MissCanuck

It's normal to outgrow your first love, OP. That's what has happened here for you. You're not the same young woman now that you were at just 18. You two have grown up, and grown apart. This is the very reason why our first relationships are almost never our last. I would respectfully end it before your anniversary.

Did you two ever actually date, OP? This sounds like a friendship with some cuddles thrown in here and there.

I would put money on that. My assumption is that he likes someone else and has been stacking up OP against her, and is dropping not-so-subtle warning signs that he’s going to step out with her. He possibly already has.

Personally, no, I don't. You aren't attracted to her. Plain and simple. You can't force yourself to be, and it can't be "worked through." Do the kind thing and let her go.

As you are seeing, this tactic stops working after a certain point. When you're resorting to threats to get someone to show you they care, the relationship is usually already dead.

You have no idea what kind of person she is, OP. Nobody could after such a short time.

Just FYI all, this was in response to a now-deleted comment from OP

Is’s not normal, no. I disagree completely with him on every level there. I would not be able to get past that.

I would not continue the relationship. He’s already out the door, and you won’t ever be able to forget his comments. It’s time to move on.

Practically-speaking, we have no idea. You have to listen to your own instincts. Has he ever given you any reason not to trust him?

I'm sorry, OP. Break-ups are hard, even when we know it's for the best. Have your future goals in mind, yes, but remember that healing is going to take a while. It's very fresh and you were together for 4 years. It will likely be a few months before you feel a bit more "normal" again, so to speak. And that's perfectly fine. Be patient with the process. Give youself little goals each day, too: call a friend, practice some self-care, do a workout, write in a journal. It sounds cliché, but I have always found that daily mini-objectives help keep me focused in tougher times. You will get there.

I think it's clear why you are stil single, at least.

I'm very sorry for your loss, OP. I lost a boyfriend years ago now, in a sudden accident. It turned my world upside down. So, I can relate to you on some level. My advice? A year is not so long. Do not date before you feel ready. Do not date to appease anyone else. Your friends probably want the best for you, but they don't call the shots. They haven't lived your experiences (I suppose) and cannot know what this feels like. I don't think they will be disappointed either, if you explain that you are just not ready yet. And if they are disappointed and try to pressure you? I would assume they have never felt the grief you have, and I would distance myself from them. Be patient with yourself in this process. I don't know if you have done so, but I found some comfort in bereavement support groups and hearing the stories of those who loved and lost, and eventually found love again. It lets you know that there is no "normal" timeline for moving forward, and you will know when you are ready to do so. Now isn't the time, and that's perfectly okay.

That's right, yes. Possibly, yes. She probably feels a bit guilty for saying no, and maybe she feels a little awkward now. I don't see much to suggest she is interested, if I am being honest. I do, however, wonder how much you are projecting because you like her. You use a lot of flowery and rather exaggerated language to describe her reactions to you: To the neutral onlooker, it might not be as intense as you're imagining.

You realize you don't need his endorsement to end it, yes? It seems you're hoping he will finally agree so you can walk away guilt-free, but that's not going to happen. You have to find your own backbone.

Serious question, but why do you suppose that is? Are you afraid to be single?

Are you really that short on friends that this seems like a good friend option?

If the relationship were solid and they'd been together two years? No, they probably wouldn't really need to give it much thought anymore. They'd already know the answer. If I may be blunt: this is a really screwy reason to stay in a relationship.

You are way too over-attached to the idea of this girl, OP. You barely know her. And what you do know is not great - she is the type of girl with no boundaries, no strong sense of morals, no care for others' feelings. Bad news. Your ideals are there for a reason, and they're to help you avoid people like her. It would be naive to think that she would make a good girlfriend. I think all of this actually says more about you than her, when it comes down to it: you have placed all your hopes on a girl you hardly know, and are falling apart because this virtual stranger has opted out. Your emotional state is disproportionately disrupted, all for some chick you've known 21 days. You need to get to the bottom of that, and forget this girl. She is but a tumbleweed on your life's path.

Eh, that's typical internet vernacular these days. If you know the game, wasn't the first clue the fact than a random guy with an anonymous profile contacted you out of the blue? That would have instantly told me he's hiding himself for a reason.

I don't agree. I just think he isn't single.

I'm very sorry, OP. It sounds like you finally got the irrefutable proof that your marriage is indeed over. I can see why you're extremely hurt, and your wife is an ass. You have done the right thing by finally moving towards divorce. For now, keep to your separate quarters at home as much as possible. Is there at least another place you can sleep, if you can't leave the home right now? I would not advise sharing a bed with her. Maybe you could spend a weekend with a close friend or family member, just to get some breathing space? Take your girls out for a bit, or even take them for a Daddy-Daughter weekend somewhere so you can away from your wife without raising their concern just yet?

No, she isn't. That side of her is very much her, too. Did she sleep with this friend of yours while she was dating you? Because that should be a drop-dead dealbreaker, even if she weren't already rude and disrespectful to you. It would be like telling her that your ex was a lot more busty and voluptuous than she is, and so were all your previous lovers, and you "want more" when you touch her there. Imagine how well that would go over. You can do better than this chick, for so many reasons.

This made me laugh. OP, you have a hidden talent here for narrative writing and subtle comedy. I mean that genuinely. You are also a very a talented artist, if you drew the picture you attached to this post. Those talents can take you far. It is clear that you're soulful and feel things very intensely. That can be a gift, but it must be well-managed. It got the best of the you this time, with your emotional reactions to nearly every small interaction with this young lady. You got too far ahead of yourself in terms of pinning all your hopes on her, and trying to plan out a future in your mind. To make it through life without having a breakdown at every bump in the road, you are going to need to learn to temper your expectations and keep perspective. Otherwise, your crush will come across as obssession and turn girls off. As such, I would not show her your drawing. Or write her a song. Or send her this narrative about her. It's way too much for a girl you barely know, and I guarantee it will not have the desired effect. You could see if she wants to have another date, but I personally think it would be better to work on your anxiety and self-esteem first, and then tackle dating. Otherwise, it's likely to send you spiralling when you face the inevitable twists and turns that come with navigating romantic relationships.

You need to stop hanging out with him. Being friends after a break-up is generally unrealistic, and you're seeing why. Tell him you cannot be friends with him right now and cut contact.