OnceAgain

Coming from someone in her 30s....stop talking to him, be heartbroken for a while but let me tell you, someone else will come along and sweep you off of your feet and not have the baggage that he has. You dont' need that and I don't recommend it. Yes you love him but when you look at his kids (if they are his) you will feel nothing but pain each time you look at them and distrust for him. You will feel that you aren't important in his life because they will always come before you because they are his kids...not yours.

Well from my experience, I was dating this one guy for almost 2 years and then we broke up. I have no idea how this happened but we saw each other and then ended up together again only to break up badly a month later. My old college roommate on the other hand dated this guy on an off for many years. Once they broke up (bad too) and then within less than a week they were back together again. I think they broke up at least 3 other times when I lived with her. Well now they are married with twin girls So I guess it just depends.

Nanomyte... My husband has a history of bipolar disorder in his family and he himself has not been diagnosed with it but hase been diagnosed with depression. His past is not as terrible as your wife's however he does have quite a past as well. Our marriages are quite similar on a certain level..I hold a Master's degree while my husband has not even finished his Bachelor's. He can't finish school because something always comes up...the last being his affair with someone else. He has a lot of insecurities that shows up quite often and has been the source of his job losses. He holds a very good paying job that most people that hold an Bachelor's would love to have. I have battled with him for 6-7 years. We knew each other a couple of months before we got married and sometimes I feel that it was a big mistake. I'm in my 30s now and I suffered yet from another affair of his. The affair usually happens when he is in deep depression and he seeks comfort from another woman. He wants someone to stroke his ego, tell him he's everything and more but what he fails to see is that sometimes you don't expect someone to do that for you but rather yourself. It is not your responsibility to take care of her 100%. The purpose of marriage is not so one person can take care of the other but rather you mutually are there for each other. She's very much a codependent. She's trying to fulfill everything for you but not for herself. She may think that she is but one day it will backfire. She does nice things not because she wants to but because she feels she has to or else she will disappoint you. The relationship might work but only if both of you are willing to give each other equal support. I have met couples who have been in counseling prior to getting married and continue to be in counseling after the "I do's".

Just one question...... why you didn't settle this prior to getting married?

Depends on the man. Sometimes some guys are so scared to ask you out so they give you hints. I used to be involved in something like that and we went around giving each other hints until I just told him "just ask me already!!!!". I don't think it is bad to ask a man out but once in a while it would be really nice to be chased by a man too.

I can tell you from experience that we don't see them as jerks or nice guys in the beginning. There is something that we see and are attracted to and we go for it. It is not until later they end up being jerks. But maybe that is obvious to someone else but not usually us. I would say your best bet is to just act like yourself, be courteous, true, honest and faithful and even though you will get hurt over and over, it will pay off in the end.

These are the same men who can handle and face to face (heart to heart) with friends and their mistresses but can't even give the common courtesy to tell their wives that they are not happy and have had an affair with someone. I don't think it is you honestly but just the people we end up with. It is really sad that some men (and women) cannot even say that they are no longer interested in you. Things happen and you know that maybe it just won't work out but it would be nice if you were to know about it. It would be nice to have some closure rather than wondering, pondering, wishing or whatever. You just end up blaming yourself when in fact it was really neither of you. I wish you the best of luck in dating. I know there are some decent guys (women included) that do have consideration for other people's feelings.

You're only 21 and have your entire life with ahead of you. When I was your age I was engaged to a guy around the same age as your fiance but I found he was cheating on me with some girl still in high school. I moved on quickly and enjoyed my life meeting and dating other people. Yes it hurt but it is not the end of the world. As for the suggestion by some other posters here about telling her husband. I wouldn't do that. I am in my 30s, married and with kids myself and my husband cheated on me. He cheated on me with a married woman in her 30s as well with a child. She knew he was married and had kids yet when he didn't feel comfortable with the affair, he told her to get lost. So what did she do? She contacted me and blamed me for being dumped by my own husband!!!! I believe that was done more out of revenge on her part. I contemplated telling her husband but to be honest, it wouldn't accomplish anything but threats and name-calling and more broken hearts. I have to say though, that your fiance wasn't honest with her as well and I can sort of tell by your comment about him hurting another family with kids. I believe she thought that he was not attached to anyone and that is why she is involved with him. She could have a marriage suffering from infidelity on her husbands part. So please try not to tell her husband. But also don't attack her as well because you don't know what is going on in her life as well or what she has been told to believe. JUST WALK AWAY FROM HIM AND ENJOY YOUR YOUNG LIFE.

I'm so sorry about all this. How did you find out? How long has he been cheating on you with her? Did he give you a specific reason? Is she older (I'm assuming you both are young) considering you said that she has children of her own. I'm sorry I'm curious but there may be more we need to understand to help you get through this. I do believe that you are lucky to find out now rather than later. My husband had an affair with a married woman but he still has not given me a reason as to why. I'm sorry but I do not accept the reason "it was a fantasy" as a real reason.

You have to change your life just for him and yet he's still doing whatever he pleases? My marriage was like that and I couldn't do anything with my life except be there to please him. Everything and anything was for him. If I asked just for one thing, be in to buy a nice dress or whatever, he'd ask, well what can I get out of this. Well, guess what??? He had an affair and now I'm completely heartbroken. After I found out, I felt so guilty at myself because I let him control me. I let him change me to fit his lifestyle. I used to be a strong independent and successful person but after I found out about his affair, I felt my life was meaningless and it was all my fault because I let him control me. Get out of this relationship if you can. I would hate for you to turn out like me.

I know how you feel. I'm separated from my husband that had an affair a year ago. Now I met this guy with whom I am having a relationship with. I think I've fallen in love with him and he's driving me crazy. He's not someone I would have thought I would have fallen for but I have but I haven't told him. Better that I haven't because we finally crossed into the physical aspect of a relationship and I have yet to actually talk to him like we used to before that night. I feel like an utter fool.

Sum it all up as much as I can. Husband of 6 years had an affair. I separated from him because I could not take it anymore. No talk of divorce just legally separated right now. I am also in counseling. I met this man and I wasn't even looking. We seemed to really hit it off and went out many times and this has been going on for a couple of months now. The relationship finally got physical (if you know what I mean) this past week. Now the guy won't call me and makes excuses. I guess I surely set myself up for that one but why does it always seems worse for the person that got cheated on. I am sitting here crying because I blame myself for my husband affair and I sit here crying because I got myself into a relationship where the man used me (well that's what it feels like).