singingwolf

This really made me laugh. My partner and I are both feminine looking women. When we had a commitment ceremony in Las Vegas a few years ago, the photographer (a gay man) asked us "Which one of you is the man?" When we got done laughing, I told him "neither of us, that's kind of the point." Some people seem determined to define gay couples with male/female roles. Some do work that way, but I imagine that most don't, any more than hetero couples follow strict gender roles in the 21st century. Singing Wolf

Thank you everyone, for the replies. It's helps to know I'm not totally alone here. Butwhybother: I hope you're right. I want to talk to her about this, but so far she's given no indication of wanting to. I don't want to believe she meant what she said, but I just don't know. If she could just tell me she didn't mean it, I could forgive. I know this is hard for her, too. But if she did mean it... I'm really scared. Raingate: I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I see what you mean about things being said when people are stressed, but even at my most stressed I have never said anything so cruel or hurtful to her. I just don't get how she could say and do such things. I hope that we can talk things out, but all day she's been making it clear she's angry and that she thinks she's right and I'm to blame for everything. She doesn't seem to think she's said or done anything wrong, and doesn't seem to be in any hurry to try to work things out. Considerate Empath: By "her" weekend, I meant only that it's her days off from work. We had nothing special planned. We were planning on going away together next weekend, but I have no idea if that will happen now. Singing Wolf

My partner and I have been best friends since we were kids, more than twenty years, and a couple for five years. Yes, we were a little slow on the uptake. We lived together as roommates for years before we realized we were in love as a couple, rather than just loving each other as friends. Six years ago, a year before we became a couple, I got sick with a serious auto-immune disease. I can no longer work, and my only income is Social Security Disability. My partner works full time. A couple of months ago, we decided I should try an experimental treatment of high dose chemotherapy to try to put the disease in remission. I badly want to go back to work. My partner hates her job, and would much rather be the stay at home housewife. The chemo made me extremely sick, and emotionally I was a wreck. My brain chemistry was badly thrown off, to the point where I couldn't stand to be alone and was nearly suicidal. She works 12 hour shifts and sleeps most of the day. I finally suggested I go to stay with my retired parents for a while, and she encouraged it. I'm back home now, my parents drove me back here and stayed a few days. My partner got very angry that they stayed during her weekend, saying that she wanted to be alone with me and that she wanted our bedroom back (we give them our bedroom when they visit). Still feeling insecure and scared of being alone, I was reluctant to let them leave, knowing she would go back to work and I would be alone again. When I didn't tell them they should leave, smy partner got very angry with me and called me selfish, self centered, and accused me of using her. I have never wanted to be a burden to her, and until now, she has always assured me that I wasn't. I am in shock, incredibly hurt and angry. I don't know how to get past this. She's the love of my life and my soulmate, but I don't know if I can forgive such hurtful words. If she thinks I'm such a bad person, how can we be together? Believe it or not, this is the incredibly short version. But can you give me some advice? Singing Wolf

Wow, I'm so sorry. It's a tough situation to be in. My opinion is that if someone lies to you, you can no long trust in them. And without trust, there can't be a meaningful relationship. He lied to you, and is potentially cheating on you. To me, that seems an impossible foundation for a relationship. Additionally, he is putting you at risk. There is a saying that when you have sex with someone, you are also having sex with every person they've ever been with, and everyone those people have been with, and so on. With as many people as he as had sex with, the chances are good that he has picked up some kind of sexually transmitted disease. It could be nothing, could be anything from genital warts to HIV. And without him showing you a clean bill of health from a doctor (and an HIV test will show negative in an infected person for up to six months), you have no way of knowing. If he lied to you about how many people he's slept with, you don't know if he'd be lying about diseases. I'd leave him and find someone you can trust and have a safe relationship with. I know that's easy for me to say, and you probably have strong feelings for him. It will be hard, but find a girlfriend whose shoulder you can cry on, or post here, or email me but be safe. Be safe physically and emotionally, and find yourself a good, decent guy. Best of luck to you. Sam

Hey everyone. Well, it's been a crappy week. A year ago, over 3000 gay and lesbian couples were married in Multnomah County Oregon, including my partner and me. Last Thursday, the Oregon Supreme Court annulled our marriages. I can't even begin to express how horrible I feel about that. But worse, is that since then, I've not heard from a single friend or family member. Admittedly, most of my family is out of state, so I told myself that they probably didn't see the news on it. After all, they don't watch a lot of news. And if they had seen it, surely they'd call. I mean, if I found out they had been blindsided by some horribly bad news I would call them, right? So, I finally call my mom tonight. After 15 or 20 minutes of small talk, she says, "So, we saw you on the news" and goes on to explain she saw a short clip on the national news of my partner and I getting married and another quick clip as we were coming out of the court house where we got our marriage license. I had seen similar ones, so it didn't surprise me, other than that she'd seen it and hadn't called. I said so. She said, "well I didn't want to get into it." Huh? On further clarification, she explained (while carefully never using the words 'gay' or 'lesbian' and referring to our wedding as 'the thing' more often than as our marriage) that my father saw it and was upset, angry, and worried that someone in their little town might have seen it and, I quote, "make fun of him." But not her. She's not afraid, and doesn't care if they do. Right. And at no point did she say she was sorry for what happened, or any of the things you would expect from your mom, you know? Then she changed the subject by asking if I'd seen the latest country music reality show. Like real reality is too much to talk about. I said no, and I had to get to bed because I have an early appointment tomorrow. Despite knowing I rarely go to bed before 1 am even when I have to be up incredibly early, she took the excuse and cheerily said good night like all was well in the world. God. Am I so wrong to be upset? Is it selfish of me to want some support from family and friends? Especially the ones who tell me they're fine with it. Yet I'm still sitting here without a single damn phone call. I think there's some tequila in the cabinet. Seems like a good time for it. If you've made it this far, thanks for listening to me whine. Sam

Try checking out link removed. People get together in coffee houses or restaurants to just talk and hang out. It's a great way to make new friends. Sam

I found this info on the web: · 50% of people have IQ scores between 90 and 110 · 2.5% of people are very superior in intelligence (over 130) · 2.5% of people are mentally deficient / impaired / retarded (under 70) · 0.5% of people are near genius or genius (over 140) So the average would be between 90 and 110. 117 is a very respectable score. Sam

Laura, Have you ever thought of joining the navy? You get to see a lot of new places and meet a lot of new people, travel, be out on the water, and get your education paid for. I was a Cryptologic Tech Interpreter. The Navy sent me to Defense Language Institute, the best language school in the world. I got the GI Bill when I left, to pay for college. I would recommend going ROTC in college, though, rather than enlisting. I loved being enlisted, but if I could change anything, I would have rather gone to college first and become an officer. With the ROTC program, the military pays for your college education and you just promise to serve a certain number of years. You can even go to medical school or law school with the military paying! As far as your question, I've done several things in my life. Right now I'm back in college studying to become an archaeologist. I love it, and it's so nice to be following my dreams even though I'm not a traditional college aged student. Glenda and Sugaree, I think you should go for the dream and pursue the job you want. Don't settle for less because it's easier or other people tell you you're not likely to get the job! The best job is one you love so much you'd do it even if you didn't get paid for it. It's tough to get up in the morning to go to a job you settled for and don't love. Good luck! Sam "We don't regret the things we do, we only regret the things we don't do."

I would definitely go for the second school. It sounds like it's perfect for you. Your parents are probably just having a hard time letting you go. That's understandable, but you need to live your own life. And three hours drive is not so far that you couldn't come home any weekend you felt like, and they could visit. College is the time to get used to being on your own while still in a safe, somewhat structured environment. It will be good for you to not only be in the school you really want and that's best for you, but to have a little more distance between you and your parents so that you can get used to being on your own. Good luck, and let us know what you decide! Sam

I have two suggestions: 2005 Philadelphia International Gay and Lesbian Film Festival It's July 7 - 18th. You can check them out on the web at link removed Also, check out link removed There are a lot of good groups that get together to talk. It would be an excellent way to learn more about the gay and lesbian community in your city. Good luck! Sam

I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to say that I think it's great that you're being so supportive of your sister. It can't be easy when you see her making such mistakes! Hopefully, she'll grow out of this. Best wishes, Samantha

It sounds to me like you are bi. I don't think that's at all unusual. In my opinion, most humans would likely be bisexual if they lived without bias and predjudices. If you like this girl a lot, more than your boyfriend, you should talk to her. I'm not sure how old you are, but there's a couple of web sites that you might find helpful: National Youth Advocacy Coalition link removed Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center link removed Maybe you and Cammy could go to events together or at least have someone to talk to about this. Coming out isn't easy, but it's worth it to be who you are meant to be. Best wishes, Samantha

You know if you're gay, and it sounds like you are very aware of it. If you are sexually attracted to other men, that's it. And you're certainly old enough to recognize that. Coming out to your friends was a very brave and mature step. I'm sorry your friends can't accept it. If they're true friends, they will get over their shock at your big news and realize that you're the same guy you were before you came out. If not, maybe it's time to make some new, more open-minded friends. I'd recommend checking out the UK Qu eer Youth Alliance. Their web site is qu link removed (Sorry about the spaces, this forum keeps giving me an error message saying "qu eer" is a bad word. Be sure to remove the space in the web address.) It looks like they have a lot of good information, and times and locations of local meetings listed. You're not alone. Hang in there, and don't be afraid to be who you are. Best of luck! Samantha

There is a really good book called "Homosexuality in History" by Colin Spencer. It's an incredibly well researched book that covers history in many cultures, including Christianity. It covers the Sodom and Gomorrah story, which most Biblical scholars agree was a warning against breaking hospitality laws regarding the sacrosanct status of a guest, rather than an anti-gay rant. It also covers Leviticus, which does talk about homosexuality as an "abomination", but correctly points out that the Hebrew word that is used "toevah" means something ritually unclean such as a menstruating woman. This same chapter also condemns the eating of shellfish and wearing clothes made of two kinds of thread. If you're not going to hell for your poly-cotton blend t-shirt, you're probably not going to be damned for loving someone, regardless of gender. There's no doubt that early Jews and Christians had homophobic beliefs. One theory that makes a lot of sense is that the reason was that they were attempting to distance themselves from other religions of the time, "pagan" religions, such as that of Rome and Greece, who viewed bisexuality as normal human behavior. Also, nearly every species of animal on the planet has a certain percentage of the population that is involved in same-sex pairings. If God created the animals as innocents without sin, how can the same behavior in humans be wrong? It was men who wrote the Bible and men who translated each new writing. And not all modern Christians or Jews feel the same about gays and lesbians. My partner and I were married by a Christian minister last year, who was thrilled to be asked to perform the ceremony. Hope things go well for you as you explore your own path.