Demond34

Day 4 is over.... For some reason I had a few moments of anxiety today and I don't know why... Maybe b/c its the holiday and I was with my family, without her. Maybe b/c I'm longing for the past. Either way I'm gonna get thru this.

Day 3 of NC. Talked a total of 10 mins with her the last week and a half. Weekend was good but went by to fast. Today, i was at a cookout at my bro's friends house. Anyway, I was asked where my girl was in front of everyone. It was uncomfortable to say we weren't together anymore. Then the million and one questions followed. But to my surprise, his friends are already trying to play matchmaker. A very, very pretty girl, that I see usually on a regular basis( but nothing more than hi is ever said)..... She was there today but I didnt talk to her, but it has been confirmed (as my bro's friend puts it) that she would be interested in possibly getting to know me a little better. I laughed it off, when he told me this, cuz I really didnt believe him, but he said he was serious. He said he didnt want to blow my head up, but he said I had a few admirers(sp?). He said you know what that is, thats plural. He was a little tipsy but it was still funny and still good to hear. The self-esteem takes an extreme hit when you breakup and I was a definite victim of that. It definitely gave my confidence a boost, but I told him I'll take a rain check on it as I need to work on myself and get over the X.

I'm glad to hear it. I hope everything works out for you guys!

Did she text you back after you replied to her?.... Is this the first time she broke contact?.... Seems shes trying to justify the breakup by blamiing you, or maybe shes wondering why you're not trying to make an effort. Do you want her back, or is it that you miss the good times you shared and the comfort of having someone that you wanted to break contact? NC is by far the toughest thing I have gone through, and I've had a few rough moments in my short life. Keep doing what you're doing and you'll come out on the other side.

It feels like I'm on a see-saw. The more I try and push forward and on, the more thoughts that pop in my head, its like as soon as I'm not busy doing something, the floodgates open up. I'm at the base of the moutain looking up. One foot in front of the other and I'll get there.

Well, she called again. This time it was to tell me she thought the O.C. was on tonite and why it wasn't on. I told her it was on the 8th so she obviously didnt listen to me before. The O.C. was a show we would watch together all the time. But she made it a point to get off the phone before I could. Oh well, I miss her, but I've been thinking of the things she has said and done the last 3 months that have made me mad. It makes me miss her less thats for sure. College football has just started, so its a great day in my book!

Thanks for the words I'm definitely alot better than I was 3 months ago, when it initially happened. After a few weeks of NC, she wiggled her way back into my life, but she was up and down and all over the map with her words and actions the last 2 months. Enough was enough for me. I didnt say i wasn't going to call her, I didn't say i didnt want to talk to her. I just stopped. Maybe thats why she has called. I think after last nite's phone call from her, that she won't be calling anytime soon. All it does is stir up my emotions. 5 years is tough to walk away from.

Well that lasted long, LOL i'm weak. She just called, and of course I answered. I was actually carefree on the phone, surprised myself, don't know why she called, I didn't ask and really didn't care. I really believe its just for her to make this easy on herself, but maybe thats just me in my selfish reasoning. Anyway, after 6 mins, I said I'll let ya go and that I'll talk to you later. I Don't know when later is b/c I don't plan on calling her. I am doing nothing!!

End of day 2 of NC. Yesterday was good, but towards the end of the nite, her face started to appear in my head. Today, was just a slow and unmotivating day. Its like my mind didnt work at all. I went to blockbuster tonite to rent a movie and after 30 mins i walked out with nothing. LOL ... Just one of those days. Last time we talked, she had called me on her way home from work, convo was light and then we got off with her saying I'll talk to you later. Well I made up my mind that I wasn't going to call her anymore. I love her and I'm willing to let her go and move away. I dont want to get in the way of the possibilty she could be happier in a new place. Shes been down for awhile now. I want her to make that decision w/o me in the picture. But, I also had to get off her emotional rollercoaster, with her being hot and cold towards me. So, now I'll just get on my own emotional rollercoaster and see what kind of ride it is. Thanks for letting me vent. I'll prolly post something little everyday, until things appear a little brighter.

You definitely made a first impression with your first post. I hope that people take a minute to read what you wrote. Excellent post!!

We're only human, keep your head up high and keep chugging along. You know what you gotta do but you had a little slip up. Its understandable, but leaders also recognize there mistakes and so did you. You have nothing to apologize for. Its called perserverance(sp?), and you'll get thru this along with the many posters on this board. Good luck, keep the chin up b/c you might just miss something.

I definitely hear ya on making the most of the moments for right now and thats what I've been doing. But its hard b/c at the same time, I don't want to get my hopes up or just set myself up for another heartache. I try and have a good time and keep repeating to myself, it is what it is. Thanks for the advice.

Hahaha, I know what you mean. Just keep posting anyway, it helps!

Everytime I do try and have a serious talk, she doesn't want too, it upsets her too much. She tries to avoid it all costs. So I Stopped bringing crap up. About her friends, when i was down at the shore. Me and her friend walked to the bathroom together and we were talking and ended up getting into my relationship. Her friend said she feels bad for me, b/c she sees whats going on, all the mixed signals and saying that my g/f is doing all the things she used to get mad at you for. I was like oh my god, I did not expect that coming from her best friend. It felt good to hear that, atleast maybe her friends can drop that on her, but I won't hold my breath. I don't think I'm in a better situation than you, b/c I'm pretty much sure its over. I think I need to let her go for both our sakes. Shes confusing me and shes just plain confused. Its almost a sure thing she is going to move, so why shouldn't I just cut my losses now?

I've been battling thru mixed signals from my SO. My story is somewhere in the breakup section. But anyway, we got back together and she was still hot and cold. But I saw that she was distancing herself from me. JUst last week we went on vacation with her and her girlfriends, yeah i was the only guy. She invited me and I said I wouldn't care if you wanted to go with them, but she insisted I come. We had a good time, but her emotions and words are all over the map, which frustrates the hell out of me. One day she says things about being together and then the next, its about her moving 500 miles away. Plus the fact shes not touchy feely like she used to be. Well the last day we were at the beach, it was my birthday, she gave me a nice gift, but it just seemed like her friends were more excited for me then her on my bday. On the way home, 4 hr drive we chit chatted and i said did you enjoy our last vacation together? Her reply" Yeah i enjoyed our vacation together. I know whats coming, that she is going to move. I wanted to discuss it with her on the car ride home, but she didnt want to ruin a good day, b/c that talk upsets her. So I just left it alone. She dropped me off, said she loved me, we hugged, then i left. Next day, she calls at like 10:30pm, talk for a few mins and get off. Friday I stop in at her work, (something she always used to do to me), I ask how her day is going, give her a kiss and leave. She says she'll call me after work and maybe we'll go for a run. Well i end up calling her, cuz it was like an hour after she had gotten out of work. I asked her if she still wanted to go for a run and she was like no and just plain miserable. I was like ok, cuz i knew the next day she had to work 12 hours. I said well why dont you come over tom. nite after your long day and i will cook you dinner, get a bottle of wine and we can eat out by the pool. Just a little token of my appreciation for the weekend down at the beach. She's like no thanks, i dont wanna eat that late and i'm gonna be tired and blah, blah, blah. Its almost as if she was yelling. I asked what her problem was. Shes like nothing, I just want to go and get off the phone and go to sleep. Then she said about how she doesn't want to lead me on b/c she really wants to move(Ive mentioned that b4 to her) She said she'd talk to me tom. This is when I raised my and voice and said its whenever you want to talk to me, its whenever you wanna see me and its whenever you need me. I said yeah you really love me and got off the phone. I know i was wrong in that, but its like whats the use, If i give her space, its too much, if i try, i'm too close. I can't win with this girl. I was planning on doing NC from there on, saturday went by, no contact. Then SUnday she called twice and i didnt answer. Now today she called me this morning. I didnt get her voice mail from last nite until today, plus the one today. So i called back and she asked if I forgot about her doctors appt. I said no I knew you had it. Shes like why do you think i was calling, cuz i wanted to talk to you and i wanted you to come with me, to my drs appt. I said oh sorry, i didnt get your calls til now. Then she said she'll call me later. i had to get ready for work. My question is, if she is moving away from me, why would she want me to come with her to her drs appt and other stuff that has happened in the last month, seeing her sister in the hospital with her newborn twins, shore, etc. ? I just dont get it, If you dont want to be with someone, isn't supposed to mean just that?

She won't think that way, if she doesn't get a chance to heal from the negatives of the relationship and the pressure you are putting on her by pouring your heart onto her. YOu said she is always second guessing her choices, well i'm sure she is second guessing on coming back to you. You can be supportive of her but you have to back away a little and let her figure some things out by herself. With you saying will you ever be able to forgive her for leaving you, shows me that you need time to heal yourself and get over that. You are in contact with her, so don't pressure her with your emotions, she has her own to deal with. Build it back up with friendship and trust and things will fall into place.

What annoys you, is the same thing that annoys me. My ex also says she still loves me, will love me forever. But, shes set on moving away 3 states away. I ask myself why if she loves me? After getting strung along for so long, I couldnt only put up with her mixed signals for so much. Thats why I'm backing away. I would love for us to get back and I hope one day it happens, BUt not until her confusion, resentment and negative emotions subside and I can work on improving myself. She needs to heal without me in the picture, maybe she'll find in her new life, that shes happier. IF that happens, then I know i did the right thing. Sometimes, you have to look at it from the other side of the fence and thats if you truly love someone, then sometimes you have to let them go. People talk about pride on here, well, then I'll take pride in that I made the one person I loved, happy, and i can sit here with a smile. Of course I would love to be that guy that makes her happy, but things happen for a reason. Its alot harder said than done, cuz you believe in your heart, you can be that special person to them. Sometimes it doesn't work that way. You say shes had problems with past relationships and you treated her good. Well my friend, I believe you taught her a few things what love is all about. Keep your head up high and be proud of that. She'll remember, but thats not a guarantee she comes back. Like I said, that'll be her choice to come back and then your decision if you want her back.

Scorchio, I remember one thread and it was about NC and hope and all that other good stuff. But one member posted that you don't have to fully close the door. You can leave it cracked in the case, the ex wants to come back in. But just because its cracked doesn't mean you sit and wait for them, because the door is not open. You live YOUR life, YOU do the things you want to do and if YOu want to leave that door cracked, then go ahead, but don't sit and wait for it to open. I think its fine to have hope, but dont let hope control your life. I don't know the details of your relationship. But if it was long and serious, both of you committed, theres not a doubt in my mind that you cross her mind. Maybe things got rocky at the end, maybe she had resentment towards you for whatever reason. But whatever it was, I'm sure she wonders. After all the negative thoughts banish from her head, thats normally when the positives arise. She may act on them and get back into contact with you or she may not. Thats for her to decide. But if that door opens and its her and she wants to renconcile, then its for YOU to decide if you want her back. Keep the no contact up, you made it this far and thats huge, I'm afraid to take it that far, but I"m gonna try like hell. But its ok to keep the door ajar, but don't stop doing you and one day when you're not expecting it, good things might just happen. Come to think of it, its almost like a win-win situation not? We'll either heal and be over them or they might re appear in our lives.... Why is it so damn hard to let go then?

I hope I get to that point. I don't know why, but the mornings when I'm laying in bed are the worst! Its amazing that you think of things the two of you did, years ago, with the most vivid detail and i'm still half of sleep. I'm only up because its that time I always just have this nervous feeling in my stomach. It sucks to think about it all the time, but the mornings really control me, instead of me controlling them. ABout the brain associating everything with our ex, even if its not related, so TRUE! Every song i hear on the radio, its as if it was written for me or about us. Then I get to visualizing about what me and her could be doing, its crazy. One day, I'll get there but right now, I'm not ready to let go. Maybe I enjoy the pain, maybe I just don't want to let go of the memories and good times so fast, afterall they did bring joy to my life. I have faith, I'll get there, just not so fast.

I don't really have any advice I can give you, but I know what you're feeling. With how you say, when you're together and feel that theres no connection between the two of you when you're together but when she's gone, its like you're so hopeless and devastated. I've been there. Like you, my relationship was also 5 yrs. We would have great times when we'd hang out and I really appreciated spending time with her as much as i can. But at the same time as time went on, it got dull and mundane even though we did tons of different things together. Love was there, but it seemed something was always missing. I also could care less what happened with us at times. After she broke up, i was lost and down. I really missed her. We did eventually get back together, she came back and I asked the same ? you did. I spent all this time feeling depressed for this. It just wasn't the same. I was working on the things I needed to change, cuz i was at fault for alot, but she had her quirks too. But she did nothing to try to work thru this. Now she is distancing herself again and I see it with clearer eyes. For us to work, I need to let her go, longer than a month and see if Love does bring us back. Again it devastates me to no end it seems, but I look at it differently now. Maybe this is what the both of us need to travel on our own paths and see what the future holds without the influence of either of us. You're sort of in the same boat, I am, considering you got involved at a young age and been together for 5 years and shes the one that broke it off, mainly because of our actions. Maybe you need to be away from her to see if shes who you really want to be with and vice versa. Sorry not to give you anything wiser. If I knew, I'd be alot better off.

Theres a misconception that people think they grow in the gym. You need rest and the right nutrition to see body changes, besides the lifting. There are numerous ways you can experiment with. What I mean, is what body parts to work, what days and how often. For example, if you want to do a full body routine, then I would recommend only 3 days a week, say m-w-f or t-th-sa. ALways have that day of rest in between. Also you can do a body part a day: Mon- SHoulders, Tue- Back, Wed-Legs, Thur- Chest and fri- bi's and tri's. Thats what I currently do. However when i was your age, I was able to recover quicker from workouts. I would pair body parts up and lift 3 days on, 2days off, repeat cycle. Back and biceps, Chest and Triceps, and Legs and shoulders. Like the above posters, eat small meals thru the day. Invest in a protein shake with low carbs after your workouts, drink plenty of water and make sure you get the right amount of rest. Without rest, you'll overtrain you muscles and will get nowhere fast. And if you want tone muscles, that ripped look, in between sets you should only rest 30secs to a min. Keep the reps at 10-12. Your workout should be at a constant pace. Make sure you do cardio atleast 3 times a week, but mix it up with some wind sprints. Abs are still a muscle and I wouldnt recommend doing them everyday, more like every other day. YOu still wont see them if you have belly fat.

Good job, when you start dropping the things you have planned for her, she'll see that she can get you when she wants and its possible that she could take advantage of that. Like you said, if her plans didnt fall thru, she would be hanging with her friend and having a good time. Its tough not to drop what you're doing, b/c you want to hang out with her and be with her, but her intitial plans didnt include you, so don't feel bad about what you're doing.

You need to let all that your feeling out... Feel sad, cry if you have to, feel angry, hit a punching bag, go for a run, do push ups. Whatever your feeling, let it out man. Just don't do any of that in front of her or if you talk to her. Talk to your friends about it, put your ego aside. talk to your family, they're there for you. Keep posting here. Its tough, but its part of the process. I too when we first broke up, didnt want to go out, i didnt even want to look at another girl either. Face your fears, don't run from them. You'll learn alot about yourself and you will mature. Everything takes time, but time keeps rolling and doesnt wait for anyone. ONe of the hardest things in life you'll have to face is a devastating breakup. But what you learn about yourself and the mistakes you made and things you can take from the relationship will only better yourself.

You're only 27, your life is not over. I know it feels like that most days but you have alot going for you. Be proud of that and one day Miss Right will be right in front of you. You'll make it through this and you'll be a better man b/c of it!

No she wont be on here, she doesnt know this site, plus shes not on the computer that much. When i was doing NC for the whole 2 weeks that i did it and she broke it, thats when she was her oldself. I can count on one hand the last month and half that I truly knew she wanted to be with me. Not good in 45 days. Does it help her that she keeps in contact with me everyday, until she goes? WHy do we act like boyfriend and girlfriend, if her plans are to move away and she doesnt say anything about continuing the relationship until I'm able to move down with her? hmmmm.....