DarkCh0c0

He already showed you that he is manipulative and is STILL a cheater. He's making you sound crazy and pushing you to doubt yourself. I bet that's the abuse and treatment he's given to his ex for 20 damn years. RUN. Block him everywhere. You don't need that. Free yourself so that you can find healthy, single, loyal, and committed men who will treat you right.

Be selfish enough to account for your own needs. Be selfless enough to free your partner to find someone who wants the same thing as him.

Nah. You'll be paying for mortgage AND kids expenses? And have to wake up and take care of kids?... When you don't even want kids and want to enjoy your life for now? When you want to have fun and be free of commitments? Honey, don't go down that hole. You'll resent it later. You will be very very bitter about it. I know you love him. But that's not enough. You need to share goals in terms of timelines as well. You need to be compatible. You also need to honour your needs and existence. Take a moment and ask yourself now: "Am I ready for all of this?". If you're answer is not an excited yes... You know what to do. It's difficult, cause you love him. But, you can't live a life that you don't agree on. You can't let yourself be walked all over. You can't let yourself become miserable. You are responsible for your happiness and ensuring you live according to it. You're a bright lad and life has a lot waiting for you. Finally, the fine line here is between sacrifice and compromise. You are about to sacrifice, and that will set the relationship for failure for sure.

I agree with Sera. Don't blame yourself. The siblings took advantage of you as a kid. You didn't know what you were doing, neither your brother. You can talk to him about it. Apologize. But that's up for him to share his part with family or not. The way he is though might not have to do with that thing. It might very much have to do with his overall upbringing, along with school environment,... I know you're worried, but he'll figure himself out. It'll be when he'll be ready. Finally, I'm sorry you've been through this. Feel free to get help from therapy, and you can suggest this to your brother. There are therapists specialized in childhood trauma.

Divorce. This man has shown you who he is for years. He won't just up and change and be "the one". Plus, he's abusive/manipulative. So>> divorce and severe all unnecessary contact with him. Stop falling for his lies. I also suggest you NOT date for at least a year. You need to get your clarity back. I know it hurts, but you need to do what you need to do. Your kid also deserves better; a healthy stable home- even with you a single parent. You need to be a good example to him and show him that sometimes in life, people change, and they shouldn't get stuck in a rut, but rather let go and free themselves.

Why call your sister a "loser"? That's quite toxic from your end too. I'm sorry it's like this. I think you did well by choosing your battles, but you can't be visiting on a weekly basis as this causes more tension between you two. So, simply don't visit as often. Free yourself. You have no obligation to go there on a weekly basis. Go when you feel like it. I know you feel guilty, but this is how it is. We don't get to pick our family. So, we adapt.

I agree with @Kwothe28 Don't be so harsh on yourself. Try to be more compassionate. It's okay. We don't know why he wanted out. Maybe it was you over reacting, maybe he found someone else, maybe he didn't feel it anymore... That's normal. You could go through that too when you date other men. You think you like the fit and then suddenly you don't feel it anymore. You have the right too to be respectful and leave. At least he was straightforward. Head held high. You'll be okay. Enjoy the dating!

How long have you been together? How often do see each other? Where are you each located? And, why is it long distance? These are questions for you to give us more context.

Why not ask her out? And see how she responds? If she says no, you can move on. If she says yes, then hooray!

I agree. This man is pressuring you and by doing so he's not respecting your needs. That's a big red flag. Both of you should have accepted that you have different goals and ended things was soon as you found out. You want different things in life. That's okay. I hope you are using excellent protection to not get pregnant. Move back to where you used to live. It doesn't matter what he'll think. Do what's good for you. You deserve to live your life happy, and have your needs respected. Listen to your inner voice, acknowledge it and trust it.

Fyi When you share a concern with a loving partner, that partner would listen to you, have compassion and try to understand where you're coming from AND bring you comfort by his words AND actions. That's what a healthy loving partner does. Do you see that? You have none of the above.

What to do? You dumb him and give yourself more self-worth. You're a woman who is loving and devoted to her partner. And, what did you get in exchange? Cheating, hiding, manipulation, gaslighting, calling you crazy... Does that really sounds like a "loving man"? Does this even sound like healthy love? (I'm guessing you learned and normalized unhealthy love patterns from your parents). I suggest you dump him. He had shown you in every way that he doesn't care enough about you. He didn't even show remorse for what he's done AND he's probably sleeping with some of these women. You know he's not a loyal man. He's not loving. You wish he was that way, but he's not. Time to dump, block, and move on. Plenty of men out there would do you good. And before that, do yourself good and start respecting yourself and needs more. Listen to your inner beautiful voice, and stand up for yourself by leaving with your honour.

That is rude and inconsiderate of him. He's still into her. And, Knowing her name changes nothing because your bf is the problem here. I would step out if I were you. You deserve better.

I will stop here. I agree with @Carnatic.

He has anger issues and needs to deal with them. Women can be like this too. And, I have known so many. And, no, I would not go on another date with such person. That's also not being "overly emotional". It's the person not knowing when to talk about such topic/being vulnerable. I've had moments like this in myself where I learned to keep to myself. I also wouldn't go on another date- again, it has nothing to do with the person being "overly emotional".

Are you doing what you WANT to do, or what other people (parents for e.g.) are telling you you SHOULD do? There's the answer. You are not. Everyone is proud except of you. Take a pause and reflect. That's not true. If people around you told you that, it's not true. With psychology, you can become a psychologist/therapist, and these are in high high demand these days. Demand on Social workers also keeps on expanding as NGOs keep on getting fundings from the non-stop issues around the world. You could work with the biggest NGOs (think your red cross or UN) to the smallest ones. If you work in theatre, it might not be full time, and you'll need to work a side job (bar tending/...) But you'll find a way. You just need to be realistic with yourself. There are plenty of jobs. 0 PhD needed. Don't let anyone steer your ship with their baseless opinions. Most probably, they are thinking of themselves when they tell you what to do. They are projecting. And from what I'm reading, I have a feeling you didn't and still don't have your voice listened to at home. It's sounds it's dismissed/disregarded by the ones who should love you and support you. I'd suggest you explore that. And, I agree with Rose. A visit with a career counselor would help- but don't let it hide your true inner voice. Your inner calling. Listen to your inner calling and whatever you'll study, tell yourself: I will manage. No matter what people say around you. No matter what noise and negative judgment they bring, again: I will manage. I deserve to be happy and honour my desires. What they think of me is none of my business. And, what I do with my life, is none of their business.

@Wise Wally if you're in a relationship whereby you're the "rock" and your lady brings that female energy to compensate/balance, and it works... That's totally okay. That dynamic works for you guys. It doesn't mean it's everyone's cup of tea.

You know very well that wasn't the point boltnrun was communicating.

Honestly... I don't get this post. Too many generalisations. Men this, women that. People need to be their own rock. When they are in a couple, they support each other, but they also behave as independent souls.

Yea. Exactly. At least she was honest with him. And, I don't think it has to do with hindi and all those details. I feel like OP went with the expectation that she'll be the one. But that's not the mindset/expectation to have when "dating".

Lesson: when someone tells you they still have feeling for their ex, you step out. Immediately. It's a huge red flag. It's probably still why he can't and won't love you. Then what are you doing together? Why did you guys decide to live together? Seriously? Who says that to their GF!! You're his gf, right?! Agree^ It's better to leave and look for someone who desires you as well, instead of being mistreated by this man. You deserve better. Stop waisting your time with this one. He's shown you who he is, and it's not pretty. At all.

You completely have it the other way. I'll stop here, as that's not OP's topic.

No no. They usually suffer from self doubt, low self worth, or are anxious/controlling. This applies to men and women on and beyond this site. Fyi emotionally unavailable men/people are not "strong" by any means.

What a pathetic man. Block him everywhere. He does not deserve a minute of your time nor attention. As others advised, it's good to be careful and research people at the beginning (during dates).

Why put up with this?!? Do you not think you deserve better? To be in a true honest and loving relationship? Agree with everyone. Nothing to fix here. Consult a divorce attorney. Your husband does not desire you and wants out. He's just too coward to do it.