MissCanuck

Your therapist is right. So the question becomes, are you doing what she's been advising?

My guess: It's her. They have continued to secretly spend time together and she got into his phone to snoop, and got all the info and pics right there. She wants her gravy train back, and that means getting rid of you.

I'm curious why you didn't ask about them until last year. I agree that she should have given them back or replaced them, but you seem to be holding on to some other resentment towards her as well. Are you angry at her for reasons unrelated to these books?

Going to ask the obvious - what does your therapist suggest?

And? What are you going to do about this, OP?

No, and no. He isn't as into you as you are into him, and is generally quite immature. It's already lost steam at just 7 months, which is your cue that it's over. He's not only unmotivated but he's clearly losing interest in you and this is fading out anyway. The only thing you need to remember for future relationships is that when you have to tell a man how to date you and ask him that many times to essentially pay attention to you - you walk. You realize he's not the right one, rather than repeatedly trying to shove a square peg into a round hole.

It's too late for that, unfortunately. But you can mitigate the pain by letting him go now, respectfully. It makes no sense to let this go on any further.

I would say there's a strong possibility that she is the one cheating now, too. Projection at its finest.

There’s no point visiting his profile, no. He’s visited yours and you even reached out to him…but nothing came of it. He’s not interested so dropping by his profile isn’t going to change things. I know it’s disappointing but this is just not your guy.

An important life lesson: people sometimes change their minds and realize they can’t keep certain promises. And that’s entirely their right, especially when it’s in their own best interests. I’m not sure why you’re clinging on to the idea of friendship with him but you have to start letting go of that. The vast majority of exes don’t remain good friends; which is usually also the healthiest option. Once you both start dating others, having an ex lingering around isn’t going to go over well. He’s let you go. You need to start doing the same

Seriously? That is really unfair and inappropriate, OP. You have this volatile and abusive woman in your life, and you're hoping your daughter shuts her mouth about it? It falls on you to provide a peaceful and stable home environment so if you're failing to do so, your daughter has every right to speak up and let her mom know. You choose the behaviour (taking this woman back again and again), you choose the consequences (less time with your daughter) You seriously need to re-evaluate your priorities and do a better job parenting.

Respectively: 1) His friend cannot speak for him. He's obviously trying to protect his friend's pride but he cannot speak to his true feelings. 2) Because he doesn't want to be your friend. Not all exes want to be friends, OP. You need to stop pushing him and start respecting his boundaries before you make a total pest of yourself. It's not your decision.

He is full of equine manure. He meant it, and he said because he evidently still harbours hope that they will get back together someday. He only backtracked when he got caught. I'm sorry, Susie, but this man does not love you and is not excited about this baby. I have to ask, why did you set out to get pregnant with a guy you haven't dated very long? I'm afraid that you are. You would be a lot wiser to find a place of your own and make a plan to co-parent, that is sanctioned by the court. This isn't going to end well and you already know that. He does not want this and it will end sooner or later. I would not hang around until that day comes when he says he wants to break up - because that is where this is inevitably going, sadly. Start making arrangements today to separate and find your own accommodations. Turn to family and friends. Start cultivating your own support network and consult a good attorney about protecting your child's rights.

I don't think she put that much thought into that one sentence, honestly. You already know she's been checking out someone else. She wants the same for you, someday. You weren't right for each other and she just feels you both need to move on so you can find the better matches. That's all.

Likewise. Even if they are paying, I would want to know where I am going to be. Peirod.

This is really unhealthy, OP, and does nothing but enable her insecurity and controlling beaviour. You are isolating yourself and slowly alienating everyone in your life but her. That's a bad path to embark on. Moving in together will make it worse.

I would not agree to go anywhere without knowing exactly what I am paying for (I am assuming you're expected to pay your way?) And even if I weren't paying, I would want to know at the very least where I am staying. One does not get to decide how I spend my time without clearing it with me first - especially if it involves travel and especially in the midst of a global pandemic. I cannot see why the groom's father is withholding this information from you, but I would not accept this.

I also hope it hasn't been going on for years, but these points from @Shay1018's post jumped out at me. I interpret her wording to mean that is has been happening for some time, at least. That it isn't new behaviour. OP, can you clarify exactly how long this has been taking place?

I don't agree. I think her perception is relevant too, when he's assuming these marriage problems exist because of what he believes she thinks of him.

This is absurdly inappropriate. There is no reason why he needs to be sleeping next to her, and it doesn't matter if she is okay with it. You are the adult, and you know this is not right. If this has been going on for years, then he's been grooming her. In her mind, this might indeed seem "fine" because he's always done this - which should have been a huge red flag, and he should have been out the door ages ago. Why do you tolerate this?

Good for you. You've got your own closure now, which is the best way to go. It will hurt for a while. But you will move through that, too. Just be patient with yourself, and expect that you will have ups and downs. And then the ups will start to outnumber the downs. Be kind to yourself in the process.

You're right, it isn't a reason to mistreat someone. But has she actually ever indicated that has less to lose because she's more attractive, and that's why she doesn't treat you right? Or is this your own assumption? Because at the end of the day, the problems in this marriage don't come from your or her physical appearance.

It doesn't work like that anyway. You don't have those feelings for your husband, and you rushed into marriage way too fast. It won't be possible to manufacture feelings you just don't have. So while you need to let go of your ex regardless, it won't improve your marriage in that sense. Something will always be missing for you. You don't love the man. That is a separate issue from your attachment to your ex. Ideally, you would let go of both of them so you can learn to be on your own and make your own choices - and eventually find a good man you think is a good match. It was a mistake to marry a guy just because your family likes him.

Exactly. Just because you trust him again doesn't mean he cares about you or respects you again, OP. He might not currently be cheating, but his behaviour is your evidence that he still cares more about himself and his needs and his desires than yours - or your child's, evidently. He's quite checked out.

This guy is a headache. Next.