DarkCh0c0

I'm sorry to say this: it's because you don't have boundaries and don't know how to say no that they go to you. Look what you let this man do to you. The more you agree too, the more he'll ask for. Plus, he's a psycho. I'm so happy you're little healthy alarm bell sought help. Please listen to all the helpful advice here and take care of you. As another poster mentioned, inform your family of you whereabouts until you have him blocked and change the locks/remove any tracking device.

This isn't dating. This is you having no boundaries and allowing a stranger to control your life because you thought you knew him and you thought he was into you. This is about having healthy boundaries, respecting your needs, and looking out for and blocking red flags in people asap. Also, it's about not giving in to your feelings or fears (of loneliness for e.g.) when making decisions in life.

Helping him feel more secure, do you feel secure yourself? Knowing that a man who doesn't even want to meet with you or see you is spying on you and controlling your life just by demanding so? Advice: do not change location or move in with a man before 2 years mark. 8 months was way too short! Yes. It's very bad. Get all the cameras out, get a new phone and change the locks to your house. Like today. Block him everywhere. He'll beg and plead and guilt trip. So block. Without even telling him it's over cause there's nothing going on but abuse. Please discuss this asap with a therapist. Agree with all posters. The fact that you can't tell this is an enormous breach of boundaries is a huge huge red flag for you. Take care of you.

This man has no interest in you, he's not your bf, and he thinks he can tell you what to do and not to do? He got access to your gps and cameras? And you let him. I don't know if this post is a troll (no offense). But Seriously. What are you doing with this stranger? Break up and block him. Remove all accesses. Please get therapy and learn to set boundaries. You unfortunately have non. You let him get that much control.

I'm aware they are toxic. But for now, you'll have a roof over your head with them and you're focusing on your study. You break up with him asap (why wait until you move out and drag him in this? You have to be honest with yourself and him. You owe to him), however you feel like it. If face to face is too much for you, you do it by phone BUT you have to be sure and you have to be committed to never going back to him. You choose yourself for now and a better healthier future. You can click him every where and since your family is toxic, of they say anything "he wants to see you blabla" you draw a line and say no. You'll have to be strong for yourself. Once you'll get to move out with a job in line, you'll see how life is and how much more healthy it can be. You'll treat yourself better and you won't accept anyone that treats you like your bf. Once you leave toxic, you won't want to go back. But now you're in it and it's hard to see the other side. But your inner voice knows that this isn't the life you want (with bf). So you're on track. Follow your inner voice and don't let anyone (friends or family or bf) tell you that it's not valid or make you doubt yourself.

Irrational and unreasonable. Perhaps selfish is a better word. There's not even a relationship to start with! Why are you running behind this man when he clearly showed you he's not not interested? No wonder he isn't. Aggressive people must be (and rightfully so) on his list of deal-breakers. Own up to what you did, learn the lesson and move on. If you have anger issues, work on them for you.

What?! No one can track your phone. You have to learn how to set boundaries with family AND your bf. I don't think he's that great man you're talking about. And a lot of what you've written is full of red flags (jealousy, stares, the fact you don't feel safe and trusted). From what I'm reading, you need to be single. For a long while. You call him one day and break up. You block him afterwards (to cut communication and doubts). Say you're not feeling this and do not mention your crush/whatever. You are not responsible for his mental health. You are not responsible for how he'll react. You are responsible for YOU. And I understand it's hard because he's your first. You have family for support. If they insist on you going back to him, you draw the line. Say NO. They are unhealthy too. I'm sorry, but if you don't do this now, then it'll happen later: divorce, health problems,.. and it'll be more costly for everyone involved.

Its definitely the money. I am working now but it’s not enough to make it on my own Can't you flat-share? For how long will you let yourself excuse his unacceptable behaviour? Do you have a plan in mind?

He says he won't say you are in a relationship. He won't commit. It's not about you. He just doesn't love you. The "I'm working on myself" is a bs excuse. Love language does not even apply to your situation. You seriously need to work on your boundaries and heal your concept of love.

Oh my god. Why are you living with this "friend"? And why doesn't he have his own place? You're not his mum and are not obliged in any way to have him over. Anyways. You know it's not right. You know it's not mutual love. Let him work on himself at his mom's place. Not at yours. Don't let him benefit from the fact you love him so that he can have a friend, cook,... Or any other benefit. On a side note: yes. You have needs. You need to take care of them. You need to learn to listen to them and only be in a situation where they are honoured and met. Keep that in mind with the next man, otherwise you'll find yourself in a similar relationship.

I'm sorry about your loss. Why have you not separated from your husband before being with your ex? I do also think it's time to divorce and be single. You're not forced to being with any of them, and no you won't love with time your husband. Please take your time as a single person, focus on yourself and studies/work, and heal. No men for at least a year would do you good. I also advise you no longer talk/respond to husband/ex. Block if needed.

Didn't sound so wonderful to you. Why have you been living like friends? What got the relationship to this point? And yep. Be honest with yourself and end this toxic dynamic. Enough is enough.

He could have been honest. Say "it's been difficult for US (not just you). She was diagnosed with a heart complication, but I won't go into details. We're trying our best to navigate this." Simple. He's an adult. He's a man. He should be able to communicate this. And, he should be able to bring you some kind of support. Not let you in that bed suffering. Why have him if you're better off alone?!

I agree with @arjumand. In sickness and in health. He ain't showing up for the sickness part. That's what your gut is telling you. Honour those feelings and trust them. I'm sorry for your illness and wish you good recovery.

@Gb8383 do not let any man dictate your worth. You are more than enough with or without that man. He's a player. Going from one woman to the other. That doesn't mean they're better or not than you. He just uses women that allow themselves to be used by him. Simple. Can you have a look at the video linked above? Do you identify with her story?

OP, regarding stability, I'm linking this short video for you to watch. This is a woman who also sought, at some point in her life, stability from men (her husband included): https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gkJSyfSVQ5c You might feel understood somehow/ identify.

100%. This is what you need to do OP for your own good and your baby's. Block this man and please consider therapy. Explore this situation within yourself.

I can't but shake my head while re-reading this. How did you find such horrible man?! Did you marry and have sex at the office too?! Honey, most normal men would not dismiss your existence like that.

Okay. When people show* you clearly how they are, and they're not in line with what you need, then you decline. You need to learn that you deserve a man who gives you the attention you need in a loving and respectful way. It doesn't have to be like this. I would really encourage you to seek professional help to help you get in touch with those feelings, why you have them, and how to find better alternatives than chasing a disrespectful uncaring unethical man. You are worthy. Love is not what you've learned at home, with your ex, this man, or even with yourself sweetheart.

@LaHermesexactly. Must be some childhood trauma, alarmingly low self-worth (thus the self-destructive tendencies), absent parent(s), ... I'm not a pro, but OP does not seem to be aware of how alarming this is for her. A professional is definitely needed.

Unfortunately, it's not about you. It doesn't always work this way. The other person has to want you as much as you want them. You need to change your mindset and your alarming attention-seeking people-pleasing tendencies. Please seek help from a professional, read books or listen to podcasts about self-worth, and start realising that this isn't the healthy way to feel special. You are attached to someone who doesn't give a crap about you. And you love it. I very much suspect it has to do with your upbringing, considering you attracted such men twice. And this is something you need to discuss with a pro. Have even taken a break and spent time with yourself after the divorce, or did you jump into this absent disrespectful man's arms immediately?

I repeat this regardless of what. Why lower yourself to be someone's last choice? To not be treated right by a man? To be committed to by an honest single man? Are you your own last choice as well? And, you put people's opinion of you and their needs selfishly above yours? If there's anything that this man is giving you, I guarantee you there are better men out there who can give it to you AND more. The problem here is not the man, his wife, his other gf/mistress. It's YOU.

@Gb8383 okay. Then what do you want out of this thread? Why did you post here? Did you expect us to tell you "she never loved him. He chose you and you're his true love" while he's sleeping with another woman? There's something sickening in this dynamic that you keep seeking. I'd explore that if I were you.

Yea, exactly. Even if you aren't working, and one of you had to step up, that doesn't mean you need to be his housekeeper. He should keep helping out (more or less) until you get back on your feet. In sickness and in health as they say. Bottom line, he isn't a keeper. Focus on getting a job and consider leaving this classless man.

This man has zero morale and zero standards. It doesn't matter why/what/how. I don't even know why you got involved with a married man! You don't have better self esteem than this? As wiseman suggested, block and delete him and his people. This is a toxic cycle/drama. You need to work in yourself and focus on being with single committed men instead.