DarkCh0c0

Adults should be contributing equally in a relationship. If you see it's not a case, then you need to have a talk on reaching an agreement whereby you are both contributing and happy- no resentments.

How about waiting and catching your breaths before having a second child? You seem to really want the second child, but are terrified to go through this again. You haven't really recovered from the first one- and that's okay. There's no rush. Take your time, give it a year or two (or even more) until you feel better emotionally and physically, same for hubby, and then see if this is what you truly want when NOT under stress. Then, you'll have your answer.

Yep. Agree with posters^. There are therapists who will be able to help. You need to try a couple until you find one that can really help you with your case. It's a very sensitive and traumatic experience which unqualified people would not know how to carefully navigate. It's good to reach out and it's great that you finally have a starting point.

Idk. I think there's no smoke without fire. Why your sister? And other female friends? These aren't fantasies. These are actual people you know. Honestly, I find this to be off putting. I'd be turned off too. As other posters suggested; decline. Simply say you're not comfortable with this and you don't wish to hear more about it. And, see how he reacts. That should tell you more (if he gets defensive / angry, then there's more into it. If not, then it's more what boltnrun mentioned).

✓100%!

I agree with Rose. That man wanted to get laid. That's definitely not how a gentleman approaches a woman. For the record... You're not a physiotherapist, so you can't "tweek his whatever joint". Next time, you can tell him that.

@boltnrun what boltnrun said. Don't fall for his crocodile tears. You're smarter than this. He knew what he was doing and did it anyways. It wasn't nothing and you're right to be upset. Trust has been broken and it's a good time to part ways and be single for a while. Some men prey on women who have just come out of a relationship as they are vulnerable and they make them feel as heros (plus, the sex). That's how they are. Your man does not sound like partner material.

If it's the case, and he trusts OP, then he should be able to talk freely to her about it. There's something off.

He doesn't want to. He's playing along so that you don't talk about it again. I would say that's a way to look at it. You can't hide and monitor his phone. So, one last talk. He's either willing to be upfront with his feelings (he might, who knows) about porn and sex, or that could be the end of it for you too. Your needs needs to be taken into account in this relationship. It takes two to tango.

Well, she was honest with you. She thought over it and declined politely. That's all it is. No need for drama or more discussion about this. That's how life is.

It's a very tricky situation. I must admit. If I were you, I'd sit with him and have one last talk. Tell him that you'd love to get intimate with him and that you miss that. If he still gets defensive and won't take into account your needs, then you know 1. It's not about you (you know from his phone he's checking out men/old women) 2. He doesn't love you enough to take your needs into account. I'm not sure if bringing up the fact you found the other stuff out on his phone will change anything. Maybe other posters have a different opinion on this. I'd then cut my losses and leave with my dignity. It's heartbreaking, but as wiseman mentioned, this could be the tip of the ice-berg. Also, yes, check for stds.

Yea. Same. It would honestly turn me off and I'd no longer feel interested in such man. He can be a gentleman and keep it to himself as he has a beautiful lady standing right.next.to.him.

I don't know why other posters didn't notice this. He yells at and gaslights the woman. It's not acceptable.

That's what HE made you believe. He's being abusive in that. + He doesn't share chores/responsibilities with you. If you are respectful when talking to him, nothing is wrong with you. And, if you really don't know how to communicate with people then you wouldn't be able to do so with your clients. I'd say, definitely, a break from work and him is what you need. Relax, and think if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with (and in this case, both of you need to work on this relationship), or let go. It's also indeed time to review your work-life balance as well. Consider leaving work at 4 or 5pm, and doing some fun or simple activities after work. Even if it's once-twice a week at a book club, park, whatever. You can keep your kid with your parents as you trust then, or do something fun together. Boundaries will be your tools to navigate this- even with your husband who might push back. If he doesn't respect your needs to leave early, go on dates together, or for him to help out in the house, then you know he's not the one. Finally: You need to start infusing happiness in your life. You deserve it.

@Wiseman2 pardon me, what does MM mean?

If he hasn't mentioned meeting up, then I'd suggest you let it go. It is indeed confusing. Lockdown is finally over and all he wants is to chit chat over the phone? AND he mentioned the distance would be a problem. Too many red flags. Stand your ground and decline.

He said you're important, but his actions say otherwise.

Nope. Nope. Don't do it. Specially that he lives in the same building. That's not private. I know it's hard work, but find somewhere else to live.

Okay. You do the right thing when you honour your feelings, needs, and respect yourself. You do the right thing when you commit yourself to a man who is mutually committed to you. Do not fall for his mental illness excuses. He's trying to guilt trip you. And, He sounds very negative/toxic btw. No wonder you're doubting yourself. My ex had mental illness too, and other people on this forum. Our exes threatened to suicide as well! Guess what? They're doing fine and they survived. They have to. And, fyi, it's nasty when someone uses their mental illness as an excuse to guilt their partners. This man is not for you. So again, it's wrong to stay in a one-sided relationship. It's wrong to be treated the way he treats you. It's not equal. It's right to seek your worth and be happy in a relationship. You know what to do next.

Woman, this man is not that into you. You're not as valuable to him as he is to you. You deserve better. Also, he won't change. He is what he is and that's all the best treatment you'll get from him. So stop this circle. Break up and free yourself to find men who will value you more as a gf. When do you leave? Whenever you want to. Today if you're feeling like it.

@Wiseman2I think he meant her roommate and roommate's bf (so, double-dates).

Tiny... He's not worth it. This couldn't have finished on a good note even if it was face to face. This man is really really not worth it. Focus on honouring your feelings and not on people pleasing. If it helps, ask yourself what you would have liked to hear from him, acknowledge it, and then say it to yourself ( for e.g. that you matter, you were more than enough,...). You don't need him, and his perception of you does not determine who you truly are. So, embrace yourself and what happened.

Yea. A real man would have known how to put an end to this. And, The fact that he cut all contact with you shows you he's busy with someone else. Otherwise, he could have kept communication level normal (maybe less calls because the family is around، but messages instead). My advice: follow, trust, and honour your gut.

That's deep.

Okay. Let's flip the coin. You're his wife, have his children and he's going out with a mistress. What would you as the wife think of him? Is he still that respectful man? If yes, then you need therapy cause you still have a looong way to go. And, this man is giving you a bs excuse to why he won't leave his wife. He just doesn't want to- for whatever reason. You just aren't worth the trouble. Let that sink in.