coolcol

Thanks alot everyone for your kind words......am sorry i have just replied i have been so low lately. I have decided to do no-contact, i am only seeing her when i pick my little boy up and drop him off. I have begun to accept this and have decided for my own sanity to have no other contact other than when i pick my little boy up and drop him off. I have had a real lonely last few days with feelings of total despair, but at my age i should be more of a man and face up to this situation and accept she has gone and will never come back. I feel so stupid to have hoped things would have worked out, how could i have been so blind to what was really going on.....she used me and built my hopes up. I have just found out through someone who lives near her mum(were she is staying) that she has been seeing another guy. This has so shocked me so much i just felt totally numb, broken and empty... In some ways it has woken me up to the fact i was such a fool.......a fool to believe i could re-ignite any feelings in her for me, i cant believe all this time she just used me. How can someone do this knowing how much i felt for her. My obsession and insecurity have made me ill, now i have let her go in my heart, something i never thought possible. The no-contact has only lasted 2 days but i am determined to cut off all my feelings for this person, she has made me look an idiot, how stupid and blind i have been. I have not txted her or rang.......... alphonsefa you are right with this sentance I was just treated in the end like a silly kid, with no respect. what a complete idiot i was......... But God i still feel so sad and lost without her, i am trying not to think of her and today ripped up some photos of us taken a few years ago. In fact anything that reminds me of her is getting trashed........ Thanks all of you i have read your replies over and over and it has helped me so much......and the fact she had a new guy during all my suffering has made me start to wake up and realise what a stupid fool i have been Thanks all of you i really appreciate your help.....thank you. I am determinednever to get back or contact this girl again apart from seeing her over my son she is history.........i am glad i feel angry ......it helps me let her go. But i will never forget her totally or all the good times we had.....she may have changed but she is only human like the rest of us, i will never forget the look in her eyes when she gave birth to our son and i looked into her eyes..we were so happy...........it is these memories that made me cling to her, but that person has changed, sad for me, it almost makes me feel like never trying with another relationship again incase that fails..... How the hell am going to get over this i just dont know, i gave everything i had to her, all my trust, love and support, all my time, body, mind, money, help, all my heart, soul and spirit...............but she is not going to take my life or whats left of my dignity. thanks you guys/gals............your posts have helped me so much.

I have posted on this site a few times...at first to ask for advice on whether to maintain a sexual relationship as a means to win my ex back and at times i posted to try and help others.......now all my effort and time spent over the last 3 months since my ex left me has failed to win her back. After our split i initiated a sexual relationship in the hope i could win her heart back, we went out on weds and sats nights had a great time and always had great sex back at my house. I also persauded her to meet me one/two days in the week for coffee/go for walks/shopping etc.........i really started to make what i thought was progress, we were happy at the times we met, she even told me she loved me and was thinking positive about maybe in the future we would get back. But the last few days she just seemed to go cold on me and never never replied to my txts or phone calls, she seemed to loose interest in the last week or so. Now last nite she told me its over for good, no more us anymore, no more taking her out, no more holding her close to me.........its over.....god i feel so sad and helpless. I am a silly stupid old man who tried to cling to someone who never loved me........ everyone on this forum tried to tell me it was best for me to move on but my heart was holding on to false hope in the end, and i just couldnt find the will to move on and forget her. Now i am truly devestated, destroyed and ruined....my heart is broken all over again.....i was warned by people on this forum that this would most likely happen and they were right! but i couldnt listen i thought i could do it and win her back i really believed we were making progress......but i failed. My life is now hopeless and without purpose.......i dont know what to do......i am typing this at 8am on a sat morning cos i just woke up with adrenaline surging through my body....I am shaking and crying(i have just been sick twice) I am on my own walking around a house she once lived in with me....i failed........now i have lost her for good........what have i got to do with my miserable life to be happy we had a son 18mth old....our future gone in a few words. I feel so sad and helpless.....i hate everything, this world is so full of cruelty and despair...i have just lost my job, in debt, bills i cannot pay i havnt eaten for five days and have stopped going the gym and started smoking again....my girlfriend has abandonded me when i needed her the most.......i dont know how i am suppossed to survive.....i have no friends, no family, no girlfriend. nothing......just a sad old miserable nobody with nothing bashing a load of stupid keys on a stupid keyboard at stupid hours....i hate myself i am just a pathetic failure...a useless no-one i tried so hard the last month with her...all my time effort, money and heart sould and strength went on her and she has pierced my soul and crushed me with a few words......its over for good. Forgive me for this post......its all i have...i had to tell somone to share my misery..this site is all i have..........my life is ruined for good....i dont want anyone else after this i am a broken man.....ruined, abandoned, my little family gone, my dog the two kids my girl all gone, now all i have is an empty cold house and debts i cant pay, no friends who will listen to me, nothing, just empty cold and numb feelings in a body full of adrenaline surging through my body, shaking and totally and uterly alone......its just hell........sheer hell......... Colin

Thanks honeyspur that makes alot of sense......I am sadly aware of all this ending in tears for good, but if i dont try i will never know. The trouble is it is just me doing all the work and at times feel that maybe its driving me crazy.....being in love with someone who is only luke warm can be a cruel, sad and stressful life. But although i have had thoughts of moving on and meeting someone else my love for my ex is so strong it always holds me back. The idea of filling my time makes a great deal of sense and i am actively trying to make new friends and get out of my house as often as i can. I was wondering if I cooled it down to just seeing her once or twice a week and seeing what she decides, if she starts to txt more or maybe take some initiative herself then good, but if not i will have reduced my time with her to virtually nothing and end up even more desperate. I am trying not to be needy and clingy as most woman hate this from a man, so i put a brave face on everything, tell her about new friends and how my life is developing. I realise if things carry on without any improvement or commitment from her then i might have to find the strength to eventually let her go and try and sort out my messed up head and heart. I have established one thing......she no longer wants me just for sex, she said if thats all i want then forget it, yet it was her telling me 5 weeks ago that was all she wanted from me......funny how people change! I might cool it down and lay off the txts everyday and see how she reacts. I am afraid if i dont txt or ring her daily she will presume my attraction for her is diminishing, yet it seems at present i am putting too much pressure on her, i can't win. The thought of the tears and loneliness without her if i have to move on burns a hole in my very soul just thinking about it. How can i re-kindle her desire and love for me, i have gotten this far, but it seems to have stalled a bit.

Hi i have posted a few times about my broken relationship with my ex. Basically we were together 3 and a half years, have an 18mth son and have been split up for 3 months now. At first(two weeks) there was hardly any contact between us, then after about 3 weks we started having sex together again, althought this was great and exciting it also left me disillusioned and confussed after these meetings. So after talking with some of you guys/gals on this forum i stopped the sex but still maintained contact and she even let me take her out for days out and the odd evening. Now she has changed from not ever wanting to be with me or ever live with me to talking in a positive manner about a reconciliation and a possible future together without the problems of the past. (arguing, insecurities and jealousy on both our parts). Now we have resumed the sex part and increased the time we see eachother from the odd day to 2-3 nights a week and spending at least 1 day a week going out shopping or for walks etc. Now she just seems happy to do this without getting any closer to me. She talks about a possible future and agrees one day we may get back together. I know at first it was a sex thing with her and she openly told me she didnt want anything else, but now it still seems if it is 'me' that initiates all the meetings/days out/evenings etc and she never contributes in any way to any arrangements or dates we have. I would have thought if she was getting feelings back for me(she now says she loves me but is not in love with me.) she would be starting to ring me or txt me out of the blue not just in response to one of my txts etc. She never rings and asks if we can meet up or even just to see how i am, yet when i contact her over making arrangements to see her she usually agrees on the date/time etc. Is it possible she is still using me for sex and is there anyway i can see if she is starting to feel for me without me stopping making all the arrangements etc. I fear if i dont make any plans she will just not bother to make them and we will end up drifting apart. I am still very confussed over all this and am trying to play it cool and make sure every time we meet she has a lovely time. But i am getting disillusioned as to her real feelings for me, why doesnt she ever txt or ring me out of the blue? Why doesnt she start to take a bit of a lead in our relationship.......if she says she has feelings then why doesnt she take the initiative anymore? Any ideas would be welcome.

Hadouken just to let you know am in a similar situation with my ex. I have looked at every website and pdf book studying the human mind and particularly the dynamics of attraction and making yourself more atractive to your ex. First things first, rule number 1........the more you appear clingy, jealous, desperate and needy the less your appeal to her will be. Just telling someone how much you love them will not alter their feelings for you in any big way, how many woman or men have left partners etc even though they knew their parnters loved them....loads and loads and loads......sad fact of life...loving someone does not make that person want to be with you.....they have to want to be with you or better still love you. Your ex seems a bit unsure what she wants at the moment and to pressure her into getting back with you will only serve to push her away further, as NC can also do sometimes. NC does work, but it is a last option, you could have waited a bit first. Like i said You can try the no-contact thing but in your case i doubt it will have much effect if she is seeing other men anyway. The danger with no-contact (which can work under the right circumstances) which is often cited as a powerful pychological tool to give your ex time to think about you and the fact they might end up missing you enough to want to initiate contact back with you. The trouble is after 14 days of NC you have no other options left but to walk away from this relationship.....or break the no contact rule yourself and appear weak, needy and insecure to her. Personally if she wants to date other men and still see you for sex your position was not very strong on this one, but it still left you with an open window of opurtunity to win her back. You should have just tried to not be bothered by her dating other men, by being jealous and shouting at her will not stop her doing this and will only push her further away from you. Sad fact of life...but true. If you trully want this girl back, then you have to cultivate self-confidence, non-jealousy, get your sense of humour back with her, dont loose your temper or get angry ( aBIG no-no!), in short let her see you as a desirable man who is a great and fun guy to be with. If she was to fall back in love with you and could get everything out of a relationship she needed, sex ,romance, fun, and eventually contentment and happiness then she wouldnt need to date other men would she? This is hard my friend but to win the game of getting her back you must first understand the rules of female attraction! Writting poetry sending flowers dont work long term, she will just get bored of it all. A woman will never look you over and tally you up on your positive qualities, and then decide that she wants you. Thats not how it works, she wants you because of behaviors you exibit that inspire her attraction at a primal level. Later on she will back this image up of you to friends and family with logic and positive pictures in her mind. But if you come accross as insecure jealous and desperate she will run a mile. Love is a drug and very addictive....woman and men cant wait till their next fix when they fall in love and start seeing eachother. You could have used your time with her wisely and dated her in such a way that she would become addicted to you and in time would have not needed to go out dating other men to get this buzz from being with them. You have to win her heart back and unfortunately its one of the hardest things to do to a woman who left you or fell out of love with you. Your chances of success could be low or high...you never really know....but if you want someone bad enough, dont just give up without a fight. You needed a long term plan and alot of self control.... I know many on this forum just advocate NC....which may be fine and PROPER under certain circumstances but not yours i feel....maybe you are expecting her to come running back to you.....but from what you have described i dont think she will.....but its your shout. If you carry on the no-contact and she rings....well done!, play it really really cool.....no silly behaviour, date her and traet her like a queen but dont smoother her!...... but if she doesnt ring you....then what? At least when you were seeing her you could have used that time to show her you are strong and confident and that you would be a fine person to be with......in time she more than likely would have stopped dating other men anyway. In the end you want this girl for yourself....sadly in order for this to happen.....she will have to have the same feelings for you...which at present she doesnt.....so the NC rule here might fail. You needed to address the issue with her and maybe take things slowly....give her some space but dont live your life in limbo...get out enjoy yourself, try not to live your life aound her....if you dont like the idea she was dating other men then move on.......but in the end it all depends on how much you wanted her, and if you could have the self-control to date her under such circumstances.....not many men could. But in time amd if you played your cards right you might have won her heart back. afetr 10 weeks of being split with my ex...we are seeing eachother 3-4 times aweek and starting to talk about a new and better future without our old problems.........it will take a lot of effort and time but its working. Give her a ring and tell her you have been away and that you want to take her for a drink and chat. Remember the rules and play by them and you could win her back..... You have to WIN her back not demand/pressure herback....just remember that............Colin. Good luck!

Hi Alone Girl, I Am so sorry to hear of your sad situation, life can be so cruel at times, unfortunately human beings can do the most hurtful things to one another it almost makes you feel like giving up on everything at times. But as sad as things are now they will improve, slowly each day you will get stronger. While things are the way they are now you need to try and get out and meet up with friends, good friends who you can talk to, at this time you really need to talk and share your pain, it will do you good to tell other human beings like us guys and girls on this forum about your situation. How someone can forget so many happy years and abandon the very person they once claimed to love can seem hard to understand. But humans are governed by emotional needs and desires......along with all the associated feelings and behaviour that such emotions bestow. People fall in and out of love for many different reasons and trying to work out WHY someone fell out of love with you can be a very painful and self inflicting process which only serves to malke you feel worse, you get angry, resentful, regretful etc etc.....without really acheiving any positive effects at all. You can mentally torture yourself over and over. Its a long, lonely and hard road many of us her at ''enotalone.com'' have travelled before reaching the goal of moving on and acceptance of our failed relationships sometimes there is a reconciliation, others just completely move on..........unfortunately you will have to find an inner strength to continue each day and then each week etc before you may understand if ever the reasons your guy left, but you can do it. A broken heart is one of lifes most horrible and painful experiences and may take some time to mend, you will feel like you are really ill with adrenaline rushing around in your body at times, its easy to say you have to be strong they are just words right?........but the truth is you DO have to try and be strong, talk, get out and go to friends, talk on this forum, talk until you get tired of it!...share your pain and feelings you need to talk at this stage........ try not to despair too much, try and take your mind of things as much as you can by doing other things to occupy it. I wish you all the best in the next few days and weeks (it will be hard!) and always remember this forum is full of people who were/are like you in your pain and suffering and always here to listen and try and help........all the best...........Colin.

Unfortunately it is impossible to get inside this womans head, she sounds a little mixed up and confussed........but to continue with this present situation the way it is could prove tricky ..........if she sincerly wishes to be back with you but has gotten herself deep into a relationship with a guy she maybe fears and doesnt love then she may feel scared and unsure what to do. Or she may just be emotionally unsure what to do and which way to turn. Take the inititave and ask her to meet you somewhere where you can talk together to discuss these issues. You really need to clarify what it is she REALLY wants, you need to do this now, not next week or the week after. If she refuses to meet you and continues to just tell you she wants to be with you but cant decide when then you will need to be firm but fair. Tell her in a slow calm voice that you realise she is in another relationship but you think she is making a big mistake for you, her and the future of your child, you understand if she cant make up her mind but cannot be expected to wait and see how things tiurn out and that it might be best to give her some space to make her mind up......try not to contact her for a few weeks and wait to see if she contacts you. If she continues with the ''I love you but cant make my mind up, we will be together someday routine'' then you must tell her ' Look I really love you but I cannot continue with these conversations without any definite actions on your part, maybe its best we leave things for a while until you are sure what you want......let her know you have other things and other friends that need your attention and its only upseting you all the time listening to her conversations and that you need time to think about things. Remember actions speak louder than words my friend.......... Be frank, be firm and be fair.........explain yourself....then leave her to decide what she wants...... The time must come to put up or shut up......either she wants this guy or she doesnt...either she wants you or she doesnt....life may never be as simple as that but you need to know what she really wants, not what she just tells you when she feels low or down.

If you really want her back you will have to pray things dont work out with this other guy, once another man is in her life she will have her heart and attention directed away from you until she decides her relationship will not work with this new guy All you can really do is be as close a friend as possible without trying to control her or interfer with this new relationship. You have a child together so use this time wisely when meeting her to pick your son up. explain yourself and how you feel about her and that you still love her, but try nor to pressure her into taking you back.... You will have to try to win her heart all over again but without getting between her and her new guy. She may just be seeing how things work out with him and knowing your always there will not make her suddenly want to run to you.......the very fact she knows you want her back will make her realise you are always available and so she doesnt have to worry about loosing you cos she knows you are there waiting like a person who has nothing else in his life You must try and stay strong(easy to say!) and be a man in control of himself and not trying to control her! Its going to be hard until she decides what she really wants, you will now have to show her you are sincere and reliable, in control, confident etc, the more needy you appear the less appealing you will be to her. Try and build up a friendship when you see her over your son, make her laugh, talk about good times, compliment her (even give her the odd present...dont overdo this or the effect will diminish!). This is one situation you will have to let her decide my friend......like i said try not to let jelousy rear its ugly head, stay calm and confident, once she knows were you both stand then its up to her. Telling her you will always be there will not make her suddenly drop another guy...why should she? Instead tell her you love her and will wait a little time to see how things go but you cannot wait forever! She must think she may loose you for good......make her understand this and give her 6 mths or so to decide...... This is probibly not good advice but if you want someone so much ....6mths is not long to wait.....if after 6mths she still cant decide...forget it....move on........easy said...hard to do!

I know i must try and be strong.......you are right i continually hope that things will improve after seeing her but your right it only builds my hope up without any real ending to this nightmare. To let her go i must let her out of my heart......something i never thought i would have to do.....i have to let her go i know.....am a very sensitive sort of guy and these feelings are without doubt the most horrible emotions i have ever had to endure..... Life seems so pointless and cruel at times........yet it is also full of new hope and lovely things.........i must somehow hope and pray( done a lot of that as well lately!) that my future can still provide me with a reason to get over this living hell. I have started to consider telling her ...no sex, but as yet havnt said anything......but your right i must try and let her go....the woman i watched give birth to our son whilst i helped her and supported her....the woman who once loved and cared for me so much.....i have to let her go or i know my life is 4ever going to be a living nightmare each day. thank you for your kind words i just hope i can make it through each and everyday knowing we will never make love again or share anything of eachother again..... Thanks again

Thanks for the replys it feels good to know others can be so helpful or have been in the same boat..... I do go the gym and at times thats the only thing outside of work I have in my life.....all my anger and confussion is taken out on those weights and the net result is my body is very fit and strong! after the weights i sometimes jog for 30mins....I have flat tummy, and general athletic look etc etc......the thing was I was always paranoid with me bein 14 years older than my girl so i made sure this 43 year old body was kept as good as a 30 year olds .LOL (maybe thats why she still wants the sex thing!) Trouble is my mind and heart are so weak.... I am living in limbo, my confidence is broken in two, my self esteem gone out the window, I put a brave face on for others then when am at home I sometimes sit in the dark, just thinking of where i went wrong, crying to myself over and over, why didnt i make her feel more special, why couldnt i have taken her out more etc....i sometimes really hate myself so much for letting this person slip away from me after all we had together. To be honest its self inflicted mental torture cos i know if only i did do certain things she would still be with me now, but sadly she got bored felt trapped and never thinks we could ever live together, and be happy again. My brain tells me one thing, I have to be strong, i have to try and move on etc, yet its always my broken heart that gives in to her and my feelings of desperation and lonelyness, the truth i suppose is we both got into a rut stuck at home, her with a new baby, feeling trapped etc............everything i did to tell her i loved her or cared for her was useless cos i failed to make her feel special or take her out enough, i grew more and more depressed cos i knew she was cooling off from me and she was depressed, in the end nothing i did to show her i loved her made any difference...it was just to little to late! I have read many posts on this forum and it is good to see others who genuinly care for others, i only wish i had real friends like some of you guys! I have tried to stop the sex thing but the desire to please her in any way i can somehow makes me feel that she may ''stick'' with me as a friend cos she said she never wants another man in her life again ( abit hard to believe when she is only 29!). The sad thing is i know one day all this will probibly end then i wont even have the pleasure of pleasing her in any way again, or holdiing her or kissing her etc.....although i do admit to feeling used for sex, i just cant say no to her and somehow imagine at least we are still in some sort of relationship so to speak. But the truth is she trats me like an object not a man, she has no respect for me, she tells me she will txt me but doesnt, when i ring her to politly see if she is ok and why she didnt txt she just calmly says '' cos i didnt want to, i was busy at a friends house'' The last thing i want is to come accross as needy or clingy as this will never get me in her good books, she will just use me more and have no respect for me at all. But i just cant find the willpower to not txt her at least once a dday over something or other....god i am so weak and pathetic at times it hurts me to see what i have become, all because i love this person so much. All this is seriously screwing my head up and heart and i really feel so helpless and sad all the time......when i drop her off at her mothers after an intimate night its a drive back to my empty house and the pain starts all over again......it feels like she is leaving me all over again....and i cant help myself from still doing this sorry and sad cycle of pleasure then pain.... Forgive me for going on again am so sorry i get carried away at times within myself. and forgive my spelling 2. Thank you all for your kind assistance and help........Colin

My girl left me nearly 3mths ago and I have tried to get over her and move on but I find each day is getting worse, I miss her so much and my heart is so broken I am loosing my grip on life. We were together 3 years until she left me saying she fell out of love with me. At first I tried to put a brave face on everything.....We have a young son together who is 18mth old (she is 29yr) so I still have contact with her on a weekly basis. Unfortunately I fell into the trap of incouraging her to have sex with me on a weekly basis, which she agreed with me providing there was no effort on my part to try to win her back..... and seeing as this is my only chance to be with her and hold her tight etc I jumped at the chance. She tells me she never thinks we will ever work in the future and doesnt mind staying friends and letting me take her out once a week for a drink then have sex at mine later, but does not want anything else from this so-called friendship. I had another post on this site about sex with my ex and realised then I am living my life in limbo not moving on and missing her more each day making my life worse, but I cannot help myself...i l still love her so very much. You would think a 6ft 43 yr old man could cope with emotional stress such as a girlfiend leaving me but after 3 mths I am sadly at the end of my inner strength, I sometimes get so depressed living on my own I often feel like calling it a day and ending my sad existence (but the fact i have kids stops me....so i am caught in a trap!)....all my life has been taken out of me , my son and stepdaughter, my beautiful girl all gone, now I live on my own in an empty house with an empty and broken heart, with no real friends or anyone who wants to listen to my sorry life story. I have (trust me) rang the ''Samaritans'' twice to just talk with someone about this problem. (thats how sad and desperate i am!) I realise we probibly wont ever get back and I try and look to the future but somedays I just cry and cry like some big baby kid. I have been on this site for a few months and have even gave advice to help others.....its easy sometimes to see the way out or whats best for someone else but when it comes to my problem I am totally helpless..... I have tried to be strong, move-on, etc......but I just do not have the will anymore to live without her , she doesnt know how I feel Because I hide my true feelings from her( the last thing I want is for her to see me not coping and crying all the time! ). How the hell can I survive this....I used to think I was strong but this has destroyed my very soul, spirit and heart...I am nothing more than a useless broken man with no real desire to live like this much longer. Anyone tell me how to kill or cure myself!...Am in a real living hell here. Sorry for such a long post.Colin.

I know how you feel Esboogie i had a very similar situation with my ex......we were together 4 years then she left with the same old argument i love you but am not in love with you....after the split i carried on having sex with her when she wanted it thinking somehow she would come back to me if i gave her what she wanted and pleased her so to speak........But all that happened was that it put me in a position of never being in control over my feelings and emotions. I could not move on cos i still loved her and the sex was just delaying my healing and letting her go. In the end i felt cheap and used and just as empty and lonely as i was the first time she left me, so do yourself a big favour and leave the sex bit out and try and be strong to move on, ask yourself does he want or give you anything else other than sex?.........probibly not!.......all the sex in the world will not make him love, respect or desire you anymore than without it....all your doing is clinging to a man you still love....who sadly no longer loves you! Move on before you get seriously depressed and obssessed with this guy...its not easy but you have to sweetheart.....

Whatever her reasons for wanting to see you after 8 mths were, its not doing you any good allowing yourself to be mentally tortured and 'used' in such a way. You have to either ASK! her why she wanted to see you and what does she hope to acheieve, does she still have any feelings for you etc or else let her go and move on 4GOOD! This cycle will never be broken while you continue to allow her to come and go in your life when she pleases...god knows whats she doing....ask her why after 8 mths she wanted to come over to get intimate! From what you said she went back home and is busy partying with friends and guys! do yourself a big favour and LET HER GO!........you will only live your life in limbo, constantly thinking about her..... I have an ex who sounds the same and she used to call all the shots, seeing me for sex and only replying to m txts when it suited her.....i lost all control, became obssessed over her etc.....its the quickest way to live your life in hell and go quietly insane!. And if you still have that wonderful girlfriend of yours ("my current gf is freaking smokin'") its not exactly fair to her is it? Just wipe her from your mind.....next time she rings you up to come over tell her you are busy!.......or you will live your life around her and never move on. So the solution is simple....move on! 4get her.....fine if you want to chat as friends (BUT best if you DONT! after all you will only get upset at what shes doing), but make it clear you have a new girl and are happy. MAHATMA GANDHI once said......''How can a 'sore' heal itself if you keep picking at it!?'' You have to do this for your own sanity my friend! .........move on...

She has given you a clue .....if things dont work out between her and your friend then you might be in with a chance! Stay friends but try not to fall in love with her or txt her all the time ( how would you feel if it was your mate doing it to a girl you just met and you trusted him?)....its not fair on your friend is it? But you already know that dont you? How long have you had this friend? ........Personally if he's a good, honest, dear and close friend then back of a bit, let nature take its course after all your friend found her first! Like I said......your friend sounds like he doesnt mind cos he prob trusts you........so dont do anything that you might regret....you could end up with no girl AND no friend! How long has she been with your friend by the way? If its not very long then it might not last anyway. Maybe she cant make her mind up and is just letting you know she will still be there even if it doesnt work out with your mate. If she likes you then fine stay friends with her....if she txts then txt back, but let her know that you value your friendship with your mate, and if you trully value your friendship then try not to take her away from him.....let her finish it if she feels that things are not working out.......she has your number and has already passed a hint , so just wait and see how they get on. There is nothing worse in life than to discover your best mate has betrayed your trust and gone behind your back with your girl!

might be a cowards way of saying goodbye!.....I might be wrong.....