VeryShyGuy

Hi, as you can kinda tell from my nickname I am quite a shy guy. I have been attracted to this girl for a while and at the very least, we consider ourselves acquaintences. The more I see her, the more I learn about her, I can't help but feel more impressed and more attracted to her. Sometimes I imagine myself holding on to her and never letting go, but I am extremely shy about touching her (the only time we ever touched is when we shook hands on our second meeting). This girl, I am greatly attracted to her personality and intelligence. Top of her school in high school, she plays the piano just like me (my guess is that she can play much better than me), high average marks at uni, excellent at writing, excellent public speaker..etc. She has many qualities that I should have had if I had a greater amount of self-confidence from a young age. Around her, I find myself more confident, generally in a good mood..etc. When I am not around her, I find myself looking closely at my own life and wishing I could do a lot more for myself. For a while now, I feel I need to improve myself, to help my family and to help myself for my own future, but somewhat complacent. Living in an asian family were I am trained to have a deep respect for our parents, I find myself for years blindly following their orders/beliefs, always suppressing my anger, depression, frustration and finding that I am not getting anywhere. If I am going to improve myself, I need a positive role model, and I find this girl I like almost like a catalyst for my wish to improve myself. I feel that she has done so much for me that I wish I could do just as much for her. I really like her, I wish we could be more than just friends, but I don't want want to ruin our friendship. She has helped me much, and small things that I say to her like "I wish I had grades like this" I consider like a promise to her and to myself (she probably didn't think much of this at the time). The last thing I want is to ruin our friendship, if it does go to ruin, I would feel shattered, lose a great deal of self-confidence and lose much of my motivation to improve myself. I need to develop some long terms goals, but don't know where to start. Maybe I'll start with smaller goals first. Alright, here are some short term goals: 1. I'll take up playing the piano again. 2. Lose some weight 3. Build up some confidence (I know, this one might be a bit harder than goals 1 to 3. 4. Get good marks in this semester 5.Get my first job after this semester 6. Give up computer games (not a problem, gave it up roughly same time I met her) 7. Make new friends or catch up with old friends 8. Try to keep up appearances with this girl (I am not going to see her much after the semester is finished) By putting my goals down, I feel that my goals have somewhat become more concrete, instead promises I half-heartedly make to myself from time to time. This forum is great for this kind of stuff and I have been venting much of my thoughts here and find myself less worried and depressed in general.

Don't hold anything in. Do what I did and vent it ALL on this forum.

This is the most difficult thread I have written now, and all these thoughts are the very ones that cause me the most emotional pain. I truly want to know what it feels like to be loved. I am sure you say that my family loves me, but I just don't feel their love. My father worries about my mother's health. My mother worries about the stability of the family and the growing financial crisis. My sister sees my parents unability to change themselves for the better and views them with a certain degree of disrespect. Among the daily stress and growing financial problems I just don't feel loved. Why is it that my parents rarely compliment me or provide me with moral support or have faith in my abilities? How can I EVER achieve ANY goals like this? Where did my childhood go? Childhood is so simple and carefree compared to adulthood. However from growing up, I found that life isn't so simple, accomplishing simple dreams like having a stable career, a nice home, plenty of family and friends, a healthy body, self-esteem, inner peace, respect from your friends, having loving wife..etc (i.e. ideals that people measure their happiness by) is among the most difficult to gain and hold. These goals, sure people do achieve some of them, but what is difficult is achieving all of them. I truly want is a carefree life, but having a carefree life would mean overcoming every single insecurity and worry first, else this "carefree life" would be a nothing but a facade to hide all my problems. I want to improve myself, but I don't know how. Everytime I am around this girl I like, I found that I am forgetting all my worries and trying to live for the moment and try to enjoy my life. This is the main reason why I want to start a serious relationship. I want to know what it feels like to love and be loved in return unconditionally. I truly want a girl that I can confide my innermost thoughts with (there isn't much people in "real life" that would do that for you). I want a girl who will give me the love and support I feel that I lack from my family and to help me improve myself. As much as I like this particular girl, I cannot burden her with all my problems, and what would truly break my spirit is that I will drive away the first girl I fall in love with by deep emotional pain. These problems run too deeply that it defines my very existence. Will I forever be made to suffer silently? Or will one day I change myself and forge a spirit that cannot be broken by any hardship? Despite these heavy issues that I feel burden my very soul, I will attempt to take a more positive perspective towards life for myself, my future and my family.

I too am extremely nervous when it comes to public speaking. But I heard or read somewhere that with public speaking you would need to do a lot of practice to get over your nervousness (as in practice, I mean not in front of a mirror, but practice in front of actual people and get some immediate feedback from them). I know someone that is good at public speaking, and this is how he does it.

I know exactly how you feel. This girl I like, I am attracted to because of her intelligence and her personality (also, I think she is kinda cute). She also is the studious type and I find myself respecting her for that, as I am an average student (although people also think I too am the studious type) I am trying very hard to improve my grades. Sometimes I worry about my feelings for her though. Do I really like her, or do I feel like this only because I see my own potential in her? Looking back at the past, I see that there are many times that I could have done things better if I had the confidence. She is basically exactly the kind of person I should have become if I life wasn't so full of problems.

The more I find myself venting my thoughts, the more better I feel afterwards. Here are all my thoughts: - Selflessness vs. My Wish to Improve myself Having grown up in a poor family, my parents have instilled a great deal of selflessness in me. This selflessness, would always make me always consider other people's feelings/ambitions more important than my own. Maybe this is why my sister has a certain disrespect for me. This selflessness has interferes with my wish to improve myself, both for me and to help my family. In my mind, if I gain anything in anyway, that is being selfish. I have been trying to stray away from this "extreme selflessness". - Trying to Make Peace with the Current Circumstances My parents are extremely stressed out my entire life, its just that now I am 20, I can see it much more clearly. Because of my shyness and naivety, my parents view me as if I am a child. Though they wont tell me to my face, they harbor a secret disappointment in me and my greatest fear is that they will take this disappointment in me to the grave. I know that I cannot change the circumstances by accepting things as the way they are. I feel almost abound by my parents perceptions of me being extremely naive and unable to aid the family (my parents are getting kinda old). - My Parents don't inspire me I want a happy life (I am sure everyone does). I sometimes worry that if I blindly follow my parent's orders my entire life I would wind up exactly like them, old and stressed. It has been years since the family has last been on a vacation, and stress is always building up. I feel almost like I am a conduit for their stress. This doesn't give me much incentive to improve myself. I want to be inspired. - Fear that my Parents Teachings have led me astray From a very young age, my parents would drill me that good marks would lead to a successful life. They would judge my friends my the marks they get (i.e. if my friends dont get high marks, they aren't good friends). I don't believe this is wholly correct. True, education is important, but I believe that experience is more important. Experience is something that I lack very much of. - My life Lacks Excitement Having lived a very sheltered life, I feel this life is very boring. I wish for more excitement in my life, but not at the expense of trying to improve myself. -My Own Lack of Goals I don't have any specific goals of my own beyond trying to help my parents. My entire future can't be focused only around this. -My Own Shyness My shyness is something that has been with me my entire life, that it almost defines my very identity. If I try change myself, will I like who I become? As a changed guy, will I look at myself and think "this is not me"? If I change, will the girl I like, if she likes me will she still like me? What I truly want in my life is someone who I can confide my innermost thoughts with (the same thoughts I have been posting on this forum), someone that would support me with everything I do and help me to improve myself. *Sigh* I am expecting too much from this girl that I really like. I want to know what it means to become truly strong, both physically and emotionally. I want to develop much more confidence for myself but I don't want this confidence to be a facade to hide my own worries and insecurities. I want to know that I feels like to be loved by a girl and I also want to know what it feels like to be respected by my friends. Strangely, I find myself not depressed at all, not compared to the first time I posted a message on this forum. As for the girl I like, I have no idea what she would think if she reads this thread. From reading alot on this forum, I found that many people have problems too and some of these people find solutions to their problems. This creates some incentive for me to admit my own problems as well. Despite all these problems, I will continue trying to improve myself. I will gradually form goals that mean a great deal to me and by following these goals will I find myself truly happy and at peace. PS. Sorry for the long thread

Hi, this is the third thread I have started. I have been plenty of advice from this forum and I am greatly appreciated (I feeling much less worried). There is only one last concern I am worried about. At the end of this year, she is going overseas (my guess is probably a month), and after that, we both plan on finding jobs (as a part of our uni course we have to find paid work in our field, and it will be counted to our degrees). This work has to be at least 6 months. (She is ahead of me in terms of work, I never had a job before and I am looking just for work experience. She on the other hand now is finding work that is more technical than mine). So that means that I won't be seeing her for about 7 months. If you have read my threads I guess you can kinda tell how much I like her. I am sure she knows I like her but probably doesn't know how much. For now, we are still in the "friends" stage, I would like her to be my girlfriend but I am too shy to go to the "next level". How do I approach this knowing that she will be gone for a quite while? I will miss her, will she miss me? How do at least try to keep our friendship over this 7 mth period? Most (actually all) of my thoughts and feelings for her I have basically posted on this forum already. I would be way to shy to tell her all these feelings to her face and I hoped to be able to tell her all this via this forum. Maybe she has read my thread and maybe she hasn't. When she texted me a message on the phone since I first started posting, it was just an innocent study date to begin on an assignment (she is my partner for two group assignments). One thing I do know is that eventually she will ask me about this forum and I am going to be so embarrased. What do you think?

Im curious, who in this poem is suffering more, the guy or the girl?

Right now, I am just itching to know if the girl I know is actually the same girl in the forum. The girl I know in real life is roughly the same age as me. The girl in this forum is 5 years older than me. However the girl in this forum has described several situations that I am sure that happened to me (it sounds like too much of a coincidence). Either I am thinking so much about this girl that I am imagining a complete stranger as her or it really is her. What I do KNOW is that this girl in "real life" does read this forum. I will be so embarrassed if she reads my messages and I was talking about some girl in this forum which isn't her. (She would probably find it pretty funny, I guess I could live with that. I guess I would find it funny too.).

Alright, thanks alot for your reponses. I am actually surprised and glad of the feedback I am getting. 6 replies and 171 views (although about 15 of these views is just me re-reading this thread over and over, lol). I feel much better right now. I was so worried recently about this forum thing recently that I didn't do an exam well last week (it is an optional exam anyway). Re-Edit: I feel very silly now. Too much worry over nothing. If it is her in this forum, then she really is a changed person like I mentioned. If it isn't her, and yet she finds this thread, I would be mistaking a complete stranger for her! Also if she is sharing her account with someone else, I would feel even more silly (her more recent posts sound more like the girl I know compared to the earlier posts). Im just writing this re-edit just to cover all the bases.

Thank you Mahlina and Maggie18 for responding to my message. Now I find that am constantly thinking, what would she think when she reads my post? Will she realise that my post refers to her? What would you think of me if you were this girl (hypothetically of course)? I feel that I have said too much. If she does make that connection that my post is about her, should I give her time to think? Her perspective of me will obviously change. Will it be for the better or worse? I don't want my post to change a thing. I will continue as if I never been to this forum next time I see her. Will she do the same? Everything in my post I would be too embarrassed/shy to tell her directly face to face. If she doesn't make that connection and realise that my post is about her, how would I eventually tell her? Have I said too much too soon? Or am I just merely too worried over nothing? This whole forum thing is raising more questions for me.

Hi, this is my first post and right now I have a lot on my mind that I feel I must say to someone. I have been debating with myself for a while whether to post this message. Some of these issues I rarely discuess with anyone, not even myself. I finally decided: For a long while now, I have been trying to improve myself and shed my "extremely shy personally". I consider myself extremely shy and naive. I am slowly changing, and I feel that I like who I am changing into, I am finding more friends, I am studying more harder and taking more pride in studies, I find myself trying to lose weight (via dieting and playing more sports)...etc. I have read a few of the threads on this forum and I feel inspired about how people are able to improve themselves from after experiencing difficult circumstances. I would like to become stronger, both emotionally and physically. As you probably guess, I am still living with my parents (well, I am only 20 and 3/4 through my uni studies). How does I shy guy turn his life around for himself and to help his parents who probably work themselves to death if I did nothing about it? Some of the articles I have read is about people how have gotten over their problems. I have kinda lived a very sheltered life and yet to experience such difficult problems. I have never had a girl friend before, in the past I would be too shy to talk to the girl I like and find myself regreting wasting my opportunity and cursing my shyness. This was a long time ago (in high school) and I forgotten her by now. Recently there I met a girl I like very much, the exception is I am very shy around her. This is another reason why I want to improve myself. I find that everytime I am around her, I like her more and able to speak more casually to her. I am very flattered and moved that she might have some interest in me. By now I think she kinda knows I like her, we had lunch a couple times together and she even made it feel not like a date by paying for herself (I tried paying for her a couple times but she politely refused). Lately I am feeling very guilty lately, I feel that I might have overstepped some boundries although she does not realise it yet. She seems to be a regular on this forum and I think I can pretty much guess what her nickname is and read nearly all of her threads. I have been reading her threads for about 4 days now. What ever problems she had I am sure she is over it by now and she seems to be a strong girl, who is comfortable with where she is right now and seems to help people alot on this forum. Despite what I think I have read about her (well I am not completely sure it is the same girl i am reading about, but she pretty much described how I behave around her and I saw her on this forum but she hastily turned it off as soon as she realised that I was looking at her). From her threads she has done what I am still trying to do (improve myself) and I respect her for that. Also despite what I think I know about her, it does not make me like her any less. I see several possibilities for myself: 1. I forget this forum completely 2. Try to get advice from this forum but pretend that the girl I like and the girl on this forum are two entirely different people 3. Continue reading and keep feeling guilty 4. Tell her directly that I have visited this forum and accept the consequences if she becomes angry or upset I am trying to do option 1 but I think about her too much and find myself doing option 3. With option 4, if things go badly I feel that this will truly break my spirit, to the point of no return. PS. I have no idea what I am going to say to her next time I see her (by then she will probably have read this thread and might even guess that it is me). I going to try my best forget this forum and let it change nothing. I feel a bit better now. This has been somewhat cathartic. I'm going to try to continue improving myself and keep a positive attitude. I have seen her since I first read this forum and during that time I manage to completely forget this forum. It is who she is now that I like not who she was. I want to be completely honest with her, but shyness and guilt keep me from doing so.