patient_strawberries

Well, since I'm closeted and not even sure if I'm 100% into girls yet (though I definitely feel the urge to be with one over to be with a guy at this point) I was thinking of trying online dating. It's easier to find out who is gay or not that way and may give me the chance to explore my sexuality. But I'm kind of wary about online dating. I tried it in the past except with men, and all the men who contacted me were strange. They never seemed to care about me, but rather just cared about emailing a billion girls the exact same message and seeing who would reply to them. I never actually met up with any of them because I got scared off. I'm wondering if it's a good idea or a bad idea to explore my sexuality more through online dating. I mean, I think I need to have some experience dating women to know if that's what I really like, but I'm never going to get this experience if I don't come out of the closet, and I don't plan to come out until I'm sure. Like I said in my earlier post, cycle of doubt. But I don't mind coming out online. I just don't want to come out to my school or my friends until I know it's real. And it's not like I'm going to use the people I date online to just come out...I really am interested in having a serious relationship with a woman! So advice, anyone?

I may not be a guy, but I can tell you that he is most definitely gay and most definitely interested in you. 100% straight guys don't do all that stuff you described. Really, they don't. They would probably rather stick their hand in hot boiling water than do that. Plus, all that wrestling sounds like incredible sexual tension to me. And how he lay on top of you and held your hand and talked to you for 10 minutes? Definite attraction! Think about it, would you do that to anyone you didn't like? More likely, would *anyone* do that to anyone they didn't like? I say the next time you're wrestling, if you want to be bold, kiss him. I mean, it really really looks like he's obviously gay, or at least bi, and obviously into you. If that's too bold, have a one-on-one talk with him. Talk about relationships. Hint around that you might be gay or bi. (Refer to "people" instead of "girls" when talking about who you want to have relationships with, hint that you'r open to relationships with all diff. kinds of people, so on. If he's straight, I don't know if he'd actually pick up on the hints. And if he's gay, well he'll so pick up on the hints) Then when you get the sense that you've hinted enough, tell him you're attracted to him. Or sit really close to him, brush his hand, and see how he reaacts. If he doesn't move away, he's definitely into you and you can tell him. I mean, I imagine that attraction works the same whether your male, female, straight, gay, bi... if you like someone, you'll want to be near them beyond the personal bubble. If you don't, you'll move away. Doesn't matter your sexuality here.

Thanks so much everyone for the advice. I didn't think it would be so helpful. Yes, I don't think that lesbians have to have stereotypical roles. I personally am not uber feminine (stereotypical femme) and I definitely don't go for butch. I've also seen plenty of non-stereotypical lesbian couples. I do understand that people may be attracted to others that look different from them, but it's hard to get this into my head. I mean, I'm pretty girly looking but I'm attracted to andro or "soft butch." So maybe those types would be more attracted to my type? I would hope so, because if I could choose, I'd rather be with someone like that than look like that. Although both would be ideal. And as itsallgrand said, it's true that I'm trying to imitate the andro look, which I admire. I love the shapeless body that doesn't lean in either male or female direction, and the gender ambiguous face that's maybe just slightly more female than male. I guess my biggest issue is that I can't separate what I like in a partner from what I like in myself. It's easier with men since I know I'm so different from them, but with women, I get confused between wanting a woman and wanting to BE her. Have any of you ever had this problem? (This question is for men or women) How have you learned to separate your identity from your objects of desire? As for the title "I don't look gay enough..." yeah, I was mostly referring to how everyone mistakes me for 100% straight. I wish there was a way for gay people to know that I'm pretty much gay/bi/whatever straight away without me having to hint at it or tell it. And I wish bpeople wouldn't keep thinking "it's just a phase" or that it's "gay until graduation" for me, just b/c I don't have stereotypical gay mannerisms/looks. But I guess a lot of gay people have to go through this problem too, huh, due to our heteronormative world?

Hi everyone! I don't even know how to describe it very well. I pretty much think I'm bisexual. I won't really know for sure since I've never had an experience with a woman, but for the sake of making this post easier, let's say I am. And that I prefer women. When it came to men, I had no body image issues because they are so different from me. But now that I"ve really started preferring women, it's hard, because the type of women I find attractive are pretty different looking from me. I get confused, b/c of course I myself want to look attractive, but now that I find androgynous or slightly masculine women to be attractive, I find myself wanting to look like them so I can be more attractive too. Which is ridiculous, b/c I've always liked my face and my very feminine, pretty curvy body before. Especially since I knew that men liked it too. But now, since I find women who are really flat (chest and butt) attractive (if you've seen L Word, think Shane), it's hard for me to accept that I am curvy . I want my face to be less cute and girly, I want to be less short and petite, and I want my butt to be less...girly! I've tried wearing boy pants, but they don't fit me b/c I have a perky butt and pretty thick thighs...and I really really WANT to wear boy pants, b/c they look so hot on some of the skinnier, more "straight bodied" (like no curves) women. Any advice? This is such a weird issue, I know, but I can't get over it! Also, maybe more constructive advice than "just accept yourself, love yourself, etc. etc." While it's nice to hear people telling me to accept myself the way I am, I need help figuring out HOW to accept that I won't ever look andro or masculine like the women I'm attracted to, and that I will pretty much always look very very straight. Which is an extra blow, b/c how will I ever get together with women if they all think I'm so straight? (And I dislike myself looking mainstream)

I guess the question isn't "how do I know I'm gay/bi" but "how do I know which I would like to date or be with sexually?" I don't really care about labels, but I do care about finding out which gender I would enjoy to be with more. I've never had the chance with girls so I don't know if I would enjoy them more than guys. Guys don't really interest me in a sexual way, but I do crush on them a LOT more often than girls. I think girls turn me on sexually though, but I can't be sure until I experiment, and I can't experiment until I come out because what girl is going to date someone who doesn't know whether she's gay or not? I guess that's my problem. To answer icemotoboy: Who do I have sex with: Haha, NONE I am a virgin. I have never been sexually turned on by another person, but I've only ever been with sexually active (basically, everything but sex) with men and I haven't been too keen on that. Who do I find sexually attractive: Er...men I think. I like looking at them. But they don't turn me on. I couldn't care less about a naked guy, but I will admire his body in clothes. Girls turn me on, but I don't really check them out so much. Sexual Identity: Tough one again. I guess bi, but I don't know who I prefer. Which REALLY bugs me. Hmm...this is tough. I am shy so I won't just say "hey, I think I'm bisexual but I can't know for sure. Will you kiss me so I can see?" to people, and at the same time, how will I ever know who I sexually prefer if I don't say that? Any advice for shy "closeted" people? Oh, and Deviant_Kate, have you figured out how to start a thread yet? I'm not sure ewhy you can't start one, but if you go to the forums, there should be a big button at the top that says "POST A NEW TOPIC" or someting like that. If you can reply, I assume you can start one unless you've got a glitch on your end. I don't think you can start a new thread while reading someone else's thread though. You have to be in the main forums page. I hope it works out for you.

I can't know whether I'm gay/bi or not until I kiss/date a girl. I can't kiss/date a girl if I don't know whether I'm gay/bi or not. Basically, how do I figure it all out? First, it's not like I have a lot of gay friends to give me advice or introduce me to girls I can experiment with. Second, I don't crush on people, male or female, until I get to know them well and feel like they may be interested in me. And of course, I can't find out if girls are into me if they don't know I'm gay, but I can't tell them I'm gay if I don't know. I have had crushes on girls, but guys too. More crushes on guys than girls...the girls have usually looked kind of tomboyish on top of that. I've kissed guys and never felt the spark, which is why I wonder if I might have a stronger preference for girls. I'll know if I feel that spark when I kiss one. Round and round and round it goes. I would love some help here.