Cherylyn

After she's finished working and perhaps after her daughter's birthday, she will hopefully have the time and brain space to express how she feels towards you. Just make sure both of you are on the same page and proceed from there whether a relationship or strictly friendship. If she wants a relationship with you, great and if she prefers friendship with you, simply switch gears and readjust so you will treat her as a friend and no more. Hopefully both of you will be mature and can handle this situation either way. Keep in mind she is a mother. I'm a mother so I know how time, energy and focus are limited outside family priorities. As long as you're realistic whether with a relationship or friendship, you will be fine. 🙂

Since she ghosted you for 4+ months, no, you don't owe her an explanation. She never explained herself to you for 4+ months, so why should you? 🙄 😒 Block and delete her everywhere. Carry on and continue moving on . . . 🙂

Often times, people exit the relationship if there are bad memories associated with arguments, insults, deceit, betrayal, offenses or any of that. They don't wish to risk repeats of uncomfortable or infuriating scenarios. It's easier to dissolve relationships than take chances at situations going awry again. ☹️ Most people are risk adverse. They prefer to move forward instead of going backwards and experiencing pain in the future. It's universal human nature.

With whatever concerns she has.

If you want to get to know a person, look to his or her friends because this determines what his or her criteria is regarding values and what is important or unimportant to them regarding personality and character. Pay close attention to a person's discernment because this affects your relationship or friendship with them. If a person surrounds themselves with great, very honorable, moral and decent people, this is a telltale sign that this person prefers high quality individuals in their life. If a person socializes with subpar characters, then he or she has low standards in people.

No, second chances. He'll only repeat his same patterns all over again which wastes everyone's time. ☹️

Yes, ask her out. You won't know until you ask.

Have an in depth, in person conversation with her. Discuss what is expected in this friendship or if both of you agree or disagree to go further into relationship mode. Make sure there are clear boundaries from both sides without any misunderstandings whatsoever. The true measure of all friendships or relationships is to have those heavy duty, hard and uncomfortable conversations with each other as opposed to playing guessing games or merely sustaining shallow and superficial small talk. Whenever people are uncomfortable, dismissive or have a total disregard for serious conversations, this is a sign and red flag informing you that clear communication is a big problem. I've known people who are nice as long as you're extremely careful with what not to say and what to say. Guarded dynamics feel very controlling to the point of unnatural. Sooner or later, these types of friendships or relationships are doomed for failure. It's only a matter of time. Have a talk with her and let that be your guide meaning whether or not the friendship was meant to endure. It's a good test so both sides won't waste each others time and energy.

Sincerely apologize, continue changing for the better and it's all you can do. She should accept your apology and you can prove to her that you will try your best to improve from this day forward. I've always felt that if a person humbly apologizes in order to make amends and heal the relationship, this is a good sign towards recovery. Both sides can breathe a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, most people will never apologize because they either don't care, in denial, become enraged if they're shamed or confronted and it's all downhill from there. ☹️ Those types of relationships are doomed to disintegrate. 😒 I commend you for having a conscience. This world would be a better place if more people thought of what they had done and took responsibility for it.

Happy Belated Birthday! I'm sorry for your hurts. I've found that whenever I feel down and depressed, I'll put myself aside and do something for someone else such as those who are less fortunate than I am or the disadvantaged. I'll do some type of community service and my spirits are lifted. There are so many people who need you. When you help them in your own way, you'll feel grateful no matter what. If that's not possible, do something special for yourself such as pampering yourself or do something indulgent. Or, gather your friends and tell them that you'd like to go out with them such as dinner or something like that because you want to celebrate your belated birthday. Tell them not to bring a gift and everyone can pay their own way. Be bold and just do it. Sometimes friends need a nudge to get them moving and to get them to do something enjoyable together.

Tell the truth. You will determine if he's for you long term dependent on his reactions.

Both of you are incompatible. His ways are not your ways and that's ok. He's better suited to be with a woman who doesn't mind how he is and you're better suited to be with a man who has excellent social interaction skills, possesses emotional maturity and emotional intelligence. I know someone who is nice as long as conversations are shallow and superficial. It's the extent of what this man is willing to offer and his limited social experience is sad and obvious. His emotional intelligence is non-existent. Is this good enough? If you don't mind limiting your interactions to the weather, yes, it suffices. However, if I want more, no, this type of relationship grows boring by the second and often times I simply bow out. 😒 Some people don't know how to read the room nor adapt. These are red flags because these types of people can't survive very well when socializing with most people. I've known people who are book smart, excel at work and very intelligent in that way. However, they're hopeless disasters when it comes to interpersonal skills and empathy. Or, it can go in the other extreme where they're smart in the classroom and at work but selfish, mean and cruel when you get to know them better. 👿 What are you supposed to do? Dump the boyfriend. 🙄

Withholding and concealing information from you is the same as lying. Trust is permanently dead. Yes, it's a deal breaker. Dump the boyfriend. He doesn't deserve you nor your heart. He's a waste of your time and energy.

I'm sorry for your hurts. 😪 Even though my story is not the same as yours, the feelings are similar. The natural response in one's heart are feelings of resentment, bitterness, thinking that you had wasted your precious time, energy and resources on another person and your feelings of anger. Those are all very typical feelings post break up or following estrangement from anyone. In order to cope, heal and recover, I like to look at the situation from a different angle which helps give you a positive spin on this. Think of this bad outcome as wisdom gained for you. In the future, you will know that you've learned not to fall for one's charms so easily again because you know how deceitful charm and over zealous behavior can be. Bad experiences make you smarter today and in the future. You're more in tuned with character and not so easily fooled by pretentious behavior. Any time a person is too good to be true and over the top nice to the point of being too exciting, is phony and fake. Eventually the person wearing this type of mask, grows fatigued and their true unsavory self emerges. ☹️ Whenever I've had bad experiences with people, at first, I'm angry and then after thinking long and hard, I'm actually RELIEVED to know what I know now about many types of shady human nature. I'm grateful for no longer being naive. Knowledge is power. Power enables you to navigate your life more shrewdly from this day forward. This is how you strengthen your resolve. Feeling sad and depressed are normal feelings. Block and delete him everywhere so he'll eventually become merely a blur. Get busy, be productive and industrious in your own way. Take care of your health. Surround yourself with moral people. Enjoy your alone time. Then there will be days, weeks and months where he'll never be in your thoughts anymore. You have two choices. Either wallow in your misery or become smart, strong and tough. Choose the latter and not the former. Be glad that you've discovered his defects now instead of later. Keep marching forward and be positive. Be kind to yourself.

There are different types of love. Soppy, idiot type of love can get goofy especially if you over do it. A lady can feel safe, loved and protected without soppy, idiot type attention. I agree with others regarding sincere compliments and other forms of love such as being considerate, helpful without her having to ask each time, favors without conditions, being selfless, perhaps cooking dinner just because, taking care of errands or chores because you know it takes the load off her, doing anything in your own way. I can't speak for all women but I appreciate a man who automatically does anything kind because he puts his lady before himself. He gives of himself more than any other. 💗 And, he does it without fanfare.

Josh is ill mannered, obnoxious and rude. Usually friends are careful. They don't say or write anything intrusive, critical and unkind. Real friends are gracious and exercise discretion.

If you have to ask here if you're incompatible with her, you most likely are. When you're compatible with a person, you know or that's been my experience anyway. 😉

I've never lived with a man but hopefully being married to a man will qualify. 🤗 Yes, there should be an expectation that the partner or spouse should know your start and stop work schedule. If they overslept, yes, I would wake up my husband and he would do the same for me. I would even go so far as to say in order to prevent oversleeping, either one of us would awaken each other so we're not left scrambling to rush out the door. Normally, it doesn't happen though. That's what alarm clocks are for. ⏰ 😉 Neither one of us are a priority when it comes to work. Work is the first priority unless there's an emergency or urgent matter which needs prompt attention. It's common sense. 🫢

After you tell your boyfriend, your boyfriend may very well become estranged from his friend which is no surprise there. I agree, your boyfriend's friend is deceitful and betrayed his friend by talking behind his back to you. He's shady and sneaky. His friend was making his move on you. What a creep. 😤 He needs to be ousted.

Yes, your feelings are very common. I can't speak for everyone. Whenever I think of a person after a major falling out which resulted in permanent estrangement, I often think of their good traits, good times, past camaraderie, joyous occasions, what they've done, said or didn't say, what they've given me and I have wistful feelings of nostalgia. Then reality sets in. 😒 Their bad behaviors overshadow and cancel out any and all good memories. That part is very unforgivable. There are certain seismic offenses which a person can't recover from and the only path to healing is estrangement and freedom in order to gain control and power back in one's life. I've found the key to moving on in a healthy way is not giving yourself time and energy to look back. Becoming frenetically busy in a positive way whether work, being productive, industrious, getting something accomplished away from home or in your home, goes a long way towards past people become merely a blur or eventually not revisiting your brain space anymore. 4 years is a long time to be in a relationship and then parting ways. You won't simply snap out of it. However, when you start focusing and concentrating on your own life and what you need to do, your mind will drift away from the past.

It is fine to judge because you discern who is acceptable in your life and who doesn't qualify. Judging receives criticism but I view judging to be to your benefit. Judging determines how you wish to govern your life so that you're treated with the respect and dignity you deserve. He's a leech and freeloader. He sponges off others as long as he gets to enjoy his free ride at someone else's expense. He takes advantage which is disdainful. He acts like a Mama's Boy. He's a 2 year old wrapped in a man's body. ☹️ He never grew up to become a real man. You certainly can do better. He's an automatic reject. He will not give you the future you envision and wish for.

Pump the brakes and stop being so chummy with her. Be kind, gracious, polite yet maintain a professional, cordial interaction with your colleague. She has a boyfriend and no matter how faraway he is, respect him and her. She is off limits even if she is very friendly with you. You're the one who has to cool it and keep a safe distance. She'll eventually get the message. 🙄 Don't ask her out for coffee or any of that. Do the right thing, act like a gentleman and know your place. Splash cold water on your face and wake up. Remain realistic and calm Be mature and wise.

I agree just because a man is good looking, they shouldn't be enamored. I've observed this in my midst. Money is great, the big house is wonderful, there's lots of money in the bank and on the surface, life is sparkly until you scrutinize and then it gets ugly because sooner or later narcissism rears its ugly head in one form or another. ☹️ It's bound to happen at some point. There's nothing wrong with wanting a good looking guy and I don't believe anyone is out of anyone's league. However, what should be emphasized is character and what type of life you envision with a man who will give you an enduring marriage or life filled with pure joy and happiness. Nothing else matters. 🫢

Showing different faces has various levels. Sure, being amiable in public is a nice trait to have but being talkative and very pleasant socially while treating his wife rudely behind closed doors is a whole different type of unacceptable behavior. Being too comfortable with you to the point of showing his true colors in the most unsavory way is problematic. Hopefully you can address this because what it boils down to is his fake behavior, pretense, charm and then being his true self towards you which is alarming and disdainful. You can't respect and admire a man like that. I hope he can change for you but sometimes it's either very difficult or impossible for him to be the type of man you want him to be. ☹️

I actually admire you because you want to change for the better. This world would be a better place if more people were humble enough to admit faults, admit their shortcomings, put forth sincere effort to change by treating others with utmost respect and consistent kindness. Most people whom I know continue behaving badly towards others and consequences be darned. They don't care how other people feel whatsoever. If anyone is offended, hurt, pained, disappointed or disrespected, it never matters which is most infuriating. 😡 I avoid those types of people like the plague. You are growing up and maturing. Intelligent people such as yourself become silent and wise. Unintelligent people do what they do and they really don't wonder why they alienate others because again, they simply do not care. They're not empathetic types. Develop emotional intelligence which is feeling for others and your life will turn around to the point where you'll like yourself better, feel more secure and it will all come back to you because you'll be received well. ☺️