Demond34

NO contact

You sound exactly like my girlfriend, ex-girlfriend. We were together almost 5 years. We were together for almost 2 years until I was taken away from her for 2 years. SHe stuck by me and in the meantime she got her degree. But when i was taken away, she was devastated and didnt realize how dependent she was on me. When I came back home she found herself coming back to depending on me again. She didnt like that and she wanted to do something with her life and find herself and focus on her, because all her attention was on me before. I can't fault her for that, she ended things a few weeks ago and is planning to move away. She may like it, she may not like it, but she won't know until she finds out. She says she still loves me but I ask myself is she in love with me? She never said she'd leave me no matter what, but in the end peoples priorities and feelings change. I'm crushed now and can't do anything about it but let her go. I ask you the same ? i ask myself, you say you love him but are you in love with him? She used to tell me, I love staring at you, I can stare at you forever. I don't think she can say that anymore. You got to follow your heart on this one. No matter what, its gonna be a tough decision whatever you choose. If you feel the need to experience what life has to offer, then go for it. But if you are truly happy where you are, then you know what to do.

Thanks for your responses....I would want to show her what i wrote but at this point she seems to want nothing to do with me. I don't know what to do. If I try and show her this, I dont want her to feel guilty and do something she really doesn't want to do and thats stay with me, shes a very strong girl with a good head on her shoulders, a very pretty head. Shes a dream for anyone...We were both in a rut and just going thru the motions of life, not a good way to live these past few months and I was slowly coming to myself. She put her heart out there for me. SHe was stressed out about alot of things in life like i said, not only me, with her job and living situation. I was stressed out about what my plans were for my future, being on parole, will I be able to get back into school and get a job so I could support us. Between the both of us our problems caused alot of problems. SHe told me she was getting back to depending on me again and said she didnt want that. She wants to be independent. I wish it were all a bad nightmare and that I'd wake up and she'd be standing there willing to accept my love....and love me back the way she once did! For now, I'm waiting for her to call me back so I can meet with her one last time to give her some stuff back and for her to give me my key back. I'm going to try and be strong and wish her the very best in her life, I really care about her feelings and if she finds herself and his happy with her new life, then I'll take pride in that I made her happy by letting go. It stings alot, I never saw myself loving sumone else or doing the things we did, nor do I want to. But its becoming more a reality each and every passing day...

Follow your heart.....thats what I told my girlfriend, well i guess ex now. My situation was different than yours but does have similarities. I was "perfect" in her eyes for the first 2 years of our relationship. Then our life got sidetracked. SHe also put alot into our relationship and just got worn out and never focused on herself. Now she wants to find herself and do it on her own. At first I tried to get her back. But i realized thats what i want and that she doesnt want that now. Granted she said she wanted to be with me forever and have kids. We're just at different stages of our life. Its hard as hell for me to let her go. It feels like 5 yrs down the drain. i'm so emotional its crazy, this was never me. I was always the tough guy, showed no emotion, now that shes leaving, i'm a mess. I really do care about her and love her. But I have to let her go, to see if it was really meant to be. It hurts..but just follow your heart. And besides someone who truly cares about you wouldn't be abusive no matter what. A man should never raise their hand they truly care about! I hope everything works out for you...

This is going to be lengthy and I still won't have said it all. Me and my girlfriend of almost 5 years are breaking up, not what I want but its what she wants. We started dating when we were 19, right before our soph. years of college. She was very persistent on us being together and in the initial stages I told her i didn't want to get into a relationship b/c I was just getting out of relationship where i got my heart broke. I just wanted to be free and do my own thing at college. We went to high school together but we weren't really close. Anyway she was persistent and she was a pretty girl, I respected her, so I gave it a shot. We went out separate ways for the first semester but kept in contact the whole time, she even visited me a few times. Early on in the relationship she confessed she had a crush on me all thru school, pre-school thru high school, which i never knew. SHe also freaked me out a lil by saying she knew i was the one, she wanted to have kids with me, the whole 9 yrds. I wanted this relationship to be right so I waited to be intimate with her. After 11 months we couldn't of been more ready. Before I go any farther, towards the end of the 1st semester of my soph year. I got into serious trouble, I went to the aid of (who i thought was a friend) and i got into a fight. I got kicked out of school and faced serious charges. It didnt deter her from not wanting to be with me. For the next 2 years our love grew stronger than I ever imagined. She had other serious b/f's but said she never knew what true love was until she was with me. She said i made her so happy and she was truly lucky. I was too. She did everything, was so caring, so lovable. But we had our ups and downs but were able to get thru them. I was facing jail time and my trial was coming up, even though she was sticking by me, i was distancing myself b/c i knew i could be leaving her. this caused alot of problems I ended up being incarcerated and was sentenced for 2-5 yrs. It was unbelievable and i was crushed, as so was she. SHe was devasted and i broke her heart cuz i wasn't there even tho it was out of my control. I was shipped accross the state but we still kept in contact thru phone twice a week and mail that she constantly sent(almost everyday). I isolated myself and masked my pain by being cold to her (not all the time) but sometimes. I acted jealous and like i didnt care at the same time. I went thru depression in there (not b/c of the phyiscal stress, but b/c of not being able to see her or my family). SHe would come see me like once a month(4 hour drive), she'd get a hotel and see me the next day. But it was extremely hard on her, I missed alot of events in her life, her graduation that she was extremely hurt by and just the tough times she was going thru. She didnt know she was so dependent on me until i was gone. After 20 months of hell, I was released and greeted by my g/f and mom to take me home ( well to a halfway house). My girl was beside me the whole time. Any free time I could spend with her during the next 6 months we did. It was hard for me to adjust back into our old ways, it just felt different between me and her. She still loved me, decorated my room for when i got home, had signs and baloons, had cards that she would love me forever and that we got thru this, that our relationship is special. She always said she would never leave me and sometimes i think i took that for granted and just got comfortable in our realtionship and not taking the time to make her feel special like i used to. I've been free for 6 months now and during those 6 months she has expressed that she hates her job and her living situation (still living with her parents). I said let me get back onto my feet and we can get a place, its just gonna take sum time. SHe said she'll never be financially stable,. She has done alot for her family and everyone she loves, shes in debt cuz of it. SHes said shes just tired of doing so much for everyone and not feeling appreciated. SHe just wants to get away. I take blame in alot of her feeling this way b/c of my actions and words that i would use. When she would say are we gonna be together forever? I would say i cant predict the future with a smile. But i knew i wasn't going anywhere, I just wasnt that good with expressing my emotions. Things were getting rocky, she went on vacation with her friends over my birthday. I couldnt get mad cuz i wasnt there for her birthdays. She was stressing about her life and she wanted to do sumthing with it. I told her when i was in, to just go but she stuck by me. NOw after all that she has just snapped and said she wants time to be herself, find herself, get a good job and do whatever she wants and not have to worry about if someone loves her or not. she always questioned my love for her even when i told her not to worry and that i loved her. 2 months ago I was coming back to my oldself and took her out for her birthday, dinner, bar and surprised her with a room key to a hotel room. When we got to the hotel room i had a pair of new running shoes on the bed with cute socks to match. She cried and was said the whole nite was the best birthday ever, She'll never forget it. Well a month later she went down to N.C. to visit her friend for a week. While she was there, I was missing her so much and I wanted to ask her to marry me. Well stupid me, went with my buddy and 2 other girls to the movies. I told her about it, while she was down there. I didnt think it was a big deal but she blew up and had enough. She called the next day to her parents crying and said that it was the last straw. It was time for her to focus on herself. That next week I got her to talk to me and hang out again. But she had her walls up. SHe said i was perfect the way I used to be, but it was hard for her to believe its gonna stay that way. She couldnt stand to get her heart broken again. I finally said i'll let you be because thats what you want. She said what do you have a girlfriend? I said no, the one I want to be with doesnt want me. A week went by without talking and i called her to see what was up. She told me she was goin back down to N.C. for a week to look for a place to stay and a job. This crushed me...She always said I'd never shed a tear over her, well for the first time I did, I just couldnt help it. I broke down and let my guard down on the phone. She said she has to do something with herself and her life and just get away. This is uncharacteristic of her, since she is a family girl, and her sister is having twins in a week. I told her not to go just because of me, go cuz you really want too. I dont want her to regret missing her nephews lives cuz of me. I've talked to her a week later ( a few days ago) and was putting on a front that i was cheerful and just asked if we could get together one nite before she goes to exchange some things. She has my house key since she basically lived at my house. Everytime I talk to her she sounds mean like she doesnt want to talk to me or that she just thinks of the bad things to help her move on. She still says she loves me. But i feel its not the love she once had. I told her I care about her and I love her and that I just want her to be happy and that she should do this. Even though I want to be with her. Its so hard to let go of her, shes more than I could of ever asked for. Can anybody help me out or give me advice on anything? I dont want to stop her from going and I'm not but how can I let her know that I love her and care for her and that she meant everything to me without coming accross as needy. My fear is that if I just let her go and dont contact her, she'll just forget about us and what we had and never want to get it back b/c I didnt make an effort for us. Can feelings change that quickly. Can she just go from loving me forever, to just get up and leaving? Is there someone else? She has always been honest and open to me. I would think she would let me know, but right now she doesnt want me to know anything. When she said about what shes doing, I told her that i was going to look in to going to miami, to finish schooling. She said again "what to find another girlfriend". I was like why would you say that. SHe said us moving together to another state was never an option (b/c i wasnt ready and b/c of my situation) before but she said she woulda moved anywhere with me.... I know shes tired and worn out for giving so much. But is there any hope for us getting back together down the road or is it a lost cause? She said its going to be hard for her to let anybody close to her again, she doesnt care if shes single for the rest of her life, which is ludacris. Shes not that type of person. Shes acting like i cheated on her, which i cant get thru her head that i was faithful and loyal. I have no idea what to do and I just can;t let go of her, but know i have to. I'm drained, so unmotivated right now, so confused. Thanks for letting me vent. I'm so sorry that this was so long, if anyone that reads it, thank you for your time. I'll appreciate any responses. thank you