TeeDee

This is a math problem. You have to run the numbers to see what makes the most financial sense. You also have to know yourself. Are you going to be OK alone working abroad? At 18 I didn't have the wherewithal to do that. I don't know anything about Romania. Is there a way to stay home, work & go to some school closer to home for your 1st year or even take a few classes on line while you save money?

Stop. Ok fine, maybe you could have been more appreciative BUT the end of the relationship was not solely or even primarily your fault. You said it yourself HE broke your trust. He lied. He didn't respect you. How on earth is anything he did your fault?

Rarely is not never. It's also not that traumatic. First date v. first meet are also different. If the vibe was that off & she wasn't open a kiss there were non verbal ways to communicate that. She let herself be kissed, kissed back & kept it up.

It's hard to tell. Next time you see her ask if she wants to compare notes or study for this class. If that goes well, ask her for a date.

Both you & he are misusing the word "friends". You started out dating but claim that fizzled. Now you "hang out." You don't. Those encounters are Dutch treat dates without a label. It doesn't change the inherent nature of the encounter. He's bread crumbing you, using you for companionship. Do what you like but understand the opportunity costs here: the more time you spend with him in this "situationship" the less time you are devoting to find a man who actually wants to date you. Once you or he find a true SO, this whatever it is, will have to end.

People in the bar business can be flakey. After a drink or two she was open to the idea of you. Then she sobered up & got scared or something. Let it be lest she complain to management that you are harassing her. If you both happen to work a shift together & can hang out afterwards you can try that approach but this is not a woman capable of making plans.

You didn't do anything wrong. I'm always weirded out by people who don't kiss on the 1st date. My husband is one of those & I thought our first date was a disaster because he didn't kiss me. You said there were multiple kisses -- plural. So even if the 1st kiss caught her off guard, she didn't turn her head, step back or slap you. She kept kissing you which implies consent. The idea that a grown woman can't get past a kiss she enjoyed says A LOT. You are probably dodging a bullet because she may have many sexual hang ups & basically be a cold fish. I'm sorry this didn't work out. Had I got to you earlier my advice was acknowledge that you heard her & her concerns. Say something sweet along the lines of you thought it was mutual because it was an expression of how much joy you were experiencing that just bubbled over & had be expressed but assure her that the next kiss would have to be initiated by her because you do respect her. You could try that in response to her text but I suspect this boils down to her not being ready for whatever reason. I'd let her go. Next date with anybody you may have to adopt the ask first position where you literally lean in & say "is it OK if I kiss you?" so you get verbal consent. It's horribly unromantic but it prevents confusion.

@JaneShin I understand what you are going through. I dated (& supported) a man who sabotaged his own career by not graduating from college due to fear. He got married & raised a family. His wife cheated. They separated & he met me. He moved in with me before I realized it but I put my foot down & made getting a job a condition of him staying. He acted crazy sometimes & threatened suicide. I made getting mental help a condition of staying. I have called the police & caused people in my life who were threatening suicide to be involuntarily committed on a psych hold for 72 hours. Your BF can get charity care to cover that; in the US they can't turn you away if it's a crisis even if you can't pay. My guy lied to me & we broke up. About a year later he killed himself. I really do understand your fears. However, you can't fix this alone. You can give him links to trainer jobs at local gyms. Everybody is hiring. I know it's not glamourous but Planet Fitness always needs trainers. You could also help him with a website to attract private clients. Buy him a book about funding his dreams. One of the consistent pieces of advice is to keep your day job that you hate, until you build up enough income to support yourself with your passion. In that context you bring up the pharmacy thing. As in go be a pharmacist. Earn & bank good money in the short term so you can own your own gym & do it your way. For example I happen to know that you have to have a net worth in excess of $10,000,000 before the Planet Fitness owners will discuss selling you a franchise. Pitch stable pharmacy as a means to an end, not the end. You can't tell him what to do. You have to ask Qs like why didn't you take the test? what's the worst thing that could happen? would it be so bad to be a pharmacist & save money for 3-5 years so he could get into what he wants? Get his parents involved. If he's threatening to kill himself, you call 9-11 if you think he's serious in the moment. You tell his parents now, during a calmer period so maybe they can help finance his recovery. Telehealth options over the phone are relatively low cost. It's sweet that you care so much but don't let him drag you under. He has to take responsibility for himself & his choices. At 35 if he's still being irresponsible, you have to seriously consider that he's not a good partner. I'll pray for him.

You can't fix him. He has to want to stop on his own. The folks at Al Anon will help you make sense of him.

You aren't doing anything wrong per se. You are doing what psychologists call catastrophizing. You see everything in extremes when you say things like they "never" include you or that "everyone" hates you. It probably feels that way at times & your condition makes it even harder to understand. Do talk to your parents & those closest too you. Tell them what you would like them to do when you are crying . . . come talk to you or hug you. If you specify what will help, they will be more likely to give you what you need.

He's not going to listen. He's too far down a bottle. Before you do anything, go to an Al-Anon meeting. Al-Anon Family Groups This is a support group for people like you who love Alcoholics. The meeting will give you info about why he is the way he is, how to cope & the strength to walk away if that is what has to happen.

Even if you add groceries & the cost of the cleaning person to to the $300 "rent" it's unlikely that it would add up to enough to enable you to live independently of him. I mean seriously, can you afford an apartment & basic living expenses? More than a chat with him you may need to start with a financial counselor. You say you work in energy. Although he makes $100k more than you, you still earn something. You need to know how much you have coming in & going out. Track where your money goes & readjust. Yes, it would have been better if he had been more empathetic to your stress but if he had a bitter divorce, money is most likely a sore subject for him so he doesn't want to open the can of worms if he fears that you are only with him for his money & that want to take advantage. Rather use him as a resource for budgeting or maybe to get a better paying job, since you are in the same industry.

Does he work at this shop? He may simply not want to date or encourage customers. Do chat him up a bit more. See if he has a SO before you do anything bold. If you can get him chatting see if you can figure out what he's into. My indirect way when I wanted to test the waters but not risk direct rejection would be to drop in a line about where you & your friends will be on some future date & time, as in "me & my friends are going to [local bar] on Friday. It'd be great to see you there." See what he does with that. If he shows up you are golden. If he doesn't & never mentions it or an alternative, he's not interested.

@Alex39 You can be annoyed that you bought expensive ingredients & worked to make this woman a dessert she could eat but she didn't even have a bite to be polite. What you can't do is keep harping on it. Next holiday make what you like & forget about it.

This woman seems to be fading away from you. You may need to talk to her so you feel better but it's unlikely going change how she feels or behaves. You feel that she's pulling back. When you raised the subject, she told you everything was fine. Since it's not fine on your end because you want to meet & she doesn't, you have to think long & hard about what you are going to do if nothing changes. If you need to talk to her, have the conversation. I don't think it will get you the outcome you want. Do not "confront" her or be mean about it. Do tell her your expectations. See if she will finally agree to meet but if she won't, after all this time I think you need to just give up because she's a time waster.

You have to find a way to give yourself the happiness you crave. When you do that you will be happier & more attractive. I'm so sorry you are in pain. Hopefully that will pass soon.

Unless you are doing it as a business venture & have contingency plans in writing about how one of you can back out of the deal never buy real estate with somebody you are not married to. He's not in any big hurry. That alone needs to be a red flag for you. You need to move forward in your life. Buy a property. Put down roots. See if he follows. He might not. I wasted my 20s on a non committal guy. By the time I met & married my husband, it was physically too late for me to have kids. Learn from my mistake. Don't let him hold you back & stop waiting for him

Maybe, but unlikely. It's hard to come back from depression. If you are both willing to try it's possible but I would not say it's probable.

No you can't live with an EX. It's untenable. You will each be too upset when the other has a date or sleep over. Can you keep the apartment if you get a roommate (not him)? If so, do that. If you can't keep it even with a roommate, find a new tenant. Your landlord just wants the rent. The landlord doesn't care who pays it so if you find somebody else to take the place, the landlord will most likely let you out of the lease.

"normal" is such a loaded word. The correct / proper amount of time for any two people to spend together is what works for them.

That would be a good thing.

Your mother is mistaken. Well educated woman find quality partners. It may be a tad harder because the pool of men is smaller but that is no reason to settle. FWIW I have a big deal terminal degree. I dated lots of men with that same pedigree. It didn't make them better people, BFs or lovers. When I met & married my husband he hadn't even graduated from college & was going to school on line. While I have more sheepskins to hang up that has never adversely effected our relationship. All of my friends from school, both undergrad & grad school are happily married. As long as you don't laud your education over someone's head, your level of education should not be the driving predictor of your love like. Your BF is nuts to take on more debt without a plan. Whether you stay with him or not, do at least one last motherly thing for him & talk him out of getting a Masters he doesn't know he wants. Encourage him to get a job. Whatever you do, do not pick the school to get your Masters based on where he's going. Your life is at a transition point right now. You know things will change after graduation & that has you a bit on edge. Change is scary, even good change. Go easier on yourself. You know in your heart that your BF is not your future husband at least not as things stand. Listen to yourself, not your mom.

She's not losing interest; she is a time waster & the gig is up. She's backing off because she knows she can't drag this out any longer. Talking & texting for 2 months without meeting indicates a lack of interest or a lack of social skills. You have a mutual friend in your sister. What on earth is she dragging her feet about? A meeting should have been scheduled after 2 texts, not 2 months. If she's "not ready" after all this time, she is a time waster. Be done with her. She will never be ready. Let your sister know this is why this woman is alone -- by choice.

He's a calls over text guy. I know this is surprising to a lot of people who love texts but some people hate it. Asses the quality of your relationship based on your in person encounters only. If this is good, there is a basis to invest. Text messages mean nothing, especially do no judge a relationship by the quantity or quality (emojis v paragraphs) of those messages.

Listen to yourself. You have good instincts. If he got 3 women pregnant & relies on the pull out method, he is not having safe sex. His plate is full with 3 brand new kids to deal with.