CinnamonGirl

who knows. what if i am wrong? i don't know how their minds work. is it possible that they do stop being abusive even without counseling?

i just hope she has a good support system. he has manipulated her family already, her friends into thinking he is this major "dreamboat". amazing how people can portray one thing *knowing* what they just did to another. he even had the balls to write me an email last week telling me he took me to court and i owe him 13,600.00. in complete shock, and paying 50% of my portion while with him, i called the district and superior courts and they said they had never even heard of me! they looked up his name and he hadn't even filed a case as such. in addition, im the mothers witness in the custody battle right now. unfortunately for me, i wont be able to move on until it is all over. im broken and tired.

i dated a man (not that he is one) for 2 years who emotionally manipulated me, physically beat me, and verbally abused me. i left. he also did this to his prior fiance, with whom he has a child with. she and i started talking after i left him and began sharing *horror* stories together. while i never saw him physically abuse his child, i saw him emotionally manipulate her and verbally abuse her. i'm not too sure why all of this happened to me. i took he and his daughter into my life with no reserve and treated them all like close family. both the mother and i chock it up to beginning to think for ourselves when we were with him and he lost control of us and just started lashing out. i know i am a great, vibrant, intelligent and very loving person, but to say the least; this has made me very leary of any man. during this time of speaking with the mother of his child, his ex-fiance i learned from her that he started to date someone even before i had left. in addition, he was on link removed etc. in discussion with the mother she decided to tell this new girlfriend about her past with him and warn her. i wrote a letter to her, and the mother gave it to her while she talked with her about the horrific events that happened while she was with him as well. apparently, the new gf and he laughed about it together and call it a "bleeding heart testimonial". all i can say is this girl is in severe denial. i would hate to see someone lose their life because they just ignored *photos* of black eyes, journaled documented entries the day the abuse happened: cold hard proof. i'm sad that there is nothing i can do more to warn her. how could someone ignore the proof and evidence? she isn't going to be the "special one" to change him. his anger is deep rooted and he ignores his problems. i guess i should just walk away?

do you really believe that a restraining order will prevent him from hurting his daughter over and over again? he needs severe counseling.

ive done that already.

thank you for your reply. i think i am looking for a bit more information, what happens, what steps to take. are there any women or men out there that have been through this? it is very scary.

in addition to that, when the little girl would go to the mothers house, she would speak about the bruises on my legs to the mother. her mother would have her draw pictures of this. she has kept them.

yes, i have photographs, witnesses and logged journals that i kept at the time.

i am in a major dilemma and i really need some advice. i haven't been getting any sleep over this and really need to come to a decision. i left my ex back in the beginning of July. since leaving him, he was spread the most vicious lies about me and his other ex about who we are in general. during the course of our relationship, he was severely physically abusive, unfaithful and verbally/mentally abusive. after i left, he ran to his ex to cover his tracks. during our relationship he made it so that his ex and i did not get along. for now, i discover, he was extremely abusive to her as well. even while she was pregnant with his child. i count my blessings every day that i got out when i did. but me and his ex realize what has been going on. how manipulative he has been. how he has deceived his family. how he has been lying to both of us for 2 years straight. she was his doormat and i was his stepping stone out of that relationship. they have a daughter together and i fear for her. the mother fears for her. aside from the abuse, the father, my ex plans on getting full custody of the daughter when she turns 7. i dont know if waiting that long, to press charges is something i can handle. but i am scared. if i press charges, what will he do to me in the future? his father is an abusive man as well. and when i would go to visit his family, his father would talk about how he would want to kill the other ex. so now, he and his ex, both deeply abused women, aren't as dumb as he thinks. we made ammends. and the things we are finding out about each other and what *really* happened are amazing from the lies he is telling everyone. not only that, he is planning on moving out of state soon and plans on taking the daughter with him, without consent or agreement of the mother. do i press charges? black eyes, shards of a lamp *still* in my leg, head used as a hammer, choking, grabbing, biting, tossing accross a room. i dont want to wait and see this happen to the daughter. i dont want him ever to hurt her. does anyone know what the procedure is? they say some women dont come forward until 5 years or later, mostly because they need to feel safe. i now am in a house, where he doesnt know, and i finally feel safe. please help.

thank you so much for looking and commenting! i have alot of fun doing this and encourage folks out there who have had a hard time to involve themselves in anything they love (if healthy!) thanks again! i appreciate it!

my fiance and i separated over 3 months ago. thank you so much and thank you all for your support!

so he called me again today. we had a nice long talk and he said he didnt want to have dinner because he doesnt want to fall in love with me again. im hopelessly still in love with him. i dont know what to do.

why?

hi. my man and myself broke up over 3 months ago. both of us have had a difficult time dealing with not being with one another and he has had a hard time forgiving me for leaving. i left because of cirumstances such as, him inviting a friend to come live with us for free and not asking me. ive taken care of his daughter for 2 years straight from a previous relationship and the ex just got to me (she has been slanderizing me online). i had to take a breather. when i left, he changed the locks on the door, and allowed his friend to live there and told him not to let me in if I came over.... I own the house! well since that 3 months ago, he has called me once. i answered the phone. he asked how i was doing and this and that. i asked if he would like to come over for dinner sometime, not to rehash old memories but to see how he and his daughter are, plans for life blah blah. he said he would love to come over. so, i go home, wake up the next day, today and he sends me an email at work that says he is going to take a raincheck. i started balling at work. we talked a little more, he says he wants to see me, but he just cant. isnt that mean to do? i mean i love him and all and i understand that he doesnt feel like he can just jaunt back into my life. i do understand. i just dont know how to handle myself. im upset for opening that door. everyone says nc is best, but in this case it isnt. i guess i should just be patient.

We choose our own paths in life, yes? We go after what we want yes? Is she on here? Are we talking with her? Do we know if she has or if she hasn't? Sounds like she has been contacting him, wouldn't that mean somewhat of a fighting stance to get back together, or at least remain friends? It sounds as though he hasn't contacted her, and I am not sure if he wants to. I was simply pointing out *my* personal situation, and adding in to his. In my situation, I was the one who did all the work, trying to communicate, effortless efforts. My partner was similar to a brick or a deer in headlights. Just trying to shed some light. You decide.

women *hate* more than anything a man that won't fight for her. actually, it has been why i have broken off a couple of my own. the man wasnt willing to work and fight for me and make me feel like i was his one true love that he would walk to the ends of the earth for. if you dont feel that way for her, dont contact her. if she is your ultimate love, make contact. she may just be acting ok with it, if she really were, i dont think she would be contacting you.

To those of us who need to see it written. VERBAL ABUSE Ask yourself, does your partner: ignore your feelings? disrespect you? ridicule or insult you then tell you its a joke, or that you have no sense of humor? ridicule your beliefs, religion, race, heritage or class? withhold approval, appreciation or affection? give you the silent treatment? walk away without answering you? criticize you, call you names, yell at you? humiliate you privately or in public? roll his or her eyes when you talk? give you a hard time about socializing with your friends or family? make you socialize (and keep up appearances) even when you don't feel well? seem to make sure that what you really want is exactly what you won't get? tell you you are too sensitive? hurt you especially when you are down? seem energized by fighting, while fighting exhausts you? have unpredictable mood swings, alternating from good to bad for no apparent reason? present a wonderful face to the world and is well liked by outsiders? "twist" your words, somehow turning what you said against you? try to control decisions, money, even the way you style your hair or wear your clothes? complain about how badly you treat him or her? threaten to leave, or threaten to throw you out? say things that make you feel good, but do things that make you feel bad? ever left you stranded? ever threaten to hurt you or your family? ever hit or pushed you, even "accidentally"? seem to stir up trouble just when you seem to be getting closer to each other? abuse something you love: a pet, a child, an object? compliment you enough to keep you happy, yet criticize you enough to keep you insecure? promise to never do something hurtful again? harass you about imagined affairs? manipulate you with lies and contradictions? destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, break appliances? drive like a road-rage junkie? act immature and selfish, yet accuse you of those behaviors? question your every move and motive, somehow questioning your competence? interrupt you; hear but not really listen? make you feel like you can't win? damned if you do, damned if you don't? use drugs and/or alcohol involved? are things worse then? incite you to rage, which is "proof" that you are to blame? try to convince you he or she is "right," while you are "wrong?" frequently say things that are later denied or accuse you of misunderstanding? treat you like a sex object, or as though sex should be provided on demand regardless of how you feel? SOME WARNING SIGNALS: I wish I had paid attention to this list or known about it when I met my ex fiance. He was AWFUL to his ex. Stupid me thinking this guy would be different with me because I am so great. Watch how he acts with others. (If he is not nice, chances are he will treat you the same.) Does he drink? How much? Does he take drugs? Do you feel stifled? Is he abusive? Does he hurt animals? What kind of relationship does he have with his mother, father, brothers, sisters, kids, etc. Does he respect the law? Does he cheat? Do little things he is doing bother you? Does he lie? Does he steal? Is he short tempered? Does he drive like a maniac? Do your friends tell you he is no good for you? Does he yell at or curse other drivers? Does he feel nothing is ever his fault? Can he admit when he is wrong or makes a mistake? Will he say he is sorry? Would you rather stay home than see him? for more info see link removed

I'll share with you I just recently left my verbal/mental/physically abusive fiance. Problem now is, his ex from previous, is stalking/harassing me and committing slander via internet. She has been for 2+ years now. It is/has been quite delightful. When I left my ex, I made up a whole bunch of stories to make them believe I work in one town and live in the other. Truth is, I live in a completely different state. Keep in mind, these 2 are psycho, so I knew I had to protect myself from them, someway, somehow. She calls the place she thinks I am working, has friends prank call what she thinks is my phone (my friends # in the town i said i live in). She's telling everyone I didn't attend college. Graduated with high honors in '97 thank you. She actually didnt attend college and I assume her post is simply out of jealousy. She is telling everyone I am now a lesbian. I dont know if it is in her best interest though. I just dated her ex, the man with whom she bore a child with. Wouldn't that make him the one that made me "switch sides". And even if I were, is that a wrong thing? Ive had to go so far as to when she emails me, attempting to flame me, i write the email, save it to my drafts folder, notify my friend and she sends it for me (to hide my personal ip). My friends even go to her webpages, copy and paste her slander that she posts and send it to me. My case worker even mentioned the idea of me having to change my name. She is posting what she believes is my IP address all over the place, flaming me. She is a very classy lady. She makes up rumors in the old town I lived in and blabs to people. Not people that really matter, but people. She makes art about me, trying to flame me, depicting the rumors she has made up. She made up a story that I stole her daughter's piggy bank. (I currently make almost as much money as my ex and his ex put together). She also made up a story that I stole her daughters medication. Because we all know, Zyrtec child grade is a hot commodity to get high off of. While he and I were engaged, they have a daughter together. The mother (his ex) was the worst example of a mother I had ever seen (abuse/neglect). When I came into their lives, I took on the daughter as my own. She began flaming me via internet years ago. I did retaliate, reminding her of her parental duties, which only made her focus on that I had retaliated and not as to why. Anyhow, just believe your situation could be worse. You could have children or you could have a lunatic crazy psycho inhumane weirdo following you around!

I know *exactly* how you feel. Your story brought tears to my eyes, not only for it's content, but how closely related it has been to mine. I gained weight, I lost my job (due to a black eye he gave me) lost myself. Can you tell me, do you stay because of the disability? Lack of money to go? Do you want to go?

i commend you for writing a note to her in as peaceful as a manner as you knew how. she is bitter because she has to take care of her daughter now. she is bitter because she has to actually pay for things for her. WOW! she actually has to be a mom for once unfortunately the protection for children isnt as predominant as it should be out there. i would keep your eyes peeled and your ears completely clean though. im happy that you worry about her, most people just let things be out of ignorance.

i just got out of one as well and am feeling extremely greatful to the people on here. let me tell you, after speaking with folks on here for 1 week, my self confidence is back to par. please feel free to pm me if you have any any questions. please! mine was horrific too.

believe me, 10k in debt is miniscule. and it certainly ain't worth hurting ones self over. christ, claim bankruptcy if you have to before the new laws go into effect in October.

besides the child, how can i cope with the harassment? i mean, this woman spends *hours* even making art about me. im not kidding.

that's not it at all, you are missing the point.

actually, i did report it when i was with him. let me ask you, if you were in an abusive situation, you might have spite. especially if you just spent 2 whole years trying to take care of an innocent child, correct? we did it together. before the relationship ended. like 1 year before. so what now?