CinnamonGirl

i think this post belongs here. i hope so. i have an ex fiance. i moved out due to reasons of abuse and so forth. good move. well, all the while i was dating him i was dealing with his ex. she posted things about me online (ive screenshot them all and kept in a file) that were so nasty and so vulgar it would make your grandma's knickers fly off. she called me the c word many times. which doesn't bother me much, because i know i am not. she would post things about me on a daily basis trying to rally up everyone against me. she succeeded. meanwhile she and my exfiance were going through a court custody battle over their little daughter. things got worse with his ex when the daughter started to call me mom. why wouldnt this little one call me mom? i love children, i took her in as my own. her mom left her, barely paid attention to her. the little girl would come home with HORROR stories about what happened at her mom's house; ie. telling her to put her hands in private places and smell it, her mom grabbed her around the throat, just to name a few. she would also talk about how her mom never played with her and sat on the computer all day. when we would get her from her mom's house, she would hit her mom in the face. she would be so dirty, tired and unfed. mind you, my exfiance had videotapes of the mother watching the little girl at their house. the mother was smoking pot, blowing it in her face falling asleep while the little girl climbed up all over the place. basically, mom had/has no concern. he tried submitting them in the court room, but the mother said she never received them at her house. so they were inadmissable. at the times when she was ridiculing me online (and still is) i retaliated slightly by reminding her of her duties as a parent. this is the problem. now, that i am gone i have been the victim of ridicule for *both* of these people. i get emails from him saying he has never loved me and she sends me emails blaming me for all of her and my exfiance problems. she states i never cared or took care of her daughter. that all i did was screw with this little girls head. like i said, i took this little one as my own (i dont have any children) bathed her, fed her, stayed home from work for weeks while she was ill, clothed her, you name it, i was it. she is seriously bitter for me retaliating against her. by reminding her of her parental obligations. i got a return email from this woman, months ago telling me that I WAS obligated to take care of her child, to do things for her and so forth. when the relationship ended, i sent her an email, letting her know that i had been abused just as she had by the father. she got SO mad at me. i dont know what to do. this man is letting women in and out of his life, beating on them. the mother and dad are both alcoholic drug addicts and i fear for the little girls well being/health/safety/teenage development. in fact it is the only reason i stayed so long. the mother said it is no longer my concern, but now i am a concerned citizen; i know what *really* went on and i am concerned more than ever. i just dont know what to do. i contacted dhs, but they wont do anything.

Not sure why he feels the needs to push your buttons. The fact that he was doing this in public does make it a bit different. Had he been doing it in the house, amongst yourselves would make it a worse situation. Any sort of abuse is bad abuse. Although I am not sure i would go that far with this. I see that you have expressed your feelings to him and he seems emotionally unavailable or unable to comprehend, that yeah, you have a bruise it hurts, and the way he is reacting sucks. Does he do this mostly around friends at home, or both?

I tried the internet dating thing. Woh. I dont recommend it personally. And that is just what I think, others may see it as a positive blessing. I myself was just blindsided by a manipulative abusive chameleon looking for someone to guide him through his custody battle and look like a trophy to his ex. I love the internet, but I love my life and my future more. If you really do need to find someone, pick a place on the map near you *that isnt too far*. Find fun things to do around there and things you are truly interested in. Someone fabulous is bound to show up. Fabulous people, fabulous places. Some people do meet great people in bars, but it isn't quite likely. Me thinks.

Who does this guy think he is? And most importantly who does he think you are to "still have sex with you". I know we all have sexual needs, but is this necessary? Do you have a job? A good enough job to save money to move out? Who is on the lease? Can you tell him to hit the pavement?

What is it other than going abroad that you would ultimately like to do?

i just got out of an abusive relationship with a man who is a sweet innocent loving man to everyone else. so now, when i look at any man, im totally leary. thinking, this guy could be the next BTK! sounds crazy, but it is true. women have been fooled to a point that they just give up, but their hearts tell them differently and that is when they (sometimes) get into trouble. you cant prove or not prove that you will or wont. only time and chivalry will be the true honest stance.

what are you good at?

sometimes not talking to one another in an instance like this can be a good thing, on the other hand it can make it all disappear. her, you and the relationship. do you feel that speaking to each other and working things out on a normal basis will benefit both of you?