MissCanuck

What the hell. That is the bigger issue than being too insecure about his masculinity to accept help changing a tire. That said, what is your question for us?

You need to distance yourself from both these people - your ex in particular. It seems they liked each other and were attracted to each other, but didn't actually get together because they wanted to respect you. But it's still there. Why Angie is sharing the play-by-play with you, I have no idea. But you need to take a lot of space from her. You are too involved in her private life, even if she's offering this information unsolicitied. She didn't do "nothing wrong" - she needlessly put you in the middle of her drama and that was incredibly insensitive to you. You have your blinders on about this woman. It's not healthy for you to be this close to her anymore. Time to expand your social circle and get better boundaries for yourself.

I am assuming you knew this even before you married her, no? You're all over the place in this thread, but what - specifically - would you like your wife to do that she is not doing? It's only been a few weeks, and I am wagering you knew she wouldn't be able to contribute financially for a period of time. I don't think there have been any surprises in that regard, and it sounds like you did your research on the issues of documentation and immigration. So, what is it that prompted you to open this thread about her not marrying you for the right reasons? Is she withdrawn? Unaffectionate? Unhappy?

I don't think so. I think she has actually moved on and is happy with him. The timeline is suspicious, without question. She might not have cheated on you, but I can nearly guarantee they started getting close before you two broke up. Why did you break up, anyway? It couldn't have been your emotional cheating because you said she didn't find out about that until afterward, so what was it? And yes, I agree with the others that you need to cut her off. There is no point keeping in touch with her to hear all about her love life.

I would caution you against guys who do crap like this. It's immature or a direct attempt to provoke you. Neither is good. But he has never actually asked you on a date, right? I am not sure the chemsitry is there for him, when it comes down to it. The reason I don't think he's a gentleman is because he is also showing you pictures of and talking about hot girls. That isn't something a gentleman does when he is with a girl who he claims to like. For reference, how old are you both? I would take a step back now and see if he takes the initiative to ask you out. But honestly, based on his behaviour with telling you all about girls he's attracted to, I am not sure I'd be too eager to go out with him anyway.

You've just learned this guy is not into you the way you are into him. He's not boyfriend material. Next him.

Well, at least you wil know not to waste any more time on her.

This is not joking. This is sl*t-shaming, and it's vile, abusive behaviour. There's no undoing that. Definitely do not do this. It's way over the top and suggests that you actually haven't changed much, and are still too needy. You need to start respecting boundaries here. Make the video diaries for you, but do not send them to her. She likely will not have the time or interest in sitting down and actually watching them all anyway. If she is curious about the changes you have made in your life, she will contact you. If she doesn't, you have to assume she is just not interested in seeing this new and improved you. Somtimes it's just too late, but you can take the lessons learned here and apply them moving forward.

Leave her be, OP. This is not a match. At all.

You can see what's happening here, can't you?

I'm rather unclear about this too. It sounds like they never had a relationship of any type and that your friend didn't want him anyway, OP?

Because she's on her way out of the relationship, and is interested in one of the guys in this group. She doesn't want him to know she has a boyfriend while she tests the waters with him.

Ask her out again. If she declines or is vague about a second date, you'll have your answer. If she accepts and you two continue to go out, then have a chat with her. I get that you're anxious. But remember that she is not. She had no problem getting in touch out of the blue after a break-up. She isn't exactly fretting about messing up, even though she's the one who bailed the first time. Your worry and fear are misplaced, as she is the one who should be making sure she doesn't mess it up again.

I can relate, OP. One my exes is diagnosed BPD (by two different doctors, as he "didn't believe" the first one), and I recognized the cycle immediately. We certainly cannot armchair diagnose your ex, but there are plenty of indicators present based on your description. I can tell you that without proper, long-term, consistent and intensive treatment, it does not get better. My ex absolutely refused treatment (he did not accept the diganosis) and wants to hear nothing about his mental health. I wished him well and walked away forever. No regrets. However, more importantly than figuring out what's up with her is figuring out what's up with you. There is something deep inside you that needs to be addressed, something that motivated you to stay in this chaos and dysfunction for too long, something that is still attracted to it. Unless and until you work out what that is, you wil find it incredibly hard to move on. Maybe you were still aching from your last break-up and the highs of this relationship soothed those wounds - temporarily. Whatever it is, it badly needs your attention. When you move on from her, believe me, you will thank your lucky stars for getting out of this.

Same reason she always does - she expects you to be her safety net. It doens't matter if she really wants to be with you. Your relationship with her was toxic and highly dysfunctional. That has not and will not change. You need to cut ties with her completely, or you will never move on from this.

Is this is the same person who gave you a hard time and bullied you for not doing their schoolwork for them?

You're welcome, OP. A lot of us have been where you are, in the midst of heartbreak and trying to make sense of it all. We can speak from an objective perspective, but of course it's quite a different experience when you're in the midst of it and your emotions are all tangled up. You did the right thing with her mom, and I am sure she understands. You have to act in your own best interests now. Take your time healing. You will be much more equipped to have a healthy relationship with someone else when you have recovered from all of this, and you will know what to watch out for. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and a kind heart. The right woman is out there, and she will be lucky to find you.

You are being manipulated, OP. It is not your responsibility to do their schoolwork for them - nor should it be twisted around and held against you if you refuse. What is the reason this person is unable to manage their own couseload? Hogwash. What dramatics. Is your partner normally irresponsible and manipulative like this?

You have this guy on a pedestal, OP. He might be a good guy, but you have no clue how well you would mesh offline. You have no idea how compatible you are in real life, whether there would be chemistry, whether you would get along day-to-day. Part of your problem is that you are fantasizing with zero tangible real-life experience with him. You're getting carried away with the idea of him, in other words. With respect, this isn't a choice for you to make. He's already been clear that he doesn't want more with you, so the choice has been made for you. You're just friends. Honestly, this is going to be better in the long-run. You have a huge crush, and he doesn't. What that means is that when he starts dating again, it's going to hurt you very much to be his friend, knowing he's with someone else. For your own well-being and to protect your heart, it's time to take space from him.

So? That does not mean she was not capable of fugding things a bit to make you feel like The Man and feel sorry for her.

A divorce? Either way, she is clearly not committed to you. She likes the attention from this other guy and is making it very obvious that she does not take your "secret" relationship seriously. If you can't openly date someone, it's not a relationship worth having. That's for teens hiding their relationship from strict parents, not for 2 grown adults.

I agree. I think he is, in a roundabout way, letting you know he might not want to proceed. Only time will tell.

Eh, I'm not so sure I would believe that. She is very manipulative, don't forget. You have no idea whether that was true or a line she knows works with guys to make them feel like the White Knight.

This isn't a thing women in general do. It's a thing emotionally-immature, selfish and rude women do. It's a thing women who are behaving badly themselves do, to deflect and distract so you don't catch on. And if they get away with it once? They'll keep doing it. Just as she did. Same as men who are like her. Some men treat wonderful women like garbage, pulling all the same crap your ex did. It's up to us to walk awy when someone mistreats us. You are going to need to dig deep and figure out why you chose to overlook what sounds like numerous red flags along the way. And why you still tried to pander to her even after figuring out she was cheating on you with Guy. That is where real healing will come - from figuring you out. Not her.

You really need to get rid of this woman. Your counsellor is way off the mark on that. Your ex does not at all appear to be interested in acknowledging her problems, asking for help, or even seriously interested in making it work with you. She's interested in making it work with Guy, but she keeps you on hold while she makes sure things will work out between them. Counseling is not going fix that. One day, when she is behind you, you will thank your lucky stars for getting away from her. This is not what true love looks like, at all.