princess_fiona
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To all victims of painful love... stay strong!
princess_fiona replied to princess_fiona's topic in Getting Back Together
check out my old posts here... link removed it's a really long story.. but i'm back together with my boy now, so i hope i can help in any way because this forum has helped me get through a tough time too. -
just a message to show my support to all those who are going through one of the most toughest times of love... there never seems to be one 'right' answer to love but there is always a door that takes you to much more happiness as long as you don't turn your back on it. if i can provide any hope to those out there who are hopeless about love at the moment... let me assure you that love is all around you, so keep your strength to make yourself happy... and naturally, your eyes will open to see all the love around you.. and what's meant to be will be. i'm back with my boy too after 9 months of hanging on the edge of a crazy roller coaster ride, so you never know what tomorrow will bring you...
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hi foz and everyone, it's been a while since i posted here and just popped by coz u were on my mind and thought i'd say hi. hope you're doing well. i havent forgotten how your support got me thru one of the hardest times of my life so far... i wanna say a big thanks to you. THANK YOU. anyway, i have some great news to share with you... since valentine's day, me and my boy have been getting things back on track and things are definitely better now. we have been doing a lot of talking and have agreed to try and make our future better and let go of the past. i know some have shown different views on this saying how i may come back here in 2/3 months time sayin i'm back to square 0, but i believe in livin my life to the full without any regrets.. and i'm just thankful for each day, hour, minute and second i spend with the one i love. it's been just over 4 months since we got back together and it is truly a blessing that we both feel strong in our feelings again. ofcourse there are times when i'm reminded of the hurt i went through, but i don't want to dwell on the negative feelings anymore.. so we've both been making sure we spend a lot of quality time together to fill our lives with more positive feelings. forgiving and understanding and maintaining my unconditional love was not an easy step to take, but it has brought me forward to a brighter light.. and i am happy i took that step. who knows what tomorrow may bring, but one thing i know for sure is that i am a lot stronger, tougher and wiser in taking control of my own happiness - i think that's an important lesson i learnt... no-one else determines my happiness, but it's all down to myself... and how I maintain that happiness. and i'm a true believer in that whatever happens to you in life... it's always for the best - even in the darkest moments, there's always a bright light at the end of the tunnel. love princess fiona
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i met him on valentines day and all my prayers have been answered. it's true.. if it's meant to be, it'll be...
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got a few more text messages he seemed bothered that i was ignoring him, so i told him it's for the best just like he said a few months back and then he replies that maybe he was wrong maybe??! i'm confused now. if he realises he's done wrong, shouldn't he just do whatever it takes to rectify the situation than just waiting for me to accept his dinner offer? am i being too hard on myself by waiting for him to make that move to prove he's learnt from his mistake? just want to understand what's going on. he misses me and he's saying he's made big mistake but not doing much. seems like he's just expecting me to react to his messages and make it easy for him to see me by meeting him for dinner. at least i thought that once the guy realises his mistake, he would run to where the girl is and turn up at her door step and beg for her forgiveness and declare his love for her - is this just a fantasy?
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hehe~ foz... i guess for the past few months i've been doing my best to move forward that meeting him now would mean taking a step back so i'm trying to work out what's for the best for both of us before i take that step back. i just want to make sure i'm not pulled onto another emotional roller coaster ride again.. even i'm surprised how i'm maintaining my strength here. read the book 'Bonds that make us free' foz.. it has helped me a lot. i'm thinking, maybe i should be honest with him and tell him i don't know what's best for us at the moment and ask for his view on this? anybody have any advice?
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stay strong Foz... any updates on your situation? As for me, I couldn't make the date this week so i will see if I can meet him next week sometime.
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Thank u foz! He called me last night again but I missed his call This was the second time I'd missed his call, so I decided to give him a call back for the first time since christmas. He sounded quite happy to hear from me... and was so eager to hear things about me and what i've been upto. actually, he sounded almost too happy and interested in me that I found it strange. He mentioned how he was thinking of turning up at my place to see me - so I told him to stop sending me messages as such if he wasn't even going to do it and he apologised. Inside my head, I was wondering 'why the sudden interest in my life?', but kept my cool and just kept the conversation light n happy. He kept saying he was alone, bored.. etc. but to be perfectly honest, I was quite happy with myself, so I let that show in our conversation. after about 5mins of talking about how things were going good for me, I then said I had to go and he sounded quite bothered why I had to go so soon, but I just said that 'I gotta do what a beautiful girl's gotta do...' (I don't know why I said that but that's what came out of my mouth at the time ) Anyway, just as I was about to go he asks me out for dinner this week So i asked what was so special about it that I have to look forward to. and he goes, 'it'll be nice to catch up and talk'. I just said 'I'll think about it' and said goodnight and bye. Then I got a text message saying that he'll see me this week. And I hadn't even accepted his offer yet?? I really have to figure out what I want because if it's the case where he wants me back, I don't know whether I want to accept him after all the hurt he's caused. And he doesn't even know I know about his affair so I am still confused as to what he's onto at the moment. So as much as I want to talk to him face to face, I also don't want to have him get his way too easy. Maybe I should meet him, hear what he has to say and then let him know he can't just expect to re-enter my life so easily after what he's done, or maybe I should not let him get his date with me so easy and let him fight his way back into my life if he wants to? Gosh... it's so hard... Love has no straight answers
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after about a month and a half of NC.... he's now telling me he's made a big mistake. how do i respond to this? need advice please
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It's a hard step I had to take as well. But if you really love him, you have to set him free so he can grow from this experience. He has to learn and reflect from this on his own. Just like when we're teenagers, we hated it when our parents tried to interfere in our lives and the decisions we were making, but in the end, we have to make our own mistakes and learn from them, don't we? Same goes for your 13-yr-old man... he needs to learn it the hard way if he's caused so much hurt to a person who has so much love and care for him. Hope that helps.
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oops, sorry what i meant was, men who are still emotionally immature = boys. unfortunately, age doesn't reflect maturity for some men - oh and no offence intended here, just my own view from all the guys I've known.
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nothing. sorry, just kidding.. I think he's just very insecure and doesn't know what he wants or who he is - I think it's a phase boys go through to become a true man who's responsible and trustworthy. i think it's best you go NC and heal yourself. honestly, it will help not just you but both of you.
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i think i feel i'm strong enough... but i don't know if i want to see him right now. feel a bit weird that he thinks he can just crawl back into my life so easily... but i saw this coming. i mean, i still feel something strong inside me that i cannot explain that is still connected to him. it's strange, but it's like i know him and i are meant to be, but now is just the case where it's the right person but just the wrong timing. i always thought that the only way he can grow up to be a true man is by letting him be free and see that the grass is not greener on the other side.. and i had to make that sacrifice out of my love for him. anyway, i'm still struggling to decide whether i will see him if he asks me out for dinner again.. because in a way, i'm afraid that i'm going to feel a stronger connection with him after i see him, which will make it difficult for me to move on. i just can't get over the thought that he left me for a girl that really isn't all that... and him coming back to me would have to be more than just a few text messages. don't u agree? and i just don't understand why he's now saying he misses me afterall this time of not even being able to 'break up' with me in the first place. is he still confused? because surely, what's happening with his new gf if he's trying to ask me out for dinner and texting me he misses me? he doesn't even call to ask me out in person. and then when i don't reply to him. he texts me saying that i'm igoring him. so i told him straight that i'm just busy and not igoring him. i think i should just keep with NC unless he initiates contact that i feel he has put more effort into. is that cool? but NC surely does work. all of you should follow this. it really puts the ball back in your court. let me know your views. thank you!
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hmm.. he wants to buy me dinner tonight. someone please give me some advice as to whether it's best i meet him or not tonight. i really don't know what to do.
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yeah, i must be experiencing the power and wonders of NC! i think i'll only respond to him if he calls. don't want to reply by text. and foz... thanks for being here for me.. you're like an angel
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he's saying that if i don't respond, he's gonna come find me = POTENTIAL STALKER??!
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so should i offer we have dinner at his place? but it's amazing how NC seems to work though. thanks anyway foz!
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he's been asking me where i am because he hasn't seen me around for a while and wants to have dinner with me this week... i dunno how to respond to this...
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i know!! foz.. this is frustrating, isn't it? gosh.. he's emailed me again and i just don't know how to respond?!
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Please help me i am completely broken hearted
princess_fiona replied to Foz's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
my bf's tried to contact me a few times recently too!!! after a month of NC... he's doing this... and i'm confused like you! i haven't responded at all though... but i don't know how i should... -
he's tried to contact me... but i don't want to continue ignoring them. how do i respond to this?
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hmm... why da heck did he text me happy new year 3 weeks late?! and is that all the contact he can manage at the moment after bailing out to talk with me about what he said he had to tell me? urgh.. i'm back to thinking about him... this sucks
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thanks for your replies guys... i wish you all the happiness you all deserve... you all sound like very caring and warm-hearted people. i guess this is just a lesson in life which allows us to grow and mature.. for the better. i've been doing a lot of reflection and thought this week and it's made me open my eyes ... and now i see that maybe my bf was just afraid to grow up.. like a little boy... like peter pan even. maybe i was his perfect woman/wife... but he was afraid of commitment because of the realisation that he would have to grow up... and has decided he just needs a girlfriend right now. i don't know.. i'm just moving onto a mode of forgiveness and my own inner-change than asking all these questions that won't be answered by him. whatever's going on in his mind, i just see a troubled soul who just needs to find his own feet again. i understand that because we were young and this was our first serious relationship, we just didn't know how to open up to each other because we were fearful of upsetting each other in any way. but now i know how your own unhappiness can become someone else's unhappiness and a relationship does not just depend on feelings but involves a lot more understanding, giving and sharing. i am taking steps to change myself too. i want to make sure that i can set him free completely. and i'm trying to work out whether it's the case where i still do 'desire' him or whether i 'need' him. i hope for the time being, his new girl will help him become more open in the way he thinks about life so he can learn to appreciate what he has and not fall into this trap of worrying about what he wants again. maybe after a long time... our paths will cross again... he may find me again he may not, but i'm happy to have him in my heart... always and forever... p.s. oh my... just now - after 3 weeks of absolute NC, totally out of the blue.. i got a text message from my bf just saying 'happy new year.' nothing else. haven't replied.
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at work.. but i really need someone to talk to... is there any point in me meeting up with my bf's friend to tell him my side of the story? or does NC = NOTHING with EVERYTHING related to him? i'm trying my best to keep myself happy, but there are the occasional times (like now) when i just can't stop thinking how he is so blinded from how much hurt and pain he has caused.
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hey sweetie.. yes, you can get through this! believe in yourself and just keep reminding yourself that you're the better person! my bf sounds a bit like your's too. we were together for 3 yrs and he was always the one who said he wanted to marry me.. he even got both our parents to meet.. and we always said we just had that 'feeling' when we first met.. but then he freaked out when he relaised he wasn't ready for marriage and didn't feel what he used to when we first dated.. and after a few months of stringing me along saying he doesn't know what he wants but just needs more time and space and asking me to trust him, i found out that he's gone 'serious' with another girl without even telling me anything... i found this out myself, but haven't contacted him at all about what i know because i just want to leave him be, set him free so he can find his own feet to the path that will lead to what's 'meant to be'. it's hard.. especially when you had a clear picture of your future together that seemed to fit all perfectly.. but i honestly believe things happen for a reason and for the best of YOU always. so try to keep that positive hat on and try to make yourself feel amazingly great... then you never know, you might become soooo irrestible that you won't even remember who that guy was who messed around with you... or maybe that guy will learn a big lesson that you never miss a great catch once you've had it... because it won't come back easy again.