 26, I am 33. As in any relationship, we have had our ups and downs. He is not ready for marriage - I am. I love him a great deal and on paper we are perfect for each other. Through our ups and downs over the years we have always acknowledged our love and desire to stay together and see what the future brings...We kind of did our own things over the summer. I saw some people here and there (he was aware of this) - I am always honest with him as to where I stand and what I am doing. When I say i saw people here and there - pretty much group things, meeting new people etc. Nothing serious - just tried to gain some perspective on our relationship. We still talked daily and did things together as well. I guess the boyfriend/girlfriend label wasn't really addressed by either of us. Just became a grey area. Well, lately he has decided that we should move on permanently. He now says that his perspective has changed along with the level of his feelings for me. He says he still loves me and wants to spend time with me (my work christmas party - hang out on weekends, etc.) Just like before but with distance between us. He says he too now feels he should be looking for someone else and dating people that don't want to get married and have families. He says he just wants to find someone that is content with being his "girlfriend" and that's it. He says our age difference is now a factor. Even though that's where my head has been at as well, it hurt me hearing him say these things more than I thought. Now we have very difficult and heart breaking conversations. He says things like he feels better now realizing all this and backing away from me due to the fact that he realizes his future goals are not what mine are and that he feels like he has been stringing me along and has felt bad about that. Nothing hurt more than hearing him say the same things to me that I did to him 3 months ago. He says he still loves me and wants me in his life but we cannot have the boyfriend/girlfriend label. He clearly states he wants to meet other people/someone else. I cry everytime I hear him say he's "okay with all this", "my feelings have changed", "this is best", "it's best to end this now versus down the road" and a variety of other comments. So, what are the ramifications of still hanging out, talking everyday, etc. I still love him and honestly MISS ALL WE USED TO SHARE in our lives.

Look for my post titled "here's one for the guys to answer" - it is the exact same scenario. Promised phone calls and conversation became sporadic. Then nothing. Ran into him (again, read my post please to get the background) - and he didn't even acknowledge my existence - and believe me we had developed a great connection - sex, hanging out - talking on the phone - going on dates, etc. I have yet to hear from him in a week and after running into him at a restaurant. If I had to guess it's one of two things. #1 - someone else, no matter how many times people deny this - they are lying to themselves and to you. #2 - Lost job, no money - life is not together in all ways. It has nothing to do with you unless you can pinpoint something you did. You also have to be honest with yourself here. In my situation it is one of the above. Or both, you just never know., It's not what people say it is their ACTIONS that show their feelings. THe guy that did this to me (and people that do this) do not have the class or the decency to be honest with the other person. THat's not a good thing. They just want to "fade out" as others post. Try to move on. He may not be worth it no matter how strong things WERE - but it's easier said than done.

you are 28. He's 42. Hopefully I read carefully ......different generation. I can guarantee he wanted to. But the older guys handle MANY things differently. Including this....he will next time (maybe) - he will probably eventually tell you (becuz he's older) that sex isn't "that important" hmmmm...sure it isn't - they just like to say that because it makes them sound worldly....don't take it personally - they just feel at an older age they are different from the "younger generation" out there. This can be a good thing in some areas and a HUGE ANNOYANCE in others. Give it some time but you will see that on some areas eventually you will be on different wavelenghts - it's not necessarily a bad thing - but you'll see and make your decision.

okay, here's an update....after not hearing from this guy in the five days since he said he'd call ....i go to lunch today with my girlfriend, and he's there! I walk by his table and totally take the high road and after we notice each other I say "hi, how are you (with a smile) ......nice to see you " he looks at me and says the same - I sit down eat lunch - he gets up and pays his bill and WALKS OUT - no acknowledgement....the guy doesn't even have the class to come over to our table and address me....??????? What ???

in my opinion (girl) it's really nobody's business what you do or have done in the past. I would assume the hook up IS going to say something so be prepared for the question, but in my opinion if he asks you it doesn't show much respect because it puts you in defense mode and it could embarrass you. HOWEVER, if you choose to address it - I would keep it brief and to the point - Something like "...oh yeah I knew he looked familiar. We met awhile back - and it really didn't go anywhere." End of story - if he asks for detail I would state "Well, I'm really not comfortable discussing it." If he says it's a deal breaker - I would say "Sorry to hear that. I just don't think I need to justify myself to anyone" If he pushes it any further, he's being intrusive and nosy and judgemental. I mean if he hears the details from his buddy - then why ask your side. Don't worry you won't ruin their friendship. Guys for some reason come together as if in a cult over stuff like this. They "defend" each other. It's a double standard - okay for the guy - dating suicide for the girl. Good luck - I just don't believe it's anyone's business what you do prior to meeting them - I am very firm on this. I had a three year relationship with someone and they don't even know many things about my past. It's like having someone ask you how many people you've slept with.....YIKES!!! Stay away from that one with a ten foot pole. It's unfair to ask ....Just my thoughts.

yeah, that was a tough read to get through - I had to read and keep re-focusing...but anyways,,,,,i had been seeing a guy for a few months. He seemed decent enough and we had initial chemistry, alot in common and similar goals and we were of similar ages. Basically, on paper - how would we NOT be perfect for each other..... here's what happened.... After a few dates together, I could tell he was very happy with me. However, the chemistry FOR ME wore off. I didn't have the heart to tell him that so I told him that I wasn't into dating ANYONE at the moment due to a lot of responsibilities, commitments, work goals, etc. Nothing could have been further from the truth but he lives in my neighborhood, we share similar acquaintances, etc. so I knew I would run into him and I didn't want it to be awkward. Well, I thought I was doing a good thing....months went by - maybe even a year. I ran into him and he was up my you know what all over again - worse than before. I chickened out again (much to the disdain of my close friends) and told him I still simply was not dating ANYONE at the moment. I should have said i just didn't want to date HIM. Phone calls ensued for weeks on why I should give him a shot again, blah blah blah. I let all the calls go into voicemail and never returned his phone calls. I STILL run into him at my local Dunkin Donuts at least two times a week - I am always cordial/smile at him and wave cheerfully - This is bad. I get the feeling he still thinks there may be hope. THERE IS NOT. We are not friends in my mind. And I think deep deep down he knows that. It is awkward but I never show it because it is in my nature to be friendly/non-confrontational and polite. Truth be told - I have seen like ten guys over the course of knowing him.

I can appreciate everyone's comments...i just have one thing to say to DN - DN, read my post again, the guy i met out saturday night....DID NOT EVEN LEAVE THE BARTENDER A TIP - this type of behavior is just embarrassing, class less and CHEAP! I am just glad i didn't know the bartender personally. I, on the other hand left a $3 tip. He leaves nothing? No class

i went through three months of dating a guy who was 48 (I'm 33) this summer. Everything seemed fine at first ......however, toward the end of the summer things got weird. It turned out that I got tired of always hearing how tired/sick/busy his life was. Initially, I believe an older guy wants a young girl so that he can "relive" his life over again. Then, he realizes that he's been there done that and wants someone to coddle to his being tired, etc. of doing things young people do...it may work for you - it got irritating to say the least for me after three months. He also acquired this annoying habit of always wanting to "give me advice" because he had become an expert on many things that were supposed to interest me....they didn't .....but good luck it may work for you!!!

it's not that we demand that anyone "pay our way" but if you are on a date...i don't think it's an unrealistic assumption that the guy you are meeting should buy the first round of drinks....you make reference to "do your friends buy for you when you meet them out...." obviously no,....but the emails have centered around the "date" scenario .......My thoughts are that on the first date the guy should pay....it's not about the money - most girls including myself are not hurting for money....but it's about class and respect of a guy and dating etiquette.

update - after not hearing from this guy for 4 days - he calls me this past friday - tells me he had to "go out of town for a few days (20 miles to his mothers house) to paint his mom's house "unexpectadly" with his brother" he says he's "sorry I didn't give you a call but I got caught up....so I play it casual and say "oh, okay, just figured you were busy....etc. He says "What are you doing tomorrow (meaning saturday) I had plans already but wanted to feel him out so I said "not much just probably chilling with friends/going out..." He says "Well, okay then I'll call you tomorrow afternoon and maybe we can do something.." I say "Okay talk to ya then...." Needless to say - haven't heard from him since then....What is up with this guy???? I feel at this point it borders on the rude side.

i would say that if you go out second and third time, something is growing...but see, here's where it gets tricky. Guys (and girls) miss the small stuff...returning calls/meeting call time commitments/etc. I would consider myself in a relationship (seeing each other) IF we obviously are making each other a priority. IE: not really interested in seeing anyone else and not being "too busy" to call and go out. It takes on a life of it's own if both feel attraction and genuinely can't wait to see each other again. I gauge it like this - I know I am into someone if I would blow off my friends/family/things I like to do in order to see that one person. If they do the same in return it will go from there...if they don't do the same - well, it's not reciprocation and then it dies.

I just had this happen Saturday night. I went on a blind date - when i walked up to the bar he had a drink in front of him. I sat down and we started talking .....etc. The bartender came up to me and asked what I would like - I ordered a beer ($3 total cost) ....the drink came and the guy made no effort to pay ...so i took my wallet out and paid - he didn't even mention anything of it....i could care less about the money - I make over 70,000 per year...but to be honest it doesn't show any class is my take on it. I am on a date not a business meeting/not with a friend - it is a terrible first impression. After the drink we went for a slice of pizza next door....the total bill was $6. As we cashed out he made no reach for his wallet...i took out a $5 and put it in front of him (which in itself was awkward...he took it, put in the remaining $1.50) and left it at that. That was the final straw considering that when we left the bar - on top of not buying me a drink he didn't even leave the bartender a tip (I left 3$) now, this to me says CHEAP/NO CLASS/and NO second date.

let me clarify - 1-2 hour time limit on response to a text....IF you are able - I was leaning more on the non response time to any type of communication should not be longer than 3 days - at that point the person is wondering if you've lost interest. If you are in a NEW relationship communication should be within a day I would think....two max. After that a person's feelings are hurt....I always say "If I call the President, I understand him not getting back to me becuz he is busy...."

since all this business...the guy calls me monday to say hey...what's up etc. we talk briefly about the day and he ends conversation with talk to you later...that was monday - haven't heard from him since....?