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Magamar

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  1. Magamar
    As everyone else has said above losing 10lbs is a great achievement and, if you don't mind, I'm going to use what you've achieved as an incentive for me to lose weight too. Over the past year or so I've put on just under a stone and although I've dabbled at losing the excess weight during that time I've just not managed to shift any of it at all. This is mainly due my own lack of will power over a sustained period. Thanks to your post however I've decided that now is the time to do something about it and really make that extra effort. Thanks for the inspiration
  2. Magamar
    Yeah I'm getting this confusion too at the moment. After a fair while out of the dating scene I've just started seeing someone (3 weeks). In my past relationships the start has always been pretty good. Seeing each other a couple of times a week but plenty of texts/calls in between. The girl I'm now seeing is not like that at all. Sometimes I end up thinking that she's not interested and is just messing me about but in truth I've got absolutely no evidence for it. Just my gut feeling and probably me being a little pessimistic (and perhaps a little scarred from previous relationships). I have to admit that I'm finding it difficult to move at the pace she wants to move at but at the same time thats the joy of being in a new relationship. It's about finding out about all these things and seeing if indeed you are compatible.
  3. Magamar
    Peterrabbit, I've got to admit that giving someone you care about dearly time and space is just so hard. I'm in a similar position to you where someone I love is having quite a hard time at the moment and all I want to do is help by being there and trying to help her. On the other hand it would probably be best if I gave her space to get herself sorted otherwise she may end up making a wrong decision which could cause both of us more pain in the future. It really is a difficult one but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Hang in there.
  4. Magamar
    Kristo, Don't beat yourself up for breaking NC mate. It's hard to keep it up and I should know. Although I don't have time to tell you the details at the moment my emotions are all over the place right now. Last night was...... 'interesting' to say the least. I will let you know what happened. And once again breaking the NC WILL NOT set you back. I think it may have done if you had spoken to your ex but as she didn't pick up don't sweat it.
  5. Magamar
    Hey Kristo, Yep you are certainly righty in one sense. I am hooked!!!! A day doesn't go by when I'm not thinking about her. The problem is sometimes they are quite nice and reasonable thoughts, other times there pretty angry and other times thery're the sort of thoughts where she can go to hell I'm in charge. The problem is I flit from one to the other. Oh well. Are you still deciding whether to send your ex a text today? I must admit I'm on the horns of the same dilema. And if I'm honest with myself (and you!!) I think I already know that I will. It's been over a week since I initiated contact but I have replied to her texts in that time. Oh well. Another day of thinking about her. Even if it's only to decide whether I send the text or not.
  6. Magamar
    Hey Kristo, How are things going? I have to admit that yesterday was a real toughy. I'm still following LC and she still keeps texting me. I was supposed to being seeing her last Saturday but she wimped out on me at the last minute (surprise, surprise). It's really stupid, she keeps messing me about and messing with my head but I just can't either not reply to her texts or ask her not to get in touch. Ah well, I'll just have to live with it. Are you still NC? If you are that must be quite a few days now. Well let me know how you're going.
  7. Magamar
    You know, for the first time today I actually felt quite pleased about my break up. Sounds weird doesn't it. But after all the intial pain, all the tortue and the suffering I actually think it has done me some good. Don't get me wrong, I'm not out of the woods yet but the intial break up made me take a long hard look at myself. Who was I? What was I doing with my life and where was I going? I'll be honest, that whole process was soul destroying and, at the time, I don't think it helped with my healing process. But the period of self reflection, self analysis, call it what you will, made me realise that I wasn't the person I thought I was and being in the position I was in it made me sooo determined to change. More than I've ever felt before. I've started to hit the gym and have managed to lose 5ibs in the last two weeks. I've joined a running club and really tried to get to know people (I am quite a quiet person and don't find that easy at all) and I just feel like I want to make more of my life than I have done for the last few years. I'm still emotionally tied to the ex (every text message I receive I hope its her!!!) but, hopefully, this will be the kick up the backside I've needed for a few years. Even before I'd ever met the ex. I just wanted to share my 'revelation' with everyone so that they know that there could be positives out of every situation.
  8. Magamar
    Kristo, No the NC thing was just me. It did help though. Suddenly I could say to myself that I wasn't going to contact her 'til she contacted me. When she did contact me it made me feel good, made me feel back in control. The problem is whether I'm just deceiving myself. With NC or LC I think the biggest thing to face up to is your own feelings. We can try and hide our true feelings, we can cover them up, we can tell everyone that she can go to hell but deep deep down how do we feel. Everytime we receive a text message does she flash through our thoughts before we open it. Are we disappointed (even if it's only slightly) when it isn't her? Everytime we see a car of the same model and colour as hers do we instictively look to see if it is her? I know I'm still doing all these things and I suppose because of them I really ought to do NC 100%. As I keep saying though I just can't at the moment. The other thing I hate too is how horrible and unreasonable it is to be needy. How it distorts your thoughts and your actions and how it affects reality. An example. Last week I was angry at how I was always the one doing the texting, how I was sending loads more texts to her than she was to me. How she didn't communicate with me as much as I wanted through texts. It made me so angry. So I checked my phones memory and guess what???? During the previous 2 weeks she had sent more texts to me than I had to her!!!!!!! She more often than not replies to my texts (even if it is sometime later ). And of the previous 12 days we had been in contact with each other on 9 of them!!!! I still have issues about the content of some of her texts (i.e. quite distant at times) but I was amazed by my findings. Oh how the mind can distort things out of all proportion!!!!!!
  9. Magamar
    Comets, This is how I feel. I mean sometimes I think people (you and I) are just too nice. If someone sends us a text we feel ignorant or rude by not replying. Even if sometimes we don't want to we are afraid that the other person (whoever they may be) will think that we really couldn't give a damn about them and we don't like that. Even if part of us WANTS the other to feel that. Unfortunately I have no advice on how to overcome this. Just wanted you to know that you're not the only one going through this. Hang in there.
  10. Magamar
    Kristo, This NC malarky is so tough isn't it. I recently got through a couple of days of NC before I got a text from my ex. I ignored it. Next day I get another one which was a lot sexier and a lot more suggestive. I wait until later on that day and send a reply and guess what. NOTHING, NADA, NICHT, NEIN, NOWT. Didn't hear from her. The problem was while I was following NC I felt good, I felt in control. As soon as I sent my first text back to her I lost all that. I suddenly became needy and one text led to another. Although she was replying in the end it suddenly felt like she was holding all the aces again and she'd gone distant. My point is be very careful about your intentions for contacting her. I get the impression that your ex is doing exactly the same as mine. She is hurting as well and when she is feeling low she will text you and just say hi, how are you doing, etc. You then reply to her and she feels happier knowing she has you as a back up. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but I really do think we are both being used like this. I'm not saying that this is deliberate on her part or that it means you won't ever get back together but that is how I'm reading our situations at the moment. As for texting her back, you have to do what you have to do. I certainly can't ignore a text from my ex at the moment but I'm starting to realise how NC or LC really can give me strength and a feeling of being in control. I think we both have to let go or at least loosen our grip a bit. Hang in there.
  11. Magamar
    I know what you're saying edify. Perhaps I should come clean and let everyone know that she has never said that we have broken up. She's just gone more distant, less attentive, etc, etc. I've been in these situations before and they've normally never got better and resulted in a split. However, because she hasn't said it I live in hope (oh my how I wished hope just didn't exist right now!!!) I also know that she's going through a tough time at the moment with various things (there's me making excuses for her!!!!) so I was the one that started to act like we had split up. All the emotions were the same, all my feelings were the same, and so much of the advice and stories on these forums seemed so familiar. Anyway, guess what. Yep you guessed it she has texted me again this lunchtime. This time a lot more suggestive. It really does seem like it fits the bill of 'I didn't reply to her text last night so she has to try harder to get my attention today!!!!' So again I play the game of not replying right now (even though I really want to). I know I will though. I'm out playing football tonight until gone 9pm so will probably text her back then. The plot thickens. Liam, I'm glad to hear you've got some time off work coming up. On the one hand it will give you free time which is something I certainly didn't want. On the the other hand if you are struggling to concentrate at work it is probably best if you can get away from it. Just make sure you have plenty to do during your three weeks. Start planning now. I know how these sorts of things can mess up your work life. I'm the same as you, not quite as bad I don't think, but I really struggle to concentrate, to get things done. I'm doing the bare minimum at the moment!!! Things will get easier.
  12. Magamar
    Aaarrrggghhhhh!!!! I hate all these bloody games. I wish I could just contact her when I felt like it instead of having to wait if she will try to contact me again. Feeling pretty weak at the mo but I will not text back today. Oh how my mind doesn't belong to me. How it is a completely separate being to me and instead of me controlling it.... it controls me. Right now it's saying "Contact her, get in touch, you didn't reply to her text so she's thinking I must not be interested in her and she is moving on to someone else!!!!!"
  13. Magamar
    Torque, I think your description of your feelings being like a scar is very accurate. Like a physical scar your emotional scar will stay with you forever. But also like a physical scar it will become less painful, it won't sting and hurt as much and then it will begin to fade. It will never completely go away but perhaps in the future you'll be able to look at it or touch it and realise how it's impact on you made you into a better person!!!!! Deep huh
  14. Magamar
    Well Liam my situation doesn't get any better. One minute she says all the right things, the next she does things that say she's not interested. I think I have finally come round to the thinking that she is messing me about (intentionally or unintentionally I'm not sure). My problem is that I still long to hear fom her. Take the last two days, I've been following NC then tonite she sends me a text saying she is thinking about me!!!!! I'm gonna be strong tonite though. I'm not gonna text her back like I normally do. I know I will get back to her but I've promised myself that it won't be before Thursday. I'm interested to see what she will do. Will she send another text? Will she try again? I'll keep you posted. I just wished that my mood and my life weren't based entirely around her and if she contacts me or not. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about that at the mo but hopefully soon.......
  15. Magamar
    Kristo, I really feel your pain. I'm going through something very similar at the moment. My ex, while not actively flirting in front of my face, is constantly going on about another bloke. She's always 'dropping' into the conversation how she has been for a drink with him, how she has been in his car, etc, blah, blah. Whenever I question it (in a light hearted, jokey kind of way!!!!) she will always say nothing is going on, blah, blah, blah. She gives me so many signals that she wants to be with me, saying things about the future, telling me how much I mean to her but then at the same time gives me so many signals that she doesn't give a damn. My big problem at the moment is that I'm not strong enough to give her up. At the moment I want anything over nothing in terms of her and her time. I'm so jealous that you seem to have made the choice that NC is the way for you and I hope you can stick with it. I look at your story and think you are doing the right thing the problem is I can't do the right thing for me. Perhaps in a couple of weeks I'll be able to.
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